dear fuckers,

Jovial

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Oral sex these days is very common and many people expect it, but anal sex, not so much. If you hate giving oral then that's fine. But certain things are part of a normal and healthy sexual relationship. If one partner thought kissing was disgusting, then they should expect to not be compatible with many people.
 

dolfette

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Oral sex these days is very common and many people expect it, but anal sex, not so much. If you hate giving oral then that's fine. But certain things are part of a normal and healthy sexual relationship. If one partner thought kissing was disgusting, then they should expect to not be compatible with many people.
yeah, i find kissing kinda icky too...

did you know there are dating sites for asexuals?
for people who want a life partner but prefer to stop at hugs.

personally, i'm just an antisocial git.


but i've met guys who weren't espeially into bj action. and a few who actively disliked it. i think the key is honesty.
i mean, it's sad to read about the person who thought they'd found a perfect match, but as soon as they were hitched it fell away.
people can pretend to dig the 'ew!' to impress a new lover but it rarely seems to last. and then you get the sad people bemoaning their sex life and wishing they were single again, but staying because of love/kids/finances/inertia.
if you hate something just admit it. early. if there's a deal breaker then better break it sooner than later.
 

invisibleman

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It does, but the sad conclusion as we explore our desires is that at some point we all end up being incompatible.

As invisi says, he can go out and satisfy his needs elsewhere, but pretty much every woman in the world would consider that her partner was a cheating bastard if he went out to get something that she disliked and he respected her not to expect from her.

Tell me about that one. :rolleyes:

Not every woman, there are some of us that would be open to our mates (and ourselves) seeking what they need outside of the primary relationship.
In my opinion, the important thing is honesty, not hiding needs, and if unable to come to a compromise where both are satisfied by each other, then allowing the freedom to seek it elsewhere (safely, of course).

Oh, and if it wasn't clear in my initial post, I very much agree with Invisi. :yup:

Yeah, I want to say that. I can understand an occasional "no sex" period. Like if a person was sick. Or work stress. But not when it becomes an canned excuse. And not for looonngg stretches withholding sex like in a rebellious way.

If I like certain things in sex that was given to me in the beginning, if I want those things--I want them. If that person was giving me those things and then they no longer want them--that really is a disappointment. I won't beg him. He should expect that I will go find it elsewhere. If he felt that I was cheating on him, then that is his feeling. I am taking care of my needs. Picking up the pieces from where he left off.
 

dolfette

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Yeah, I want to say that. I can understand an occasional "no sex" period. Like if a person was sick. Or work stress. But not when it becomes an canned excuse. And not for looonngg stretches withholding sex like in a rebellious way.

If I like certain things in sex that was given to me in the beginning, if I want those things--I want them. If that person was giving me those things and then they no longer want them--that really is a disappointment. I won't beg him. He should expect that I will go find it elsewhere. If he felt that I was cheating on him, then that is his feeling. I am taking care of my needs. Picking up the pieces from where he left off.
as long as it's made clear that this is the deal.

lots of people are very happy to have open relationships.
 

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sexual enjoyment is supposed to be MUTUAL.

if a person does not enjoy oral sex but you do, this does not make them selfish, this makes you incompatible.
if a person does not enjoy anal sex but you do, this does not make them selfish, this makes you incompatible.
if you think sex should last 3o minutes but they want three hours, this does not make you selfish, this makes you incompatible.

nobody has a duty to perform any sexual act they do not enjoy.
nobody has the right to expect his/her partner to perform sexual acts they do not enjoy.

and anybody who can get his/her jollies from an act, whilst knowing full well that their partner is hating every minute, is one step away from being an abuser.

seems simple, doesn't it?
I doubt that truer words have ever been spoken. :cool: I think the mods should make this a sticky at the top of this forum and sex with a large penis.
 

dongalong

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first, there is a world of difference between something you don't get much out of and something you actively dislike.

choosing to do something just for the other person's pleasure is super cool and hawt...but if it is actually unpleasant then, no, you shouldn't be expected or obligated.
In an ideal world you are right, you shouldn't be expected or obligated to do anything that you dislike but outside our minds, it doesn't work like that - we still have to pay taxes, repay loans, etc. and these little pleasures we crave, are expected and obligated in reality.
You can create your own reality in your mind and convince yourself that everyone else is wrong or you can confront reality and adapt to the situation and find solutions to life's problems.

