Dear Abby

[Ms.Teacher]

She's not asking for much.

WOMAN'S 'BENEFITS PACKAGE' SIDESTEPS MATTERS OF LOVE

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman in Phoenix -- where we both lived -- for the past three years. We were in an exclusive relationship, but not living together because I was going through a divorce when we met. Throughout our time together I have helped "Jackie" with rent and cash gifts.

I have since moved to California, and Jackie would like to come and live with me. I thought it would be nice, but a cohabitation agreement would be necessary because I have a lot of assets and she has very few.

After some discussion, she came up with an agreement, but I feel the benefits package she's asking for is too high. She's asking me to pay all living expenses, housing, food, health insurance, a new car with auto insurance and an allowance of $3,000 a month.

I balked on this "deal" because it seems more like a rental agreement rather than a loving relationship. She maintains that she needs a "cushion" in case the relationship doesn't work out because she'll be leaving her job and friends behind.

My friends laugh when I tell them the terms of the arrangement. What are your thoughts? -- WAITING IN CAPISTRANO

DEAR WAITING: If Jackie expects you to pay for everything, including health insurance and an allowance, it is plain that she won't be seeking employment and will be taking an early retirement when she goes to Capistrano. If the relationship does not work out, the consequences would affect her financially for the rest of her life.

Nowhere in your letter did you mention the word "marriage." While both of you may have reasons for wanting to remain single, if you love Jackie, wouldn't you want her to be taken care of if something should happen to you? Rather than gathering advice from friends, ask your lawyer what a fair and appropriate agreement would be under the circumstances.

P.S. It does seem that the guaranteed benefit package Jackie has in mind for herself is a bit "rich."

 

[Phil Ayesho]

The proper response is this...

Everything, even love, is a negotiation.


In California, no contract is legal unless it specifies an actual "exchange"... that is, she is demanding x, y, and z... but what is she offering in return?

The pleasure of the cost of having her around?

Her not working and being taken care of is not something she is offering... its something she is demanding...


Waiting in Capistrano needs make sure HIS demands are equally clearly spelled out...

For example... he might be willing to offer said benefits in exchange for guaranteed oral sex every single night and a home cooked dinner 6 nights per week.

And, while they are at it... if they are gonna be this contractual... they ought to include a clause regarding remedies for Breach.

That is... if she refuses a blowjob... or brings home KFC 3 nights a week... her "allowance" might be cut to $500....

If she refuses to keep up her end of the contract, then she might get cut off without a penny...



Here's the thing... everything she is demanding is something the IRS would consider a taxable benefit.

i.e. she is demanding money...

For what?

If she wants to sell her 'services" then she should be prepared to define what those services are going to be.


I know a guy who actually wrote up a contract with his wife detailing rather clearly exactly what he was going to expect in return for supporting her...

And its was even incentive tiered... her "allowance" went up in direct proportion to which special services she was willing to perform and how frequently.

When I suggested to him that it sounded a little like a contract for a full time whore... he said that that was exactly what it was... and that he actually paid her her allowance in the form of cash for each service rendered.

And, he told me.. she Loved the arrangement.

 

[dongalong]

The guy made the mistake of trying to "buy" her love with gifts, rent etc. so the the relationship was unhealthy from the start. It seems that she has become a bit too accustomed to taking and is now trying to push the limits of the guy's generosity.

The guy must have difficulty finding women because her demands are unacceptable and should make it clear to him that she is more interested in his money than a loving relationship, poor guy!

If he really wants to be with her he could create a business for her to earn her own living, how about a girlfriend rental company, at least she would have the know how to make it succeed!

 

[christina]

wow thats really sad. who would actually agree to that?! someone pretty desparet i would guess but hey each to there own i guess.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

This woman has balls!
If he is asking her to move, then she should make certain that her health and well being are secure. Moving without guarantees would be stupid. However, for people other than millionaires, there is very few instances where ass or companionship is worth $3,000 a month plus other expenses.

The proper response is this...

Everything, even love, is a negotiation.


In California, no contract is legal unless it specifies an actual "exchange"... that is, she is demanding x, y, and z... but what is she offering in return?

The pleasure of the cost of having her around?

Her not working and being taken care of is not something she is offering... its something she is demanding...


Waiting in Capistrano needs make sure HIS demands are equally clearly spelled out...

For example... he might be willing to offer said benefits in exchange for guaranteed oral sex every single night and a home cooked dinner 6 nights per week.

And, while they are at it... if they are gonna be this contractual... they ought to include a clause regarding remedies for Breach.

