Depression and aniexty

[Mcwhorter13]

I'm hoping there is someone else out there, going through the same shit I have been, and can maybe offer some advice, tips or just an ear to listen.
My depression has gotten a lot worse this year and most days I want to give up. I've been on every depression medicine known to man over the last 15 + years, therapy a few times over the past few years, but has been no help and made me give up on it.
My backstory, I worked in home health care for almost nine years and loved it, but recently I lost all three of my long term clients, and two of their dogs, in a year.
I quit the day I found my last one dead in the bathroom. I took each loss very hard and still not doing well. I lost the last to in a month, one on my birthday. Even though they were sick and older, I didn't expect them to be gone so quickly.
I have tried to mourn them, cry often, think about and remember them fondly, but i just feel so alone now.
I haven't worked since may, and i have no desire to go back to taking care of anyone, but i cant find a decent job that i would enjoy and love as much.
I guess I feel like I'm having an ideinty problem because I've always been a caregiver, taking care of others. I don't know what else I can do. I'm not sleeping, and when I do get sleep I am in bed all day and up all night. I live with a family member who I don't get along with so I hide in my room until he leaves or goes to bed on a different level of the house.
I have had an out of state relative offer to let me stay with them but at this point I just think I'm a burden and not in the right frame of mind to move. That was been the dream for many years though and I know it will help me...but I feel so much guilt even leaving my mom,who has been my best friend forever, has been sick and home bound for years.
I would love to go back to therapy, but the place I've been to has made me want to just work on myself instead of going to back. I've lost all my faith in my DR, the medical field, because all they want to do is put me on more meds and make me come back and just talk for a few minutes and it dosen't feel like its worth it and that they don't care.
The only thing that helps a little, gives my mind and mood relief has been weed, and I was never big on smoking.
I just feel so lost and alone, It is impossible to date where I live, and no one is ever really interested in me anyway. All my friends have moved out of state and most starting families, or to busy, so I never hear from them.
I don't mean to post so much, and most likely no one will even reply, but I just wanted to get all this off my mind and maybe some strangers perspectives because all I have is my mom and she never criticizes and I wonder if I need someone more blunt to help motivate me.
I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

 

[Throat Pudd-n-]

Good morning,
I hope that this finds you well. I’ve been in a very similar situation as you write about.
It may sound odd, but I found comfort in listening to “I Look to You” - Whitney Huston.
May you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and that there are others that care about you. Stay well.

 

[jo12345t]

I’ve been in a similar spot after losing people close to me, and it really does knock the wind out of you and make you question who you are without that role. What helped me a little was starting tiny routines just to break the cycle, going for short walks, keeping a journal, even cooking something simple so I didn’t stay stuck in bed all day. I also get what you’re saying about therapy feeling useless, I went through a couple of bad fits before I finally found someone who actually listened, so sometimes it’s just about trying a different place or even a group setting. As for moving in with your relative, I’d seriously consider it, fresh surroundings can help more than you think, and your mom would probably want you to take care of yourself first instead of carrying all that guilt. It doesn’t fix everything overnight, but little steps do add up.

 

[MeatStickSupreme]

Hey man, I'm struggling with depression and anxiety too. It can be hard. Really hard. The hardest battle most people will probably face. Depression affects your brain. And thats where you live. How you think, how you feel, how you see the world. Depression affects all of it. Its like those glasses in the movie They Live. You see things in a way that others dont and it can be hard to escape that.

Which is why its important to know that things *can* get better. I know you cant see it right now. But they can. I think the move would help a lot. It'll be a lot of hassle in the initial phases but a change of scenery can do you a lot of good especially because it shows you that life isnt fixed. Things in your life can change. Finding a new doc, therapist and support network may be good too. I know you feel guilty about leaving your mom but you have to take care of yourself too. You deserve that, just like your mom, just like the people you take care of. *You deserve to be taken care of.*

 

[Rawian]

I'm hoping there is someone else out there, going through the same shit I have been, and can maybe offer some advice, tips or just an ear to listen.
My depression has gotten a lot worse this year and most days I want to give up. I've been on every depression medicine known to man over the last 15 + years, therapy a few times over the past few years, but has been no help and made me give up on it.
My backstory, I worked in home health care for almost nine years and loved it, but recently I lost all three of my long term clients, and two of their dogs, in a year.
I quit the day I found my last one dead in the bathroom. I took each loss very hard and still not doing well. I lost the last to in a month, one on my birthday. Even though they were sick and older, I didn't expect them to be gone so quickly.
I have tried to mourn them, cry often, think about and remember them fondly, but i just feel so alone now.
I haven't worked since may, and i have no desire to go back to taking care of anyone, but i cant find a decent job that i would enjoy and love as much.
I guess I feel like I'm having an ideinty problem because I've always been a caregiver, taking care of others. I don't know what else I can do. I'm not sleeping, and when I do get sleep I am in bed all day and up all night. I live with a family member who I don't get along with so I hide in my room until he leaves or goes to bed on a different level of the house.
I have had an out of state relative offer to let me stay with them but at this point I just think I'm a burden and not in the right frame of mind to move. That was been the dream for many years though and I know it will help me...but I feel so much guilt even leaving my mom,who has been my best friend forever, has been sick and home bound for years.
I would love to go back to therapy, but the place I've been to has made me want to just work on myself instead of going to back. I've lost all my faith in my DR, the medical field, because all they want to do is put me on more meds and make me come back and just talk for a few minutes and it dosen't feel like its worth it and that they don't care.
The only thing that helps a little, gives my mind and mood relief has been weed, and I was never big on smoking.
I just feel so lost and alone, It is impossible to date where I live, and no one is ever really interested in me anyway. All my friends have moved out of state and most starting families, or to busy, so I never hear from them.
I don't mean to post so much, and most likely no one will even reply, but I just wanted to get all this off my mind and maybe some strangers perspectives because all I have is my mom and she never criticizes and I wonder if I need someone more blunt to help motivate me.
I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