Actively disliking something is a phobia.
People overcome phobias by changing their understanding and perception of that thing. Confronting their fear and changing their focus from the problems that occur only in the persons mind, to the reality of the object/situation is a well proven therapy.

Even the most selfish person can be convinced that they want to do this with the right approach, the once unpleasant situation can become very pleasurable thanks to a change in focus.

Hypnotists must have great sex lives!!!:biggrin1:

I think that incompatibility problems are more likely to occur when one or both partners are too inflexible with the rules/limits that they create in their minds.
 

vince

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In an ideal world you are right, you shouldn't be expected or obligated to do anything that you dislike but outside our minds, it doesn't work like that - we still have to pay taxes, repay loans, etc. and these little pleasures we crave, are expected and obligated in reality.
You can create your own reality in your mind and convince yourself that everyone else is wrong or you can confront reality and adapt to the situation and find solutions to life's problems.

Actively disliking something is a phobia.
People overcome phobias by changing their understanding and perception of that thing. Confronting their fear and changing their focus from the problems that occur only in the persons mind, to the reality of the object/situation is a well proven therapy.

Even the most selfish person can be convinced that they want to do this with the right approach, the once unpleasant situation can become very pleasurable thanks to a change in focus.

Hypnotists must have great sex lives!!!:biggrin1:

I think that incompatibility problems are more likely to occur when one or both partners are too inflexible with the rules/limits that they create in their minds.
Taxes and loan payments are not optional. Sex is.

And while is is possible to overcome phobias, I don't class my not wanting to sniff a nasty ass as a phobia! Same goes for teeth scraping my dick or a handjob that feels like it's being performed by a Mix Master.
 

dolfette

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Taxes and loan payments are not optional. Sex is.

And while is is possible to overcome phobias, I don't class my not wanting to sniff a nasty ass as a phobia! Same goes for teeth scraping my dick or a handjob that feels like it's being performed by a Mix Master.
is being straight a gay phobia?
and being gay a straight phobia?

ps. my arse is NOT nasty...but i wouldn't lick it either.
 

MickeyLee

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sexual enjoyment is supposed to be MUTUAL.

if a person does not enjoy oral sex but you do, this does not make them selfish, this makes you incompatible.
if a person does not enjoy anal sex but you do, this does not make them selfish, this makes you incompatible.
if you think sex should last 3o minutes but they want three hours, this does not make you selfish, this makes you incompatible.

nobody has a duty to perform any sexual act they do not enjoy.
nobody has the right to expect his/her partner to perform sexual acts they do not enjoy.

and anybody who can get his/her jollies from an act, whilst knowing full well that their partner is hating every minute, is one step away from being an abuser.

seems simple, doesn't it?

ok, i'll buy it, with a few conditions...

if a person does not enjoy spending the weekend working on a To-Do list but you want me to, this does not make me lazy, this makes us incompatible.
if a person does not enjoy spending time with your friends and family but you do, this does not make me unavailable emotionally or an asshole, this makes us incompatible.
if you think sex should be used as a reward/punishment system without ever explaining the rules, this does not make us incompatible, this makes you a bitch.
:biggrin1:

the exchange rate

lunch with your friends - 15 mins of depraved sex act
holidays with your parents - threesome
shopping on Sunday - homemade porn
shopping on a Sunday before a major holiday - homemade porn with props
helping you move - cost subject to change *flights of stairs, heavy ass couch, repainting new or old apartment*
driving you to the airport (5:00am-8:00am) (rush hour)- public area sex *bathroom quickie*
 

vince

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is being straight a gay phobia?
and being gay a straight phobia?

ps. my arse is NOT nasty...but i wouldn't lick it either.
Us switch-hitters are riddled with phobias.

If it's sweet and you want it done.. I'm in there.
 

dolfette

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the exchange rate

lunch with your friends - 15 mins of depraved sex act
holidays with your parents - threesome
shopping on Sunday - homemade porn
shopping on a Sunday before a major holiday - homemade porn with props
helping you move - cost subject to change *flights of stairs, heavy ass couch, repainting new or old apartment*
driving you to the airport (5:00am-8:00am) (rush hour)- public area sex *bathroom quickie*
ahahahahaha!

i think you've under-priced holidaying with the inlaws.
 

dongalong

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Taxes and loan payments are not optional. Sex is.

