Depression sucks

[palakaorion]

I've battled and quieted the depression/anxiety monster twice so far. Both times were situational triggers. Both times meds were part of my arsenal.

I learned enough tricks and skills in those battles that when I lost my wife, I of course grieved my loss, but didn't slip all the way into those "whale shit at the bottom of the ocean" lows like before.

When I feel one of those episodes approach, I give myself license to wallow for a day. Then it's back to my life. So far it's kept me off the ocean floor.

 

[uncut7in]

Depression robbed me of my 20s - I wasn't well enough to live away on my own, so my sex life was non-existent. Fortunately things improved in my 30s, with my own place, my first boyfriend, and plenty of casual sex. At 70 I'm getting more sex than ever, though I still regret those lost years.

 

[BigBadWolf84]

A

Depression robbed me of my 20s - I wasn't well enough to live away on my own, so my sex life was non-existent. Fortunately things improved in my 30s, with my own place, my first boyfriend, and plenty of casual sex. At 70 I'm getting more sex than ever, though I still regret those lost years.

And it sucks that you can't get those years back. But at the same time, you have to keep walking forward and do your best. Even though I'm a lone wolf, I have been able to hang out with a few friends. My sex life is fine. It's just that I don't want an actual TRUE relationship because I feel cursed in that area. Maybe I'll break it one day, but until then I'm keeping my distance.

 

[headbang8]

When I feel one of those episodes approach, I give myself license to wallow for a day. Then it's back to my life. So far it's kept me off the ocean floor.

You know, it took me years to give myself the license to do this.

There are times where the small rituals of everyday life help you, where work can distract you, where you keep your foot on the gas and barrel on through.

But you always know when it's time simply to give yourself a break.

Those times when you acknowledge that depression is an illness; you'd no more be expected to soldier on than to walk on a broken leg before it heals.

I felt a lot like uncut7in (or at least how I imagine he felt) in my 20s. If I wasn't addressing depression, doing something about it, I felt I was making myself worse. I beat myself up for being depressed, which just made it worse. Self care, rest, and solitude without deliberate isolation seemed like doing nothing to help myself.

Of course, that's far from the truth. I was sick—not bad or lazy or weak. The brain is an organ; emotions and moods are organic. Without giving your emotions peace and space, you'll run them into the ground.

 

[rtg]

It's just that I don't want an actual TRUE relationship because I feel cursed in that area. Maybe I'll break it one day, but until then I'm keeping my distance.

I know exactly how you feel.... I’ve been battling both anxiety and depression demons for over 15 years. I too would always tell myself that I was cursed and that nothing would ever work out for me relationship wise. However, I’ve finally found someone who doesn’t make my symptoms worse and accepts me when I do have my dark days and irrational thoughts.

What I’m saying is that even though it seems pointless to you now, that there is still hope. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. Sometimes you need to just get out of your own way too and let things happen and try not to self-sabotage (even tho it might be subconscious, try to pick up the signs early).

CBT with my psychologist worked wonders for me and she helped me through so many dark times. I hope that you can find the same.

 

[BigBadWolf84]

I know exactly how you feel.... I’ve been battling both anxiety and depression demons for over 15 years. I too would always tell myself that I was cursed and that nothing would ever work out for me relationship wise. However, I’ve finally found someone who doesn’t make my symptoms worse and accepts me when I do have my dark days and irrational thoughts.

What I’m saying is that even though it seems pointless to you now, that there is still hope. I know it sounds cliche but it’s true. Sometimes you need to just get out of your own way too and let things happen and try not to self-sabotage (even tho it might be subconscious, try to pick up the signs early).

CBT with my psychologist worked wonders for me and she helped me through so many dark times. I hope that you can find the same.

Thank you for the kind words. I'm still keeping some little light of hope inside of my soul. Ever since my best friend's death many years ago, I've become more of a loner than I ever was. I started to fall in love with her but it was too late and lost her to a car accident. Next month is the anniversary of that night so it's gonna be very hard not to think about her.

 

[rtg]

Thank you for the kind words. I'm still keeping some little light of hope inside of my soul. Ever since my best friend's death many years ago, I've become more of a loner than I ever was. I started to fall in love with her but it was too late and lost her to a car accident. Next month is the anniversary of that night so it's gonna be very hard not to think about her.

You’re welcome. I’m so sorry about your friend and for what you’ve had to go through and are still going through. I can’t say that I relate so I’m not going to offer any empty advice. However, have you tried guided meditation? I listen to it a lot as I’m going to sleep and I’ve seen a number of ones about grief and loss. So maybe that might help a bit with the grieving process. You can listen to them free on YouTube.

 

[BigBadWolf84]

You’re welcome. I’m so sorry about your friend and for what you’ve had to go through and are still going through. I can’t say that I relate so I’m not going to offer any empty advice. However, have you tried guided meditation? I listen to it a lot as I’m going to sleep and I’ve seen a number of ones about grief and loss. So maybe that might help a bit with the grieving process. You can listen to them free on YouTube.

Oh yeah, I definitely meditate and it's one of the few things that work. Practiced martial arts for years now and I picked up meditation along the way. I always feel a great deal better after a session.

 

[palakaorion]

Next month is the anniversary of that night so it's gonna be very hard not to think about her.

Thinking about her isn't a bad thing. Moving forward isn't forgetting and isn't betraying her.

Take control and turn that day into [HerName] Remembrance Day. If you're able, take that day off and do things that honor her, or that honor your memory of her.

 

[BigBadWolf84]

Thinking about her isn't a bad thing. Moving forward isn't forgetting and isn't betraying her.

Take control and turn that day into [HerName] Remembrance Day. If you're able, take that day off and do things that honor her, or that honor your memory of her.

I apologize, I meant to say that not "thinking of her death" was gonna be hard. You're right, I have to remember the good times with her instead. I'm visiting her grave when the time comes.

 

[FastNHard]

I totally hear you. I've had some form of it myself at least half if not 3/4 my life. It doesn't get better on it's own. I'm going to get acupuncture here in a couple weeks to see if that helps. I know for me talking it out doesn't work.

 

[BigBadWolf84]

I totally hear you. I've had some form of it myself at least half if not 3/4 my life. It doesn't get better on it's own. I'm going to get acupuncture here in a couple weeks to see if that helps. I know for me talking it out doesn't work.

For me, the key is to keep it at bay. Keep that dark beast locked in the cage. You can never destroy it permanently; only find ways to suppress it within you. And there are plenty of ways. I'm feeling fine today but it can creep up on me at any moment.