Desperate call for help..(relationship gone wrong)

aztechx

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Dude, I've been sympathetic to your plight, but you're teetering on that fine line between admirer and stalker. While he may occasionally "sleep" through a blowjob, more often than not, it seems, you're touching him solely to satisfy your own needs and desires without regard to his feelings on the matter. My STRONG advice is to cut it out before you find yourself jailed for sexual abuse.

i guess ill have to be more careful next time..ill take your words on that..selfish of me to think that he will want it all the time..i dont know but since that time i saw the messages about him being addicted and everything,nothing has happened between us and i must have lost control of myself...i was scared to death when he woke up...
 

aztechx

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ok then..things looks like it is heading in that direction ..

anyway just felt like telling someone about whats going on at the moment..no sex or touching has happened since that day..we are getting along really well and spending a whole lot of time together..going out and watching movies etc..i really shouldnt be asking for more..although i have a question lingering deep inside me..

this guy,was the same guy who treated me like shit and really hated me..he made it so apparent that i never thought we would be good again..i mean,he really hated me and for the thing i did,i deserved it if he didnt want to have anything to do with me for the rest of my life..but it was weird how close he could get to someone who from his words,actually betrayed and violated him...im not complaining,but how did it happen?before this,he made it seem like looking at me is a sin itself..
 

aztechx

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guys..so sorry for my constant ranting here..but i came across some materials which made me had some questions in my mind..

i know things are going on fine with my friend billy and i..but i was questioning myself to what extent should we believe in the quote forgive & forget??i can be his friend,his best friend or whatever but im not too sure if i can forgive him for the things he did to me..i had my share but i dont think what he did was rational..i dont know but when i thought about this..it made me feel bad..feel bad about myself..you see..the way things became like now,its like he 'escaped' the things he did to me..that he can come back and be nice to me without having to think once about those nasty things he did to me..

i was so miserable back then..i feel bad that i could just let him come back like that after everything and i welcomed him with such open arms..ive felt so bad thinking about this it actually brought me to tears..he knows i would open the doors when he come knocking..i feel like ive been taken for granted..i dont know but at the moment im not sure about what i feel..whether i can forgive him..i dont even know how to put into words what im feeling at the moment ..im enjoying the company and all but some things just reminded me about the past..what am i going through??
 

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what am i going through??

Perhaps you're experiencing a little bit of guilt for having betrayed your friend's trust by inappropriately fondling him while he was sleeping. . .repeatedly?

Seems like you're projecting your own feelings of guilt and shame onto your friend who seems to have forgiven you, despite the serious nature of what you did to him. . .repeatedly.

YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM HERE.
 

aztechx

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i fully agree that he is the victim in this case and im not at all proud of what i did..but i was also told before that he enjoyed and wanted those sessions as much as i did..so somehow that changed my perspective a little compared to before when i projected the whole blame on myself..like u mentioned,considering the serious nature of what i did,how is he able to forgive me and laugh with me at the moment keeping in mind that he 'hated' me so much before..im sure he realised he went overboard with the way he treated me..he projected his guilt on me and is it natural that i have those feelings too?
 

aztechx

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guys..sorry to bug u guys here again..just felt like venting out my frustration and i cant find any better place or person to do so..

well,things between me and billy has turned weird the past few weeks..things were great during the holidays when there wa sonly the two of us but once the others started to come back he was a bit different..it wasnt obvious at first but at times he really shows it..but at other times he is nice to me although not as nice as before..

the thing is,after all that has happened i would have hope he would treat me a bit special,and be a bit sensitive towards me..but thats no longer the case..he would come to my house and not even say hi to me or acknowledge me and he would just leave without saying anything to me..we are no longer best 'buds' and he is closer to another guy now..theres nothing sexual going on between them but it kills me..

it worries me abouthow much i care of rthis guy when im getting nothing in return..not even a tiny bit of 'care'..sometimes he avoids sitting beside me in class for what reason i dont know but at other times he is ok..its just very random from him..he wouldnt meet or see me if he doesnt have to..last time he would wait for me after class and we would go anywhere together but now he would just leave or wait for the other guy instead..i just really miss having him around and it hurts me to see him treating me like this..i know i dont have a say in who he wants to be friends with but id hope he would be a bit nicer considering all that has happened..ive been tensed for too long now..

