Did you "choose" to be gay?

[fellatio4ever]

No. I have no forever that i was attracted to other males....i didnt choose to be gay

 

[marlins]

I don't think anyone can choose his or her sexuality, but you can respond to it... Affirming that you're gay is a choice. So is living in the closet.

GREAT words, my south FL bud!!!

 

[keenobserver]

The main point I was trying to make earlier is that our brains are all wired individually. What is "Possible" for one person may be totally impossible for another. Women have it much easier than men when it comes to sexuality. A woman can be raped because she does not have to be a willing participant in the sex act. A man on the other hand (not talking about anal here) can't be raped by a woman because he has to have an erection in order to have sex. I have never had the slightest arousal with women. No amount of conditioning will change that. You can't put a gun to my head and tell me to get hard or else.Nor can I will it to happen. It just won't happen. I could never have a phony str8 marriage unless it was to a woman that wanted companionship and no sex.

Erections do often happen in rape - anal or other wise. It is a biological reaction that does not require consent or eroticism. This is another reason male rape is under reported - shame. It you got hard, you must have enjoyed / wanted it. That's the lie.

 

[jjsjr]

http://delawareglu.blogspot.com/2014/03/when-did-you-choose-to-be-gay.html



When I found out that there was a choice, at first, I was in shock... "whaaat, there's another option????" So first I looked at my friends, saw how easy stuff was for them. Then, I looked at the gay people getting beat up around me and thought "well damn, that's what I want for myself!" ... so I chose gay.

Because I chose to be gay, I spent the first 19 years of my life living in fear.
Because I chose to be gay, my parents hated me after I told them about my choice.
If only I had chosen to take the easy social path, like all you people who chose to be straight.

I've met other people who also chose to be gay, we talk about the moment when we realized there was a choice. Sometimes we talk about when we learned about the gay lifestyle and how it limits our legal capabilities; some of us thought that hospital visitation rights were just silly and petty. Who would want family members who love you, choose gay!!!

But to answer your question: When did I choose to become gay??
It was the same time I realized that gay was an option, because if gay is an option, straight is one too. So while all my other friends were choosing to remain straight, I knew I was a bit different.

I knew I was a bit different very early on: I liked Barbies, I liked theater, I liked looking at the guys in underwear ads. And since I somehow liked all this stuff before I realized there was a choice, it seemed fitting....

.... but wait a minute......

if I liked Barbies and stuff before discovering about the possibility of a choice, then maybe I was gay before the concept of a choice was even considered.....

but if that's true.... that would mean....

that being gay is not a damn choice. It's inherent, kiddo.... just like skin color, eye color, baldness or being straight.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

http://delawareglu.blogspot.com/2014/03/when-did-you-choose-to-be-gay.html



When I found out that there was a choice, at first, I was in shock... "whaaat, there's another option????" So first I looked at my friends, saw how easy stuff was for them. Then, I looked at the gay people getting beat up around me and thought "well damn, that's what I want for myself!" ... so I chose gay.

Because I chose to be gay, I spent the first 19 years of my life living in fear.
Because I chose to be gay, my parents hated me after I told them about my choice.
If only I had chosen to take the easy social path, like all you people who chose to be straight.

I've met other people who also chose to be gay, we talk about the moment when we realized there was a choice. Sometimes we talk about when we learned about the gay lifestyle and how it limits our legal capabilities; some of us thought that hospital visitation rights were just silly and petty. Who would want family members who love you, choose gay!!!

But to answer your question: When did I choose to become gay??
It was the same time I realized that gay was an option, because if gay is an option, straight is one too. So while all my other friends were choosing to remain straight, I knew I was a bit different.

I knew I was a bit different very early on: I liked Barbies, I liked theater, I liked looking at the guys in underwear ads. And since I somehow liked all this stuff before I realized there was a choice, it seemed fitting....

.... but wait a minute......

if I liked Barbies and stuff before discovering about the possibility of a choice, then maybe I was gay before the concept of a choice was even considered.....

but if that's true.... that would mean....

that being gay is not a damn choice. It's inherent, kiddo.... just like skin color, eye color, baldness or being straight.

Are you sure that liking barbies and theater have something to do about sexual orientation?

 

[bwhip1011]

Yes. I woke up one morning, picked out something to wear, had some orange juice, and then decided that I'd like to suck dick.

 

[Jasthma]

I remember being attracted to guys at an early age, but didn't know what it meant. I tried hard to be attracted to girls. I thought with practice I could learn to like girls. The thought of being naked with a girl made me very nervous. Whenever I saw a naked guy at the gym, I knew it felt right. The first time I had sex with a guy, it seemed so natural and so right. After years of denying my true orientation, I accepted that I'm gay. I didn't choose this, it's the way I am.

 

[jjsjr]

Are you sure that liking barbies and theater have something to do about sexual orientation?

LoL, whose side are you on?

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

LoL, whose side are you on?

Which sides there are? I suppose I'm on the side that doesn't believe that liking barbies have something to do with sexual orientation. What are you presuming about me through that disbelief?

 

[jjsjr]

Which sides there are? I suppose I'm on the side that doesn't believe that liking barbies have something to do with sexual orientation. What are you presuming about me through that disbelief?

My post wasn't about you.
I'm a walking stereotype and proud of it too.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

My post wasn't about you.
I'm a walking stereotype and proud of it too.

