Dealing With Infertility

[Draknastet]

I tried to get the day off, but it didn't work out so I have to go face the reality that a bunch of people will tell me "happy mother's day" and every time it's gonna feel like getting stabbed in the heart and brain simultaneously.

Just a bit of advice to anyone reading: don't tell people randomly "happy mother's/father's day" if you don't know them. For some of us these days are fucking excruciating. Not at all happy and fun.

"Pregnant yet?"
"You wont make your mother miss out on being a grandparent huh?"
*Read in parentvoice*

 

[Sweetlysad]

I tried to get the day off, but it didn't work out so I have to go face the reality that a bunch of people will tell me "happy mother's day" and every time it's gonna feel like getting stabbed in the heart and brain simultaneously.

Just a bit of advice to anyone reading: don't tell people randomly "happy mother's/father's day" if you don't know them. For some of us these days are fucking excruciating. Not at all happy and fun.

Sorry sweetie

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Just got home, the day treated me much better than I expected. My coworkers dealt with all the phone calls/transactions with the patient's so I didn't have to hear it once.

The only people who said it to me were my coworkers, after telling me in a very heartfelt way that I'm still a momma. Even though my babies aren't with me.

 

[MickeyLee]

 

[thedrainman]

"....telling me in a very heartfelt way that I'm still a momma. Even though my babies aren't with me." - a very valid point that is often overlooked by the masses. Never mind Mothers' Day, TnJ, I wish you well for every day.

 

[286798]

Just got home, the day treated me much better than I expected. My coworkers dealt with all the phone calls/transactions with the patient's so I didn't have to hear it once.

The only people who said it to me were my coworkers, after telling me in a very heartfelt way that I'm still a momma. Even though my babies aren't with me.

[/QUOTE
This makes my heat happy for you.

 

[palakaorion]

I'm still a momma. Even though my babies aren't with me.

exactly right.

 

[neutrno]

Hey ladies. I'd like to talk about infertility. It's a big part of my life and there are some things I'd like to throw out here on LPSG

Why is it that when I tell people I DON'T want to try to conceive by using fertility meds or being implanted with an egg they try to argue with me that I should? Even if I tell them I'm not comfortable with it, and why.. a lot of people still think I need to get impregnated to be a mother. Why do people think I should wait to have my tubes removed? (yes.. Removed because they're both damaged anyway and I've already had one ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me)

I've been dealing with my medical issues for more than 10 years now. I have Endometriosis and P.C.O.S that are only the symptoms of an unknown glandular abnormality (the docs actually have no idea why my hormones are so fucked but it wreaks havoc on my reproductive system)

I've come to terms with the fact that I will most likely never be able to carry a healthy fetus to term. Even if I did get pregnant, I have a mis-shaped uterus (it's shaped like a heart and is almost 2 separate uteri) and my chances of giving birth to a healthy baby are slim. I could die just from childbirth. All of this, and having to deal with it for so long, has helped me decide I'd rather adopt if I choose to be a mother, and just want to permanently sterilize myself through total tube removal.

People seem to think I'm being naive, especially my doctors. They insist that because I'm young (mid 20's) and have no kids yet that I'll regret it. I've been dealing with severe pain and abnormal menstration, hot flashes, morning sickness, the list goes on.. but the Stupid Gyno Bitch that dealt with my pregnancy refused to remove my DAMAGED tube even though it could KILL me if it happens again because I might regret it.

It's like I have no say in what happens to my body in a completely different way. I think I should have the choice by now after all the shit I've been through with this, and the fact that it's NOT even SAFE for me to have my own baby in the first place! I can't understand why my doctors (I've seen several over the years who all have the same 'medical' opinion) think it makes more sense for me to try to get pregnant and have my own kids when THEY'RE the ones who told me how risky it is in the first fuckin place than to just remove my tubes and let me wait until I'm ready to adopt.

I even tried to explain this to the bitch who dealt with my pregnancy by saying "Think about it, I'd rather be a mother to someone who doesn't have one. I'm sad because I don't have children.. there's kids out there who are sad they don't have a mother. We were meant to find each other when we're ready.. and I'd rather not pass on my bad genes to my kids, I'm unhealthy anyway, you even told me I'm more likely to have kids with developmental disabilities due to the shape of my uterus or my kids could just turn out unhealthy like me. Wouldn't it make more sense for everyone if I could just deal with my health and adopt when I'm ready?" She still just said "I'm sorry you're too young, I'm not removing your tubes."

I just don't believe it's right to try to force my body to reproduce when I'm not meant to in the first place. Mother Nature decided I don't need to be a mother to my own children. Why is it so unthinkable that I'm actually ok with that? Why is it automatically assumed that because I'm not in my 30's I couldn't possibly make my own decision about what's going to happen to MY body? I could understand if I was just a young healthy woman who was just doing it because "I don't want kids" but the situation I've explained here takes more consideration.

So sorry you have to go through this! *hug*

I can relate with the stubbornness of doctors forcing us to keep something about our bodies that makes no sense!

I've read PCOS symptoms improve if you follow a ketogenic diet. If you haven't already, perhaps it'd be worth to inform yourself about it. You could test it for a while and see if it helps.

People should stop pushing others to have relationships and kids! It's presumptuous to pretend to know what's good for others!

