Desperate call for help..(relationship gone wrong)

[aztechx]

he was obviously talking about the sex..i shouldnt have been so direct asking him to actually come for sex..might have freaked him out too much..dammit..i didnt expect things to come to these after all that has happened in the past few days..

i dont even know what to say to him..whether i should convince him to continue doing it or whatever..i dont know..

 

[B_Nick8]

Of, for the love of god.
YouTube - Here We Go Again

 

[aztechx]

i wonder why do u even reply..

btw,im still disappointed by his decision although i know ill have to respect it..i hope i can convince him to continue with what we have but i dont know how or what to say..met him just now..he was quite cold..so i texted him later saying things are going to be normal after these..he seemed to loosen up afterwards..but havent met him face to face yet..

i still want the sex..and i sure he does too..lets face it,he enjoyed what i did..i just dont see why he should have any reason to be cold to me just because he suddenly has a change of heart..he will still have to come to me for the edited photos..dont know if he will be ok or anything..noe even sure if i should try to touch him..

 

[B_Nick8]

i wonder why do u even reply..

I'm gonna apologize for that last post.

 

[B_Hamadim]

I'm gonna apologize for that last post.

Good boy

 

[Florida Boy]

Your last post was very sad. So, you have one future program meeting. After that, you are both on your own. It is a new day, and you are a different person and so is he. Don't search, and to that last opportunity to touch him.

At this point, you are bigger than that. After that, leave it entirely up to him. Do not accept his passive availability as an overt move for affection. Only consider sex with him on terms as equals.

Good luck on the success of your project.

 

[aztechx]

Your last post was very sad. So, you have one future program meeting. After that, you are both on your own. It is a new day, and you are a different person and so is he. Don't search, and to that last opportunity to touch him.

At this point, you are bigger than that. After that, leave it entirely up to him. Do not accept his passive availability as an overt move for affection. Only consider sex with him on terms as equals.

Good luck on the success of your project.

u mind elaborating the on the bold sentences?kinda lost at the moment..

 

[aztechx]

i met him today at a morning lecture..a replacement class..had to force things as usual before things became casual..he seemed unsure at first whether to talk right to me or not..even hesitated on sitting near me..talked some light topics..forced him to say things and he slowly opened up again..went for breakfast with him and another guy after that..he could laugh with me but still appeared slightly uncomfortable

turned out he took a ride on the guys motorcycle to come to class since he doesnt have his car for what reason i dont know..normally he would just call me for a ride..but not today..dont mind that but just thought it means something..

after breakfast he wanted to come over to get the pics..but since the other guy will be around as well,and billy would have to follow him back later..i said i was busy..i know it was selfish of me..but this might be my last chance to say or do anything in private with him..i didnt want to rush things the way things would if he came with the guy..

i still dont know if i should say anything about the whole thing..havent said anything since yesterday..about the sex..i just dont know what to say..telling him ill be always open for him to come back would sound pathetic,although i already am in that state now..

its sad that ive just been trying to figure out what was the thing that changed,that allowed us to have such comfort with each other..on his side especially..it was an entirely different level of comfort compared to before..couldnt even have my answer and now before i know it,it might be over already..didnt even have the chance to really enjoy it..i guess i should be glad that i had it anyway..sighh...

 

[aztechx]

it seems like everyone else is weird now that billy is in this phase..i dont know if it is billy who is having this effect on people or my attention is focused more on other place when billy is acting up..since when the sex was happening,all i could ever think of was him..

im wondering what hes telling people..if he is doing that..i think ive run out of breathe trying to 'protect' this secret of ours..i always thought id never have the heart to do it..and ive always thought ive appreciated thngs so much that i would never tell considering the trust he gave me..im quite lost at the moment..not like before..just that my mind is drifting alot not knowing what to do...

 

[Florida Boy]

u mind elaborating the on the bold sentences?kinda lost at the moment..

It's just that it's time for changes in the relationship. Things should get better or resolve.

 

[aztechx]

well he was very cool indeed just now..looks like i got myself too worried over nothing..before that i texted him and asked if he told anyone..he asked why?then i said

im feeling weird around people..its like every time there is tension between us..others would follow you..maybe u have that effect on people..so did u tell?

he asked

who?i didnt tell anyone anything..

and i didnt say much after that..he came over to do his project with my housemate in the other room..i went to him just to 'lighten' things up..he could afford a smile which was good news..was nice to me..

and before he left,he stopped by and checked on me..what was i doing..not sure if hes coming back thou..went out for some work related things..man i wish i was his partner for the final year project...

 

[aztechx]

well he came over,and rejected ALL my advances..seems like this guy really doesnt want sex anymore..didnt try anything anymore after that..

