Decision Made

[iceman061278]

as you may recall, I posted a thread a few days ago asking advice about some very strong feelings and desires that I have towards big cocks...

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice, and because of that I would like to keep you updated on what has happened. I came clean with my wife and told her everything, and although it felt good to be completely honest with her, she did not take it as a good thing. She has since moved out and said that she needs time to take this all in and decide if she wants to try and continue. I was so mad, sad, angry, and full of other emotions that I went out to one of the local gay clubs and decided that if these big cock fantasies were going to ruin my marriage, I might as well figure out if it's worth it. I found a very nice, good looking and understanding guy, also bisexual, with a huge cock (10X6) who was also looking for a friend. To make a long (no pun intended) story short, we went back to his place and I spent a good hour and a half exploring his cock and sucking him off. Holy shit, it was fucking amazing!! And when he shot his huge load all over my face it just sent me over the edge... I swear to God I've never had that strong of an orgasm...

As of today I still haven't heard anything from my wife, and I have a message on my phone from this guy asking if we can get together sometime soon to see about taking things further... I'll keep you all updated, but I have to say that reality has lived up to my fantasy so far in every way possible, and I am honestly really looking forward to exploring them more with this guy... damn, his cock is awesome!!

 

[ashlar]

I hope everything works out for you either way. Just remember, no matter who your with, to be really honest with them. Aside from the physical mechanics, being with a man is really not any different from being with a woman. We're all human and we are all deserving of honesty, respect, and understanding.

 

[Dr Rock]

Originally posted by ashlar@Jun 16 2005, 10:27 PM
We're all human and we are all deserving of honesty, respect, and understanding.

[post=321306]Quoted post[/post]​

you're way too generous, hon. I've known plenty of humans who were only deserving of a smack in the mouth :smoke:

 

[ashlar]

Originally posted by Dr Rock+Jun 16 2005, 07:29 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Dr Rock &#064; Jun 16 2005, 07:29 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-ashlar@Jun 16 2005, 10:27 PM
We&#39;re all human and we are all deserving of honesty, respect, and understanding.

[post=321306]Quoted post[/post]​

you&#39;re way too generous, hon. I&#39;ve known plenty of humans who were only deserving of a smack in the mouth :smoke:

[post=321346]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

Yes well, I was assuming that it was understood I was talking about individuals that one would be in some sort of amiable relationship with. ;P

 

[madame_zora]

Wow, your wife moved out in a few days? That&#39;s fast. I hope the new direction is a good one for you and I am glad you were honest. Hope all goes well and keep us updated.

 

[Lex]

Wow, Iceman. I hope that your wife can come to realize that you are the same person you always were, she just knows more about you (and you now know more about yourself). I came clean to my wife in January and we are working through it day by day. There are websites and support groups for Mixed Orientation Marriages. PM me if you would like the links.

Best regards,
Lex

 

[Dr Rock]

Originally posted by ashlar+Jun 17 2005, 12:34 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ashlar &#064; Jun 17 2005, 12:34 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'>

Originally posted by Dr Rock@Jun 16 2005, 07:29 PM
<!--QuoteBegin-ashlar

@Jun 16 2005, 10:27 PM
We&#39;re all human and we are all deserving of honesty, respect, and understanding.

[post=321306]Quoted post[/post]​

you&#39;re way too generous, hon. I&#39;ve known plenty of humans who were only deserving of a smack in the mouth :smoke:

[post=321346]Quoted post[/post]​

Yes well, I was assuming that it was understood I was talking about individuals that one would be in some sort of amiable relationship with. ;P

[post=321349]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
oh, okay. I wouldn&#39;t know about that then

 

[Altairion]

iceman, I&#39;m glad you&#39;re exploring to find out what works for you in life, but are you still hoping to keep your marriage intact? If that is something you want, then I&#39;d suggest putting a hold on your experimentation, ok? Your wife won&#39;t be very likely to get back with you if you&#39;ve been boning another guy right after you told her that you might have an interest in men. Give her some time to adjust, and then see if you can work something out diplomatically with her.

However, if you aren&#39;t concerned about your marriage and don&#39;t mind losing it, well...experiment all you like then.

 

[steve319]

I think the wise Mr. Ashlar hit it dead center here, iceman. Honesty is the key--with your wife, with this guy, and with yourself. That&#39;s probably going to take some real work on your part to arrive at exactly what you do what in your life and what would be fair to those with whom you share your bed. If you&#39;ve found that you weren&#39;t being true to yourself and your needs, then being honest about it with everyone involved is the first step toward getting where you&#39;re meant to be. Living a lie doesn&#39;t help anyone, least of all yourself.

