Desperate call for help..(relationship gone wrong)

[aztechx]

What does he say? Quote him. Who does he say these things to? Does he say them directly to you?

These pointed questions are to help you focus on the minutia of it.

he says it to me..the things he say are mainly things that sounds like him having a go at me..just wanting to irritate or annoy me but for what i dont know..we used to study together alot and when he said its "my problem" that i wasnt as brilliant as he is when i wanted his help after the whole 'busybody' thing.generally he just doesnt care.he can do those things with others but not me.i dont know how to quote him but like i said,he just cant be too nice to me..

we play soccer often and i always take a ride in his car since it is more convenient rather then driving 2 separate cars..but the other day,when i went into his car..there were 3 others and i said "i didnt know there were so many people with you,i cud have driven my car as well" and he just said in a rather cold way "you shud know.."

this are the recent things he said,not as nasty as before when he called me his enemy and all but still it creates some tension between us and in myself..

Whenever something happens, whether or not you like it, and you react the same way you have reacted previously, you can expect the same thing to occur the next time those events present themselves. You are the only one who can make a change in the dynamic of this relationship. It almost seems as though you enjoy playing a role and reporting it to the group here so that you can get heartfelt replies from kindhearted souls, like myself.

Is this the game you are playing?

i dont think its a game although i get some temporary relieve from the things said here..i dont know how to react to him..i dont know if how i react wud be too much to the extent that i become an over-sensitive person..because when it comes to him,i AM overly sensitive..i fear losing him if i were to change because i still believe there is hope in this friendship..

even today,things were good..he would occasionally be 'moody' but will soften up after awhile..and when he does things become normal..why the 'moody' parts im not sure but it happens everyday..and i know better not to say much but to act normal when he does that..he doesnt seem to mind hanging out with me..

i really appreciate your help in wanting to get me out of my problem..but i might have left out some details so please ask me some questions as im not so sure what to tell..is there a possible way for me to get out without having to totally back off?

 

[green carnation]

Killerb says it all right from the outset (I dont even need to read through all the others advice, as good as I'm sure it is). Your 'friend' has some serious issues of his own and you have your own things to deal with. So concentrate on sorting your own things out and leave him to deal with his bad behaviour and dont let him drag you into his crap. It will become a seriously abusive relationship if you let it. DONT LET IT BE. Please

You deserve to be respected and loved and in a proper relationship with whomever it is you eventually choose to be with. And also, even on a basic physical level, to get some reciprical action back! You can do much better than him. You have not done anything wrong so dont let him transfer his guilt onto you. Get out of there, quick smart. And I think too that you could consider getting some help from somebody at school. You really ought to let a counsellor know what is going on in case things escallate. This boy could possibly turn real nasty when you break away from his clutches.

Above all believe in yourself. Forget your struggle with your sexuality for now, sort that out after you get this guy out of your life. Take one step at a time.

And lastly, you think suicide will solve all your problems. Who knows. But what it definately will do is prevent you from ever experiencing the most amazing feeling in the world and that is the love for another and the feeling of being loved by another.

(I think I am repeating myself here. Have I already lectured you on this?)

 

[slate_australis]

I've been reading this for a while, but wanted to wait before commenting.

He used you for his benefit... it's as simple as that.

You might have had a close relationship before, but sex does change things. He knew everything, he was aware of everything.

Don't set yourself up for worse than you're feeling now. Emotional disconnect is hard... trust me, but someone who uses you and knowingly (there is NO way he's doing this unaware) screws with your head... just to get something out of you... IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. He might be all friendly, but that's not good enough.

If you cannot separate emotionally... you have to do it physically... probably the reason why he's feeling comfortable in treating you like shit, is because you're not comfortable in being open about your issues surrounding your sexuality.

But these are two separate issues.