That is... if she refuses a blowjob... or brings home KFC 3 nights a week... her "allowance" might be cut to $500....

If she refuses to keep up her end of the contract, then she might get cut off without a penny...



Here's the thing... everything she is demanding is something the IRS would consider a taxable benefit.

i.e. she is demanding money...

For what?

If she wants to sell her 'services" then she should be prepared to define what those services are going to be.


I know a guy who actually wrote up a contract with his wife detailing rather clearly exactly what he was going to expect in return for supporting her...

And its was even incentive tiered... her "allowance" went up in direct proportion to which special services she was willing to perform and how frequently.

When I suggested to him that it sounded a little like a contract for a full time whore... he said that that was exactly what it was... and that he actually paid her her allowance in the form of cash for each service rendered.

And, he told me.. she Loved the arrangement.

California has domestic partnership agreements which this may fall under as it sounds like an older, retirement age couple. While she wouldn't be entitled to what amounts to a paycheck for entering into the relationship, she would have access to things like health insurance and benefits should the relationship end.

 

[naughty]

Run, pass go and do not collect or hand out 200.00.

 

[transformer_99]

He is the Sugar Daddy, she the whore in this.

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

Does anybody know that guy? cuz I know a few good female friends who would like to meet him. This IS a sugar daddy type arrangement.
25 ($per hour) x 40 (hours per week) x 4 (weeks in a month) = $4000
(assume 25% goes to various payroll taxes) and she's looking at 3k takehome PLUS free room/board, utilities, NEW car, insurance for health and car.

 

[MARCOPOLO4]

sorry

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Does anybody know that guy? cuz I know a few good female friends who would like to meet him. This IS a sugar daddy type arrangement.
25 ($per hour) x 40 (hours per week) x 4 (weeks in a month) = $4000
(assume 25% goes to various payroll taxes) and she's looking at 3k takehome PLUS free room/board, utilities, NEW car, insurance for health and car.

Hey .... I WANT THAT JOB!!!

 

[Phil Ayesho]

California has domestic partnership agreements which this may fall under as it sounds like an older, retirement age couple. While she wouldn't be entitled to what amounts to a paycheck for entering into the relationship, she would have access to things like health insurance and benefits should the relationship end.

In California it would depend on the time they were together.

Relationships lasting less than a few years do not warrant any form of support... but, of course... if he has been stupid enough to agree to a written list of demands... then that might qualify as a promissory contract.

I am just saying he should argue down her allowance... and demand she list exactly what services that allowance pays for.


Like the old story...

We've already established she's a whore... now we're just haggling over her rates.

 

[Notthe7]

I need to meet this dude...........
:: rubs hands together greedily and laughs a diabolical chuckle ::

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

you need to meet THE dude

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

and then, i guess, take my money

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

two words: gold digger

 

[transformer_99]

Does anybody know that guy? cuz I know a few good female friends who would like to meet him. This IS a sugar daddy type arrangement.
25 ($per hour) x 40 (hours per week) x 4 (weeks in a month) = $4000
(assume 25% goes to various payroll taxes) and she's looking at 3k takehome PLUS free room/board, utilities, NEW car, insurance for health and car.

Yep, the rate for gross is low $ 50's K/year and the benefit package, probably gets it closer to $ 70-75 K/year. Rent alone is another $ 10-12K, new car $ 6K ($ 500 X 12 Mos, she probably wants better than a Hyundai Accent), and the rest is just too much to pay for a piece of @ss.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

one word: pre-nup

 

[transformer_99]

one word: pre-nup

Better one yet, "Goodbye".

 

[Ms.Teacher]

For example... he might be willing to offer said benefits in exchange for guaranteed oral sex every single night and a home cooked dinner 6 nights per week.

Yikes!

That is... if she refuses a blowjob... or brings home KFC 3 nights a week... her "allowance" might be cut to $500....

If she refuses to keep up her end of the contract, then she might get cut off without a penny...

...and wind up in the homeless shelter.

I know a guy who actually wrote up a contract with his wife detailing rather clearly exactly what he was going to expect in return for supporting her...

And its was even incentive tiered... her "allowance" went up in direct proportion to which special services she was willing to perform and how frequently.

When I suggested to him that it sounded a little like a contract for a full time whore... he said that that was exactly what it was... and that he actually paid her her allowance in the form of cash for each service rendered.

And, he told me.. she Loved the arrangement.

That's quite the arrangement. All parties were in agreement and happy.

This woman has balls!

That she does and I think they are really, really large.

two words: gold digger

Ain't that the truth!

one word: pre-nup

Yes.

Better one yet, "Goodbye".

Sounds like a plan.