Dedicated relationship while being bicurious?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Stroking18, Oct 18, 2009.

  1. Stroking18

    Stroking18 New Member

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    So I'm only 19, I'm young and naive, blah blah blah I know.

    I've fortunately(or unfortunately) however you look at it, fallen deeply in love with my current gf. We have plans for the future and been going out for over a year.

    The only problem is that I've come to realize im bi-curious and would love to try messing around with a guy. I have no desire for a romantic relationship, but would like to try something.

    I would never cheat on my gf so that is not even close to an option.
    my gf also knows about me being slightly attracted to guys/bi curious.

    We've joked about 3somes and what not but she says its mostly just fantasy.

    I'm wondering if anyone has been in this situation before? I really want to be mess around with a guy but whats more important is respecting my significant others boundaries and being the best partner I can be.

    I'm not exactly sure how to bring this up with her, or if I even should? We have a mutual guy friend whos bisexual and has had threesomes before so maybe that could lead to do something.

    P.S. Before anyone else says it, yes I realize I'm 19 and I may not be with this girl forever, but at the moment we're working out near perfectly.

    Thanks for any advice as always LPSG'ers.
     
  2. Beanie

    Verified Gold Member

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    hey stroking, well iv got to say that you are dealing with this more maturely that one would usually expect from a usual 19 year old man, at that age the penis rule the head in these situations. i would also like to applaud you on your attitude towards your GR and your relationship, particularly your respect for your partner.

    right then lets get down to solving this well lets start off by saying you are no means alone, there are millions of guys out there who identify them selfs as bi but only want sex from a guy and a relationship with a girl.

    as far as where you go from here in exploring your bi curiosity i dont really know, but if your relationship with your GF is as strong as you say then i suggest that you sit her down and fully explain what you are feeling to her, basically explain it they way you did to us here. just tell her how you feel about her and the relationship and exactly how you feel towards guys and what you hope to do about it. at the very least she would understand you better and from understanding comes progress, who knows where itll lead...?
     
  3. biguy2738

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    Hey there Stroking

    Be warned, I tend to go encyclopedia in my posts...:eek::biggrin1:

    Before I say anything else, let it be known that I admire you for your openness towards your curiosity/urges; I think that it's great that you've been able to acknowledge it's presence inside of you. Added to which, I admire you even more for you openness and honesty with your girlfriend. You're in a situation that a lot of bi men would kill for; being in a relationship where there isn't the need to keep things hidden whilst grappling with a growing desire to "be" with other men. Good for you! :smile:

    I personally feel that there is a need for you to maintain your discussions with your girlfriend. Not with the intention of you attempting to sway her stance on things, but because I think that it will be helpful for the two of you (most especially you) if she is included in this part of your reality. I've spoken with enough partners of bi folk who find it hard to be in situations where their partners have made them aware of their attraction for me and for things to then grow silent, because they then have no idea of what's going on inside the head of the person...and before you know it, there are all sorts of insecurities.

    On your part, if you attempt to suppress things and bottle everything up, the pressure will build until the lid eventually blows. It stands to play out in one of two ways: either you will become angry and resentful to her, which won't be intentional but because human nature is human nature or else you'll come to a place where your urges will be come so strong that you'll act out on them with or without her consent and/or knowledge. ...and before you point out that you have no intention of cheating on her, let me tell you that based on my bi journey and having had the opportunity to hear about the journeys of others, the one thing that I have learnt is to never say "never". :rolleyes:

    You've got such a good handle on things and you've approached everything so responsibly and constructively, I have no doubt that you'll come up with the best approach. The only advice that I can offer is, "don't stop talking".

    I've journeyed as a bisexual man for the past two and a half years or so and I can tell you that difficult, embarrassing and sometimes, downright scary as my initial talks with my wife were, they now take place with ease and are part of our everyday life. Before even being given permission to have relationships with men, this openness in our relationship is the biggest gift that she could have given me and in the process, we also have grown so much closer because of it.

    Let me also point out that I realised that I'm bi after being with my wife for about 8 years (of which we'd been married for 4). When I came out to her, she wasn't only very insecure but she was also adamant that she refused to ever share me with a man. I accepted and respected her stance; when she married me, she believed that I was straight. Much as this was unintentional on my part, she was however in that situation because of me...so I had no right to place demands before her. The best that I could do was to get as much of what I was experiencing in my heart and mind, out there...in an attempt to make her feel secure and because I knew that talking about it with her would help me to deal with things properly. If someone was to have told me that I'd be in the kind of situation that I am today, I would never have believed it. I'm not saying that talking to your girlfriend will lead to the same result as me, but I can tell you that from my own experience, keeping the channel of communication open is very helpful...and on so many levels.

    All of the best!
     
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