Good luck with your process; I hope you find a happy place for yourself that doesn&#39;t have to involve lies or denial or jealousy. There are a multitude of possibilities for happiness out there. Sounds like Lex has found a way to make a non-traditional arrangement work.

I have total faith that you can find a joyous place in life that works for everyone concerned.

(And hey, it never hurts to remind someone to exercise caution and use protection when one is embarking on an experimental phase, right?)

 

[13788]

petite_asianbabe: Iceman,

Your coming clean probably caught your wife off guard, that&#39;s probably why she moved out so fast. But she still is your wife, and you took an oath of marriage "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death"

You do owe it to your wife to hear her out, even if its not right away. Any action you take right now may jeopardize everything. Heck, she may tell you that she still loves you and she&#39;s ok with you fulfilling your bisexual fantasies&#33;

It sounds like you had a really good time with the other guy, but please don&#39;t forget you are married and adultery is still adultery (whether with a woman or man). Good luck and I hope you got some good insight and tips from all of us&#33;

 

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by iceman061278@Jun 16 2005, 05:41 PM
as you may recall, I posted a thread a few days ago asking advice about some very strong feelings and desires that I have towards big cocks...

I really appreciate everyone&#39;s thoughts and advice, and because of that I would like to keep you updated on what has happened.  I came clean with my wife and told her everything, and although it felt good to be completely honest with her, she did not take it as a good thing.  She has since moved out and said that she needs time to take this all in and decide if she wants to try and continue.  I was so mad, sad, angry, and full of other emotions that I went out to one of the local gay clubs and decided that if these big cock fantasies were going to ruin my marriage, I might as well figure out if it&#39;s worth it.  I found a very nice, good looking and understanding guy, also bisexual, with a huge cock (10X6) who was also looking for a friend.  To make a long (no pun intended) story short, we went back to his place and I spent a good hour and a half exploring his cock and sucking him off.  Holy shit, it was fucking amazing&#33;&#33;  And when he shot his huge load all over my face it just sent me over the edge...  I swear to God I&#39;ve never had that strong of an orgasm...

As of today I still haven&#39;t heard anything from my wife, and I have a message on my phone from this guy asking if we can get together sometime soon to see about taking things further...  I&#39;ll keep you all updated, but I have to say that reality has lived up to my fantasy so far in every way possible, and I am honestly really looking forward to exploring them more with this guy...  damn, his cock is awesome&#33;&#33;

[post=321223]Quoted post[/post]​

Do you miss her at all?

 

[Bigintex]

Jeeze Iceman..
Wish I would have been able to stop you before you told her. Was your relationship good with your wife? If it was, it was a bad trade. If there is anyway to save it, do it...lie to her- whatever. This whole honesty thing is way over-rated and often hurtfull. I assume I will be fire-blasted by everybody on this board but, having been there, done that... I think I can be very honest here.
Let me tell you if there is ANY way to clean up what you have done, do it. You can always have dick on the side, you do not need to wreck your life to have it. What you did was the worst thing you could have done for yourself and your wife. Do not let her stay away, time will be the final killer of your married life.
I had the best life ever, best wife (best friend I could ever have wanted), best family and you know what? It all crashed and went up in flames. Why? Because I was so fucking stupid. I failed to lie. I got caught...sorta. Instead of just telling a lie and fixing the problem, I was arrogant and figured she could deal with it. What the Hell was i thinking?&#33;? Not a day goes by I do not beat myself for what I have done.
I was born strange..I consider myself rather straight. My body responds to females but my head responds to males. I can not really explain it, probably a good thread for another time. At any rate, after my wife ditched my ass, I lived with a guy...decided I will be gay(was I naive or what?&#33;?). It was good but never the depth of love and history I had with my wife. Then I destroyed HIM by being caught with a female. Long story (God, you just do not know how long...) short, the person who was most destroyed was me. It did not have to be this way.
So, here I am, starting over, yet again. Have a great GF...she loves me much and all should be good....but it is not. My head is not there anymore and along with it, my heart. I feel empty, very little joy in my life. I have tried to fill it with endless sexual encounters of the strangest sort (having a big dick gets you invited to EVERY party, ha ha) but nothing works.
Fuck the honesty thing. If you love your wife, get your ass moving and fix it NOW. Simply the fact that you were born with the ability to respond to males sexually does not mean you have to short circuit your life. Before anyone tears me up about Iceman not being honest with his wife and how cruel he is to "hide"...face it, love means protecting the other from the harsh realities of life. Whatever they may be. Honesty has little to do with it.

