Dear Dr Phil.....

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by willow78, Feb 12, 2011.

  1. willow78

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    .....I never played with "girls' toys" or wore girls' clothing. Could you please explain my 100% gay?

    Yours sincerely,
    willow78




    (but seriously, my research tells me his comments were made way back in 2002, why is there a fuss NOW?)

    Dr. Phil: No Girls
     
  2. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Slow news day?
     
  3. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    Seems like a totally reasonable thing to say.
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

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    He didn't say that girls toys would make a boy gay, nor did he imply that it would be a problem if he discovered he was gay during puberty. This seems to be less about homosexuality and more about his developing gender identity.

    Having said that, I don't think playing with toys intended for the opposite gender is a problem. I preferred boy toys over Barbie and dolls, yet at puberty I became a makeup wearing clothes hound. TheBF's parents bought him both "boy" and "girl" toys, and he grew up pretty darn masculine. I'm not sure how much control a parent has at all, or even that a parent should attempt to exert control.

    I suppose it would all depend on degree, since a boy who actually wants to wear dresses is fairly extreme. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation or what I should do.
     
    #4 petite, Feb 13, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2011
  5. willow78

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    That's why I found his comments so intriguing. If he knows it won't make the son gay, why make a fuss about not letting him play with girls toys?

    Agreed. I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I think telling off a child, making him/her feel guilty just for playing with "other" toys would be far more damaging to their development than letting them play with the toys.

    I'm not a parent so this is going to sound a lot of bullshit, but I think us adults forget to look at things through the innocent eyes of children. Children have no concept of sexuality or even what it means to be a boy or a girl, yet a grown-up sees their son playing with a doll and immediately panics that "Mah boy is tuhrnin' into a piece ah fruit!" Adults tend to put a sexual identity or gender identity on anything or everything a child does. We sometimes forget that a child playing with a toy is just a child playing with a toy...

    My own experience: I had a Mr T action figure as a child - do I have a crush on Mr T? Sure do, but I got the toy when I was 8 and I had the crush loooong before that!

    Then again, my favourite toy as a child was my penis.....and that DOES explain a few things.....:rolleyes:
     
    #5 willow78, Feb 13, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2011
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    I think you've misunderstood me. I think he was expressing concern over GENDER identification, not sexuality.

    Gay men still identify as MEN, not women, just like heterosexual men. That's gender identification as men, which is separate from sexual preference. Some of that is cultural, ie, Scottish men can wear skirts and still be considered masculine, however in the US, it isn't done, so that's something that is learned as a person grows up. I think Dr. Phil's point is that the child appears to be identifying as female and he isn't old enough yet for his sexuality to be expressed, so there might be some confusion there.

    At least, that's what I interpreted.

    I think you're right about needing to be very careful not to shame a child about things like that, and that's where it becomes complicated, because a boy who wears dresses will most certainly be shamed by people other than the parents, so to protect him from being shamed, how to proceed? Would he be more shamed if you explained that boys can only wear dresses in secret or else he might get made fun of, then let him do it anyway? If he feels any shame, I would feel that he shouldn't be allowed to do it. The memory of doing shameful things is damaging. It's only if he could wear dresses, not feel ashamed, and not be made fun of that would be ideal. What if a parent were to let him wear dresses now, and years later he feels ashamed looking back on his own childhood, say, when he's in puberty or a teenager? Could that negatively affect him? Or would it simply be smarter to remove all dresses and only provide boy clothes, so all shameful circumstances could be avoided entirely. It is a complicated problem, and one I hope I don't have to address someday, because I know I would be constantly worried that I'm making the wrong choices. I can't judge a parent in that situation, because I don't know what the right thing to do would be. I know that most of it just depends on the child and the circumstances, and there isn't a single answer that is right for every child.
     
    #6 petite, Feb 13, 2011
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2011
  7. helgaleena

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    Dr. Phil at least on TV seems quite willing to stir any pot to get ratings by escalating personal drama without saying anything substantial OR helpful to those involved (other than their appearance fees at least). So it's only to be expected that he's changing his stance on such things as the society changes that provides him with audience.
     
  8. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Petite, I interpreted it the way you did.
     
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