Dealing with clingy guys after one night stand?

[PyroAndHisFineCock]

Hey guys, so let me explain before you flame me for being a douche or not caring. This story is a bit more complex.

I don't typically hook-up, but as I've been exploring my bi-side, I've hooked up with a couple of guys recently for a completely NSA encounter.

One guy I hooked up with recently was nice, but totally not my type. I played into the whole thing while we we got it on, but after he left (I was very gentlemanly and saw him out and all), I made no indication we would ever do it again.

Well, two days later he starts texting me. Like 4 times. I'm polite, and respond that I thought he was a really nice guy, but that I didn't really want to hook up again. He kept texting.

The other day, I saw him in one of the places I frequent. He texts me. I ignore the text and act like I didn't see him. And he texts me again. I blocked his number, because it was getting a little too clingy.

I don't hook up often, but have had a couple one-night stands with girls, and I'm always a gentleman--breakfast, walk home, etc. But I've never encountered the awkward clingy ones even when it is clear on both sides it is an NSA one-off encounter.

I am not sure if I should avoid any places he normally goes, but I might just not act awkward and just keep not recognizing him (don't want to deal with it more). Advice?

 

[deleted300444]

If it were a female...how would you handle?

"Thanks but no Thanks", in your own words of course.

Im not a fan of ignoring people...but sometimes they as in all of us should be able to pick up on subtle social quese.

 

[PyroAndHisFineCock]

If it were a female...how would you handle?

"Thanks but no Thanks", in your own words of course.

Im not a fan of ignoring people...but sometimes they as in all of us should be able to pick up on subtle social quese.

Thanks man. I handled it in the same way. Basically, sorry, not interested but had a good time yadayadayada... I didn't want to ignore him, but it felt like I would just play into his clinginess more..... if that makes sense?

I don't like the cold treatment, but it kind of seems like the only way to handle this one.

 

[malakos]

That's what is so weird about hooking up. It makes no sense to have an aversion to any level of interaction with someone one just had that kind of connection with.

 

[JohnDoeXXXm]

if you will always have the shared experience of that event, its sad that you can't at least be a distant friend/well-wisher. Tell him that you're not at the point to be able to do more than that, and that his pressure for more unfortunately takes that joy away.

 

[AlexDB9]

That's what is so weird about hooking up. It makes no sense to have an aversion to any level of interaction with someone one just had that kind of connection with.

Yea, that.

 

[echoboy]

I'd say if you were clear with him from the get go and told him NSA from the moment you hooked up with him, then you got every right to block him/ignore him as he should know better. In the world of hooking up, there is that golden rule that most of the time it's just that...hooking up. Now if he felt something more for you but you don't reciprocate those feelings then he needs to move on and let this shit go. In my opinion, you're in the right Pyro.

 

[dong-in-khakis]

Understood, but the scenario is to be expected sometimes. The guy liked you a lot. No matter what his feelings are he should remind himself and respect what you told him in the beginning about one thing that can at times be a cold, hard pill to swallow, that is the term NSA..

I had text chat with a guy close by about a year ago. We talked six weeks before we met. It was terrific, very much so to me. He told me he enjoyed it too and we met several more times. I fell for the guy the first time we were together because he was such a sweet sexy guy. Charm dripping off of him..

At first I struggled with why he wouldn't get as close as other buddies. It took me a while to come to grips with it all and I had to force myself to remember he was honest and open with me from the beginning. I also realized how blunt the real meaning of "No Strings Attached" can be. Simply put, to me that means absolutely no commitment to each other at all. Nothing owed, no obligation as far as telephone calls, texts or even meets not guaranteed. Of course there's nothing wrong with a text or call, but..

I guess if you don't really like who you hook up with it won't matter. I'm still crazy about the guy I met, but have learned to accept our friendship for exactly what it is. I have become satisfied in accepting that the only way I will get to be with the guy is to do it on his terms. I'm better to get him on his terms than no terms at all.

You should see the guy, he'll make a nun sweat.

