Dealing With Infertility

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Hey ladies. I'd like to talk about infertility. It's a big part of my life and there are some things I'd like to throw out here on LPSG

Why is it that when I tell people I DON'T want to try to conceive by using fertility meds or being implanted with an egg they try to argue with me that I should? Even if I tell them I'm not comfortable with it, and why.. a lot of people still think I need to get impregnated to be a mother. Why do people think I should wait to have my tubes removed? (yes.. Removed because they're both damaged anyway and I've already had one ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me)

I've been dealing with my medical issues for more than 10 years now. I have Endometriosis and P.C.O.S that are only the symptoms of an unknown glandular abnormality (the docs actually have no idea why my hormones are so fucked but it wreaks havoc on my reproductive system)

I've come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never be able to carry a healthy fetus to term. Even if I did get pregnant, I have a mis-shaped uterus (it's shaped like a heart and is almost 2 separate uteri) and my chances of giving birth to a healthy baby are slim. I could die just from childbirth. All of this, and having to deal with it for so long, has helped me decide I'd rather adopt if I choose to be a mother, and just want to permanently sterilize myself through total tube removal.

People seem to think I'm being naive, especially my doctors. They insist that because I'm young (mid 20's) and have no kids yet that I'll regret it. I've been dealing with severe pain and abnormal menstration, hot flashes, morning sickness, the list goes on.. but the Stupid Gyno Bitch that dealt with my pregnancy refused to remove my DAMAGED tube even though it could KILL me if it happens again because I might regret it.

It's like I have no say in what happens to my body in a completely different way. I think I should have the choice by now after all the shit I've been through with this, and the fact that it's NOT even SAFE for me to have my own baby in the first place! I can't understand why my doctors (I've seen several over the years who all have the same 'medical' opinion) think it makes more sense for me to try to get pregnant and have my own kids when THEY'RE the ones who told me how risky it is in the first fuckin place than to just remove my tubes and let me wait until I'm ready to adopt.

I even tried to explain this to the bitch who dealt with my pregnancy by saying "Think about it, I'd rather be a mother to someone who doesn't have one. I'm sad because I don't have children.. there's kids out there who are sad they don't have a mother. We were meant to find each other when we're ready.. and I'd rather not pass on my bad genes to my kids, I'm unhealthy anyway, you even told me I'm more likely to have kids with developmental disabilities due to the shape of my uterus or my kids could just turn out unhealthy like me. Wouldn't it make more sense for everyone if I could just deal with my health and adopt when I'm ready?" She still just said "I'm sorry you're too young, I'm not removing your tubes."

I just don't believe it's right to try to force my body to reproduce when I'm not meant to in the first place. Mother Nature decided I don't need to be a mother to my own children. Why is it so unthinkable that I'm actually ok with that? Why is it automatically assumed that because I'm not in my 30's I couldn't possibly make my own decision about what's going to happen to MY body? I could understand if I was just a young healthy woman who was just doing it because "I don't want kids" but the situation I've explained here takes more consideration.

 

[AlteredEgo]

They always insist on forcing women you age to wait to sterilize themselves. I think it's bullshit. You're old enough to choose the nation's leaders, fight and die for country, but too young to make decisions about your own body? Even educated decisions? I know two women who were in abusive relationships and didn't know how to leave. Both wanted to have tubal ligation to prevent having more children with these men. Both were denied access to the surgery based on being under 25 with fewer than three children. What? If you're under 25 you need to pop out three kids before you can direct your own reproductive destiny? Fuck that!

In this country, those practices and the struggle over reproductive rights make it very painfully clear that women are only baby factories. We are fuckholes and fetal housing, and not a wit else. This is a form of institutionalized bigotry. It is disgusting.

 

[EllieP]

Three GYNs, it took me three freaking GYNs before I found one that would listen to me. I was a single mother of a three-year-old who knew I did not want another child. I was not married and had no intention of ever getting married again. And even if I did he would have to understand that I would not bear another child.

She listened to me and understood. Of course, I had to complete a counseling program, which I completely understand because the reversibility of the procedure has a high failure rate.

You do NOT need to bear a child to be a parent - mother or father. There is no doubt my husband is the father of our child. He may not have met her until she was 9 years old, but they made up for lost time.