And while is is possible to overcome phobias, I don't class my not wanting to sniff a nasty ass as a phobia! Same goes for teeth scraping my dick or a handjob that feels like it's being performed by a Mix Master.

i have to work on my coffee phobia now.
and my onions phobia.
and my scat phobia.
and my bestiality phobia.

:rolleyes: Well obviously if there are overwhelming physical and ethical reasons for your aversion, then of course there shouldn't even be further discussion about it.

When I mentioned phobias I had something "normal" like blow jobs, for example, in mind . For some people, in their minds there is something disgusting or horrible about it but in reality it doesn't seem much different from sucking a lolly.
 

Drifterwood

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as long as it's made clear that this is the deal.

The problem is that when people are looking to form long term relationships, they do not know what the deal is, because they really don't have enough experience. As people understand the deal and what they do and don't want, the options are restricted by what is not enjoyed by either couple. You end up with no or little sex, divorce, recrimination and fucked up families.

I can't speak for women, but I strongly advise men not to go into long term relationships until you are sexually and emotionally mature and certainly not with women who are not sexually and emotionally mature. Falling in love at 18 and living happily ever after works for about 10% of people. These aren't great odds.

Given that I am awake and you are still farting in bed, Dolfie, I'll also call bullshit on this "so long as you are open about it" mantra. I'm thinking Hendrix, end of Red House, "oh well, if she don't love me no more, her sister will".

I have had enough affairs/flings/filthy sex with married women to say that almost none to my knowledge had an open deal with their husbands. I wonder why? Got married, sex deteriorated for reasons above, had kids, sex got worse, kids grew up, comfortable in nice house, sexually bored, fuck around. If find good fuck with more money, look to move out.

This openness mantra falls because most people don't want their partner fucking around. So, you ask your partner if they mind and they say yes the mind. What do you do then? Oh OK, because you won't blow me and you don't want anyone else to, we had better get divorced. Really over a blow job? If at first second or third you don't succeed (suck seed :tongue:) cheat. That's what the world does.
 

kazooplayer

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You're right, Dolfette - no one should be forced to do anything they don't want to do in a relationship, be it by physical force or emotional. Relationships, however, are all about compromise, and has been said before, if you can't compromise then be prepared to be lonely.

In my personal experience I've encountered many women who I felt were incompatible with me for one reason or another, and once I see it, I walk. It's best to get the groundwork compatibility laid out before you even think about getting long-term; compromise doesn't really start till the honeymoon is over and you see what the person is really all about.
 

Trouty

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sexual enjoyment is supposed to be MUTUAL.

if a person does not enjoy oral sex but you do, this does not make them selfish, this makes you incompatible.
if a person does not enjoy anal sex but you do, this does not make them selfish, this makes you incompatible.
if you think sex should last 3o minutes but they want three hours, this does not make you selfish, this makes you incompatible.

nobody has a duty to perform any sexual act they do not enjoy.
nobody has the right to expect his/her partner to perform sexual acts they do not enjoy.

and anybody who can get his/her jollies from an act, whilst knowing full well that their partner is hating every minute, is one step away from being an abuser.

seems simple, doesn't it?

It either means your incompatible or married :biggrin1:
 

dongalong

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I was disappointed by my last girlfriend who I felt was too selfish. I came to this conclusion after getting tired of making much more effort to give her pleasure and make her happy than she was prepared to return, this was a general thing and not just sexual.
So if someone calls you selfish - you didn't make enough effort compared to what he gave you or what he has received by girls in the past.
If you did something else that made up for not giving the little pleasure that he enjoys (but you don't like giving) no one can accuse you of being selfish.

Another longer relationship went downhill after my ex decided she needed to set sexual limits - or defining "the deal" as Dolfette puts it.
The biggest problem is that this deal gives control of what can go on during sex to the partner who set the limits - this not longer becomes mutual pleasure but biased.
My enthusiasm for being sexually creative disappeared with all these limits and sex became a routine, needless to say, we didn't stay together long after that.

Defining limits at the beginning of a relationship is a recipe for failure. A clean sheet would be a better approach, discovering what you do and don't like as though you were virgins would be mutually more acceptable. Something you didn't like in the past might be completely different and enjoyable with your new partner.
 

dolfette

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everyone has limits!
scat is good clean fun to some.
anal is painful and sinful to others.

you sound a little raw still.