Desparate

[johnjacobs]

A great portion of my time outside work and whatever is mostly spent looking at porn. I have no interest in porn when I am sexually satisfied so I know it's not an addiction. But I have no girlfriend and all the girls I want to date have boyfriends or don't seem very interested in me, so naturally porn is my relief but not even so much. I look at porn and it's like "okay, I need the real thing!"

I have confided in friends and they were surprised to hear my story of desperation. My initial thinking has been that I look desperate but apparently not even though I desperately am.

In finding a girlfriend I don't think I'm going out of my realm of possibility. A few friends joke that I am and it has made me start to think I'm not as good looking as I have been told.

The other side of it is that I've showed examples of girls, via google search, of who I want physically. My girl friends think they're gross but my guys friends, selectively-some do some don't, would bang 'em all!

I do have a penchant for super models looking girls that get down n' dirty, ala Sophia Rossi and the such, but seriously I just need something to fuck!

Any one have any suggestions?!>

 

[Dave NoCal]

My suggestion is you need to learn more about relationships.

 

[D_Carl_Colossal]

I believe that the first step towards achieving any goal is to first intensively analyze the situation and then comprise a list of steps that you should (probably) take in order to reach said goals. For instance:

If your aim is to pick up a lil' lady or a nice guy then instead of fantasizing about it and watching porn, immerse yourself into the local gathering spots, possibly with a trusty wingman. People are attracted to confidence, so I'd say bust out some acting skills and try to seem less desperate than you actually feel-- keeping in mind the best relationships are built upon honesty and not a facade. Additionally, you might wanna stop watching porn for a bit as it may distort what some believe to be "common" features.

Don't get caught in a rut, my friend! The world is a beautiful place filled with nice, beautiful people just waiting to meet you! Much Luck!

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

I do have a penchant for super models looking girls that get down n' dirty, ala Sophia Rossi and the such, but seriously I just need something to fuck!

Any one have any suggestions?!>

With the best will in the world & not wishing to sound offensive - get a reality check!

First off, if this is what you're holding out for, you're going to remain desperate for a very, very long time. It is out of your realm of possibility (& everyone else's too). Second, how do you know these single girls aren't interested? Third, if this is the case:

but seriously I just need something to fuck!

Get a blow up doll or a fleshlight.

Stop watching porn; go and interact with real women in the real world!

Good luck!

 

[rtg]

You kinda sound like this guy I used to be friends with (but I could be wrong). Now, he was a good looking guy and he really wanted sex and a gf...but he spent most of his time watching porn. He wasn't addicted to it either, he just loved it cos he was a horny guy.

From watching so much porn, he became so obsessed with the types of girls in the porn industry - that it appeared that he only wanted that type of woman. So became much too fussy and had a unrealistic view of what a woman should look like, act, and what type of woman he can 'pull'. And he had only ever had sex once..so when he expected sex with a woman, he thought that they would all perform like porn stars.

This also made him much too obsessed with sex, and he always failed when talking to girls cos that's what the conversation would ultimately swing back to. Girls don't want to hear that when you first meet them at a bar.

And every time I would hang out with him he would try and get me to touch his cock, even though I always said no.

So what should you do? Here's just a few simple things: probably not be so fussy; try to appreciate a woman for who she is first and value her, don't make her feel like an object; don't let your face and actions show that you're desperate to get laid, try and keep the snake at bay for a little while at least; don't act like a sleaze or a player; and keep a realistic view on what real women look like!

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

So what should you do? Here's just a few simple things: probably not be so fussy; try to appreciate a woman for who she is first and value her, don't make her feel like an object; don't let your face and actions show that you're desperate to get laid, try and keep the snake at bay for a little while at least; don't act like a sleaze or a player; and keep a realistic view on what real women look like!

You're very kind & constructive, rtg.

 

[jameshawket]

I agree with the first reply that you need to learn more abour relationships. Additionally, I agree that you could use some help in learning how to talk to women and get away from the porn.

This is just the psych major inside of me, but I'm a huge advocate for therapy, whether that be solo or group. To me it doesn't seem like you need individual therapy, but, there are hundreds of group therapy sessions for super cheap, or even free relationship groups you could go to.