i feel like talking to him about it sometimes..but i just dont know how to make it not awkward for us..i dont know what to ask..how to make it sound nice..i dont want to put the pressure on him by using too much of the word 'ypu' but i cant figure out how else to say it..or maybe keeping quiet is the best thing to do...i dont know..

pheww..that was a heavy load out of my heart..
 

aztechx

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You're not going to get the emotional relationship - any relationship - that you want with this guy. Find someone else. Move on. Give up. He's not ready or willing to provide the relationship you seek. Get over it.

is he not capable of feeling anything??not even what normal friends do?we used to be best buddies..but it seems that he is doing everything with someone else now..and i cant help feeling very bad about it..im stuck in this tense mood most of the day..we havent talked once about anything that happened between us..i really do want to talk to him but i dont know how to do it without putting the pressure on him..im emotionally exhausted..it has went on for almost a year now..
 

aztechx

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guys,i have a question to ask..why is it that at times he can be the nicest guy on earth..and others he just seem to enjoy 'killing' me psychologically..he says harsh things without ever considering my how i feel at all..in the end im the one who would go all frustrated while he enjoys his life..the things he says really hurts..
 

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Aztechx,

Obviously you are very young and you must not have a lot of life experience......but this is just how some people are. There isn't a thing you can do about it. Other than change how you react to his behavior.

I am a female and females get plenty of practice with this kind of behavior around age 12. They do this to each other...... Or this is what my 12 year old daughter is telling me about. I guess it is called middle school behavior. To me it sounds like this guy missed a floor on the social elevator. He is back stuck in middle school. The only person you can do something about is yourself. Like how you react to his behavior. To me it sounds like Billy has moved on to another victim that he can attempt to fuck around with and try to "kill psychologically". Why don't you wait around and see if Billy messes with this guy's head like he did yours? Then you and the new guy will have something to talk about.

Sorry if this sounds mean. I was just brainstorming and honestly trying to help you.
 

sexplease

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guys,i have a question to ask..why is it that at times he can be the nicest guy on earth..and others he just seem to enjoy 'killing' me psychologically..he says harsh things without ever considering my how i feel at all..in the end im the one who would go all frustrated while he enjoys his life..the things he says really hurts..

Seems this is just how it is. Accept it. And move on with or without this person in your life.

Life is not always easy, but it sure is interesting.
 

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guys,i have a question to ask..why is it that at times he can be the nicest guy on earth..and others he just seem to enjoy 'killing' me psychologically..he says harsh things without ever considering my how i feel at all..in the end im the one who would go all frustrated while he enjoys his life..the things he says really hurts..

I'd say break the relationship off completely unless you want to deal with everything he's putting you through. Sometimes people need to leave your life and sometimes you just have to let go. Your story reminds me of a friend I had in high school I was so much in love with...All I'm saying is if you want things to change, you have to take the first step and let go.
 

aztechx

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Aztechx,

Obviously you are very young and you must not have a lot of life experience......but this is just how some people are. There isn't a thing you can do about it. Other than change how you react to his behavior.

I am a female and females get plenty of practice with this kind of behavior around age 12. They do this to each other...... Or this is what my 12 year old daughter is telling me about. I guess it is called middle school behavior. To me it sounds like this guy missed a floor on the social elevator. He is back stuck in middle school. The only person you can do something about is yourself. Like how you react to his behavior. To me it sounds like Billy has moved on to another victim that he can attempt to fuck around with and try to "kill psychologically". Why don't you wait around and see if Billy messes with this guy's head like he did yours? Then you and the new guy will have something to talk about.

Sorry if this sounds mean. I was just brainstorming and honestly trying to help you.
its okay..i just need someone who can listen to me at the moment..theres no one here i even dare tell about what happened..

the thing is,ive been through relationships before this and never before had i been in this kind of situations..ive been dumped once or twice,i was devastated but not to this degree..i do no understand why is it different when it comes to this relationship with billy..why is he totally in control instead of me?i used to be the one good at making sure i was in control and that i do not crumble the way i did with billy..complicated but i think i might have somehow got myself too emotionally attached to him that i dont know how to get out..its like i keep thinking this is so right..i can make it work..after the nasty things he does,i really feel like leaving but then he will treat me rather nice the next day and i cool down on the spot..about billy,he has never had a serious relationship..he doesnt known how to chase girls but girls come to him instead..maybe thats why hes doing things the way he does..but for what??ive never hurt him with words or anything but its the total opposite with him..i doubt there'd be another guy..

