Dear Red States

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Pappy, Aug 16, 2005.

  1. Pappy

    Pappy Member

    Apr 5, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Outta Here
    Dear Red States

    We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're
    leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue
    States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,
    Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.

    We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
    people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get
    Texas, Oklahoma and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research
    and the best beaches.

    We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get
    OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom and Wal-Mart. We get
    Harvard. You get Oral Roberts University.

    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get
    Mississippi. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
    states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent
    lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You
    get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
    pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from
    Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
    kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and
    they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets
    coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMD's turn up,
    but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the
    Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the
    country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92
    percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines
    (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90
    percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all
    living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister
    schools, including Harvard, Yale, and Princeton plus Stanford, Cal Tech and
    MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
    percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92
    percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90
    percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually
    100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Jerry Falwell, Pat
    Robertson, and Texas A&M.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. This leaves you with a country in
    which 38 percent of your citizens believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a
    whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless the subject is the death
    penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, and 53
    percent insist that Saddam was involved in 9/11.

    Sincerely, Author Unknown
    in New California and Bluewarp
  2. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Mar 5, 2002
    Likes Received:
    The blue states always seem to get mad and want to take their ball home.
  3. Altairion

    Gold Member

    Feb 1, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Seattle, WA
    Can we add Nebraska to the Blue State list as an adoption? I think the new country might want some steak. Hell, what would you do without Omaha Steaks? :7
  4. steve319

    Gold Member

    Mar 28, 2005
    Likes Received:
    North Carolina
    I'd like to apply for citizenship in this new nation.
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