 

[aztechx]

Killerb says it all right from the outset (I dont even need to read through all the others advice, as good as I'm sure it is). Your 'friend' has some serious issues of his own and you have your own things to deal with. So concentrate on sorting your own things out and leave him to deal with his bad behaviour and dont let him drag you into his crap. It will become a seriously abusive relationship if you let it. DONT LET IT BE. Please

You deserve to be respected and loved and in a proper relationship with whomever it is you eventually choose to be with. And also, even on a basic physical level, to get some reciprical action back! You can do much better than him. You have not done anything wrong so dont let him transfer his guilt onto you. Get out of there, quick smart. And I think too that you could consider getting some help from somebody at school. You really ought to let a counsellor know what is going on in case things escallate. This boy could possibly turn real nasty when you break away from his clutches.

Above all believe in yourself. Forget your struggle with your sexuality for now, sort that out after you get this guy out of your life. Take one step at a time.

And lastly, you think suicide will solve all your problems. Who knows. But what it definately will do is prevent you from ever experiencing the most amazing feeling in the world and that is the love for another and the feeling of being loved by another.

(I think I am repeating myself here. Have I already lectured you on this?)

Im sure ive done quite a lot of wrong in the first place..he isnt the type who might get violent or anything..i know him and sometimes I just feel that he has a slight guilt for treating me so bad comparing to how ive treated him the whole time..the sudden change in his behavior a few months back might be a prove to this..but sometimes i wonder if he knew how bad i felt back then..he never once said the word sorry to me while ive been making sure he knew i was..

About the counselor,I just don’t trust him enough..i personally know him and growing up in this community, I might be ‘frowned upon’ for what I am and what ive done..
Ive always been confused with my sexuality,always been curious by what brought it around in the first place and being scared if people find out..its a scary place to live in if people find out..ive heard stories on how people react to this kind of things..its different here..
The suicide was just a result of me being too pressured at that time..the time when I still believed he wasn’t aware and that ive ruined what was a wonderful friendship..i was desperate and the idea of suicide was more of a way to gain his pity and put the blame on him rather than me wanting to end it..i don’t think it will happen again..

I've been reading this for a while, but wanted to wait before commenting.

He used you for his benefit... it's as simple as that.

You might have had a close relationship before, but sex does change things. He knew everything, he was aware of everything.

Don't set yourself up for worse than you're feeling now. Emotional disconnect is hard... trust me, but someone who uses you and knowingly (there is NO way he's doing this unaware) screws with your head... just to get something out of you... IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. He might be all friendly, but that's not good enough.

If you cannot separate emotionally... you have to do it physically... probably the reason why he's feeling comfortable in treating you like shit, is because you're not comfortable in being open about your issues surrounding your sexuality.

But these are two separate issues.

I was the one who first initiated the sex..the other times he just came to sleep(and maybe for the sex as well) and without warning go all mad at me..plus with everything going on,im unsure on who is using who as it can so easily be me using him as well..do u mind elaborating?

how about now? the last time the sex happened was like 2 months back,early December when there was only the two of us around and he did sleep over,let the sex happen,and treat me really good afterwards..
but now,he doesn’t let himself sleep here anymore, and he doesn’t sleep when im around even when he is really sleepy..he will choose to chat with me instead..so hes no longer trying to get something out of me,rather it is me who seems to harbor some little hope of still getting the sex..maybe that’s the root of my problem as well..Saying so,isn’t being friendly the only thing possible for him to do?

I want to disconnect from him listening to all the advice given but inside I actually feel sorry for what he MIGHT have to go through..we grow up in a very tight family and things like this thing with me is considered really bad..im not sure how he must have felt,if he felt nothing that that would suck but I just have a small bit of sorry for him..About being open with my sexuality..to what extent is being open enough for him to be comfortable?im afraid he will freak out knowing how I feel at the moment..Which is why I take things easily towards him..not wanting to pressure him or anything..

 

[slate_australis]

Again, you've put yourself in the place of villain.

Perhaps it was the wrong thing at the beginning... BUT since he obviously knows what was going on and didn't stop it and let you carry-on - irrespective of considering your feelings and treating you unfairly.

You're finding personal responsibility in his faults.

You're excusing his behaviour - because of how you HOPE he is - believing he'll "come around".

It's a bad place to be - you're setting yourself up for nothing but misery.

