Dealing With The “other Woman/man”

NorthernBoy1000

Cherished Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Posts
14
Media
6
Likes
260
Points
58
Location
Manchester (England)
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
I (26M) and my partner (29M) have been together for 4 years. We’ve had an open relationship for 18 months. We’re both tops and found that separating love and sex worked for us. Until recently it was working out well, we had a clear list of rules including who we can and can’t sleep with (friends etc…) and always open and honest, we tell each other everything. I know one day I will marry my partner because we love each other so deeply.

However, he has met someone who he has since kissed several times and I’m starting to feel jealous. Recently they slept together and I felt extremely embarrassed. I wasn’t upset, just felt humiliated. They have stuck to our rules but I believe there’s more to it. I think there’s emotions involved and it could quickly become a problem. What should I do? Does this count as an affair?

TLDR I have an open relationship and starting to feel jealous because I think my partner has feelings for someone else.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LSS2020

LSS2020

Loved Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2020
Posts
109
Media
0
Likes
557
Points
188
Location
Bronx (New York, United States)
Sexuality
No Response
I (26M) and my partner (29M) have been together for 4 years. We’ve had an open relationship for 18 months. We’re both tops and found that separating love and sex worked for us. Until recently it was working out well, we had a clear list of rules including who we can and can’t sleep with (friends etc…) and always open and honest, we tell each other everything. I know one day I will marry my partner because we love each other so deeply.

However, he has met someone who he has since kissed several times and I’m starting to feel jealous. Recently they slept together and I felt extremely embarrassed. I wasn’t upset, just felt humiliated. They have stuck to our rules but I believe there’s more to it. I think there’s emotions involved and it could quickly become a problem. What should I do? Does this count as an affair?

TLDR I have an open relationship and starting to feel jealous because I think my partner has feelings for someone else.
Emotions are hard… he has met someone that is not just a meaningless fling.
 
D

deleted1074483

Guest
you need to speak with your partner then? you sound like you're making assumptions about the situation based on how you feel rather than what you actually know?

It sounds like you're both pretty grown up adults and open with each other and having set rules etc so don't get stressed by what you think is happening, directly ask your boyfriend and/or tell him how you feel. Don't accuse him of anything though as you've no idea of the truth (it seems?) or whats going on in his head.

And if you are starting to feel jealous then do you also need to consider whether the current arrangements work for you, or is this just one of those moments of self doubt that we all have.

good luck, hope goes well and you both work through this together
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3HandsfulofDick

NorthernBoy1000

Cherished Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Posts
14
Media
6
Likes
260
Points
58
Location
Manchester (England)
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
Thanks for your advice everyone. I spoke to him and we were open and honest and spoke plainly. He admitted that he started to have some feelings for this other person and that he knew he should have stopped since it was unfair and disrespectful to me. He apologised and we have drawn a line under it. I also spoke with the other person to make sure there wasn’t any awkwardness and we’ve started to become friends.

Happy ending for once.