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

So sorry you have to go through this! *hug*

I can relate with the stubbornness of doctors forcing us to keep something about our bodies that makes no sense!

I've read PCOS symptoms improve if you follow a ketogenic diet. If you haven't already, perhaps it'd be worth to inform yourself about it. You could test it for a while and see if it helps.

People should stop pushing others to have relationships and kids! It's presumptuous to pretend to know what's good for others!

Yeah, I struggle to keep up with a PCOS friendly diet, partly because of how much more expensive it is to eat healthy, partly because I get lazy.

My doctor told me to "feed my hormones". Couldn't help but think of Maury from Big Mouth.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I research hormones because I’m running low, but Susun (not a typo, sun) Weed and Dr. Chris Northrop are places to start reading/listening.

 

[thedrainman]

See Katherine Ryan: Miscarriage 'felt shameful' - hope this works outside of the UK.

Katherine Ryan (Canadian actress and comic resident in the UK) has said her miscarriage in February made her feel "embarrassed and shameful", adding women and girls need more information on losing a baby.

 

[Draknastet]

See Katherine Ryan: Miscarriage 'felt shameful' - hope this works outside of the UK.

Katherine Ryan (Canadian actress and comic resident in the UK) has said her miscarriage in February made her feel "embarrassed and shameful", adding women and girls need more information on losing a baby.

This is helping?

 

[deleted924715]

This is helping?

I think it was intended to. It can. Every woman handles miscarriage differently. It might be too raw a read for some, others who maybe have trouble articulating their feelings or why they feel the way they do may feel heard by being able to point and say "That. That's how I feel". It's certainly helpful for the people around the woman who has suffered this loss to hear how she might be feeling because people often say insensitive things or are scared to say anything at all. I think raising awareness is a good thing, although it is a potentially triggering article.

 

[MickeyLee]

This is helping?

Representation is a powerful thing. The lady of subject in the linked article used the deeply personal/painful feelings caused by her loss of pregnancy to advocate for other women. To be better educated. To have better access to support. To give them a place to express conflicting feelings.

Ms @Tight_N_Juicy is that kinda badass bitch. She would absolutely place priority on bettering the outcome for other people going through what she's been through.

I will say that LPSG has a spoiler tag

Potentially triggering content can be tucked away for veiwing once headspace and environments are friendlier. Like, a good article, but maybe she would rather read it when Mr. BB is around to provide solace/distraction.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

There's never a safe place, nowhere. People tell me about their kids milestones even places like this without thinking that all it does is make me think of the ones I'll never see. My recent milestone of one year since losing my daughter is the only one that comes to mind.

When I go anywhere, someone is visibly pregnant, or has a baby/tribe of offspring following them. Just about Every show/movie I watch, reminders are EVERYWHERE that my kids are dead.

It's part of why I talk about it so much, if the world is gonna constantly remind me, I'll return the favor and remind everyone I can when I can to fucking appreciate their kids. Everyone bitching about having to homeschool their kids and how hard it is... Yeah. Get over it. That's your fucking job as a parent, to do EVERYTHING you can to better your kid while busting your ass to keep yourself above water. You should feel fucking LUCKY to have the privilege of taking on that challenge, because that's what life fucking is.

Needless to say, I've reached a place I need comfort from only me. I take it when offered, and try to make it available for others when I can, but need? I only need me. Because that's where they are. They never left me. They never will.

 

[deleted924715]

There's never a safe place, nowhere. People tell me about their kids milestones even places like this without thinking that all it does is make me think of the ones I'll never see. My recent milestone of one year since losing my daughter is the only one that comes to mind.

When I go anywhere, someone is visibly pregnant, or has a baby/tribe of offspring following them. Just about Every show/movie I watch, reminders are EVERYWHERE that my kids are dead.

It's part of why I talk about it so much, if the world is gonna constantly remind me, I'll return the favor and remind everyone I can when I can to fucking appreciate their kids. Everyone bitching about having to homeschool their kids and how hard it is... Yeah. Get over it. That's your fucking job as a parent, to do EVERYTHING you can to better your kid while busting your ass to keep yourself above water. You should feel fucking LUCKY to have the privilege of taking on that challenge, because that's what life fucking is.

Needless to say, I've reached a place I need comfort from only me. I take it when offered, and try to make it available for others when I can, but need? I only need me. Because that's where they are. They never left me. They never will.

 

[thedrainman]

If I have offended anybody then I sincerely apologise - this was not the intention.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

If I have offended anybody then I sincerely apologise - this was not the intention.

I certainly wasn't offended

 

[deleted924715]

If I have offended anybody then I sincerely apologise - this was not the intention.

I don't think any of the ladies here found it offensive.

Personally, I think it was considerate of you to think of the ladies here when you read it today and come and post the link. It's a women's issue.

 

[286798]

I don't think any of the ladies here found it offensive.

Personally, I think it was considerate of you to think of the ladies here when you read it today and come and post the link. It's a women's issue.

+1 I can see how some people are going to take anything a man posts in this forum with a grain of skepticism because we get mainsplained and he-peated so frequently here... but I didn't get that vibe from your post.

I can also see how it could be triggering to some, but empowering to others. I default to giving the benefit of the doubt though so thank you.