It, to me, seems like you could get the best help if you could be in a group of people who could experience you through these feelings of desperation you have, you can bounce ideas off of them, get feedback, and even be able to see how others experience you. That may be the most helpful thing for you.

Reading a few responses on a forum isn't going to help you, it's just not, not unless you're bound and determined to make every single possible change that's presented to you. Cutting porn out isn't going to help either, neither will reading about how to be in relationships, or getting advice from your friends.

What you're doing now obviously isn't working for you. You're just getting the same responses each time. Going into a group setting where there will be no judgment, and a chance to see yourself as others see you, as well as gain some corrective experiences which will not only help you in the short run, but aid you for life, as well as give you something you've maybe never gotten before.

Good luck.

 

[someperson]

I have confided in friends and they were surprised to hear my story of desperation. My initial thinking has been that I look desperate but apparently not even though I desperately am.

Most women find desperation a turn off

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

It, to me, seems like you could get the best help if you could be in a group of people who could experience you through these feelings of desperation you have, you can bounce ideas off of them, get feedback, and even be able to see how others experience you. That may be the most helpful thing for you.

I have never, despite trying hard over the years, been able to fathom the US predilection for therapy at the drop of a hat. Here in the Old World, our friends would point out that we were being an eegit and tell us to get a grip. They would take us out &, beyond the age of 17, refuse to listen to the rubbish we had to spout about shagging porn starlets.

Perhaps some group therapy would help johnjacobs acquire a respect for and understanding of women that he has yet to develop. Of course, there are those who might argue that this may amount to a period of self-indulgent navel gazing, when he could more usefully be out there, interacting with real women & discovering that the other half of the species is substantially more interesting, and offers a much richer experience of life, than the reconstructed humping machine he hankers after.

 

[avg_joe]

female body inspectors.

 

[Zorgolio]

While I've never been quite as attached to porn as the OP (except perhaps in my teen years), I did once find myself in a situation similar to his. I have struggled (and am still struggling) to tear myself away from such a life and I feel that I have made good progress. There is still a long way to go, though.

I feel that a lot of the replies to this thread contain good advice and I'm glad to see such helpfulness. It's given me more to think about (or brood on).

While I'm afraid that I can't add more help, since I'm shit at this kind of thing, I can agree with most replies here and add my voice in that manner. As a european I can also agree with Zyz that americans are very quick to run to therapists as soon as some kind of issue crops up.

Oh, I feel that I should add that you (the OP) really need to re-evaluate your standards. Porn actresses and actors are not "real people" as such. You can't expect the people you will meet in your life to look, act and fuck like them. To think so will only lead to dissapointment.

 

[redneckgymrat]

I do have a penchant for super models looking girls that get down n' dirty, ala Sophia Rossi and the such, but seriously I just need something to fuck!

Any one have any suggestions?!>

Actually, you've already answered your own question. Look at what you said...

"I do have a penchant for super models..."
"I just need something to fuck!"

Any change will need to come from within you, so let's address that.

You like super models. Fine. Each guy has his preferences, and that's all well and good. But, by your own admission, you've been holding off for the perfect woman, and this isn't working for you.

You need something to fuck. An interesting wording, as it doesn't even specify a *woman* but only some-thing. I'll second the suggestion for a toy, like the doll or the fleshlight, if that would satisfy you.

And, here comes the part that is most likely going to be helpful. Or, at least I hope it helps you.

The disturbing part of your message is this...you say you want to date, and that you are desperate to be sexually active, but that the only girls you like are already taken, and so you choose to remain celibate?

You're desperate for sex, but you're celibate. Hmmm.

Take a step back, and ask yourself this question. Is your celibacy really your choice? Be honest... You, choosing to be celibate, is *very* different from you, unable to hook up. And, each would require a different solution.

There are entire communities (and even industries) that are designed to provide casual and even anonymous sex, between consenting adults. If you're *truly* as desperate as you say, why have you not availed yourself of these resources?

Desperate is a very extreme word.