Diary of a Dog vs Diary of a Cat

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by biguy2738, Jun 5, 2007.

  1. biguy2738

    Gold Member

    Mar 27, 2007
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    Johannesburg, South Africa
    The poll on preferences between dogs and cats reminded me of an email that I had received...I was in hysterics. I don't know if it's old, either way, I hope that it will brighten your day.

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
    6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am
    - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am
    - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm
    - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm
    - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm
    - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    6:00 pm
    - They're home! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm
    - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm
    - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm
    - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
    Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
    little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
    inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
    contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
    something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me
    going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
    vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
    I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
    demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
    comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
    in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
    hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
    due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to
    use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
    again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
    other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
    privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing
    to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant.
    I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
    reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him
    in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
  2. crescendo69

    Gold Member

    Aug 27, 2006
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    Knoxville (TN, US)
    The cat is some bitch, huh.
  3. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Dec 28, 2006
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    I saw a little piece on some site which also encapsulated the difference between cats and dogs.

    A dog thinks - they feed me, shelter me, love me, play with me, therefore they must be gods.

    A cat thinks - they feed me, shelter me, love me, play with me, therefore I must be a god.
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