Dealing with Repressed Anger

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_lrgeggs, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. B_lrgeggs

    B_lrgeggs New Member

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    I don't express anger because who wants to deal with an angry guy?
    Sure its healthy and normal to vent every now and then, but I basically think its cruel to subject people to your own frustrations. (And of course
    there are times when a person needs to defend themselves) But in my case, I am angry with my same sex attraction issues and that I will not be able to have a family, kids etc. This of course is my own issue and
    while I am angry...I am not angry at people...I am only angry at the situation. Of course, in popular culture we are taught that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Etc...Etc.. Unpopluar as it may be...
    thats not how I see it. Anyway, (to make a long post (oops too late) short...my question is...I don't see my world view changing...yet I want to deal better with this anger. I do accept myself..and realize that this is an impossible situation. But I keep on thinking...there has to be a better way. If there is anyone that has some positive feeback on this I would
    be most appreciative.
     
  2. D_Helmer Heighballs

    D_Helmer Heighballs New Member

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    i feel for you mate. have you thaught about letting out the anger in a safe way?
    when im having a rough time, like recently when my granddad died, i was so angry at myself for choosing to persue women and men instead of spending time with him, i find a quiet place, maybe late at night, and scream, i scream so loud i actually feel my stomach empty. or try joining a gym where you can push that negative energy into something positive.

    remember the human spirit is the most resilient thing ever. you will endure the difficulty at this time in your life. you will have grown and become stronger and learned from this time.

    feel free to add me or chat to me if u have any questions, or just wanna chat.

    :)
     
  3. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    Sir, I too feel bad for your feeling of anger towards your situation. There will come a time, when you realize that you are spending way too much time and more importantly energy on being angry. Then, you will stop being angry.
    I don't think it is cruel to vent to another human being. Pick someone who you know will listen and not judge. It is so very important to be able to vent. Sometimes just hearing yourself say the words, makes the problems not seem as important as they do when they are bouncing around in our heads. Also, as choc coch said, feel free to chat with me anytime. I'm assuming I'm older than you, and most likely have already been where you are. Hang in their friend!
     
  4. nudeyorker

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    My advice is to look into a discussion group at Gay/Lesbian Center in your community. It really helps discussing the issues of your life with others going through the same issues in theirs.
    Having a good outlet for anger and frustration is necessary and cathartic. Sometimes keeping a journal of your thoughts whether it is anger or frustration or disappointment will help you find the answers.
    When all else fails, I go to the gym.
     
  5. petite

    petite New Member

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    I feel the same way that you do. I'm not gay myself, but I've always believed in gay rights ever since I learned what "gay" meant. It's always been obvious to me that love isn't limited by gender.

    It is frustrating to feel impotent about changing it because of our culture. Maybe it would help you feel less frustrated if you did things that gave you the feeling that you were helping to make progress on these political issues?
     
  6. lopo2000

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    Man, I sooo feel you, seriously. I am a gay too, dealing with closeted life, and the urge to come out and be in a relationship with a loving boyfriend, if not a husband... I am angry every now and then, sometimes too much... But, then I came to term to the fact that being angry actually helps, as you said, to certain extent.

    I don't do it, but I heard boxing really helps because you're 'punching' something and I believe is a great way to express your anger, and it's a good exercise too. The way I express anger is rant it to the people i trust, and write it down. Keep a journal of healthy journey how to become the person you are today, and I ensure you, you'll see some positive progress. You actually have the capacity to involuntarily positively change provided that you want. Trust me, I know.

    I really wish you the best, I really hope your life finds you a loving partner, the one who'll make your life a wonder. Just hold on bro... Hold on...
     
  7. dolfette

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    weights.
    i lift weights when i'm angry.
     
  8. green carnation

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    bang pots together! Are you quite young? If you are i assure you the anger goes as you ease into life.
    And by the way, you can still have a family, either your own children or participate in your friends childrens lives and educations
     
  9. B_lrgeggs

    B_lrgeggs New Member

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    Thank you everyone. I wrote this post this morning and found some very wonderful replys when I came back home. I tell you I could just feel the love and concern. Don't be suprised if you hear from me individually.

    Thanks again...BIG HUG!!!
     
  10. accemb

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    Hey pal... I don't know how old you are.... but it is normal to have these feelings. I remember when I was in my early 20s, dating girls and wondering what was wrong with me? Why wasn't I feeling what I was 'supposed' to feel? This was in the 1970s, when being openly gay was in its infancy, and for many,it was risky. I was uncomfortable being 'straight' and felt like I was lying to everyone, especially to myself. And what I saw of the 'gay' world was dark and secretive. Sure, I had fooled around with other guys, but always felt dirty about it. It all came to a head when my supervisor at work, who was gay, sensed my confusion, and invited me to his home for a weekend. He was a few years older - 28 to my 23, and lived with a partner - only back then the term was 'lover' (believe it or not). When I saw the nice life they had: nice home, good jobs, dogs, friends, etc., I knew that I could no longer live a double life.

