Diary of a Dog vs Diary of a Cat

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by biguy2738, Jun 5, 2007.

  1. biguy2738

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    The poll on preferences between dogs and cats reminded me of an email that I had received...I was in hysterics. I don't know if it's old, either way, I hope that it will brighten your day.

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
    6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am
    - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am
    - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30am
    - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00pm
    - Lunch! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm
    - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm
    - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm
    - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    6:00 pm
    - They're home! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm
    - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm
    - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm
    - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
    Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
    little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
    inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my
    contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat
    something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me
    going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
    vomit on the carpet.



    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
    I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
    demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
    comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!


    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
    in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could
    hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
    due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to
    use it to my advantage.



    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
    again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the
    other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
    privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing
    to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant.
    I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he
    reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him
    in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
     
  2. crescendo69

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    The cat is some bitch, huh.
     
  3. SpoiledPrincess

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    I saw a little piece on some site which also encapsulated the difference between cats and dogs.

    A dog thinks - they feed me, shelter me, love me, play with me, therefore they must be gods.

    A cat thinks - they feed me, shelter me, love me, play with me, therefore I must be a god.
     
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