I know what you're going through I'm a first year student and I have the exact situation going right now with one of my flatmates.
He comes from an anti gay family all his friends are proper "british lad" ( binge drinking, drugs, pub on saturday....) and everything about him was "kill faggots" then he moved with me and from the first day i came out to him. but I'm not a flamboyant queen, I am a masculine guy even though I like being feminine at some moment. I basically broke the gay mould for him. instead of being queeny, bitching, and annoying I showed him that I could his equal or even more. That gave me some respect from him and it opened his eyes on the gay community. but every time that a friend of his come or his family it's like his "true colours" kicks in.
My idea is that if they are raised like that you can try to educate them about us but deep inside there are still trace of their upbringing.
I would advise you to keep your distance from him but still keep it friendly and cool. you know say hi , how was your day ... just be social but don't get personal because in time of crisis (drunk, argument, stress..) he will use that gay thing against you. Hope that I helped
PS: those pics of yours? call me when your loony roommate move I'd live with you anytime

(that was the queen bitch in me =D)
I'm very similar to you. Really masculine, but enjoy being jokingly feminine at times, even if it's just mocking myself being a gay guy. Also you talked about "breaking the gay mold." That's been the case with so many people I know, especially high school friends who had no clue I was gay. They had a preconceived notion of gay men as queeny guys for the most part, and then after finding out I was gay, it was like "oh, he's gay? I had no idea." And most people seemingly liked me MORE after finding out I was gay. I have a good friend, who's a devout Muslim, who told me "you know, I always thought if I were to come into contact with a gay guy, I'd hate him, but I just can't hate you dude. I love you." That was amazing for me. One of the best compliments I've ever received.
Anyway, I digress.....
Stringer, I don't generally throw out arbitrary compliments but I think you're a really good guy.
Why, thanks, Nick.
He comes across as conflicted. The fact that you guys are friends and do get along implies that he does fundamentally respect you, though.
I don't know. I don't think you should be surprised of his homophobia, but you should be offended that he crossed the line but I'm under the impression that the both of you provoke each other a lot and see how far you can take it and he just took it too far.
Not surprised at all at his homophobia. It makes sense because of how he was raised. You can't control what your parents instill in you. What you CAN control is how you're open to new ideas as you mature - and he's been open to talking with me about the subject several times in the past (in a non-drunken, serious setting). He's still going through some internal conflict obviously, but I think his views on homosexuality have changed a bit. He really knew very little before he met me (he thought being gay was a choice.) I think you're right in that he fundamentally respects me.
maybe your unintentionally flirting on him without realizing. I really hate it when guys do that to me.
This could not be further from the truth. I have zero sexual inklings for the guy. At all.
This sounds like a toxic friendship. Learn from it and move on.
It's toxic because we live in the same room as each other. We both agree that living apart will eliminate a lot of the problems we have with each other. Much of our fighting comes because we are just around each other too much. Yeah, some parts might be toxic, it's not so black and white where I either ditch him, or keep him as a roommate. I guess you can take what I wrote in the OP with a grain of salt because I listed, in detail, only negative things about our relationship. We both enjoy each other's company most of the time.
I think fundamentally he considers you a friend, but peer pressure and showing off gets the better of him when he's around others and so does what he thinks will keep him fitting in with them. I wouldn't take much of it to heart.
This guy is not your friend and I can't even understand why you'd want to call him that. He and his friends are dicks. You should write this idiot off and hang out with people who respect you.
His friends are certainly dicks. I think he's better than them though.
It might sound like a copout but I think your ages are a big factor. 5 years from now he'd be totally cool with you because he knows you beyond your sexuality (maybe not his friends though, they sound like assholes). That said, you need to at least live in a gay friendly environment because afterall, it's your home.
Good point about age. Maturity is a big factor in all of this. After all, we're first year college students fresh into the real world.
Yep, this.
Homophobia does suck, but if you consider the situation, despite his homophobia he still considers the OP his friend and I'm thinking that his homophobia is skindeep while his friendship is deeper. It's messed up but if you consider the way he grew up and the friends he's surrounded himself with growing up, it makes sense why he would be that way and by befriending the op he's clearly taking steps.
People are quick to judge people like him, but he can't help his upbringing and he can't expected to switch from socially conservative to socially libertarian in one day. The fact that he can befriend someone who he's been taught to hate in itself is pretty great.
Great post. I talked with my parents about your last point, that it's great that he's kept a friendship despite what he learned during his upbringing.
Glad you are open to keeping the relationship going on some level, if not as roomies. I think that his friendship with you is an opportuinity for his personal growth, and part of the leaving behind of all that social conditioning we are supposed to question when we move out and go to college.
Agreed.
Is faggot a bad word? I've got gay friends that said it doesn't bother them and even use the word themselves. I figured the stigma severity is gone, its just a word.
It's very offensive to me when it's meant in a mean spirited way. That's about the only word in the dictionary that offends me, actually. That and other gay slurs.
Most people aren't 100% anything, including assholes. Your roommate sounds like he is having his experience where he redefines what he was taught about gay people, by rooming with one. You seem really generous with cutting him slack. Calling someone faggot seems really harsh, but i can also imagine how it means something really different to him - like calling someone gay which means almost nothing/anything nowadays. Just my 2cents. I bet he changes from his experience with you as a roommate- not that it is your job to change him, just sayin'. - But I would have been over the fucking moon if I had you as a roommate in college. - I'd welcome you walking around naked swinging that dick anytime you wanted to.
Good post. And maybe in another life. :wink:
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I guess this post I just made was a counter to the original post I made, listing some of the positive things. Thanks for the responses guys. I just wanted to vent and hear some other opinions.