One last thing..I am making the assumption that Iceman is bi...if he is gay and knows his destiny is with a man, then I think he probably did the right thing. If it is a sexual thing...strong desires for males but no real desire for domesticity then he needs to fix things with his wife...fast.

ok everybody...light your torches, pull out your clubs, flip your switch baldes... I am ready for the beating

 

[Sabln7]

Originally posted by Bigintex@Jun 17 2005, 02:00 PM
Jeeze Iceman..
Wish I would have been able to stop you before you told her. Was your relationship good with your wife? If it was, it was a bad trade. If there is anyway to save it, do it...lie to her- whatever. This whole honesty thing is way over-rated and often hurtfull. I assume I will be fire-blasted by everybody on this board but, having been there, done that... I think I can be very honest here.
Let me tell you if there is ANY way to clean up what you have done, do it. You can always have dick on the side, you do not need to wreck your life to have it. What you did was the worst thing you could have done for yourself and your wife. Do not let her stay away, time will be the final killer of your married life.
I had the best life ever, best wife (best friend I could ever have wanted), best family and you know what? It all crashed and went up in flames. Why? Because I was so fucking stupid. I failed to lie. I got caught...sorta. Instead of just telling a lie and fixing the problem, I was arrogant and figured she could deal with it. What the Hell was i thinking?&#33;? Not a day goes by I do not beat myself for what I have done.
I was born strange..I consider myself rather straight. My body responds to females but my head responds to males. I can not really explain it, probably a good thread for another time. At any rate, after my wife ditched my ass, I lived with a guy...decided I will be gay(was I naive or what?&#33;?). It was good but never the depth of love and history I had with my wife. Then I destroyed HIM by being caught with a female. Long story (God, you just do not know how long...) short, the person who was most destroyed was me. It did not have to be this way.
So, here I am, starting over, yet again. Have a great GF...she loves me much and all should be good....but it is not. My head is not there anymore and along with it, my heart. I feel empty, very little joy in my life. I have tried to fill it with endless sexual encounters of the strangest sort (having a big dick gets you invited to EVERY party, ha ha) but nothing works.
Fuck the honesty thing. If you love your wife, get your ass moving and fix it NOW. Simply the fact that you were born with the ability to respond to males sexually does not mean you have to short circuit your life. Before anyone tears me up about Iceman not being honest with his wife and how cruel he is to "hide"...face it, love means protecting the other from the harsh realities of life. Whatever they may be. Honesty has little to do with it.

One last thing..I am making the assumption that Iceman is bi...if he is gay and knows his destiny is with a man, then I think he probably did the right thing. If it is a sexual thing...strong desires for males but no real desire for domesticity then he needs to fix things with his wife...fast.

ok everybody...light your torches, pull out your clubs, flip your switch baldes... I am ready for the beating

[post=321475]Quoted post[/post]​

No beating from me. I have kids and grandkids but am 100% gay now. I was (and am) married. My wife learned about rather intense affairs I had with two men at two different times in two different cities. Our marriage was in shambles afterward, and we separated both times. We are back together now--with no sex. We don&#39;t talk about my orientation, but I am only having sex with men now. She must know, but we just don&#39;t discuss it....Like Clinton&#39;s, "Don&#39;t ask; don&#39;t tell." I do love my wife and kids. She is my best friend. If I were younger and had all to do over again, I would not have married. What I have done to her is unfair. She has been a great wife. But I cannot help this orientation. I almost believe that I am a sex addict. I have spent thousands with psychologists to try to change, and it just doesn&#39;t happen. Each of us in this bisexual hell has to figure out how to live with it. My wife and I are staying married and not talking about it. You wish you had lied and hidden it. Others tell their wives and accept the consequences. The good thing about today is that gay and bisexual people are more accepted than when I was young, so there are more options than staying in a closet. Good luck to you all.

 

[ashlar]

Originally posted by Bigintex@Jun 17 2005, 09:00 AM
Jeeze Iceman..
Wish I would have been able to stop you before you told her. Was your relationship good with your wife? If it was, it was a bad trade. If there is anyway to save it, do it...lie to her- whatever. This whole honesty thing is way over-rated and often hurtfull. I assume I will be fire-blasted by everybody on this board but, having been there, done that... I think I can be very honest here.
Let me tell you if there is ANY way to clean up what you have done, do it. You can always have dick on the side, you do not need to wreck your life to have it. What you did was the worst thing you could have done for yourself and your wife. Do not let her stay away, time will be the final killer of your married life.

...Snip

[post=321475]Quoted post[/post]​

Different things work for different people. I fail to see however how covering everything up with lies could make things better. Had she found out on her own, I reckon it would have been worse and she flat out would have divorced, and been able to take him for everything he had based upon adultery and mental abuse. In being honest, he&#39;s at least saved from that ... should it come to divorce.

If she did not find out and just bought the lie, than she would not have the full attention that she deserves and theres the potentual (gods forbid) that one day she could catch a disease because of his unsafe choices. That would be the worst case scenario I could imagine. If for that possability alone, she deserves to know.