 

[Florida Boy]

Drive your own car to soccer. Or even better give someone else a ride.

 

[aztechx]

Again, you've put yourself in the place of villain.

Perhaps it was the wrong thing at the beginning... BUT since he obviously knows what was going on and didn't stop it and let you carry-on - irrespective of considering your feelings and treating you unfairly.

You're finding personal responsibility in his faults.

You're excusing his behaviour - because of how you HOPE he is - believing he'll "come around".

It's a bad place to be - you're setting yourself up for nothing but misery.

yea i guess..i still harbor that hope that we could still be as close as we were last time even with all the sex happening..i feel bad that he is no longer my best buddy and i cant help feeling jealous when i see him get close with someone else..

im trying to distance myself from him but it makes me feel like a jerk especially when he treats me well and jokes around..it gives me second thoughts and before i know it ill be back where i started..being at a place where he could easily manipulate my mind,or spoil my day with a few words or expressions..how exactly do i run away?is it appropriate if he doesnt 'attack' me?

 

[amygdala]

yea i guess..i still harbor that hope that we could still be as close as we were last time even with all the sex happening..i feel bad that he is no longer my best buddy and i cant help feeling jealous when i see him get close with someone else..

im trying to distance myself from him but it makes me feel like a jerk especially when he treats me well and jokes around..it gives me second thoughts and before i know it ill be back where i started..being at a place where he could easily manipulate my mind,or spoil my day with a few words or expressions..how exactly do i run away?is it appropriate if he doesnt 'attack' me?

That is why you need to completely separate yourself from him. All the hoping in the world won't change the fact that he's conflicted about his sexuality and thinks it's ok to treat you like garbage. He will never change and he will never be who and what you want him to be. To the extent that he remains in your life, you're always going to have these negative emotions. Get away as fast as you can.

 

[Florida Boy]

is it appropriate if he doesnt 'attack' me?

Consider his toxic to you. Because, he is.

 

[aztechx]

guys..i need help..something bad happened today..it was my fault..i was stubborn..didnt listen to what u guys said and im all depressed and crying again..i cant believe how it happened..

i know this is totally my fault but let me explain what happened..
ive been sleeping in the same room as billy at our uni hostel for the last 2 nights..the first night,i touched him a few times and he got up rolled over a few times before going to sleep somewhere else..the next day his mood with me was good..but last night,same thing happened..i tried to touch him and he rolled over but rolled back after awhile and i continued playing with him..this happened for like 4-5 times that night before he woke up with me sucking his dick through his pants and blanket..he got up and didnt go back to sleep..was rather cold and when i went back..he texted me saying "next time if u want to come to study,come but when its time to sleep go back to ur home"..i really really regretted the thing i did..i was badly addicted to sex with him and i just couldnt control myself on those 2 nights..i was supposed to join him again later with another guy to study but when i reached the hostel..he was sleeping and the other guy needed to go out..

so that left the two of us..i was lacking sleep as well so i slept beside him on another mattress and i was determined not to touch him!then his arms started landing no mine..he rested his hands or arms on mine before rolling over facing me..my hands were already close to his crotch and he didnt seem to move away when it touched..i tried to stop but i just couldnt resist..after playing for awhile he wrapped his legs around mine..with his thighs on my dick and i lost all control..i was still scared and only touched him lightly but he seemed to want more..rolled over on his back before having his legs around me again..he was 'asleep' and i was still scared..his pants were already down and he did nothing to move away or anything..i just said it to him that i really wanted to suck him but i was scared..asked him to at least nod or say yes if he wud let me suck him..he didnt move and i sucke him anyway..the thing is..i was just about to suck when he pushed his dick towards my mouth himself..i lost all control and just sucked him for a few minutes..after he was 'done' he rolled over and i went back to sleep..

after waking up,he treated me rather coldly before slightly improving through the day..but when night came..he suddenly became really cold and completely ignored me..there are lots of details that ive left out but the thing that confused me was..why did he help me initiate the sex right after 'scolding' me that morning???i thought that if he initiated it like that,he wud be ok with what happened...he is still ignoring me now and i dont know if speaking to him wud do any good..im just scared and sick of being so stressed out...

i know its the same thing over and over...im really sorry for not listening to your advices..i just dont know why i stop thinking when it comes to him..

