Debating sending a letter to my ex. (hear me out)

Prevail18

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I'm debating sending a long-winded letter to my ex confessing that I miss her and want what we had back.

The caveat: she lives in Ohio, me in Toronto. I'm going to be starting University next year, and she in another year.

Should I do it? Outcomes are either:
a) We rekindle what we once had, but I'm "taken" for University with no resolution or visiting in sight.
-or-
b) She rejects me coldly, crushing my hopes of a rekindling a first love.

I think this might be one of those "write but don't send" situations.
 

D_Fiona_Farvel

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If in the same situation, I would write a heartfelt letter and mail it to her.
For me the not knowing and it being constantly on my mind would be worse than rejection. Good luck!
 

D_Ivana Dickenside

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i think you should definitely let her know how you feel. however, with the distance between ohio and toronto, there's going to be many challenges. from my experience, long distance relationships are very tough and you both have to be strong! there's many obstacles both sides would have to overcome in order to keep the relationship healthy. whatever you do, don't let this pass you by. you don't want to look back in 10 years and regret not ever telling her what she means to you.
 

uncut1234

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sometimes its better to get things off your chest
ive done something similar recently... but instead of getting my hopes up , or even saying "i want you back" *(because right now i really dont) i just told her i loved her, miss her, still care about her and think about her all the time and i just wanted her to know that. i said you dont have to say anything back, you dont need to say anythingm, just listen to what i have to say.. and thats all. the rest will work itself out ...
 

B_The Greek Dude

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My first "boyfriend" lived around Toronto, and we had a falling out. Messaging the person, telling them things are different, pleading, trying to make things better etc etc does NOT work; I sent long e-mails saying everything I felt, and it was painful to see they were "read" but never responded to. I'm sorry, but i've been through it myself and it doesn't change just because you want it to.

. . .Unless you wanna go on a roadtrip with me? lol Maybe we could make them see things our way! Muhuahuahuahahah!!

/oi.
 

Guy-jin

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i think you should definitely let her know how you feel. however, with the distance between ohio and toronto, there's going to be many challenges. from my experience, long distance relationships are very tough and you both have to be strong! there's many obstacles both sides would have to overcome in order to keep the relationship healthy. whatever you do, don't let this pass you by. you don't want to look back in 10 years and regret not ever telling her what she means to you.

Agreed. Completely. I made a mistake in not rekindling a relationship just because of distance a long time ago and I still think back on it with regret. Like the old saying goes: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all."
 

Prevail18

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Well, okay. What I meant is that I was going to e-mail her the letter.

Would anyone actually like to..erm.. read it? It's too big to copy/paste here.
 

faceking

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I'm debating sending a long-winded letter to my ex confessing that I miss her and want what we had back.

The caveat: she lives in Ohio, me in Toronto. I'm going to be starting University next year, and she in another year.

Should I do it? Outcomes are either:
a) We rekindle what we once had, but I'm "taken" for University with no resolution or visiting in sight.
-or-
b) She rejects me coldly, crushing my hopes of a rekindling a first love.

I think this might be one of those "write but don't send" situations.

My $.02

Your chances of it working out, even if you were close, ... plus the long-distance thing. So keep realistic expectations.

However, you (and I assume it's in the letter), should at least let her know how you feel and what you'd hope for. That way you've done what you could do, your feelings are known, and she'll never forget.
 

Ms.Teacher

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I think this might be one of those "write but don't send" situations.

There has to be a reason why you're saying that. What is it?

Well, okay. What I meant is that I was going to e-mail her the letter.

Would anyone actually like to..erm.. read it? It's too big to copy/paste here.

I'll read it.
 

Prevail18

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There has to be a reason why you're saying that. What is it?

I guess it's a fear of rejection, and on the off-chance that we do get back together... I'm heading off to my first year of University next year, and I don't know if I want to have something like that with me all through it. It seems kind of.. futile, I guess. 4 years till I'm done my program, 5 till she's done hers... it's like.. 5 years to wait.

I'll read it.
Messaged.
 

B_ScaredLittleBoy

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Okay as harmless as it seems...a letter in and of itself would under other circumstances be fine.

HOWEVER...it appears you are not over her. And the issue is...will you be waiting for weeks, months, years...for a reply that probably will never come?

You need to move forwards. You don't move forwards by moving backwards. Or standing still, for that matter.
 

Ms.Teacher

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The overall tone of your letter is good. You don't come across as desperate or begging. And your compliments to her strike me as being sincere without going overboard.

You deserve a lot of credit for your honesty in admitting to your mistakes. But if she decides to give it another shot, how can you prove to her that you won't make those same mistakes again? You probably can't guarantee anything other than say you're a little older and somewhat wiser now.

This part is a nice touch:

"I know that this is kind of a lot to take in at once, so I don't want to pressure you into an immediate answer. Please, just think it over; if I'm going too far with things, tell me, and I'll leave you alone."

It makes no demands of her and is politely putting the ball in her court.

I see no problem in you sending it, but be realistic in your expectations. It's going to come down either way, maybe not right away, so be prepared for the best or the worst.
 

Prevail18

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To be honest, it was because we agreed that because of the distance, we would leave the relationship open to physicality and dating.

Turns out, it was a little bit of a problem for her after all. I really shouldn't have been naive to think it wouldn't be.
 

luke nutley

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I'm debating sending a long-winded letter to my ex confessing that I miss her and want what we had back.

The caveat: she lives in Ohio, me in Toronto. I'm going to be starting University next year, and she in another year.

Should I do it? Outcomes are either:
a) We rekindle what we once had, but I'm "taken" for University with no resolution or visiting in sight.
-or-
b) She rejects me coldly, crushing my hopes of a rekindling a first love.

I think this might be one of those "write but don't send" situations.

If you truly want to get back with her, go ahead and do it.

Several years ago, I had a huge fight with my boyfriend and moved halfway around the world. Then I realized I missed him and, months after our fight, got on the phone and asked if I could come back. He flew me back the next day.

So you never know. She might say yes.
 

Prevail18

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I sent it.

You guys were right; I'd end up berating myself later for not doing it.

Thank you. I'll let you guys know if there's a response.