death of a beloved pet

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by green carnation, Dec 10, 2008.

  1. green carnation

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    432
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham (GB)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Here's a downer for you all. And this is probably not quite the place to seek support for death (not that there aren't supportive people here, but that it this site is more specifically for human relationships). Anyway I couldn't think where else to go.

    A week ago I was absolutely content with my life, happy in everything (even in being single-because I had my wee dog). Then he was run over. I know I invested possibly too much emotion and time into him, but he was my love and joy for the one short year of his life.

    I am so terribly devastated and feel totally betrayed by God to whom I prayed to daily to keep my boy safe and to thank Him for bringing him into my life. Anyway, I will get over it and get on but what has really astounded me is the reaction of most of my friends and some of my family.

    Everyone has dealt with me in a different way and quite frankly there is no right way as all I want is my dog back. However, a lot of people I thought were friends have not even spoken to me, even by telephone, let alone visiting me and checking I'm alright. Others avoid the topic completely (which suited me at first as I couldn't talk about it, but now I have found it helpful to talk about it and I am treated like a leper). I feel they are all saying 'it was only a dog' but to me it is the equivalent of my child dying.

    I am really disappointed by some so-called friends and now need them more than ever when I have this huge huge chasm in my life. Do I beg them for their company to help me through the loneliness, or just write them off as bad friends?

    There was a thread here last week about whether to give up on love and I thought definately not, but when everything you love is eventually (or quickly) snatched away from you, why bother?

    (I am not ready yet to hear that I am being pathetic and feeling sorry for myself, so if you think it please just think it and not write it).
     
  2. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2008
    Messages:
    480
    Likes Received:
    2
    I'm a zoo keeper. I hand-raised a joey red kangaroo last year after his mom abandoned him. I was told by other keepers at zoos they're not easy to hand raise. The success rate is low to get them back onto exhibit. I did it though with the help of others. I'm single and I thought I would never want kids. This animal became my child and stirred something inside of me. He had to be euthanized about 6 weeks ago because he went blind from toxoplasmosis. Funny how he tested negative for it, but I knew the chance was still there. Everyone at the zoo knew who he was and he represented hope to me. Everyone reacts to things differently. People are not perfect and some do not know how to properly express themselves. My sympathies.
     
  3. green carnation

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    432
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham (GB)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Thanks Rontar

    I always wanted to be a zoo keeper and have thought more about it just now that I feel lost without nurturing something. Then I think not - as I would get too attached.

    Naught as queer as folk
     
  4. conchis

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2006
    Messages:
    3,208
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1,321
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Roma
    I understand you and I'm sorry.
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Losing a beloved pet is a tragedy at any time but never more so when it's sudden. Some people just do not understand how animals can become family.

    You're not alone in your love or your depth of feeling. One of the marbled busts of English letters had this to say about his beloved dog. May it bring you some solace:
    Near this Spot
    are deposited the Remains of one

    who possessed Beauty without Vanity,

    Strength without Insolence,

    Courage without Ferosity,

    and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.


    This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
    if inscribed over human Ashes,
    is but a just tribute to the Memory of
    BOATSWAIN, a DOG,
    who was born in Newfoundland May 1803
    and died at Newstead Nov. 18, 1808.

    When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,

    Unknown by Glory, but upheld by Birth,

    The sculptor&#8217;s art exhausts the pomp of woe,

    And storied urns record who rests below.

    When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen,

    Not what he was, but what he should have been.

    But the poor Dog, in life the firmest friend,

    The first to welcome, foremost to defend,

    Whose honest heart is still his Master&#8217;s own,
    Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
    Unhonoured falls, unnoticed all his worth,
    Denied in heaven the Soul he held on earth
    &#8211;
    While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
    And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.

    Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,

    Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power
    &#8211;
    Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
    Degraded mass of animated dust!
    Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,

    Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy words deceit!

    By nature vile, ennoble but by name,

    Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
    Ye, who perchance behold this simple urn,
    Pass on &#8211; it honors none you wish to mourn.

    To mark a friend&#8217;s remains these stones arise;

    I never knew but one &#8211; and here he lies.
    - Lord Byron
     
    #5 jason_els, Dec 10, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2008
  6. D_Prudence_Admonition_Drightits

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2006
    Messages:
    2,231
    Likes Received:
    0
    Only pet/animal lovers can really share the sense of deep sorrow.
    Right now I am trying to save my dog from an auto-immune disorder.
    She began have seizures and bleeding out everywhere. She is home right now sleeping and each day is touch and go.

    She has a passion to want to live, just like a human. She looks to me for protection, just as my small son. The bond is so very strong.

    I have lost a pet in the past and received no comfort. I understand you and feel your pain; and buying another pet will not replace the last. Just as humans, they have their own personality.

    All I can do is offer my condolences and say that time will heal your wound, but you will never forget. You will one day be able to smile. Also remember their is a community of pet lovers out there that sympathize with you.
     
  7. JustAsking

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    3,249
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    joi,
    It is not unusual for a loving pet owner to be devastated on the death of their pet. I have similar reactions when a dear companion pet dies. It really hits me hard.

    It is also not unusual for people close to you to be uncomfortable with your grieving, whether it is a person who died or a pet. People think that when you talk about your loved one who is recently deceased, you are being morbid and it makes them uncomfortable. And they themselves don't want to bring it up for fear of provoking an emotional outburst.

    The irony of it is that the best thing a friend or relative can do is to wade right in and ask you about it and then listen intently to whatever you need to say about it. But people don't seem to know that.

    Also, as another poster said, those who don't own pets don't realize how much we get attached to them.

    Your grieving is not unusual. The reaction of your friends is also not unusual even though it is the exact opposite of what you need from them.

