So there is mutual attraction with a guy and you're ready to start a relationship with him, from your point of view:
- What do you desire from this relatioship - the things that motivate you?
- What do you expect from your man? - the things he can do or provide that motivate you to continue making an effort to build the relationship.
- Do you feel that you are entitled to something in return, simply because you are a woman and willing to offer yourself to the man, emotionally and sexually?
Please answer as honestly as possible, thanks!
1. What I desire from the hypothetical relationship, should a relationship develop from this mutual attraction, is good communication and ultimately, a soul laid bare. Also, respect, kindness, curiosity, exploration, learning together. A nice sexual interaction with each other. The thing that motivates me would be mostly mental and it would have to go deep if I'm going to have any kind of honest opening up with someone. There's a passage in an F. Scott Fitzgerald short story called The Rich Boy. I feel like it sums it up quite nicely for me.
"Begin with an individual, and before you know it you find that you have created a type; begin with a type, and you find that you have created—nothing. That is because we are all queer fish, queerer behind our faces and voices than we want any one to know or than we know ourselves. When I hear a man proclaiming himself an 'average, honest, open fellow,' I feel pretty sure that he has some definite and perhaps terrible abnormality which he has agreed to conceal—and his protestation of being average and honest and open is his way of reminding himself of his misprision."
I need to get at the painful parts, the deep parts, because if I don't then I'm not truly in a relationship. It's just another way for me to be a cold, dead shell of a human because honestly? Emotional shit scares the ever loving fuck out of me. I need the calm acceptance and quiet space to slowly ever so slowly crack myself out of that hard case that is my constant guard.
2. What do I expect from my partner. Nonjudgment. The best I can hope for is someone who just accepts me for me, and I them, and we work on being better together. I'm tired of all this motherfucking pressure that seems to come from the vast majority of people. I don't know about you, but I feel like I feel nothing at all myself, but pick up on everything else others are feeling all the time. It's tiresome. I just want peace and quiet.
3. Do I feel entitled to something just because I am a woman. I don't even get this question. No. I guess my answer is no. Just because I am a woman? I can't even fathom.