Some OB/GYNs treat us like breeding cows. Sounds like you got a bad one.

TnJ, I hope you find a good one who listens to you. I live nowhere near that wonderful doctor anymore, but I still send and receive Christmas cards from her. A friend listens, and I truly believe she is a friend.

 

[693987]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such problems finding a physician who will give you the kind of help you need. I just recently was able to have surgery for something after over three years of trying to get something taken care of. All I can really suggest is keep trying to find a physician who will see things from your point of view.

As an aside, however... As someone who was adopted at half a year old and as a woman who has placed a child in an open adoption..........

Mother Nature decided I don't need to be a mother to my own children.

My mom was my mom. That I didn't share genetic code with her had no affect. My son is still my son. His other mom, the one who is raising him... is his mother, just as much, no, even more so than I am. If you do want to/eventually choose to adopt, um, there's a whole new world of politically correct vocabulary you may want to learn. When people say I "gave" my son away, I want to punch them in the face, for example.

 

[Florida Boy]

Hey ladies. I'd like to talk about infertility. It's a big part of my life and there are some things I'd like to throw out here on LPSG

Why is it that when I tell people I DON'T want to try to conceive by using fertility meds or being implanted with an egg they try to argue with me that I should? Even if I tell them I'm not comfortable with it, and why.. a lot of people still think I need to get impregnated to be a mother. Why do people think I should wait to have my tubes removed? (yes.. Removed because they're both damaged anyway and I've already had one ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me)

I've been dealing with my medical issues for more than 10 years now. I have Endometriosis and P.C.O.S that are only the symptoms of an unknown glandular abnormality (the docs actually have no idea why my hormones are so fucked but it wreaks havoc on my reproductive system)

I've come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never be able to carry a healthy fetus to term. Even if I did get pregnant, I have a mis-shaped uterus (it's shaped like a heart and is almost 2 separate uteri) and my chances of giving birth to a healthy baby are slim. I could die just from childbirth. All of this, and having to deal with it for so long, has helped me decide I'd rather adopt if I choose to be a mother, and just want to permanently sterilize myself through total tube removal.

People seem to think I'm being naive, especially my doctors. They insist that because I'm young (mid 20's) and have no kids yet that I'll regret it. I've been dealing with severe pain and abnormal menstration, hot flashes, morning sickness, the list goes on.. but the Stupid Gyno Bitch that dealt with my pregnancy refused to remove my DAMAGED tube even though it could KILL me if it happens again because I might regret it.

It's like I have no say in what happens to my body in a completely different way. I think I should have the choice by now after all the shit I've been through with this, and the fact that it's NOT even SAFE for me to have my own baby in the first place! I can't understand why my doctors (I've seen several over the years who all have the same 'medical' opinion) think it makes more sense for me to try to get pregnant and have my own kids when THEY'RE the ones who told me how risky it is in the first fuckin place than to just remove my tubes and let me wait until I'm ready to adopt.

I even tried to explain this to the bitch who dealt with my pregnancy by saying "Think about it, I'd rather be a mother to someone who doesn't have one. I'm sad because I don't have children.. there's kids out there who are sad they don't have a mother. We were meant to find each other when we're ready.. and I'd rather not pass on my bad genes to my kids, I'm unhealthy anyway, you even told me I'm more likely to have kids with developmental disabilities due to the shape of my uterus or my kids could just turn out unhealthy like me. Wouldn't it make more sense for everyone if I could just deal with my health and adopt when I'm ready?" She still just said "I'm sorry you're too young, I'm not removing your tubes."

I just don't believe it's right to try to force my body to reproduce when I'm not meant to in the first place. Mother Nature decided I don't need to be a mother to my own children. Why is it so unthinkable that I'm actually ok with that? Why is it automatically assumed that because I'm not in my 30's I couldn't possibly make my own decision about what's going to happen to MY body? I could understand if I was just a young healthy woman who was just doing it because "I don't want kids" but the situation I've explained here takes more consideration.

This is a touchy issue in most circles. The establishment always tries to bend the individual to its will. That will is not necessarily productive for our society as a whole. That being said, if an individual male or female is infertile for whatever reason, they should not reproduce. Biology, for the most part, determines the appropriateness of reproduction.