I’m here if you need to sound off privately. I struggle still after losing my stepmother 8 years ago. My meds are much reduced but hang in there. You probably are helping someone-else although you don’t know it yet

 

[flatiron]

Hey dude, nice to meet you, and thanks for sharing your feelings and words.

I’d love to be able to say ‘I feel your pain’, but I reckon everyone’s pain is different, so I won’t. Instead, I’ll say I think I can empathise. I too have struggled with these twin demons: depression for about the last decade, and anxiety (in one form or another) for probably my entire life. When depression hit me, I didn’t actually know what it was, and as I spiralled, my partner at the time left me (we’d been together for ten years) which made everything so much worse. I lost a lot – my partner, my house, my cats, and way too many friends.

I know about the self-medicating side of things – for you, it’s weed; for me, it’s wine – and I’m gonna have to find a way to wean myself off the crutch of alcohol because I’m in the process of doubling my dose of meds. I hate that I need to be medicated, but I think I’m resigned to the fact that I’ll need to take them for the rest of my life. I’m trying to find the right medication that minimises the side-effects … some of these pills are cold-blooded erection-killers.

I saw a psychiatrist for the first time in my life last week and it was the conversation I needed to have. It’s helping me begin to understand that I was born with a slightly different chemical balance in my brain – or maybe the imbalance developed over time. I’m tired of ‘working on myself’, so I definitely hear you. I’ve spent a decade ‘working on myself’, and while it’s been valuable and worthwhile in many ways, no amount of extra effort is ever gonna make my brain ‘normal’ again. I used to see a psychologist who kept encouraging me to practice mindfulness. I’m sure it's a good thing to do if you’re in the right headspace, but when you’re not, I found it an incredibly frustrating thing to do.

I really hope you’re making some progress. Eat good food, stay hydrated, get some sunshine, find absorbing hobbies that you can focus on, and value your friends and connections. I know sometimes those things aren’t easy. They sound simple as fuck, but sometimes, just going outside to sit on a park bench can feel like the hardest thing in the world. I also know the ‘I’m a burden’ feeling all too well, and when you’re stuck in a hole, it’s a very compelling thought. Hopefully you’ve climbed up and out a bit, even just so far as to realise that you’re not a burden, that people love you, and that they want to help you, even though they might not be sure how to.

Send me a message if you’d like to

 

[LetsPlayxxx]

I'm hoping there is someone else out there, going through the same shit I have been, and can maybe offer some advice, tips or just an ear to listen.
My depression has gotten a lot worse this year and most days I want to give up. I've been on every depression medicine known to man over the last 15 + years, therapy a few times over the past few years, but has been no help and made me give up on it.
My backstory, I worked in home health care for almost nine years and loved it, but recently I lost all three of my long term clients, and two of their dogs, in a year.
I quit the day I found my last one dead in the bathroom. I took each loss very hard and still not doing well. I lost the last to in a month, one on my birthday. Even though they were sick and older, I didn't expect them to be gone so quickly.
I have tried to mourn them, cry often, think about and remember them fondly, but i just feel so alone now.
I haven't worked since may, and i have no desire to go back to taking care of anyone, but i cant find a decent job that i would enjoy and love as much.
I guess I feel like I'm having an ideinty problem because I've always been a caregiver, taking care of others. I don't know what else I can do. I'm not sleeping, and when I do get sleep I am in bed all day and up all night. I live with a family member who I don't get along with so I hide in my room until he leaves or goes to bed on a different level of the house.
I have had an out of state relative offer to let me stay with them but at this point I just think I'm a burden and not in the right frame of mind to move. That was been the dream for many years though and I know it will help me...but I feel so much guilt even leaving my mom,who has been my best friend forever, has been sick and home bound for years.
I would love to go back to therapy, but the place I've been to has made me want to just work on myself instead of going to back. I've lost all my faith in my DR, the medical field, because all they want to do is put me on more meds and make me come back and just talk for a few minutes and it dosen't feel like its worth it and that they don't care.
The only thing that helps a little, gives my mind and mood relief has been weed, and I was never big on smoking.
I just feel so lost and alone, It is impossible to date where I live, and no one is ever really interested in me anyway. All my friends have moved out of state and most starting families, or to busy, so I never hear from them.
I don't mean to post so much, and most likely no one will even reply, but I just wanted to get all this off my mind and maybe some strangers perspectives because all I have is my mom and she never criticizes and I wonder if I need someone more blunt to help motivate me.
I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

Yes and yes…

 

[Rawian]

Good morning,
I hope that this finds you well. I’ve been in a very similar situation as you write about.
It may sound odd, but I found comfort in listening to “I Look to You” - Whitney Huston.
May you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone and that there are others that care about you. Stay well.

