Deciding between two women....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Proud7, Jun 24, 2008.

  1. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    Ok,here's the situation,and I've not been in one like this as long as I can recall.

    I'm single,and been enjoying the single life (was engaged 6 months ago). But recently, I've been talking with 2 women,and I've come to like both of them.One is a former co-worker who I went on a few casual dates with the past few months.Three weeks ago we had GREAT sex(just out of the blue) and since then we've gotten closer,the chemistry is great,and we have similiar values.Basically someone I can easily see myself in a relationship with.The thing is we both came from broken engagements and initially we only wanted it to be a physical thing,but we've since discovered there is potentially ALOT more than that between us.


    Second woman is actually someone I dated ten years ago in college who I recently rediscovered on myspace and we've been chatting away ever since. We live in seperate countries though(2 hours plane ride). We planned for me to visit her about some time back, and I'm supposed to see her in two weeks. We have alot of sexual chemistry(on the phone anyways) also and it's a foregone conclusion that we will have sex while I'm there.We've not seen each other since college days(late 90's).


    My problem is that I've grown to like them both and I see them both as relationship potential.Neither one of them know about the other,and I've not promised anything or spoken anything regarding committment,relationships etc. However,a part of me feels like I'm playing them both even though I'm not trying to be a player.I guess I'm just trying to see who's the better one for me,even though the first woman(co-worker) sort of has the advantage because we've actually spent time together. But I've strangely formed a bond with the second one just through loooong phone calls and msn chats,and of course we did date years ago.

    I really don't want to be in this situation,and I feel like I'm taking 2 really nice women for a ride.Am I really doing that? Is anyone in a similiar position and can shed light on it? I'm not asking who should I choose,it's more of my conscience bothering me,as I normally don't put myself in situations like this. When I meet someone, I normally put my efforts into that one person,I'm more of a relationship,one woman kinda guy.
     
    #1 Proud7, Jun 24, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2008
  2. hung

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    Great Sex is nice, but for the long term you need to hook up with the one who is most able to take you on for the person you are. I would recommend that you take the opportunity to study the situation and engage both in independent dialogue and then decide who is correct for you.

    Life is full of challenges and choices. You have the opportunity to check out both of these girls and then make a choice.

    No matter what you do you will have to make a choice sooner or later.

    Take the time to make an educated decision and then proceed to enjoy life with the one you choose.

    Sounds simple, but in truth, we all must admit that life in general is not always easy.

    Once you make a choice stay with it and who knows what may happen in the future.

    I wish you well!!!
     
  3. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    Thanks, the thing is I find both of them intellectually stimulating.Of course I've not spent time with the second one in years so who even knows what that would be like.It's mainly a case of me feeling like I am playing them,when that's not my intent at all.

    It's not all about the sex I agree, I was just stating that sex has already come into the equation with the first one and with the second one,judging by some of our talks it's a virtual certainty that we will wind up in bed.I've not been in a situation where I may be sleeping with 2 women at the same time,as I said I've always been a one woman kinda guy. I guess because my engagement broke I've not wanted to put all my eggs in one basket,and really take my time with this.
     
  4. D_f65y5

    D_f65y5 New Member

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    This is why studs like you should be allowed to be polygamous!
     
  5. killerb

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    don't get too serious with either one until you are more sure of your feelings...

    and although they don't have to know about each other, they should know that you're not seeing them exclusively...
     
  6. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    I wouldn't consider it playing them Proud.

    You have offered no commitment, you are getting to know them. The guilt is unnecessary.
     
  7. Jason

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    Two hours by plane, and different countries? Add airport transfers and that's a lot of travel time. Even on EasyJet or the like the cost soon adds up. The relationship is only going to go anywhere if one of you moves to the other's country, and only you know how likely that really is. I'm guessing not very.

    A rational decision might be that you say no to the long-distance fling, and don't start two-timing either of them. Of course neither love nor lust are rational ...
     
  8. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Sounds like perfect timing to me. This is the best time for you to explore your options ......before you take the big plunge and get committed to someone. If you have already purchased the plane tickets I would encourage you to go ahead and go visit your female friend #2. If you back out and don't go.....you could have regrets for the rest of your life.....especially if things don't work out with female friend #1. Matters of the heart usually work themselves out. What will probably happen is while you are visiting female #2 you won't be able to quit thinking about female #1......but I think it will be good for you. Nobody can make these kind of decisions for you.

    One other question I have for you is......Why did you and female friend #2 break up 10 years ago?

    Good luck
     
  9. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    Thanks for all the advice peoples,greatly appreciated.

    Kadtxgrl, to answer your question female friend # 2 and I (I'll refer to them as FF #1 & #2 from now on lol) ended our relationship because I went back home.I attended school in her country(Canada). So we didn't break up because of anything wrong with our relationship, we were college kids who decided we didn't want to continue things long-distance so it just kinda ended mutually.

    And yes,the ticket is purchased and I have every intention of going,it's just I find myself between a rock and hard place.As mentioned before,I think it's more a case of being sexually involved with more than one female that I feel somewhat uneasy about,that's foreign territory to me. I've always put all my eggs in one basket,and my last relationship(the broken engagement) burnt me out emotionally,hence I've been really wanting to take time for myself and have a little fun before taking the plunge again.

    Jason,you are correct in that love/lust is not rational at all.I've been trying to think rationally. I suppose it would be alot easier to simply go with FF #1 because we live in the same place,there's no distance to consider.I was trying to not let that be a deterrant,though I know distance can be hard(I've been there before).
     
  10. yhtang

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    Go check out #2 in Canada, and have fun in the process. I do not believe #2 would expect you to have committed to her just because you are flying into Canada to see her (unless she or both of you are Chinese - in which case, different values apply).

    But I suppose the question is also whether you feel you are committed to #1 already, and whether the feeling is mutual. If you are not committed to #1, then you are still very much a free spirit.

    Have fun. Live well. Best of luck.
     
  11. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    Yeah that's more or less my intention.Maybe I'm thinking wayyy too much about this. I'm in the getting to know you phase for both(well in #2's case,getting reacquainted). No I don't feel that I'm committed to one over the other,although with #1 it's more natural because we're spending time together,talking for hours on the phone,etc.So I feel naturally closer to #1 because of that dynamic.

    But I really like #2 also and have no idea what to expect.She's more of an unknown at this stage,even though we dated it was 10 years ago,so I can't say that I know her based off that.We were early 20's then,early 30's now,so I'm sure ALOT has changed.The other thing is that #1 and I worked together a few years ago and we were pretty friendly/flirty etc then,we've always had a good repoire.I worked with her enough to know generally what kind of person she is,now it's getting to know her on another level.So both of these women are familiar to me in different ways.
     
  12. Load Lichfield

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    Rather than trying to work out something you can't yet know the answer to, why don't you just do it and go and see her?

    Take it from there, and see what feels right.. Whatever feels right is right.
     
  13. eastbaydude

    eastbaydude New Member

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    I agree with Lichfield ...

    Take it easy. See them both. Find a third (or even a fourth).

    Buddy, going out on a date does not require a commitment - just a credit card and a condom.

    Sooner or later, you'll find one of them that you like one more than the other or you'll move on from both of them.

    Relax and have fun.
     
  14. Proud7

    Proud7 New Member

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    Some good advice from you guys, I feel better about my situation,greatly appreciated....It is curious that I haven't seen more female response.I figure they'd have much to say about the scenario I'm in.
     
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