    As for me, there are no words I can offer you that will help you, except that those of us who love our pets know how you might feel right now.
     
  8. Nala

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,331
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The Netherlands
    Verified:
    Photo
    It's hard to lose a buddy so all of a sudden. Time will make it easier to accept. For now there's nothing I can add to all that's already been said but my condolences and a big hug for you.

    :hug:
     
  9. green carnation

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    432
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham (GB)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Thanks everyone. Isn't it ironic that we dont get from others what we really really need in such a tragic time because they dont want to upset us and it ends up upsetting us most?

    I am moving on and accepting both the death and the reaction to it. I have even started smiling at fond memories of naughty dog behaviour and lovely times spent together.

    Treasure the animals in your life. And again many thanks for all the kindnesses expressed.
     
  10. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    I understand your pain and attachment to the animal in your life. I have chosen to surround myself with 6 pets, 3 of whom are getting on in age. I will be devastated when they go. It is best to remember good times had with your animal. I hope the best for you in this time of grieving.
     
  11. OCMuscleJock

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    3,292
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    879
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Luis Obispo, CA
    I'm sorry for you loss and totally understand. A few yrs ago I lost two cats, that I had owned since they were 4 weeks old. They both died to complications of Hyperthyroidism and In a short time between the deaths. The first was a suprise and the second was a long sad end. And to make it worse...the second one died in my arms when I was alone...I was a mess!!!! I had them both..brother and sister for 13 and 14 yrs and it's like losing a child. It took months not to get choked up from the slightest memory. I now have two more...both brother and sister and oddly...they are VERY similar in personality as my first two. I catch myself calling them the names of the first two all the time. This time tho...we're VERY VERY cautious about EVERY little detail when it comes to food...Vet visits and such. They are probably the most spoiled cats ever...hahahah :)

    You will get over your loss in time..but the good memories will always be there.
     
  12. B_Lightkeeper

    B_Lightkeeper New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,553
    Likes Received:
    45
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern Alabama
    I lost two beloved dogs in less than 13 months. Rambo was getting old, had diabetis and had to have insulin twice a day, plus getting internal and external tumors. One on his knee joint busted open and the vet recommended taking him down. Missie, not quite as old, was out one morning and attacked by either coyotes or a pit bull down the road. 42 puncture wounds. She lived at the vets office for only a few days until we were told there was no hope. Both were cremated and their ashes loving placed together in the little velvet-type bags their remains were returned in, atop the TV in the den in a little casket type covered container. They may be gone now but thought of daily.

    BTW, both were strays when God led them to our house for love, care and companionship.

    I share your pain.
     
    #12 B_Lightkeeper, Dec 11, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2008
  13. ryan25yo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,129
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    298
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida
    My sympathy....I have a little dog and I love her to death. I'd be just as devastated as you are if that happened to her. There no substitute for him, but do get another as soon as you have healed a bit.
     
  14. D_Marazion Analdouche

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2007
    Messages:
    1,009
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've been a life long dog owner, it's just like with loved ones, the sudden unexpected deaths are always the toughest.

    Keep your chin up, cherish the memories that you have.
     
  15. andrexx

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2008
    Messages:
    209
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Verified:
    Photo
    I'm sorry to hear that your animal passed away. I, too, recently had a dog die. He was hit by a car and was almost completely fine, except that his urinary tract got beaten up horribly and there was nothing they could do. I was slightly removed from it because I am away at college, but it hurt a lot to know that he didn't get to live out his full years. He was an amazing dog and even in his final hours, he showed no pain - only a will to survive.

    Oftentimes, those who are closest to us fear that if they bring the subject up, that they'll only hurt you worse. Many of them don't try to bring it up. Most prefer if you would, but don't want to take it too far because they're afraid they'll provoke our emotions to new lows and know that they'll be the reason for it. It's tough, but these people aren't your enemies. They're confused friends. Most people aren't equipped properly to handle other's grief.

    I wish you the best of luck as you work to reconcile the emotions inside of you and hopefully eventually realize that your dog is in a better place now.

    And there is always a silver lining. A few days back, I was at Best Buy getting something installed in my car. I got bored as the hours dragged on and walked myself over to the mall, just as short distance away. I found myself in a pet shop and the next day, my family was the proud owner of an adorable little dog. I couldn't be happier that this little one is now part of our lives, even if there is still the pain of a dog lost...a family member lost.
     
  16. yhtang

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,565
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    170
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South East Asia
    I had a dog for 14 years before he passed on. I feel your pain.

    Would it help if you were to look back and relish the year you had with your pet and savour all the joy you shared? I survived my loss that way, by thinking on the positive. I hope you get over your loss soon.
     
  17. MonsterUncut

    MonsterUncut Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    266
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    229
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WA
    Very sorry for your loss. I lost my Scottie in June after 14 years. It's been a few months, and I still see him coming around the corner, laying in his spot. Even now, writing this, it's very hard admitting that he's gone. Time will heal, but don't stop talking about him, and he'll always be with you. Hang in there. Take it a day at a time, I know what you're going through. Take care.

    Peace
     
  18. green carnation

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    432
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Birmingham (GB)
    Verified:
    Photo
    I am so touched by all your comments, suggestions and best wishes. It is getting easier day by day but there are still silly little things that I just cant bear (like sleeping in 'our' bed on my own!) and I dont want to dispose of all his toys etc as I quite like having some tangible things of his around me still.

    I am so grateful to him for the happiness we had, my anger is diminishing and my sadness is softening. I am also understanding that other people deal with death in a different manner to me and my family.

    Maybe I will have an OK Christmas, even if it is not the Christmas I was envisaging just a couple of weeks ago.

    Thanks once more to you all x
     
Draft saved Draft deleted