Dealing with FRIENDSHIP on demand

[blkbro510]

I can't speak for your friends but for me I just request time. Be it 15 minutes to an hour and that's it. We are all busy, but we are given the same 24 hours in a day. And I do know ( not talking to you directly) that if I wanted to do something, I will make the time to do it, so why not have that approach to friends.


We all praise the idea of "low maintance" friendships but that type of friendship soon turns into "no maintance" frienships.

I sugguestion with you, would be to ask them what is it exactly they want or need and tell them what exactly you want or need.

I've been on the receiving end of the same complaints you make, and suffered my friends similar outbursts

didn't make sense to me then, doesn't make sense to me now, as I know I tried

but, who know? maybe too much time with my various projects, family, etc.

but, my affection and loyalty were real, heartfelt and true

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSaV7fP107c

 

[D_Portelay Porquesword]

I severed ties with someone I knew for several years.

In a nut shell, my phone would ring and there would be: "Oh_Yeah I need". Instead of the usual: "Hello, what's up?"

The final straw was when she kept hounding me for an AOL install disc for over a week. Turns out she had passed by K-Mart several times where the discs are free at the cash register. I told her she needed to: "Get your lazy, fat ass out of the car and do these things for yourself and stop calling me to waste gas to drive down the street to get something you neglected to do!"
It was then I said: "Do not ever ask me for some stupid shit like that again!"

Soon after I just stopped taking her calls, responding and eventually tried to tell her why in an email. Of which, she ignored and again I pointed out the problem. It finally sank in after she realized I was never going back to that friendship.

I don't have time for fair weather friends, users, back biters and people who think you are their personal slave.

This person would save her garbage bags and ask me to come over for the pretense of having drinks. I would walk up the stairs and see the bags waiting for me at the front door.

Never again.

 

[blkbro510]

WOW! and WHOA!

I severed ties with someone I knew for several years.

In a nut shell, my phone would ring and there would be: "Oh_Yeah I need". Instead of the usual: "Hello, what's up?"

The final straw was when she kept hounding me for an AOL install disc for over a week. Turns out she had passed by K-Mart several times where the discs are free at the cash register. I told her she needed to: "Get your lazy, fat ass out of the car and do these things for yourself and stop calling me to waste gas to drive down the street to get something you neglected to do!"
It was then I said: "Do not ever ask me for some stupid shit like that again!"

Soon after I just stopped taking her calls, responding and eventually tried to tell her why in an email. Of which, she ignored and again I pointed out the problem. It finally sank in after she realized I was never going back to that friendship.

I don't have time for fair weather friends, users, back biters and people who think you are their personal slave.

This person would save her garbage bags and ask me to come over for the pretense of having drinks. I would walk up the stairs and see the bags waiting for me at the front door.

Never again.

 

[B_talltpaguy]

I hate 'friends' like that.

The ones who complain that they are always the ones to set up events, outings, etc... but whenever I suggest something, they already have plans or are not interested...

The ones who complain that they never see me when I'm in a relationship... but who disappear for 6 months at a time when they're with someone new...

In short, the ones who can recognize failings in everyone else but are oblivious to the fact that they have the same failings.

And people say I'm cynical.

Ok... So what do you do when you're a bit cynical like this, and you become burned out on meeting new people and sifting out the d-bags? I've gone through a phase where over the past 2 years, I've had literally something like 20 people in my life either die or move too far away to have an 'in person' friendship with anymore. It has left me lonely and missing the connections I had before, but reticent to put myself 'out there' while trying to find new people who can be a real friend.

has anyone dealt with that before and how did you overcome your own past?

 

[blkbro510]

I remember 1 year I had three friends die on me within a year! My friends and family just told me to get over it, and not for my benefit but ME TO BE THERE FOR THEM! Because I wasn't there for thier needs!

Yeah folks are fucking selfish like that. So I went on to make new friends and have been cold and distant from them ( now these same folks "want me to be there for them"). And went on to reinvent myself.

By the doing that is just going around not expecting any new friends but being friendly to everyone and learning to be alone-going to the movies, trying out a new trainner at the gym for a free 30 minute reveiw and etc. Taking a class a junior college and so on.

So finding activities would be great.

Ok... So what do you do when you're a bit cynical like this, and you become burned out on meeting new people and sifting out the d-bags? I've gone through a phase where over the past 2 years, I've had literally something like 20 people in my life either die or move too far away to have an 'in person' friendship with anymore. It has left me lonely and missing the connections I had before, but reticent to put myself 'out there' while trying to find new people who can be a real friend.

has anyone dealt with that before and how did you overcome your own past?