 

[rugbyguy14]

good advice here and your better off moving away from him

 

[somekindofathing]

ive been sleeping in the same room as billy at our uni hostel for the last 2 nights..the first night,i touched him a few times and he got up rolled over a few times before going to sleep somewhere else..the next day his mood with me was good..but last night,same thing happened..i tried to touch him and he rolled over but rolled back after awhile and i continued playing with him..this happened for like 4-5 times that night before he woke up with me sucking his dick through his pants and blanket..he got up and didnt go back to sleep..was rather cold and when i went back..he texted me saying "next time if u want to come to study,come but when its time to sleep go back to ur home".

For the love of god, how dense are you? You've mentioned more than once being terrified he'll wake up while you molest him - here's a hint: if you're doing something to someone and you're terrified they'll realize what you're doing, THAT IS A GOOD SIGN THAT IT IS WRONG.

Bodies react sometimes while people are asleep. It does not mean they - the person, the actual conscious mind in there - want what you're doing. A psychotic axe murderer could sneak into his bed and touch him while he's asleep and he'd probably get hard if he didn't wake up. Does that mean he wants a psychotic axe murderer sucking him off? No. No it does not. (And yes, heavy sleepers can sleep through all sorts of things, and some people do move around or even walk in their sleep - or open their eyes or talk but not actually be awake. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, SO STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM UNLESS HE ACTUALLY CLEARLY SAYS "WHY YES, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU." ASKING HIM WHILE HE'S ASLEEP DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY. Moving around because he's asleep and you're arousing his body against his will is not a "yes." It is rape.)

You are obsessed. You are ill. Moreover, you need to stop raping him. This thread makes me sick, and everyone coddling you and giving poor little you buttpats because this guy is bothered that you keep violating him also makes me sick.

Stay out of his bed and get help for this issue. Do not touch or sleep near him again. I would wager the only reason he hasn't called the cops is that he would then have to publicly admit the shame of being molested by another man, and that his body reacts against his will (like any man's would, that's just how it's wired, christ. Many male victims of rape get confused/shamed because their bodies react against their will and society tells them that means they're gay/they wanted it/etc. IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT). He probably needs therapy too, and to be as far away from you as he can get.

Stop being dense. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Oh, and stop being a rapist. That'd be good too.

 

[aztechx]

How about on the last occasion where once there was only the two of us around,he immedietely wrapped his thighs around mine..something he never does with anyone else..and when he rolled facing me positioning his crotch on my hands..at times these things are initiated by him..im not trying to say what im doing is right..but im just confused about what he wants..like last night,i was determined to not touch him but things happened..he sort of aroused me with his thighs thing and i just couldnt stop..i was sure he was awake when i started touching and licking him..he even moved to a position more convenient for me..but once i wanted to suck,he wakes up and turns away appearing really upset..i was confused on why he didnt stop me earlier but instead 'allowed' me to play with him for so long..i know he was awake when it started..but either way,he still treats me like garbage at the end of the day..im sorry if my writting gets a bit confusing..im typing with my phone and this things are hard..

 

[aztechx]

i need to overcome this addiction to him..i dont want to be stuck in this state of mind every now and then..my body has started to show the side effects..seperating myself from him is tough since i see him everyday..we r in small classes and everything we do are mostly together..meals,going out,soccer and so..he was one of the best friends ive ever had..and i grew to like and be very comfortable with him..perhaps too comfortable..i dont think he even regards me as a friend now..i want to win him back but my addiction always comes in the way..i feel helpless trying to fight this..u guys might not believe this but what initiated the last sex was a bit of him and i was half awake thinking it was a dream when i started touching him..i was determined not to let anything happen the night before..i need to pvercome this addiction..i am indeed sick..i dont think i can argue with that..