heres what happened yesterday,i asked him what he was planning to study that day since he was a top student and we used to study together alot..and he suddenly asked me to stop being a busybody and that i didnt need to know what he wanted to do etc. and when i said i wasnt as brilliant as he is when it comes to studying he just said "your problem!"..i sincerely wanted to keep up with him in terms of studies since he was a big help in me acheiving the good results i had before..it was shocking how he said it..never once had i meant to be a busybody or anything..i felt like crying but i explained things to him later via text and he didnt reply as expected..

Seems this is just how it is. Accept it. And move on with or without this person in your life.

Life is not always easy, but it sure is interesting.

I'd say break the relationship off completely unless you want to deal with everything he's putting you through. Sometimes people need to leave your life and sometimes you just have to let go. Your story reminds me of a friend I had in high school I was so much in love with...All I'm saying is if you want things to change, you have to take the first step and let go.

i do want to leave but somehow he is too 'involved' in my life..he is around me most of the time or rather the other way round..we are in the same class,we are organizing a large program together and he comes to my house often..the thing is,things were super good during the holidays..when no one was around..in fact the sucking happened twice at that time..he really acknowledged me being around and treated me really well..but once people started coming back he just changed..at times he is ok but at times hed show his old habit again..i thought he was shy of being friends with me in front of people after what he might have said to them about me..but at times he laughs and talks to me in front of them like normal..it confuses me..
 

B_Jennuine73

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Most of the responses are telling you to distance yourself from him and you are giving a bunch of reasons why you can't. If you can not distance yourself physically from him, do it emotionally. I think your issue lies much deeper and perhaps examining that will help you with this situation.
 

aztechx

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Most of the responses are telling you to distance yourself from him and you are giving a bunch of reasons why you can't. If you can not distance yourself physically from him, do it emotionally. I think your issue lies much deeper and perhaps examining that will help you with this situation.

im trying to figure out why am i not able to distance myself from him..how do people normally distance themselves emotionally in a short period of time?i have another year left with him before we grad and go our separate ways..i feel like theres still so much more that cud happen..i am addicted to him to be honest..not just the sex..to him in general..that might be my problem..

another thing is,everyday,it will start with him being all cold towards me before he softens up and by the end of the day we are both chatting out loud, excitedly laughing and all,enjoying each others company but the next day,it starts all over again..if he is cold the whole time then i have a point to distance myself as well..just that at times i have the feeling that he wants to give it all a chance..i might be wrong thou..
 
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Florida Boy

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guys,i have a question to ask..why is it that at times he can be the nicest guy on earth..and others he just seem to enjoy 'killing' me psychologically..he says harsh things without ever considering my how i feel at all..in the end im the one who would go all frustrated while he enjoys his life..the things he says really hurts..

What does he say? Quote him. Who does he say these things to? Does he say them directly to you?

These pointed questions are to help you focus on the minutia of it.
 

Florida Boy

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..i feel like theres still so much more that cud happen.“

if you continue to focus on what could happen nothing will change in the situation as it exists now. A lot of other things could happen, that are much less desirable. In a previous post you said that ' the sucks happened' during the holidays. When no one else was around. Let me guess: you sucked his dick and that was all the sucking that happened. He did not suck you, did he? Has he ever? When it happened, did he ask for it? Or did he simply make himself available? I strongly suspect, the latter. Do you like being a convenience to this guy? That does not sound like an addiction to me.


another thing is,everyday,it will start with him being all cold towards me before he softens up and by the end of the day we are both chatting out loud, excitedly laughing and all,enjoying each others company but the next day,it starts all over again..if he is cold the whole time then i have a point to distance myself as well..just that at times i have the feeling that he wants to give it all a chance..i might be wrong thou..

Whenever something happens, whether or not you like it, and you react the same way you have reacted previously, you can expect the same thing to occur the next time those events present themselves. You are the only one who can make a change in the dynamic of this relationship. It almost seems as though you enjoy playing a role and reporting it to the group here so that you can get heartfelt replies from kindhearted souls, like myself.

Is this the game you are playing?
 
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