 

[deleted753320]

I've been that guy , and hearing from the other guys perspective, I can see why you would find it clingy. However, from experiencing this myself, I would much rather hear a guy say sorry I'm not into you than polite coded messages. You have the right to be honest and he should be man enough to accept your decision.

 

[PyroAndHisFineCock]

I'd say if you were clear with him from the get go and told him NSA from the moment you hooked up with him, then you got every right to block him/ignore him as he should know better. In the world of hooking up, there is that golden rule that most of the time it's just that...hooking up. Now if he felt something more for you but you don't reciprocate those feelings then he needs to move on and let this shit go. In my opinion, you're in the right Pyro.

Thank you. And thank thanks to everyone for your insight.

It is weird about hooking up, and that's why I rarely do it... but as a bi-curious guy, it's one of the only ways to kind of explore that side of yourself.

 

[bigbadger]

I'd say if you were clear with him from the get go and told him NSA from the moment you hooked up with him, then you got every right to block him/ignore him as he should know better. In the world of hooking up, there is that golden rule that most of the time it's just that...hooking up. Now if he felt something more for you but you don't reciprocate those feelings then he needs to move on and let this shit go. In my opinion, you're in the right Pyro.

I agree with what you are saying for the most part, but I think you are somewhat missing the point. It sounds like the guy is not moving on and is not letting go. Of course he can and should, but obviously he did not get that message. And because of that it sounds like it is becoming a problem for the OP.

Assuming he has good intentions behind contacting you/wanting to continue the relationship (he is not being creepy, weird, or stalkerish), I would recommend you not simply ignore or block his messages.

As someone above said, it is best to be upfront and honest with the other person. A simple, "I'm flattered but not interested" might help the situation. Or something like "sorry, but I am not looking to be friends or maintain a relationship with you". There is no reason you cannot be polite saying either of those. If those do not work, then be firm and clear about your intentions and tell him to leave you alone. Hopefully it does not come to this.

It sounds like you and him had different expectations about your hook up. Hopefully you can clear this situation up and you can both move on with your lives.

And by the way, there is nothing wrong with having a NSA hook up or a sex-only fuck buddy. I never mix my friends and fuck buddies together and probably never will (unless it is a boyfriend). Do not feel bad for not wanting to be friends with or maintain a relationship with him.

 

[emmyfan]

What does NSA stand for?

 

[Brisler]

No strings attached, I would guess.

 

[funguy3]

What does NSA stand for?

No Strings Attached.


PS: Pyro - I went through this same thing this week. I tried the polite ignore, the infrequent response and the slow fade, but it was grating. Eventually, I laid it out flat, told him the truth, and he appreciated it and wished me well. I think, and I hope, that's the last of him.

All the best bud, it's a tricky situation. Let's hope the hook-up was at least somewhat worth it..

 

[PrettySizeQueen]

Well, many of the guys here are needy.

 

[Catharsis]

If you ignore him (or her), then that tells them that you are not acknowledging their message. Being ignored, online, is the epitome of not being worth your time to reply, assuming of course that you are not just too busy to reply. It feels almost dehumanizing, especially since you (probably?) wouldn't do such a thing in person.

I think that's just common courtesy in general, and so it may or may not apply to such situations. But in my opinion, ignoring is more rude than polite. To the OP, it does sound like you didn't immediately resort to ignoring, which I do respect. But I would reccomend being more straightforward with your honesty. It will probably hurt him, at first (although presumably not so much as he most likely barely knew you and hung out with you in person beyond the sex), but he will respect you over time if you show that you respect him enough to be up-front with him.

You say that both of you were clear on the terms being exclusively NSA, but were lines actually drawn? If not, then that leaves a lot of open opportunities afterward. You should establish those boundaries officially and not just assume that the other person knows what the deal is when going into the hookup. The situation might be different if you spelled it out on your profile, or whatever you use to meet the person, but you should still let him know (or otherwise remind him) and emphasize that you are sticking to those terms and would like to move on.

I find that it helps to put myself in a similar situation, and think about what I might want to hear and how I would perceive various events. If you don't want to make it personal or offensive, then I think it's best to be honest AND respectful.