Should it come to divorce .. there are always other fish in the sea. There are women who would be open to allowing their bisexual husband to have a relationship with a man on the side. It would be stupid and overly prideful for him, or youself, to think that your decisions would have no effect on his, or your, wife. There are simply too many things that could go horrably wrong. The woman in his life, and yours, deserve to know what sort of situation they are in, and they deserve the right to choose for themselvs if they can deal with it or not. If they can&#39;t, thats not his fault, or yours. It simply is what it is. In these days sexual relationships can be life and death matters, even with "safer sex". These are things that the women in your lives deserve to be informed of, you have NO RIGHT to make decisions for them.

I hope things work out for the best for yourself as well as iceman.

 

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by Bigintex@Jun 17 2005, 02:00 PM
Before anyone tears me up about Iceman not being honest with his wife and how cruel he is to "hide"...face it, love means protecting the other from the harsh realities of life. Whatever they may be. Honesty has little to do with it.

[post=321475]Quoted post[/post]​

Wow, reading your post really pulled at my "heart strings"

Anyway,
What I quoted above is so true in almost all relationships ( Friendships, marriage, family, etc......).

 

[Dr Rock]

Originally posted by alleyblu+Jun 17 2005, 05:01 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(alleyblu &#064; Jun 17 2005, 05:01 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Bigintex@Jun 17 2005, 02:00 PM
Before anyone tears me up about Iceman not being honest with his wife and how cruel he is to "hide"...face it, love means protecting the other from the harsh realities of life. Whatever they may be. Honesty has little to do with it.

[post=321475]Quoted post[/post]​

Wow, reading your post really pulled at my "heart strings"

[post=321527]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]
reading his post really pulled at my gag reflex.

 

[ashlar]

Originally posted by Dr Rock+Jun 17 2005, 01:57 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Dr Rock &#064; Jun 17 2005, 01:57 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'>

Originally posted by alleyblu@Jun 17 2005, 05:01 PM
<!--QuoteBegin-Bigintex

@Jun 17 2005, 02:00 PM
Before anyone tears me up about Iceman not being honest with his wife and how cruel he is to "hide"...face it, love means protecting the other from the harsh realities of life. Whatever they may be. Honesty has little to do with it.

[post=321475]Quoted post[/post]​

Wow, reading your post really pulled at my "heart strings"

[post=321527]Quoted post[/post]​

reading his post really pulled at my gag reflex.

[post=321561]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

I&#39;ve said it once, and i&#39;ll say it again.

Dr. Rock ... I love you.

*LOL*

 

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by Dr Rock+Jun 17 2005, 06:57 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Dr Rock &#064; Jun 17 2005, 06:57 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'>

Originally posted by alleyblu@Jun 17 2005, 05:01 PM
<!--QuoteBegin-Bigintex

@Jun 17 2005, 02:00 PM
Before anyone tears me up about Iceman not being honest with his wife and how cruel he is to "hide"...face it, love means protecting the other from the harsh realities of life.  Whatever they may be. Honesty has little to do with it.

[post=321475]Quoted post[/post]​

Wow, reading your post really pulled at my "heart strings"

[post=321527]Quoted post[/post]​

reading his post really pulled at my gag reflex.

[post=321561]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

I suppose the effect varies from person to person, so I can only speak from me. Bigintex, I thought your post was very moving.

 

[madame_zora]

Bigintex, I was on the other side of the lie, and I can attest to how hurtful it is. We had less sex than any two human beings I know, I gained 75 pounds, got depressed, and almost completely resigned from life. I didn&#39;t deserve that, no one does. If you feel justified in lying to a woman you claim to love, you are full of shit&#33; No, you don&#39;t owe it to your s/o to tell her every little detail of your life, but something that has this much potential to affect HER life, she has a right to know. She has every bit as much right as you to make her decision about what kind of life she wants, it&#39;s not all just about what you want. I hated being used as the best friend and confidant while meanwhile I was not seen as a sexual being at all, or one who was becomming more and more unwanted. It&#39;s a great feeling being rejected by your lover with no explaination&#33;

Yeah, I keep hearing about staying together for the kids, the long term realtionship, blah blah blah, but doesn&#39;t a person have a right to know what kind of relationship they are in? If YOU change the rules after the marriage is already in progress, YOU are the one who must suck it up and take the risks that it may or may not be a direction she&#39;s willing to follow, but just doing it an not letting her know could have devastating impact on her through the course of time that is cruel beyond measure.

 

[ashlar]

Right-o Jana.

Futhermore, if your lieing under the pretext of "protecting" someone, then really you could simply be causing more damage. If someone is being "protected" I think they have a right to know that A. They are being protected, and B. what they are being protected from.