Yes, even through my stepmothers funeral I repeated Celine singing “the show must go on”. And now 9 years later, a heck of alot of brandy I still return to the song. The pain doesn’t go, just softens. I believe there’s a fear that if we don’t feel the pain, we feel guilt. But never feel you are a burden. We help each other; consciously or other-ways

 

[ItalianStal]

You are not alone.
Depression and anxiety are some of the worst state of mind one can have.
Last year i lost a former friend (we grew apart over time) to an overdose and it set me on an emotional life crisis. On social media and the few times we would run into each other , this person was full of life and energy. Behind the scenes, was struggling. I felt guilty for not being ther. I began over eating, not sleeping, and found no joy in tasks that once made me happy. I didn’t enjoy any holidays ; was in a constant state of turmoil and began questioning everything. I began panicking over what if scenarios and focusing on things that can’t even be controlled.

finally I had to accept I needed help when I contemplated ending it all because the pain and fear wouldn’t stop.

What I learned in my journey since then - was ask for help and you are worthy of happiness. You are never alone.

 

[Ymoon19]

Hello, today is my bday, yeah, uum I'm in the middle of my 20s, Latin and still live with my parents and I haven't told them that I'm gay, I knew when I was 11 (because of three YouTube videos , I was in shock but it didn't disgust me tho) or even younger because I've always drawn Dinsey princesses and also had mermaid coloring books uumm sometimes I get depressed but I'm still afraid if I told them, probably my mom would get used to it and moms of course have this instinct about us because they know when we are sad about my dad's he's almost 70, he almost god a heart attack, if he learns about this, I don't know how they'll react... Gay or bi guys, If someone wants to DM me on here or send your insta to talk you know, I'll be happy

PS: English is not my second language but I heard guys love ESL guys

 

[Ymoon19]

Hello, today is my bday, yeah, uum I'm in the middle of my 20s, Latin and still live with my parents and I haven't told them that I'm gay, I knew when I was 11 (because of three YouTube videos , I was in shock but it didn't disgust me tho) or even younger because I've always drawn Dinsey princesses and also had mermaid coloring books uumm sometimes I get depressed but I'm still afraid if I told them, probably my mom would get used to it and moms of course have this instinct about us because they know when we are sad about my dad's he's almost 70, he almost god a heart attack, if he learns about this, I don't know how they'll react... Gay or bi guys, If someone wants to DM me on here or send your insta to talk you know, I'll be happy

PS: English is not my second language but I heard guys love ESL guys

If someone wants to chat with me, I'd love to hear from you...

 

[JBD_Mikk]

I hear you - and as someone who has also occasionally battled anxiety and depression, I can't offer a magic solution, but I can sympathize - and at least try to share what's worked for me. The first (and for me the most important) is exercise - indeed, when I started gym workouts about 8 years ago, it was in part as an alternative to a trial of anxiety medication. It also forces me out the door, which is always better than lingering at home.

The second is nutrition, and making sure I'm not deficient in any vitamins. In the winter, Vitamin D supplements definitely seem to boost my mood, and I sometimes supplement with Zinc and Magnesium if I feel draggy.

While I haven't worked as a caregiver, I've been in a similar position - doing various odd jobs for a number of older people who have since passed. I've found that depression and anxiety can put me in a downward spiral where I don't feel up to serving the needs of other people, but at the same time knowing that's where my greatest joy comes from - and that invariably, retreating too far inward only makes my depression worse.

If working as a caregiver has given you joy, is there any opportunity for similar work that might be a bit less 1-on-1 than home care, such as in a senior's residence? As hard as it is to lose the people we care for, that might at least connect you with more people who you wouldn't lose all at once.

 

[OlliestronI]

Losing people you care for and then feeling like your purpose is gone hits hard. Some nights I’d just sit in my room, scrolling through things that made me laugh or distracted me, even for a few minutes. I stumbled on www.smokeday.com once just browsing their vaporizers and glass pipes, and it gave me a tiny lift, just a moment to breathe and feel a little normal.

 

[rbi99]

You mentioned two dogs that died. I am happily married with two amazing grown children and their wonderful kids. That said, my association with my dog(s) is what brings me my most constant joy. Long hikes in the woods, car rides just for the sake of driving around knowing my dog loves them. You are clearly a caring person, and a dog will reward you a hundred times over for that care. Waking up to something like this each day, how could it not make you smile and feel a little more alive?

 

[LetsPlayxxx]

Whats the point of trying these days

 

[luca2471]

Whats the point of trying these days

I`m sorry you feel like that.

 

[LetsPlayxxx]

I`m sorry you feel like that.

Thank you. I should be grateful. I am

 

[luca2471]

Thank you. I should be grateful. I am

Just feel what you feel when you feel it.