Debating sending a letter to my ex. (hear me out)

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Prevail18, Apr 29, 2008.

  1. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    I'm debating sending a long-winded letter to my ex confessing that I miss her and want what we had back.

    The caveat: she lives in Ohio, me in Toronto. I'm going to be starting University next year, and she in another year.

    Should I do it? Outcomes are either:
    a) We rekindle what we once had, but I'm "taken" for University with no resolution or visiting in sight.
    -or-
    b) She rejects me coldly, crushing my hopes of a rekindling a first love.

    I think this might be one of those "write but don't send" situations.
     
  2. Principessa

    Gold Member

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    Doubt Means Don't!

    :cool:
     
  3. Guy-jin

    Gold Member

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    You should do it.

    You have nothing to lose by doing it because you don't have anything to lose right now. Your chances of "rekindling a first love" are zero if you do nothing anyway.
     
  4. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    If in the same situation, I would write a heartfelt letter and mail it to her.
    For me the not knowing and it being constantly on my mind would be worse than rejection. Good luck!
     
  5. TheWB

    TheWB New Member

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    all i got to say...

    HELLLLLLLLLLL NO
     
  6. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    i think you should definitely let her know how you feel. however, with the distance between ohio and toronto, there's going to be many challenges. from my experience, long distance relationships are very tough and you both have to be strong! there's many obstacles both sides would have to overcome in order to keep the relationship healthy. whatever you do, don't let this pass you by. you don't want to look back in 10 years and regret not ever telling her what she means to you.
     
  7. uncut1234

    uncut1234 New Member

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    sometimes its better to get things off your chest
    ive done something similar recently... but instead of getting my hopes up , or even saying "i want you back" *(because right now i really dont) i just told her i loved her, miss her, still care about her and think about her all the time and i just wanted her to know that. i said you dont have to say anything back, you dont need to say anythingm, just listen to what i have to say.. and thats all. the rest will work itself out ...
     
  8. B_The Greek Dude

    B_The Greek Dude New Member

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    My first "boyfriend" lived around Toronto, and we had a falling out. Messaging the person, telling them things are different, pleading, trying to make things better etc etc does NOT work; I sent long e-mails saying everything I felt, and it was painful to see they were "read" but never responded to. I'm sorry, but i've been through it myself and it doesn't change just because you want it to.

    . . .Unless you wanna go on a roadtrip with me? lol Maybe we could make them see things our way! Muhuahuahuahahah!!

    /oi.
     
  9. Guy-jin

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    Agreed. Completely. I made a mistake in not rekindling a relationship just because of distance a long time ago and I still think back on it with regret. Like the old saying goes: "Tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all."
     
  10. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    Well, okay. What I meant is that I was going to e-mail her the letter.

    Would anyone actually like to..erm.. read it? It's too big to copy/paste here.
     
  11. B_The Greek Dude

    B_The Greek Dude New Member

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    Well, I told you that i've been down your road before, and that even if they DO read the long-emails you send, it doesn't change their mind. In my opinion, you're setting yourself up for more heartache.
     
  12. faceking

    faceking Well-Known Member

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    My $.02

    Your chances of it working out, even if you were close, ... plus the long-distance thing. So keep realistic expectations.

    However, you (and I assume it's in the letter), should at least let her know how you feel and what you'd hope for. That way you've done what you could do, your feelings are known, and she'll never forget.
     
  13. Ms.Teacher

    Ms.Teacher New Member

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    There has to be a reason why you're saying that. What is it?

    I'll read it.
     
  14. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    I guess it's a fear of rejection, and on the off-chance that we do get back together... I'm heading off to my first year of University next year, and I don't know if I want to have something like that with me all through it. It seems kind of.. futile, I guess. 4 years till I'm done my program, 5 till she's done hers... it's like.. 5 years to wait.

    Messaged.
     
  15. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    Okay as harmless as it seems...a letter in and of itself would under other circumstances be fine.

    HOWEVER...it appears you are not over her. And the issue is...will you be waiting for weeks, months, years...for a reply that probably will never come?

    You need to move forwards. You don't move forwards by moving backwards. Or standing still, for that matter.
     
  16. Ms.Teacher

    Ms.Teacher New Member

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    The overall tone of your letter is good. You don't come across as desperate or begging. And your compliments to her strike me as being sincere without going overboard.

    You deserve a lot of credit for your honesty in admitting to your mistakes. But if she decides to give it another shot, how can you prove to her that you won't make those same mistakes again? You probably can't guarantee anything other than say you're a little older and somewhat wiser now.

    This part is a nice touch:

    "I know that this is kind of a lot to take in at once, so I don't want to pressure you into an immediate answer. Please, just think it over; if I'm going too far with things, tell me, and I'll leave you alone."

    It makes no demands of her and is politely putting the ball in her court.

    I see no problem in you sending it, but be realistic in your expectations. It's going to come down either way, maybe not right away, so be prepared for the best or the worst.
     
  17. Lng_1

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    I haven't seen the letter... but the obvious question is, "Why did you two break up in the first place?" Maybe knowing that will enable all to give "better" advice.
     
  18. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    To be honest, it was because we agreed that because of the distance, we would leave the relationship open to physicality and dating.

    Turns out, it was a little bit of a problem for her after all. I really shouldn't have been naive to think it wouldn't be.
     
  19. luke nutley

    luke nutley New Member

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    If you truly want to get back with her, go ahead and do it.

    Several years ago, I had a huge fight with my boyfriend and moved halfway around the world. Then I realized I missed him and, months after our fight, got on the phone and asked if I could come back. He flew me back the next day.

    So you never know. She might say yes.
     
  20. Prevail18

    Prevail18 New Member

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    I sent it.

    You guys were right; I'd end up berating myself later for not doing it.

    Thank you. I'll let you guys know if there's a response.
     
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