 

[somekindofathing]

but once i wanted to suck,he wakes up and turns away appearing really upset..i was confused on why he didnt stop me earlier but instead 'allowed' me to play with him for so long..

i dont think he even regards me as a friend now..i want to win him back

NO. YOU DIDN'T READ ANY OF THAT DID YOU. YOU ARE A RAPIST. HE ISN'T ABLE TO GIVE CONSENT IF HE'S GODDAMN ASLEEP, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE DOES. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN HIS BED ANYWAY, YOU RAPIST. STOP SCREWING UP THIS GUY BY MOLESTING HIM. YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU RAPED. EVER. GET OUT.

I figure if I post enough words in all-caps you might read them this time. I really hope you're just an elaborate fake account, because if you're a real person you disgust me in every way that it is possible for one human being to disgust another. Take responsibility for your own goddamn actions you sexually twisted manchild. YOU are raping him. He's not making you rape him. Rape doesn't work that way.

 

[aztechx]

so what can i do now?just running away from it would make me a worse person right?i do feel bad about all this..for what i am..i texted billy yesterday about the whole thing..heres the text we had..im disgusted by myself as well..


me : did ou go him just bcos i was around?sorry..
me :honestly,i didnt want what happened this morning to happen as well..if ure upset im so so sorry..

billy : your sorry is worth nothing.its been too many times.i feel sick looking at ur face now

me :why didnt u stop me earlier??what happened this morning,i didnt want it at first..i admit that im addicted..im sick..but sometimes u give me the wrong idea..i was scared as well and i tried asking u but u didnt answer..why do u let me do it sometimes?

billy ; stupid..i wasnt aware..if i was then i would have stopped..ive told u that if u want to sleep go back to ur house..but u choose to act dumb over it..what do u want me to do?punch u as hard as i can?ive been thinking of doing that for a long time..

me : last night,i stayed to show u i cud be around and nothing will happen.but something happened and i lost control..i was disappointed myself after that..at times i do try to stop but at times i fail..ive been trying!same thing tonight..i wanted to prove a point to u..the day b4 yesterday,u scolded me and the next thing i knew u cummed in my mouth later that day..i dont understand

billy : theres no such thing as suddenly!i will never trust u again.if u insist on doing that disgusting thing,go find another guy..because i think ill have to tell someone about this..i just dont know who..

me : Do u know that ure the only guy ive ever done that to??do u know that i dont have the slightest urge to do it with another guy?i myself is confused and struggling over what is happening..the more i try to understand,the more depressed i get..i cannot understand why im so addicted and why i enjoy doing those things..u think i dont feel anything?ive way too much acid in my stomach,back pains,
lost of appetite and weight..those are all the side effects of me being badly depressed after this all started..i expected u to understand since u are the only one who knows..please,be honest..there are times when u urself wanted it to happen right??u are struggling with something urself i know..i dont blame you,its my fault..im in alot of pain here..

billy : i wanted it???fuck you..u think im you??id rather not understand you...all i know is that ure not normal

me : are you saying that u were never addicted..that u never felt good or confused over what happened?frmo last time there were many ties when u made me feel so..even this morning,i thought u were long awake..you are the only one who knows that..but despite all the things ive done,im still human..normal or not,i still have feelings just like others..i used to loathe people like me but now it
has happened to me..besides the sex ive never intentionally done anything that could hurt u or annoy you..why cant we understand each other??

billy ; yes u r human..which is why i was ok with you last time..then u promised me it will never happen again..but still it happened and i thinkk this is all just an excuse from you..seriously i dont trust a word ure saying

me :u can not trust me after what happened..but what i told u is not an excuse..it comes straight from my heart..i cried typing those things out to you..my problem is that i dont know how to remove this addiction..it all starts there,its not my excuse or anything..billy...i didnt become your friend so i cud have sex with you..im not that low..thats why i try to stop at times..because theres more
to us thne just the sex.sometimes i get so disillusioned that my brain thinks that im doing it to make u happy.maybe its frmo there that i keep thinking iu want it too..and when u cummed..on so many occasions..

