Dealing with grief

[DaveyR]

Well said, Jeff Black.

Seconded :wink:

 

[B_cigarbabe]

I'll simply second the second and say I'm sorry for your loss Cyn.
C.B.:saevil:

 

[Principessa]

UPDATE
Dad died Tues 11-24-09 after coming home for Hospice care that Fri. It was my niece's 6th birthday. My Bro says "C'mon, he was goofy and so is she..something to celebrate and remember". He is wise for a younger brother, huh? My sis in law told Dad that i loved him/kissed him on the cheek for me before he lost lucidity...as i couldn't be there. Ive just now had the courage to reread the advice that everyone offered. I think ive done everything that ya'll have suggested!! ive cried in the shower/got drunk/forgiven him/ etc. This is just a big thanx to y'all for helping me deal with a unfamiliar/scary situation. I still cant figure out why the sun can shine every day.....but in time, it will.....rainbows cometh.
And can someone hold me to the promise I make now...that....My next post will involve ....sex...

:hug: I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain and emotion with which you must be dealing right now. :frown1: :cry:

 

[whatireallywant]

Spend the time you have together. If you work, now's the time to take family leave. I don't think a doctor will refuse the request. Make the time you have wonderful. Watch his favorite movies with him, make him his favorite foods, and just spend time with him as you normally would. Say what you want to say to him now and by all means, don't be afraid to broach the subject of death and what he might like for a service and ask him if he has any heirlooms he'd like to leave to current or future grandchildren, that kind of thing. When someone accepts death, death itself isn't difficult to discuss and it's an important subject they may have a hard time raising because people tend to sweep it under the table. Take him to do things he might like, just be there and be you.

This comment comes late after reading the update by the OP, but this is good advice to anyone else dealing with a similar situation.

Enjoy what time you have left, and hang in there. Losing a parent is rough no matter what. Damn near killed me. It takes a while before you can remember the good things instead of just wallowing in loss. Tell him how much you love him before he's gone; you don't want to leave those really important things unsaid.

Yes... I lost my mom last year, December 14. In her case it was very sudden. She even went to work the day before she passed away. I had no idea until after the fact. At the hour she passed, I was at work, several states away.

If you have any religious beliefs about what may be left of your dad now, take comfort in them. Know that he was ready and made his own decision about how he wanted to face it.

Nobody gets out alive. Intellectually we know this but that does not make a difference when it is a loved one. It will stop hurting sometime. I hope this is some help... Don't beat yourself up if you post about something other than sex, muwahaha.

Oddly enough, I am able to get through it because of this fact - knowing that this happens to everyone eventually. I'm actually having a harder time dealing with some of my personal issues that don't necessarily happen to everyone.

I'm going to try my best to show you the respect you CLEARLY didn't offer to the OP. The last thing they need to hear now, is "Get over it, stop being a whiny baby". When a person experiences a loss (especially when they were close to the person), it can be an incredibly painful. Add the idea of loving that person and it becomes even worse.

While you may have not experienced something like that, many people have/will in their lifetime. Losing a loved one isn't easy. When it comes to death, as we all know, there are stages we go through.

The best thing that one can do, is remember the person and continue on with their life, cherishing the memories, thinking back fondly on occasion, and realizing that any potential suffering they had is no longer an issue for them.

In a sense, she's grieving. It's totally acceptable. He just died, cut her some slack and let her grieve.

Your last comment was disgusting and completely unacceptable and inappropriate, Torpedo.

THIRDED!!!!

 

[hockeyguy741]

I'm sorry to hear about your father my dad passed away two years ago on december 6th.try and spend some time with him if you can, remember the good times and be strong.

Hugs

 

[Hotrocker]

I'm very sorry for your loss, CynFully. I can't imagine losing my father and its because the pain I'll feel when that time comes with be palpable. I've noticed that the trick seems to be coming to terms with facts and readying one's self. Its unimaginable for me, but its worked for my loved ones.

 

[B_Nick8]

Dear Cyn, my heart hurts for you. I know how difficult this is for you. Rest assured, you will come through it and life will begin to make sense to you again.

Try to process your regrets and grief. Let yourself feel them; they pass more quickly that way. Forgive him and forgive yourself.

Soon enough, you'll realize in retrospect, the memory of them will fade, to be replaced by happy memories that make you smile. Taking your Dad "with" you, you will move on.

Kisses to you.

 

[funnyguy]

Dear Cyn,

My heart aches for you and you have my deepest sympathies. Since you already know about Hospice, I can make a suggestion that helped me going through the grief and loss of my partner. Hospice does offer support and counseling to persons who have faced a loss such as yours. It is exceptionally helpful in identifying the stages of grief and working through them. Most all Hospices offer this service. Give yourself some time (a couple of months) and then give them a call and schedule a time. It is up to you, of course. Be assured that we will be supporting you in our thoughts.

 

[CynFully]

I just had my first birthday wthout my phone ringing & my Dad saying "Hey darling." For some reason i felt compelled to re-read this post and the great comfort i gained from it. Even almost a year later it is comforting to read.
I want to thank Jeff Black for responding to the (1) negative/non productive comment I received, before i did, because i would have not been as eloquent. Silver tongue that man has.
Thanx All

Cyndi

 

[Penis Aficionado]

I'm coming up on my first holiday season without either my Mom or Dad.

Hopefully you're getting to the point where when you think of him, memories from your whole life come to mind before the sickness and sadness at the end. That's been the hardest part for me. Anyway, I read your original post and I can really see how much you loved your Dad!