I didn't thought your first post was about me. You just asked "whose side" I was.
Anyway, so while liking barbies and theather is part of the stereotype of being gay, does it really have anything to do with being gay?

 

[jjsjr]

Lol, it's part of the package for some of us.
If you don't align with that, you be you, but don't deny the habit of many guys.
I don't post to argue, so I'll let you work out your inner demons on your own.

This thread asked for support.
You offered yours earlier.
I offered mine.
Let us continue to do that.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

Lol, it's part of the package for some of us.
If you don't align with that, you be you, but don't deny the habit of many guys.
I don't post to argue, so I'll let you work out your inner demons on your own.

This thread asked for support.
You offered yours earlier.
I offered mine.
Let us continue to do that.

It's two independent characteristics. You are gay, liked barbies and are white (per example), that doesn't mean that being gay have anything to do with liking barbies or being white (although being white is part of the package for many gay people). Do you get what I'm saying? There's no reason to think any of those are correlated.

 

[elklindoxxx]

Can you choose your sexuality?

I don't think so. For me, I grew up liking girls. Then one time I went to the nude beach and saw a bunch of nude guys for the first time in my life and my cock jumped. I don't know...it just happened. I didn't choose for it to happen....

 

[Hockeytiger]

Male rape does happen. It's actually a misconception that erection equals consent.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_of_males

While I 100% agree with your point, I'd expand it from erection to arousal. Many women experience arousal while being raped as well. It is a physiological reaction, not a psychological reaction.

That being said it can be toughest on straight guys as not only are they dealing with the stigma of male on male rape, many unnecessarily start to question their own sexuality, which only compounds any desire to engage in denial. Very sad situation.

 

[BBB2.5]

Really .... it's is 2016 and people are still asking this question.... I can understand a young person confusion as to their sexual orientation. We all had those feelings, " I'm different ".. they went against society acceptance. We also knew early on that we liked looking at guys (boys) more than girls. Thinking to ourselves , "I like him", yet there was nothing sexual about it. We did not at that time understand why we felt that way. As we grew up, back then it was difficult. We realized at some point in our lives to accept that we were Gay, not choosing to be be Gay. Times are changing now and I hope that the younger generation has an easier time accepting who they are, and stop thinking they have to choose it.

 

[alcor972]

I went to the nude beach and saw a bunch of nude guys for the first time in my life and my cock jumped

have you got a hard on on the nude beach that first day when you saw them naked?...
thank you, elklindoxxx...

 

[328982]

I don't actively identify as gay, but I did until about halfway through college. So I think my response is still appropriate in the "ask a gay man" forum.

I like thinking of sexual orientation as a proactive choice. It makes my life far more fulfilling every time I choose to have sex with a man or woman I think is attractive. The only reason to think why a person couldn't choose their own orientation is a false subconscious belief that there is a right and wrong choice to be made.

Honestly, I think believing that one can only be "born this way" is a little homophobic and very heterosexist. This discussion is definitely conflated with the systemic oppression of homosexuality. But that is a separate issue from whom you choose to sleep with and why. Systemic oppression is obviously an important topic. But it's existence shouldn't decide the boundaries of your love life. That would please others around you, but would it please yourself? Only you can answer that question.

In my opinion, sexual attraction is born of sexual experiences. The more sex you have with men, the more attractive you will find them. When you are 100% gay or straight, your life becomes a journey of validation through the kind of sex you have. You are a specialist in your field.

With this set up, you can potentially know much about your homosexuality and very little about your sexuality overall. That's the draw back of becoming a specialist in a narrow field.

The first time I sucked cock, I hated it. My first few years of gay sex were unfulfilling and unsatisfying. I knew I found men attractive, but I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy having sex with them. Part of it was that I was having sex for the wrong reasons. But another big part was that I just didn't have enough experience to understand how to enjoy fucking in the first place. My gay identity was socially constructed in those days, and not true to my genuine sense of self.

To be honest, my first few times having straight sex felt the same as my first few gay experiences. Only I had no socially constructed dogma to push me into enjoying it like I did with the gay sex I chased as a "gay male".

So yes, you CAN choose to be gay, bi, or straight...or something else altogether, like demisexual or pansexual. Out of all these options, THERE IS NO "CORRECT" ANSWER. You just have to remember that choosing your sexuality is not something that can be done overnight. Think of it as choosing whom you want to live with and why, or where in the world you want to live. The only way to truly find the answers you seek is to garner experiences, and then discover how you feel about them as well as to learn from them.

Sex is not automatic, you need to have bad sex before you can have good sex, regardless of whatever kind of sex it is. That's why it takes SO LONG for many people to become confident in their chosen sexuality. It's a part of your life journey, and will only end on the day you die.

That's such an enjoyable argument I'm willing to believe it's true

 

[travis7]

I was with a woman before.. but my body did not respond.. just like some foods we like.. and sports.. etc.. do we have a choice. NO way.. I want to be happy and appreciated. Sure, when I was a did I wanted a nice house.. wife and family.. but then I wanted a family without the woman.. jut no interests. I found my body responded more to men.... then would look at penthouse just to see a glimpse of a guy.. then Hustler came out.. hot dam... real men..

 

[Brodie888]

The only people who have the freedom of choosing are bisexuals.