Putting one's genes and gene-pool is not a mandate. Personally, I believe it is extremely selfish. The species will survive without any one individuals contribution. Raising kids, and being a good parent, is vastly different from giving live birth. Parenting is an alternatives that almost anyone can have. There are laws against certain adoptions some of which are patently unfair, but some are reasonable.

You sound like someone who has arrived at this logical pattern of thought. A pregnancy, you're almost certain, would not have a good outcome. Adoption, on the other hand, can almost certainly, be a positive thing for you and the adoptee.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Call_Me_Daddy]

My wife planned on having her tubes tied with the birth of our second son. She had to fill out a bunch of paperwork which then had to be on file with the hospital for 30 days prior to having the procedure done. My wife went into labor 5 days before her elective c-section was scheduled and before the 30 day waiting period was up. She had to beg the Dr's to tie her tubes while she was still open from the c-section so she wouldn't have to have another procedure. The Dr's finally complied, but she had to sign more paperwork.

On the surface none of the above makes any sense to me, but there must be laws and/or liability issues that the Dr's have to deal with that make it so complicated.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

My wife planned on having her tubes tied with the birth of our second son. She had to fill out a bunch of paperwork which then had to be on file with the hospital for 30 days prior to having the procedure done. My wife went into labor 5 days before her elective c-section was scheduled and before the 30 day waiting period was up. She had to beg the Dr's to tie her tubes while she was still open from the c-section so she wouldn't have to have another procedure. The Dr's finally complied, but she had to sign more paperwork.

On the surface none of the above makes any sense to me, but there must be laws and/or liability issues that the Dr's have to deal with that make it so complicated.

Of course there's a reason they have to make things so complicated.. plenty of women who had themselves sterilized later realized they made a mistake and became severely depressed and blablabla.. I do understand that... what I don't understand is why after explaining my situation so vividly and maturely they still think I'm just a naive 20-something year old chick who doesn't know what she's talking about.

My problem is that these doctors are ignoring the fact that it's dangerous for me to have kids to begin with but they still keep insisting that I wait to remove my tubes. Not only the doctors either, plenty of people have told me it's a good thing the docs are making me wait.

I know the fuckers are just trying to avoid lawsuits... so why couldn't they just sit down and talk to me about it for a few minutes to evaluate my decision and have me sign a stupid piece of paper that says I won't sue if they remove my damn tubes? If I regret it, it's not on their shoulders. They do shit like that for plenty of other situations, why not this one? It makes me feel like they really DO just want me to pop out kids for societies sake.

 

[LaFemme]

It's definitely your age. I am confounded by the fact that a women can still be denied the ability to end her capability to bear children, particularly when it would put her health at risk. And it's purely due to age. Women in their twenties are apparently too flakey to make informed decisions about their health.

It truly is unfortunate. In Canada, you could certainly see as many doctors as necessary until you got one who agreed to do the surgery without cost. I don't know how it works for you, but I hope you do find the right doctor. Women's reproductive rights are important. And your life is important.

 

[808girl]

I'm sorry that you had to deal with all of that. That's a difficult situation to deal with and to have to deal with an obgyn like that is crazy. I had a situation that's kinda sorta related to yours and I had numerous doctors and nurses pressuring me to make decisions I wasn't comfortable making. They're not happy unless you're bowing to their beliefs. I hope you find a doctor that works with you instead of against you.

Adopting a child is a wonderful thing by the way. There are too many children that don't have parents.

 

[Daisy]

You'll find just as many people badgering you to get married or whatever else society thinks you need. People always seem to want to tell other people how to live their lives. Its your body. This reminds me of how people were so outraged that Angelina Jolie removed her breasts. I mean who is anyone to tell any woman what she should do with her own body? I think you should try to avoid the conversation unless youre sure the person is going to be open minded about it. Spare yourself the frustration.

 

[gma26_4521]

As a medical professional I understand where you are coming from. Some of the problem is we are bad listeners. Force our own opinion or feelings on medical subjects because we are conditioned that way by education and how society views professionals in general-arrogant know it alls. Most of us were nerds with a high grade point average. Also, there are liability implications to all of it unfortunately, so some blame must be taken on by the trial lawyer association.