me : billy this is not easy for me..and id ont have anyone to talk to either..i keep it all inside..i thought of telling you earlier because i really cud trust you..but u dont look like ure eager to help me go through this..maybe u dont know how hard it is..one day if someone closer to you happens to go through the same thing then maybe u wud understand,.how u can emotionally crumble until
theres no turning back..ive tried to kill myself once but i think god showed me something at that time..
im sure everytime u cum u are fully aware rightt..even yesterday..and before..maybe u urself can understand how hard it is to stop..

billy : i think thats enough of explaining..i seriously dont want to read..lets end this all..u talk and i dont listen..i tell u to do things and u dont..do u think i want to go home in the middle of the night like this doing nothing??i cud have stayed there to study,or hangout with mr c.but i thought that if u were there,the same thing will happen all over agin.if ure not leaving then
better i leave..now its settled..nothing happens to me,and ur stupid addiction problem is settled.u happy??

me : happpy??this is not about me being happy..its very good that nothing is going to happen tonight..but u dont have to make life so difficult for urself like that..

billy : enoguh..stop acting it all up..i wud have gone back to my hoetown if i didnt have a house here..u wouldnt leave just now anyway..u think i dont know tat?

me : i wasnt going home..but i wasnt staying just for the sex to happen!can u please stop thiking it that way??i didnt come here just ot have sex..it happens in the heat of tie.suddenly..not because ive planned in for days or anything..cant u consider what im going through as a sicknesss??at least help me go through it..
ive never thought of it as "tonight im going to hangout with billy so we can have sex" i can swear that..never once..try looking at it from my point of view..

billy : i dont think ure ;sickness' caused it all..because if yes,why does it happen only to me?if ure addicted because of ur sickness im sure ur housemates wud have been ur victim as well..thats why i think that sickness thing is just an excuse..i know u come here to study..but after ure done..why dont u go home??come back tomorrow??ur house is way more comfortable..theres no other reason..
point out to me if there is,

me : i myself don know why i do it with you only..please,ive got my head cracking trying to figure out that for a year now..ive told u i got depressed because i wanted it from you..i dont want to be 'not normal' either but i cant expain why im feeling like this..i really dont know and the way u treat me makes it worse.u must be thinking that all i do is laugh and have fun after things happen right
never considered that ive had this big internal struggle with myself about this issue..am i gay??am i not normal??why am i feeling this way??about coming to study..its up to convenience
if tis too late id rather stay..and i honestly like hanging out with you guys..why wud i go home when im having fun here??comfy or not is out of the question here..at least ure willing to listen now
another thing is sometimes i just want to be around..hoping we wud be ok bcos i get really restless
if we are like that and i do nothing to make it better
lets be frank with each other,.ask me anything and ill answer

billy : help me,please,i dont inderstand - ive got all this when it first happened..ive learnt to accept it..but it happened again..im not going to enter the same "trap" again..now i thinkits better we settle anything that has to do with us.,,the project and anotehr class prject..and for you..please help me.please done talk to me like nothing has happened.u seriously piss me off when u do that

me : i speak normally to yu bcos i dont know how else to react..im just trying to make myself feel better becuse if not id be laike last time..really2 down..what do u expect me to do?please help me overcome this so it wot be a problem for us anymore after this..i dont want us to just end like this..ive told you it happened bcos im addicted
i dont want it but at times i cant stop..ive never meant to set u up or trap u or whatever..dont u get it yet??my regrets are as big everytime it happens..its not because im just repeating the same stories to u over and over
i myself have been thinking..if i acted cool,wud u be mad..bcos if i were to act like something happen i wud lose control..i will be like that with everyone..alot of people has told me about it..im really not happy with what happened..the sam way im not happy acting like nothing has happened..the pain is the same tryig to hide my feelings..

 

[somekindofathing]

the day b4 yesterday,u scolded me and the next thing i knew u cummed in my mouth later that day..i dont understand

please,be honest..there are times when u urself wanted it to happen right??

me : are you saying that u were never addicted..that u never felt good or confused over what happened?

maybe its frmo there that i keep thinking iu want it too..and when u cummed..on so many occasions..

