Debating sending a letter to my ex. (hear me out)

[unabear09]

no no no no no!!! do not write a letter to her asking her back.....if she were to come back (which would be highly unlikly) she would treat you like shit...adn you would loose your dignaty, while she would loose all respect for you..... i've been there and done that man.....its never pretty. move on man move on

 

[christina]

mmmm i think that i would let it go with the good momories. um ur gunna be in a new college with a whole lot of new opportunity =P but hey at the end of the day its ur call but i would let it go

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

I sent it.

You guys were right; I'd end up berating myself later for not doing it.

Thank you. I'll let you guys know if there's a response.

it takes sooooo much courage to do what you've done. keep us updated and let us know how things turn out.

 

[Rendell]

Several questions you need to face and be honest with yourself about sending this letter. 1. What do you hope to gain from it?2. Is this really what you want and is it the best thing for you?3. Why would she even consider reading and or answering the letter?4. If this relationship IS worth pursuing why don't you move there?5. Relationships involve many sacrifices -- are you willing?

 

[Principessa]

To quote Greg Behrendt "It's called a break up; because it's broken."

Excerpt from the book:
But what if he doesn't realize the mistake he's making?
Dear Greg,
There is no way that my ex-boyfriend is ever going to find someone better than me. He even admitted it when he broke up with me. We've been split up for six weeks now and it's driving me crazy. If he already knows that no one will love him the way I do, then what is he doing?
Halle

Dear Best Thing,
He's moving on, pretty lady, but not to join the priesthood. While it may be true that he won't find anyone better than you, it is true that he was most likely only saying that to make you feel better about his imminent departure. We do that sometimes. Statements like "I'll never find anyone better" really mean "I still think you're great, but I want out of this, so please don't cry. I'll get the check." Listen, Hot Stuff, despite his proclamation it looks like he's gonna give it the old college try, so we suggest you do the same and get a master's in Great New Guy.

Excerpted from It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt . Excerpted by permission of Broadway, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

 

[B_The Greek Dude]

no no no no no!!! do not write a letter to her asking her back.....if she were to come back (which would be highly unlikly) she would treat you like shit...adn you would loose your dignaty, while she would loose all respect for you..... i've been there and done that man.....its never pretty. move on man move on

He posted this thread to get the answer he wanted. He just wanted confirmation that he should send the letter, not genuine advice. It seems like he's in love with her and he wants her back, regardless of what anyone says.

 

[Praxus]

For guys, the end of a relationship is often hard to admit it happened, especially if it's the woman who broke off the relationship. Conversly, same could be said for the woman. If you really want to send a letter, do a rough draft and come back to it the following day and read it and see how it feels as you read it. Does it sound clingy, begging, stupid, in any way?
Then do a re-write and make sure you stick to basic good things about your past together, and let her know that you will be there for her if she needs you.
Then go on with your life, and most likely, you will meet someone else later on. Take the 'turn the page' test. Go buy a copy of Playboy's Girls of Summer or whatever, but one that has page after page of women.
You'll look at one and think, wow, she's gorgeous, then turn a few pages and see another one who is even more attractive to you. Could you honestly settle for just one of them? Turn the page.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Hmmm. I had a woman friend and former lover, divorce her husband and then write and phone me "Are you still dating (------)?" and wondering if...

I'd say yes, on the chance you could still be friends, if the urge and request for rekindling the romance does not bear flame.

She didn't want friendship; she wanted me, and nothing else.

I felt sorry. I introduced her to her Ex. I still love her, but not the way she wanted.

 

[Prevail18]

He posted this thread to get the answer he wanted. He just wanted confirmation that he should send the letter, not genuine advice. It seems like he's in love with her and he wants her back, regardless of what anyone says.

Not entirely true. I know that's the nature of the internet sometimes, but in this case I actually wanted an opinion on what I should do, and in the case I was making a big mistake, someone to tell me "Stop it, you idiot!". I weighed the pros and cons, and figured like someone said, I had nothing to lose. I feel a lot better now that I've sent the letter, and regardless of her answer, I've made my feelings known.

I'd rather not live with regret.