My feelings are find a professional you are comfortable with. Most people don't move on. In the USA you have a choice, exercise it, and move on if they do not understand where you are as a patient/female.

 

[Florida Boy]

Of course there's a reason they have to make things so complicated.. plenty of women who had themselves sterilized later realized they made a mistake and became severely depressed and blablabla.. I do understand that... what I don't understand is why after explaining my situation so vividly and maturely they still think I'm just a naive 20-something year old chick who doesn't know what she's talking about.

My problem is that these doctors are ignoring the fact that it's dangerous for me to have kids to begin with but they still keep insisting that I wait to remove my tubes. Not only the doctors either, plenty of people have told me it's a good thing the docs are making me wait.

I know the fuckers are just trying to avoid lawsuits... so why couldn't they just sit down and talk to me about it for a few minutes to evaluate my decision and have me sign a stupid piece of paper that says I won't sue if they remove my damn tubes? If I regret it, it's not on their shoulders. They do shit like that for plenty of other situations, why not this one? It makes me feel like they really DO just want me to pop out kids for societies sake.

Yet another instance of the establishment demonstrating that women have no control of their bodies. Our society is sick on this issue.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

My feelings are find a professional you are comfortable with. Most people don't move on. In the USA you have a choice, exercise it, and move on if they do not understand where you are as a patient/female.

I've already gotten a second, third and fourth opinion. They all said the same thing.

I'm obviously going to have to be persistent, but I have very low expectations.

 

[Penis Aficionado]

Hey T&J,

I don't guess my feelings are very relevant here, but I just wanted to say I'm kinda shocked. I did not know that a woman couldn't make the informed decision to have this done. Do they deny vasectomies to men in their 20s?

This, plus the coerced sterilization of women in the California prison system, plus my state passing legislation shutting down 90% of the abortion clinics ... makes me think that it's no joke when women say they have to fight for control of their own bodies. Something really needs to be done.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Nope. My ex was able to get a vasectomy even though he was married. It's years later, and his wife still doesn't know.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

Adoption is always good.

Your body and what you want to do with it is your decision.

I wish you well on your journey. :smile:


(the subject matter makes me sad)

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Hey T&J,

I don't guess my feelings are very relevant here, but I just wanted to say I'm kinda shocked. I did not know that a woman couldn't make the informed decision to have this done. Do they deny vasectomies to men in their 20s?

This, plus the coerced sterilization of women in the California prison system, plus my state passing legislation shutting down 90% of the abortion clinics ... makes me think that it's no joke when women say they have to fight for control of their own bodies. Something really needs to be done.

All feelings/opinions/stories are welcome sweetness. Especially from such a respectful gentleman such as yourself :wink:

You're right. Something does need to be done.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Adoption is always good.

Your body and what you want to do with it is your decision.

I wish you well on your journey. :smile:


(the subject matter makes me sad)

Thank you lovely. I appreciate the positivity.

It is a depressing subject, but it's something I'm so used to it doesn't depress me anymore. I've come to accept that I have little control over anything in my life. My health, my choices about what happens to my body, my position in society in general.. I can't really change any of that without jumping through a bunch of hoops, so I just do what I can to stay afloat and try to focus on the better parts of life..

.. like my mans Fat Cock!!:wink:

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

They always insist on forcing women you age to wait to sterilize themselves. I think it's bullshit. You're old enough to choose the nation's leaders, fight and die for country, but too young to make decisions about your own body? Even educated decisions? I know two women who were in abusive relationships and didn't know how to leave. Both wanted to have tubal ligation to prevent having more children with these men. Both were denied access to the surgery based on being under 25 with fewer than three children. What? If you're under 25 you need to pop out three kids before you can direct your own reproductive destiny? Fuck that!

In this country, those practices and the struggle over reproductive rights make it very painfully clear that women are only baby factories. We are fuckholes and fetal housing, and not a wit else. This is a form of institutionalized bigotry. It is disgusting.

Society will always confuse me.

But you know what, we're not blind to it. At least we have the power of knowing what's really going on and how the world really works. It's a fuckin trip.

 

[ApparentlyAboveAvg]

Count me as another surprised at the level of pushback but not surprised.

The difference re: vasectomies is that they are far more reversible than tubal ligations. The permanence of it places the staunch opposition in a similar vein as the assisted suicide debate.