Oh my fucking God. Did you not read the post about how it doesn't MATTER how a body reacts if the person fucking TELLS YOU NO? (Or if they are asleep/passed out/date-rape-drugged and unable to give consent in any way?) You are a completely disgusting human being to turn around and try to push this back on the guy who is outright telling you he didn't want it and is trying to get AWAY from you "oh but you wanted it! you came even though you didn't know what was going on!"

You're disgusting. This is exactly the kind of shit rapists pull to fuck with their victims - and guess what? YOU'RE A GODDAMN RAPIST. Stop screwing up this guy's psyche, he clearly feels horrible enough without you trying to brainwash him.

NO MEANS NO. END OF STORY. YOU CANNOT RATIONALIZE THIS OR PRETEND IT AWAY. "BUT HE REALLY WANTED IT" IS SOCIOPATHIC BULLSHIT. THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO BE TOLD THIS IS PATHETIC BEYOND WORDS.

i thought of telling you earlier because i really cud trust you..but u dont look like ure eager to help me go through this..maybe u dont know how hard it is..one day if someone closer to you happens to go through the same thing then maybe u wud understand,.

at least help me go through it..

i really dont know and the way u treat me makes it worse.

im just trying to make myself feel better becuse if not id be laike last time..really2 down..what do u expect me to do?please help me overcome this so it wot be a problem for us anymore after this..

No. Stop. Shut the fuck up. It is not your victim's responsibility to help you with your mental problems. It is not your victim's responsibility to feel sorry for you. It is not your victim's responsibility to hear constant passive-aggressive whining about "HOW DARE YOU BE PISSED THAT I RAPED YOU, IT MAKES ME SAD AND YOU'RE A TERRIBLE PERSON."

You don't seem to understand anything. You have no claim on this person. You have no friendship with this person. You are wrong to even contact this person again, ever. You are a rapist. The guy needs space and therapy so he can even BEGIN to deal with what you've done to him, and he needs to never see you again for the rest of his life. YOU are not the focus here, you are not important, you are not the victim, you are not the one that should be pitied. You are the one that should be in prison, on the sex offender list, and being given serious amounts of therapy so you can fucking stop being a rapist.

You hanging around pouring your poisonous bullshit into his ear and telling him he wanted it is about the most horrific thing you could be doing right now, and you have no idea (or just don't care) what kind of damage you're doing. If you actually did care about him, you'd be long gone - although if you actually cared about him you wouldn't have fucking raped him in the first place, genius.

What you feel is not love, and it is not care. You only care about yourself and how HE makes YOU feel. You don't actually care how badly you're hurting him with your actions, because YOU still want to do it. Therefore you just keep lying to yourself and trying to make him believe the lies you tell yourself about how he wanted it (he fucking told you repeatedly he didn't, he knows better than you do buddy) so that you can continue ignoring his wishes because he's just a sex toy to you.

Get away from him and get yourself some mental help. You are a monster and you need to learn how to stop BEING a monster before you hurt anyone else. Because that's all you've done - hurt people.

Leave your victim alone and let him heal, because he sure as hell can't do that with you hanging around telling him he wanted it and that you sure do feel bad you can't stop yourself from raping him. (Here's a hint: you absolutely fucking can stop yourself, you just don't want to. You want what YOU want and you obviously don't care that it hurts him. You don't care enough to stop.)

 

[aztechx]

ok..i get you..so im the monster..im the bad guy..but i meant what i said to him..it wasnt something i made up to get me out of this shyt...what do you know about how i feel???what do you know whether i care or not for this guy??what do you know that i fought for so long trying to keep us frmo falling apart??do u think id do all those if i didnt care????i didnt be his friend for the sex..we were best buddies for two years and nothing ever happpened..i never had any intentions..tell me if theres something i left out..

anyway,back to billy..i admit that in the last 2 days ive made the mistake of still sleeping over at in his room..sometimes on the same bed sometimes on another..the only difference this time was..i DIDNT want to touch him..i wanted to prove to myself that i cud sleep with him without having to touch him and all those addction was jjust something in my head..