 

[invisibleman]

Doubt Means Don't!​

​

It is strange that there is "do" in Doubt and Don't.

 

[invisibleman]

To quote Greg Behrendt "It's called a break up; because it's broken."

Excerpt from the book:

we suggest you do the same and get a master's in Great New Guy.

Wow, do they have an internet university course? Hehehe. Is that at the School of Stepford Husbandry? :wink:

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Doubt Means Don't!​

​

I love you but *slaps*

It is strange that there is "do" in Doubt and Don't.

Huh-huh-huhuuhuhuhhhh, he said do-do, huhuhhuhuhuuuhuuuuh

 

[Prevail18]

You guys were mostly right. I haven't got a message back and I highly doubt I will for the next little while. Trying to resist the urge to send her a Facebook message for her to "check her e-mail" or something.

She hardly checks the address I sent the message to

 

[Marissa1]

i think you should definitely let her know how you feel. however, with the distance between ohio and toronto, there's going to be many challenges. from my experience, long distance relationships are very tough and you both have to be strong! there's many obstacles both sides would have to overcome in order to keep the relationship healthy. whatever you do, don't let this pass you by. you don't want to look back in 10 years and regret not ever telling her what she means to you.

I completely agree with Stacy here...from another woman's point of view. However, your ex is your ex for some reason. Why did you break up? I think that it is important to analyze this and also address how it broke you both up and how you can learn from that and not let it happen again. If it was something that was YOUR fault, then she may not be in a forgiving mood. If it was HER, then you will have to get over it. If it was something just between you both,...you both will have to address it. But, if you feel you want to write the letter and send it, I would advise writing it and sitting on it a week or so, and re-read before sending off the final.

 

[tiggerpoo]

Write it.
If she's worth it, go for it.
Be a hard to-get-rid-of guy.
Feint heart never won fair lady.

 

[B_mylipswet]

Just DO IT.

 

[goodwood]

Prevail18 -
I would have to say don't do it. E-mail the letter to friends. I am an old man and had the same feelings about my ex (the one in the pics) and thank GOD i checked with my friends first and they reminded me why she was an EX. I had forgotten all of the bad things that made her an ex and only remembered the good things about her which is why I wanted to be back in touch with her. But the things that made her an ex were/are still there and my friends remind me of that for my benedit and protection.
I understand wanting to do what you want to do. It seems that you want her to know, love and understand and accept you? That is natural. It seems the timing is off and there will be someone who will be able to happily do all of those things willingly at another time. I hate hearing such atrocious things as well, but do consider them. Best of luck. - Chris

 

[SunDude]

I would also have said to hold off sending it.

All this talk about doubt means don't do it is other peoples own fears talking and I for one don't agree. However, it seems kinda clear you Want something out of sending this letter. And even if she said she loves you or wants to be with you, You admit how difficult it would be for it to work.

If you were simpley sending it just to have your feelings be known - then you would not require a response. You're simply speaking up and should be writing the letter for You - Not her.

You have to take great genuine care when writing a letter like this. It's very easy to take something the wrong way and further push apart rather than reapair. How often do we point out our ex's flaws - or on the other side of that, how often do we take all the blame? When writing about feelings, you have to be clear on how You felt - and not say things like, This is what you did to me, or, This is how you made me feel.

Now, your worried she didn't read it and thinking you should message her on facebook - STOP. You're on the road to obsessing, and if she hardly checks the email address you sent to then it shouldn't have been send there to begin with - which shows lack of thought - and makes me curious what the letter says.

If you want me to take a look you can e mail the letter to me and I can tell you what I think but it's only based on the information I'm seeing - I don't know the nature of you two in a relationship setting.

 

[Prevail18]

Well, as a fitting end to this, I don't think she's going to e-mail me back; but I think I'm okay with that. It's an end I can live with, and I'm kind of at peace knowing that I got my feelings out there.

Thanks, everyone.

 

[Ms.Teacher]

You guys were mostly right. I haven't got a message back and I highly doubt I will for the next little while. Trying to resist the urge to send her a Facebook message for her to "check her e-mail" or something.

She hardly checks the address I sent the message to

That might explain why. I would have sent it to the one she uses the most.