    I guess I am trying to say that in time and with maturity, you will come to terms with your feelings - and believe me, things have changed a lot in 30+ years.

    Best to you... Chris
     
  11. exwhyzee

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    I think as you get older, and you meet and talk to more people, you will find that there are many different ways to live your life than you can ever imagine. In fact, your life will twist and turn in ways that are unimaginable to you know...and one day you will wake up as an old man and think...my life was one hell of a ride and I wouldn't change a thing. So don't spend time thinking about what you won't have, or can't have. You have a long long long long long time to figure these things out. I think back at the stuff I used to be angry about when I was younger and its all trivial to me now. Enjoy being who you are, whatever that is at the moment...and don't sweat the heavy stuff.
     
  12. denton85

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    i have major anger issues. I've learned working out, drinking, sex, and violent video games is the perfect cure.
     
  13. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    your problem isn't you were born gay, it's that you were born human. Every person alive feels alien to the world around them all the time,often they even learn to ignore it. You were born gay, whats natural to you is unappealing even disgusting to the majority of herd, in a way its like being born crazy or some how disabled. A person in a wheel chair is unable to do a thing the world he is forced to live in requires him to, you are unable to have the cookie cutter family so that means you aren't able to do what the society that tells you "you MUST be OK with gay" and "gays aren't fit to adopt children", says you should. Its fucking miserable and unfair and impossible to fight and all of the laws and trendy open mindedness is a slap in your face and you're expected to be thankful.... even the word it self is a joke, whats "GAY" about that situation?

    NOW...(having addressed the first part)

    You have a heart a mind and a soul, and they all hurt because of the fight that waits right out your door every day and the others like you tell you you're different for not thinking its wonderful. but you don't let it fester, you don't try to be what you're not and you accept the situation. I can't say it will get better or even change, but remember, being gay is not who you are, just who you're with. and the person who is self aware enough to type that has more to them than who they sleep with
     
  14. SpoiledPrincess

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    Like everyone says you have to deal with your anger, whether it's through some sort of talking therapy, punching the fuck out of an inanimate object or simply self examination until you've found a coping mechanism. I know if you don't deal with it it will feed on itself till it's consuming.

    Of course you'd like to have kids, but they don't have to be your kids - do you have nieces and nephews whose lives you could play a big role in? Is there somewhere you could volunteer where you'd be able to mentor kids/help a youngster who's gone off the rails? Maybe start your own local group even, where you could help out single mothers who don't have a good role model for their kids, take them rock climbing and stuff - of course that would take a hell of a lot of work, the guys would have to be severely vetted, but the work you put into that could really help your anger. There are lots of ways you can find to help satisfy the urge to be a parent, of course they're not being a parent, they don't have all the ups and downs, the intensities, they time investment, but as your sexuality most probably precludes becoming a father in the full sense of the word you have to find some other ways to let out your natural urge to be in that position.
     
  15. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    or......... ya know.... you COULD just find a big ugly woman and fuck her up her ass......... that might work











    :tongue: laughing helps to
     
  16. Countryguy63

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    Hey lrgeggs (love your ID :biggrin1:)

    I can feel your frustration as I have been there. I didn't research to see if you list your age, but my advice is to try and deal with this and get through it as soon as you can, so you can celebrate your life and who you are. You are never younger than you are now :wink:

    I spent too much of my life denying and angered at the situation, just like you. (Although, it sounds like you are already ahead of where I was, since you have accepted who you are :smile:)

    I'm surprised no one has addressed your desire for kids and family from the aspect of it being more than possible. I don't say "easy" or even "simple", but possible. Whether known or unknown, Same Sex couples are having children and successfully raising them more and more. Lot's of options to consider from Natural Insemination, to Artificial Insemination, Surrogates, Adoption, etc.

    I believe that is is thadjock who has often spoke of finding a woman willing to conceive and have his child. Again, not simple or easy, but those situations have happened.

    You are justified in your feelings, just have to find a way to work through them. Good Luck :)
     
  17. Lex

    Lex
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    The first lesson we learn as gay men and women is to love ourselves and stop being angry/upset by our orientation. Self-hatred can lead to some pretty destructive behaviors and activities.

    I was going to address the kids issues, but handsome CG67 beat me to it. My partner and I have 5 kids between us. We have friends who also have kids--either biological or adopted. Contrary to popular belief, being gay does not mean that parenthood is impossible.

    I don't get mad like I used to, but when I do have anger (at something) I tend to channel that negative energy into my gym visits.

    Good luck with everything!
     
  18. flaboy420

    flaboy420 Member

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    trust me mann u dont want to hold anger in one day its gonna come out at the wrong time and place which is what happened to me i have a horrible temper and it landed me three days in jail now i got to deal with all the court bs so just find a way to let it out in a good way.
     
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