BUT,something weird happened..halfway through the night..billy started to come all over me..his put his thighs over me and most of the time brushing my dick or resting his thighs on them..i was scared and determined not to touch him so i let him do his ting..it went on for the whole night..he will roll back on his back awhile and come on me again..and he rested his own dick on my hands which were on my side and they were already hard..note that i DIDNT do anything!!it was only in the next morning that i could no longer deny him that i started touchin him again..and after awhile he got himself into an inverted position..something like a 69 and he tried to push his dick towards my mouth!and his hands were all the time resting on my thighs and dick..he wrapped his legs around my head a number of times but couldnt get his position right..at time he would have his thighs around me and when he noticed he couldnt get there,he wud get back on his back,lower his position abit and try again..he failed a number of times,i dont know if its that hard but he just got up after that...and i didnt suck him even when his dick was right there in front of my face..what the hell is happening???

same thing occured last night..only difference was there was one time when he,on his side,clutched me tightly to his chest..wrapped his legs around me and pushed his dick towards me..and he was thrusting..again,I DIDNT START!!it was only after those things that i started touching..he will always start by wrapping his legs aroun mine with his thighs on my dick while im on my back...and if i dont react,he will groan and sigh until his dick touches my hands..

the thing is,he will be back to his cold self the next day..almost ignoring me completely but today was ok..he cud talk to me a bit..still,im dont know what the hell is happenong..he told me he didnt want it..that sort of told me i had to stop touching him but now...i dont know..

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I think the title of this thread needs to be changed from Desperate- call -for -help.....to Desperate- call - for- ATTENTION.

You have asked us for our help, suggestions, advice......based on your retelling of the facts or events. We only have your side of this. I basically think you just want a place to tell your version of the story.....or your saga.

What I keep hearing everyone tell you is that you need professional help. But you can come up with more excuses why you do not want to go that route.

Whether your story is true or not.......my bullshit meter is going off. It makes me want to get a hold of your parents and alert them to the fact that you need help. They need to pull you out of that school and get you out of that situation. Before something really bad happens. If the events are really happening as you describe them...... you and Billy both need help.


But with some of the events that have happened on LPSG since I have been a member.....why do I have the sneaking suspicion that you are probably just an underage kid on here writing a story to get our reactions......Hum.......Could it be that it has happened before?

 

[aztechx]

I think the title of this thread needs to be changed from Desperate- call -for -help.....to Desperate- call - for- ATTENTION.

You have asked us for our help, suggestions, advice......based on your retelling of the facts or events. We only have your side of this. I basically think you just want a place to tell your version of the story.....or your saga.

What I keep hearing everyone tell you is that you need professional help. But you can come up with more excuses why you do not want to go that route.

Whether your story is true or not.......my bullshit meter is going off. It makes me want to get a hold of your parents and alert them to the fact that you need help. They need to pull you out of that school and get you out of that situation. Before something really bad happens. If the events are really happening as you describe them...... you and Billy both need help.


But with some of the events that have happened on LPSG since I have been a member.....why do I have the sneaking suspicion that you are probably just an underage kid on here writing a story to get our reactions......Hum.......Could it be that it has happened before?

i swear to god im telling the truth..there are some members here who has known everything since day 1..i admit that telling it out here makes me feel abit lighter inside but i dont think im seeking any attention the way u put it..in what way will billy need help??

i need help..or rather someone i can talk to..tell everything..professional help would be good but i cant find that here..i just dont trust my counsellor in my campus..i need to talk about this to someone but i dont have anyone whom i can trust other then being anonymus over the net like what im doing here..

the latest turn of events has even caught me by surprise as well..i was determined to let it go..at least try to let go my addiction since he already tld me clearly that he doesnt want it..and now he starts it up all over again..how do u think it affects me??i no longer know which side im supposed to go to..tell me why do u think im bullshitting..ive written nothing but updates of what has happened between us..i dont see the point of me telling a story just to get a 'reaction'..