Dealing with a first

[hottxboi16]

Its been almost a year now since I had my first relationship...he basically took all my firsts accept virginity....including first kiss and so forth. My problem is that no matter what i do I cannot seem to get over him, no matter how much he treated me like crap, or was emotionally abusive or even the fact that he just used me and pretty much ignores me now..... I dont know why, and Ive tried figuring it out....

Is it just the fact he was my first? He is probably like a 5-6 out of a 10 on looks, and he wasnt phenominal at anything else... I cant see anything thats really THAT great about him....yet everytime im around him its always akward or i get jealous or whatever...urgh stupid people

 

[fratpack]

Hang in there, first breakups are always sooo hard. I remember my first bf's and I thought the sun rose and set on them no matter how awful or rotten to me. Just don't become bitter, there are plenty of terrific guys out there and you will find one. For now you have LPSG and trust me you may make a bud or two here like I have and it is all good.

 

[Matthew]

hottxboi, I don't know if it's because he was your first or not, but whenever you're intimate with somebody, it's normal to feel a connection to them.

The fact that he's treating you so badly is a clear sign to move on, as you know. The best way to do that IMO is to take the focus of him and put it on yourself and what you need. Sometimes when we're stuck on a person who treats us badly, it's because we subconsciously think in some way that we merit that treatment. I don't know if that's true of you, but it's worth doing some soul-searching.

Maybe if you practice seeing the things that are great about yourself, and also make plans to improve some of the things about yourself that you're not as happy about, you'll be more receptive to someone who wants to treat you like you really deserve.

 

[B_Stronzo]

Sorry for just a fraction of a second I thought the thread title was "Dealing with a Fist"

Sorry. As you were.

Take heart my friend you'll bounce back. The first one's a toughie.

 

[hottxboi16]

Yar i know..its that its been a year...and ive dated others but i still have a desire to be with him...maybe its cuz we never broke up or anything....he was just like ...had a fun summer...see ya later

Sorry for just a fraction of a second I thought the thread title was "Dealing with a Fist"

Sorry. As you were.

Take heart my friend you'll bounce back. The first one's a toughie.

 

[yhtang]

Yar i know..its that its been a year...and ive dated others but i still have a desire to be with him...maybe its cuz we never broke up or anything....he was just like ...had a fun summer...see ya later

I am sorry it had hit you that hard. I suppose it is the lack of a proper breaking up - a closure of sorts - that thrust the emotions into limbo.

I had a breakup - like yours, mine was a first love kind of thing - it took me a couple to years to get over it. I was naive then - I hope you are not . I am not saying that it takes two year to recover and I sincerely hope it will take you less time to bounce back.

The point is, you WILL get over it, although at this point in time, it does not feel so. Plough on (in all sense of the word) and it will gradually hurt less and you will feel less frustrated.

If it is of any consolation, you are not the first to be in this situation. The song,"First cut is the deepest" is not pure imagination, it ias real for many people.

Be strong.

 

[D_Elijah_MorganWood]

If he wasn't exceptional in any way and was abusive, it sounds like his leaving your life was a blessing. I've had the same problem. Here's a suggestion as you sound like a sensitive chap: get rid of any and all photos, mementos, etc. Get rid of them. All of them. Fire works great for photos and anything else combustable. Believe me, you'll feel better. Also do something to work on yourself. If you feel crappy about yourself, you'll gravitate toward assholes and it sounds like that's what he is. Time will lessen the ache in your heart. You've young and have plenty of love ahead of you. Cheers!

 

[warmhorizon]

Just do what I do and repress. Repress all your feelings deep down inside where they can't bother anyone and eventually your feelings for him will completely die. Then again so will most of your other feelings so it's up to you. :tongue:

 

[CUBE]

It may be wise to change up your goals. In order to get over my first real love I had to just start making other plans, activites, goals, so thay I wasn't in a loop of thought. I hope you feel complete again soon...big hug

 

[Steve26]

It's absolutely normal for feelings for a first love to linger for a LONG time. I also think his manipulative behavior with you has a lot to do with it. My first GF was the same way, and it took me years to really move beyond her even though within two years I was in a MUCH better relationship with the woman who is now my wife.

Minimize contact with the ex to the extent that's possible, since he clearly continues to play games with you. Recognizing his ongoing behavior for what it is and realizing that you're better off without this jerk should also help you deal with the irrational feelings for him.

Good luck!

Steve :smile:

 

[Wrat]

My first real gf and I were really close and were together for several years and we broke up unexpectedly. It was sudden and cruel and 24 years ago. I had a series of dreams about her last week. It's heartwrenching.

Good luck.

 

[yhtang]

My first real gf and I were really close and were together for several years and we broke up unexpectedly. It was sudden and cruel and 24 years ago. I had a series of dreams about her last week. It's heartwrenching.

Good luck.

Wow, and I thought I had problems. I hope you feel better now.

 

[hottxboi16]

In response to the minimalizing contact....


One big problem with that .... we live in a town of 2000 people, our class size was 45 and he literally became like the god of our class...whenever any of us hang out he is normally there :K....any parties in town, he throws.

but actually Im pretty much getting over him..its just i still a few lingering feelings...but most of those were obliterated last night when I got a message from an ol friend :yup:

 

[B_Stronzo]

Yar i know..its that its been a year...and ive dated others but i still have a desire to be with him...maybe its cuz we never broke up or anything....he was just like ...had a fun summer...see ya later

Oh my sweet sweet boy.

Please understand that I totally get where you are. I carried a torch when I was precisely your age for a summer love I had on Cape Cod. Jack and I were hot and heavy for an entire summer. We explored, we discovered, our hearts pounded together, I had my first real kiss and when he touched me my body shook uncontrollably. It was totally encompassing to be in love for that first time.

I know too well how much you hurt.

When September came he went off to college and though I visited him from time to time the draw of a heterosexual life was too strong for him and I couldn't take the dishonesty of his inability to speak of our love or to "shout it to the world". Each person is different and you're the real McCoy. Does it hurt? Fuck yeah. Is it that very hurt that will make you available for the real thing when it comes down the road? OH YEAH.

I'm living proof. Mine did 'come down the road' and because I never allowed myself to compromise and just kept myself available for the real thing when it arrived I was available.

Nothing will ever feel quite like that first one. It gains mythic proportion. (I still have Jack's letters and photos hidden away and I look at them from time to time in fond remembrance). Jack's married with two small children now and pretty well known in business circles on Cape Cod. But I'm sure his trophy wife has no knowledge of the side of him that fell in love with me that summer! That's all mine!:wink: She'll never know the sweet smell of every inch of his body the way I did. Thing is? I know how gay he is.

You'll recover. I promise. But you'll never forget.. and you shouldn't forget either. Men can be such bastards gay or straight for which I truly apologize. But there's nothin' like 'em!

Take heart. The next one may be the one.