 

[aztechx]

i cant really describe what im feeling at the moment..not so much of being sad..cant even describe my own feelings..now thats pathetic..it was silly of me to think that things could lead to a happy ending after the voluntary sex he gave me throughout the last week and a half i think..i just dont know why am i so addicted to that body of his..heck when i was close to him just now,even that smell of his was driving me crazy..and my desire to want him in close proximity with me..i dont mind no physical contact but i keep wanting to have him near me..its sick..i hate it that i constantly need people to tell me what to do and what is happening..i hate it that i know so little when it comes to psychology and how these things work..how relationships like these work..i hate it that i cant seem to untie that tight knot on top of his head that seems to hold so much that i dont know of..

im traumatized by the experience last time..including the one where all the friends pushed me aside..i keep being in this self defense mode..where i would flip at the slightest provocation..its like the kind of feeling like ure walking in a dark alley and u start seeing shadows thinking they are robbers,murderers or anything like that..i constantly live in that kind of fear,anything people do that seems abnormal to me would make me flip..i start thinking that its going to happen again even when its not..something is wrong with my head...when those things happen,i start locking myself in my room..driving into the night crying out of nothing at all..and before i know it im ok the next day..a good friend back at home just told me i really needed to ocnsider seeing a doc..he even offered to pay for my bills..which was very very nice of him..but i just keep thinking its not that serious..i keep telling myself im strong enough to face this..and theres this stupid assumption in my head that going to see a doc would only mean something is very wrong with me..i dont want to be dependant on meds even if i needed them..

and another thing that i cant understand myself is..why am i so willing to stay here?even with all these happening..i should be running away..and yet im still scared of the day where ill have to say goodbye..im subconciously hoping that i get an industrial training place close to him..although i try very hard to deny that..why am i so willing to stay with this pain?its like im scared to klnow how i might feel if i escaped from these..how id miss him..and how id wish things were better..how i wished if i did something to put things where i want them to be..

i want to talk to him about this..i really want to talk to him and ask him to continue with what we have before..but i just dont know how...

 

[helgaleena]

If he says he doesn't want to do it anymore, LISTEN to him.

And when you say 'never wanted to post' then why DID you post? Get more control over yourself or you are going to regret it in all areas of your life.

 

[Florida Boy]

Consider him gone. Start adjusting to there not being a relationship. Start preparing to move on. If he comes back, your head will be in a different place and you will be in a better position to deal with it. You may even reject this advances if only because of all the hurt he has caused you.

 

[aztechx]

i just coudnt stand people who keep saying i made this story up..that it was a fantasy of mine..i was already under alot of pressure then and really made a wrong judgment in trying to prove them wrong..shouldnt have decided under such emotional stress in the first place..

is there a way for me to talk to him about it?

 

[helgaleena]

This is somebody who never has wanted to 'talk about it' even when you were talking right to him! The only way I could imagine you can 'talk about it' is if a spaceship beamed you both up into the sky. No.

 

[TopDudeFtl]

i just coudnt stand people who keep saying i made this story up..that it was a fantasy of mine..i was already under alot of pressure then and really made a wrong judgment in trying to prove them wrong..shouldnt have decided under such emotional stress in the first place..

is there a way for me to talk to him about it?

Seriously? Really? Are you that thick in the head? If this isn't a made-up story, then you need some serious psychiatric help. You have gone on for way too long now, first asking for advice (and not following any of it) then going on and on about this "friend" of yours who keeps using you then denying you anything more than letting you service him when he needs it.

This is somebody who never has wanted to 'talk about it' even when you were talking right to him! The only way I could imagine you can 'talk about it' is if a spaceship beamed you both up into the sky. No.

Beam me up! I'm really getting tired of this charade. :bs2:

 

[matticus201]

I'm gonna apologize for that last post.

Dolly needs no apology. :smile:

aztechx, I never said it was easy to be gay where you are. I feel for you and your story. But what I can't stay silent about now that I've read the whole damn thing is the absolute destruction you are causing your soul. I'm telling you, you have got to move on from this. I'll reiterate it again, you need to take control of this situation and start respecting yourself, and thus refusing to allow people to disrespect you. Otherwise, you have a lifetime of this kind of drama to look forward too.

 

[Florida Boy]

Dolly needs no apology. :smile:

aztechx, I never said it was easy to be gay where you are. I feel for you and your story. But what I can't stay silent about now that I've read the whole damn thing is the absolute destruction you are causing your soul. I'm telling you, you have got to move on from this. I'll reiterate it again, you need to take control of this situation and start respecting yourself, and thus refusing to allow people to disrespect you. Otherwise, you have a lifetime of this kind of drama to look forward too.

aztechx, Please take this advice and move on. There are major issues that need dealing with. It is not easy to be any, even in the Gay Mecca America has. It is definitely worse where you are. Please be cool with it and try moving on from this guy, Billy. Your issues are worse than being gay. Self esteem is your major issue. Major work needed. you are a worthy, and valuable person, you have to perceive yourself as such.