Declaration of love: how did you react?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by titan1968, Feb 10, 2008.

  1. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    Has anyone told you that he/she loves you (e.g. in a letter)?

    How did you react (e.g. flattered, upset, angry)?

    Did you confront this person? If you ignored him/he, why?

    Your input is greatly appreciated. This thread is open to all members.
     
  2. prince_will

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    1: told me on Facebook through a message.

    2: overwhelimgly happy and flattered but also sad because she said this before she left for college. :(

    3: not really much of a confrontation for a couple of months, but we still remained friends and go out whenever she's here.
     
  3. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    e.g. means "for example." Now... is that what you meant your (e.g. in a letter) to mean? Or are you specifically thinking about someone confessing love in a letter?

    I've had people tell me they love me before. At least 13 or 14 females, including my sister, my mom, and my two grandmas. At least 2 males that I can recall, including my dad. But I think every one of those were in communication that occurred in real time, either in person (most of the time), over the phone or through IM.

    I've never had some secret crush spring a confession of love on me through a surprise letter, or a friend whom I had no clue was interested in me suddenly confess to having feelings... nothing like that. Every time I've heard someone tell me they love me it was something I would have expected them to say.

    I wouldn't ignore someone if they did do that. I think that's just plain shitty. I wouldn't be upset or angry, that's just plain stupid. I'd be flattered I'm sure, and depending on the content of the letter and who the person was I'd feel other things.
     
  4. biguy2738

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    Yes. Two experiences stand out in my mind.

    The first one happened in high school. I became good friends with a girl with learning disabilities - she was a real sweetheart.

    I was flattered but hurt as well. I related with her as a friend and nothing more. I knew that my answer would hurt her and possibly lead her to believe that it was because of her challenges (which wasn't the case).

    I didn't confront her. I rather went to our guidance counsellor to try to find out how to respond to her without hurting her or giving her a sense that there was something wrong with her ie that she didn't qualify to be loved by a man in the way that she deserved. She meant a lot to me...just not in THAT way. The counsellor offered to speak to her, which she did and gently broke the news to her, after which we had a talk about it and smoothed things over.

    The second instance took place last year. There was a girl at school that I fell for and remained in love with her throughout my high school years. She only wanted to be friends and we ended up being best friends to the extent where we were able to talk to each other about sex etc in an open and respectful manner. She also had a way of having real jerks as boyfriends. Anywhoo, she went back to her home country and we lost contact for a few years. Last year we were able to reconnect. I found out that she has since gotten divorced. She told me that she loves me, regrets not jumping at the opportunity to go out with me and wishes that it could now take place.

    I was flattered.

    I told her that I am flattered, however I am happily married and have no regrets with picking who I did to be my wife. I also pointed out that I have no doubt that in another day and time things would have been amazing. We're still very good and very close friends.
     
  5. Love-it

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    Every day that we are together though there were some rough times 20 years ago. When we met for the second time in the High Sierras we weren't apart for the next 6 months or so. I told people on the trail crew that I was going to marry this woman before I told her and even though she was already married at the time. We didn't express our love for each other in letters because we spent all day, every day, together for that 10 day tour. I wasn't surprised when she said she loved me.
     
  6. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I've never had the honor of receiving such a compliment.

    It's one thing I'd like to experience sometime in my life.

    I have said it to just one person though I have felt it for another. My feeling was not reciprocated in either instance.
     
  7. headbang8

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    Ditto. I think that one would need to be pretty insensitive if such an important subject came up out of the blue. Quite a few people have had a crush on me--which I find surprising--but it's pretty easy to nip that in the bud before it gets to an unwanted love-ultimatum.

    I recall one occasion where I had a pretty serious crush, and the crushed-upon made it clear, kindly, that the attention was flattering, but futile. Long before any I-Love-Yous entered the conversation.

    And if the feeling is mutual...well, no declaration is necessary. But reminders are.
     
  8. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    I wrote this thread because I went through this last year-- I wrote such a letter to someone I truly loved. Unfortunately, instead of bringing us closer, it drove us apart. The other person didn't even have the decency to respond, which I think is cruel-- I still can't understand why.... It's been several months now, and I'm trying to bring some closure. I thank you for sharing.
     
  9. Jovial

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    I don't know often you talked before that letter, but I imagine the person must not have known how to react and didn't know what to say. The days go by, then 1 week, 2 weeks, etc., then the person just figures it would look dumb to write you back or call you after all that time, so the person just ends up not responding.

    Also, based on how you are taking this, maybe the person was correct not too respond. Plenty of people turn into stalkers. Maybe no response would have satisfied you, and the person didn't want to have to keep explaining why the feeling wasn't mutual.

    So, I don't know if it's a matter of decency. Just try to get over it and move on.
     
  10. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    freak out and run
     
  11. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    You have a very good point.

    I am just terribly disappointed in him. If he didn't feel the same way about me, he should have said so-- I would have understood (it still would have hurt, but much less). In my opinion, it's better to speak one's mind (mature) than to run in order to save face (immature).

     
  12. rob_just_rob

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    Yes.

    Depended on the person. It's somewhat awkward when it's someone you don't feel the same way about.

    I can't imagine ignoring that kind of thing. If you don't feel the same way, it's an invitation to clear the air and nip things in the bud. If you do feel the same way, all well and good. If you're in between, you get to practice your tact and reassurance skills.
     
  13. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I used to get those little love notes from girls when I was a kid. I have gotten emails from people expressing their undying love but it was hard to know how honest the expression was. I think I'd rather hear it from the person themselves, and it's best when both parties feel the same way, otherwise hearts are going to break.
    :biggrin1:
     
  14. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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    it's been mostly women who have opened their hearts to me and have told me that they're in love with me. I felt flattered.

    With men, it's been me who's had to open the heart.
     
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