Did he need to say that?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov, Nov 28, 2009.

  1. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    I'm a 57-year-old man, married, but of late wondering about the possibility of meeting another male for intimate conversation and possibly and eventually sex. I think there are a few other men in my age bracket who would fit my description. I would never think that my desire and my condition to be absurd or unheard-of.

    The other day I was chatting with another guy, younger than me, in his late twenties. I know, I know, the difference in age is considerable, and it doesn't much help that I am in very good shape and look much younger than 57. We asked each other a few questions and the conversation seemed to be going quite well, but then at some point I told him that I had never had any experience with other men. His reaction was twofold. First he said: "What a shame. I am seeking more experienced guys (he didn't say younger guys)." That was very good. I was very cool with his frankness. But then he went on to say: "You have wasted much time in your life" and logged off. I was dumbfounded by his rude and thoughtless comment and by his immediate disconnection. I much appreciate frankness, but I also think that people should think twice before discharging their truth. What the heck is that? Just because I never went to bed with another man and now I feel that I could do that, if perhaps Mr Right would come my way, (ok, my cheating on my wife is not on trial), does it mean that I have wasted much time in my life? What about my experience with other women, my experience of being a husband, a father, of having an affair, etc, etc - does that not count at all? Or, at least, does my actual status entitle him to utter his final words? Do all men in my position or those who at the same age do not even comtemplate the idea of hooking up with another man feel they have wasted much time in their life? Are we retarded people, as it were?

    What do you think?

    I have at least learned a lesson from this incident: if I ever talk to another male he will ideally be as old as myself and I will be as reticent as possible about my sexual experience with others of the same species.

    My vengeance, so to say, is that this young (and perhaps too frank so as to sound rude) man discarded the opportunity of meeting a very interesting mature person who, albeit clumsy with homosex, would be willing to teach him a few good tricks he has picked up in his life, including, if adequate, good manners.
     
    #1 D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov, Nov 28, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2009
  2. Florida Boy

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    You to believe this younger men may have been too hasty and missed an opportunity. I would probably put him in a category of a self-centered, though self-destructive queen. it was, in my opinion, definitely his loss though it may require another 15 to 20 years for him to realize it. Rudeness, even with the anonymity of being online, is never appropriate.
     
  3. fratpack

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    He has some nerve making a call like that just based on a few minutes of on line chatting. I wouldn't put too much stock in what he says, he was probably some on line troll. Also if that was his attitude you are so much better off without someone like that in you life.He was also making this comment just based on the sexual aspect. I'm sure you've got a lot more going on for yourself.Forget him and move on to find someone more positive and encouraging.
     
  4. dolfette

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    i'm am finding it hard to sympathise when you're cheating on your wife.

    ok

    he doesn't sound like a troll to me.
    maybe he was a little daunted by your age, but then when you said he'd be your first guy? well being the first is a lot of pressure.
    maybe he wondered...are you really bi, or will you regret it and get angry after? if you've gone this long then maybe this is just a midlife crisis, a joke? maybe an angry wife will come knocking on his door?

    there's a big list of negatives for him.
    the wife,
    the age,
    the inexperience.
    perhaps together they all added up to too much.

    or perhaps he digs older men, but only if they're the daddy. if he wants a submissive role then you not knowing what you're doing is a total buzzkill.
    perhaps he was annoyed that you'd wasted his time.
     
  5. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    Thanks for your response and also to the others who have so far bothered to respond.
     
  6. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    He made you feel inadequate? A man whom you just met online and had a brief conversation with can make one statement and erase your sense of who you are with a brief statement? No. Man up about this one. He was rude. You opened up your life to him and he was rude. I do agree with you that you need to be cautious in opening up to others even online. Not for the fear of discovery or revelation but just for your own sake. Be careful and don't put your feelings out there...shake this one off, my friend. There are plenty of men out there online who would be perfectly great to openly and discretely share personal feelings. (and yes, this is not to say that you would necessarily act upon them. You simply want to explore them in conversation). Peace to you.
     
  7. HUNGHUGE11X7

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    Yes he was rude but people are rude all the time.
    He could have been more delicate in his response but I think your reaction would have been the same just not so heightened.
    Sounds like what really bothered you and you posting this tends to lend credit to this is that even though what he told you was less than tactful ,what you really found unsettling was the veracity of his words. This made you think what if , what if ?
    I have no knowing of your situation in your formative years growing up however you now have to realize you cannot think of WHAT IF? but if you do you must not dwell on them .
    You made your decisions either due to what society taught you or parents and the path you followed is the one which sounds like was more comfortable for you yet now later in your life those nagging questions that never went away were brought back front and center.
    The very lament "DID HE NEED TO SAY THAT" suggests that you took this to heart and NOT b/c he hurt you either cause one thing I know for certain is words have no power over you unless you allow them the power !
    My heart does go out to you b/c on the whole young people today have it far easier than those born of your time but it isn't fair to take out your angst entirely on someone you just met and briefly chatted with!

    GNOTHI SEAUTON

    HH
     
    #7 HUNGHUGE11X7, Nov 30, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2009
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