Developing size queen tendencies, or am i?

[Tempyname]

I'll try to gloss over some of the less important parts, but since I don't know what you'll think is relevant...

I was married, for 10 years, obviously together for longer. He was of average size, I'd been with larger and smaller. He was more than enough. Shit happened, not related to penis size, I ended the marriage, we're still good friends. Relationship ended 3 years ago, ish.

Two year relationship followed, slightly larger, not as experienced, not into the same kinks as myself, but happy to try them, but it just didn't feel right. While the passion was there on his side, anything outside of vanilla felt more like a childish joke and something to be giggled at, which really killed the mood.

During the relationship, we attempted to be open, so that he could get certain things elsewhere, as could I. It resulted in a lot of jealousy on his part, we put a stop to it, but couldn't undo the damage on both sides, and the relationship ended a few weeks ago.

I met a guy some 3 years ago or so, and within a few weeks knew, without either side speaking a word, that not only would he be into the same kinks as I, but that he'd be damn good at doing what needed to be done. I was however married, and then in the two year relationship.

For the two years of knowing this guy, we couldn't be in the same room together without fighting, no matter what was said or done, we'd find a way of being pissed off at each other, and it would get pretty nasty at times. This last year though, it's been strange...

He is not what I want, is not my type in the slightest, and I have no feelings for him at all. He is a friend, we have a lot in common, but that is it. I am not his type, in the slightest, and that has been made quite painfully clear multiple times in the first two years.

As I said, the last year has been weird, we still fight, but less often, we discuss the things we have in common, have a laugh and a joke, wind each other up playfully, and one of the things we've shared is our common kink, so naturally, during the attempted "open period" we got talking and things happened, on the assumption that it would be easier because I already knew him, neither of us had any interest in the other so there was no risk of feelings becoming involved, and we could both just get what we needed and that was that.

Not exaggerating... Best ever. Everything was perfect, no communication needed, he knew what to do, when to do it and exactly how to do it.

So, relationship over. Don't want another one.

I've never been interested in penis size, never really liked looking at them, never really been interested in anything more than having them inside me for a while. A tool to get the job done. Yet his, I can't stop thinking about, it's size, shape, feeling it grow... Oh the list goes on, yet there are still no feelings towards him.

It is all very casual, no actual sex involved. I've been with men I've had no romantic feelings for before, and I have never reacted this way.

Has years of average/just above average just hidden what I really want? Has finally getting what I want the way I wanted clouded my judgement? Why do I feel so confused and like I'm not the person I thought I was?

 

[saybansteel]

rebirth in life is an exciting time! embrace the suck!.... it makes every thing more fun!

 

[Beedie Tijii]

It sounds like the kinky sex (whatever that might involve) is still a hell of a lot more important than the penis itself, which I'm sure doesn't come as a surprise to anybody.

During the two year period where you argued a lot with this guy, have you considered that there was a lot of sexual tension in the air which was causing the conflict? You said that you knew straight away, instinctively, that you were into the same type of stuff in the bedroom.

I'd say that you've got the right idea not pursuing another relationship straight away and focusing on self discovery and being open, but I'm curious what another woman would suggest.

Have you openly discussed this size queen idea with the guy in question? Do other big penises excite you, or just his?

 

[RawDog]

I have an acquaintance on another forum that never felt any pleasure from PIV type penetration less than 7" deep. She realized in her mid-20s that the problem wasn't that guys didn't turn her on, but her hot spots were deep in her vagina (8" in and then some). Anything that long inside her now almost gives her back to back orgasms ridiculously easy.

Basically, and I'm assuming you two are somewhat similar, you're vagina is built to take bigger cocks. Nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it should be a point of pride.

 

[cobra8]

It sounds like you are lusting over his cockand have no feelings for him otherwise. It's good to be honest and open about that. It sounds you two match well physically sexually. Are you attracted to all large cocks, or just his because of the pleasure he gives you?

 

[Trott.lint]

@RawDog has it perfectly, in my opinion. My gf is exactly as he describes in his post. Needs 7+ to feel pleasure & get a-spot orgasms, and I'm well under that. We both agree she has a very deep vagina. However she points out that while sex with larger is better, if there's no emotional connection/love, size becomes irrelevant to a point. In a nutshell, she says love with an average dick trumps no love but great sex with a large dick, even if the bigger dick gives more pleasure, and more, better & longer orgasms.

So have great fun right now, why not, but don't close yourself off to sex and maybe love with an average guy. You're leaving too many potential male gems in the dust by doing that.

Of course if you end up falling in love with a good guy with the equipment you need, well ... you'll have won the lottery.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

looks to me like you are in the throes of getting "over" your "Type".

What the fuck is a 'TYPE' anyway? Just a set of early assumptions about what you find attractive versus what you do not?

That's all well and good... but it is predicated upon surface. Appearances. Or upon a set of beliefs about what is of value to you that are probably naive. ( we all start out naive )


What you felt with this guy was a DIRECT CONNECTION. like his sexuality and your sexuality were in sympathy... like the heat flowed without needing any directions, explanations, or from up.


In a sense, the early antipathy and fighting you experienced was just your own internal struggle with feeling this connection with someone who simply did not fit your imaginary list of criteria...

And, perhaps he was going thru the same thing.

It wasn't just the goldilock's dick... to hear you tell it... it was the effortless dance between the two of you in terms of desire and sexual satisfaction.


So the question is, why NOT be with that guy? The only reason I can think of is if he really isn't into you.

But if HIS experience of sex with you was as mind shatteringly great as was yours with him... then he WILL, eventually, learn to discard whatever he thought he needed, and begin to respond to you... or look for women like you.

What you think you want when you start out is nothing but a theory. You have to be willing to amend that theory or throw it out and start over when the facts of real experience do not support that theory.

He might not be your type- but if you keep having that level of pure animal enjoyment with him... maybe he OUGHT to be.

Its just a choice you make based upon ideas you happen to hold.


Change your ideas... and your choices will change accordingly.