Difference in sex style?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Tam_Ponds, Aug 22, 2011.

  1. D_Tam_Ponds

    D_Tam_Ponds Account Disabled

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    I'm in a new relationship with a man who is very, very different than the men I've been in relationships with before. He is very, very nice, but somehow I keep going back and forth about how I'm feeling about him. Part of me wonders if why I'm not settling in is because of my own apparent aversion to 'nice guys.' In which case, I need a kick in the butt. I really need a nice guy in my life, but of course, I've never really been interested in them - in a stupid, subconscious way of course.

    But here is where I'm at from a sexual standpoint - we are just very different stylistically and I'm wondering if we are compatible long-term. He is pretty small - in fact the smallest guy I've been with (not counting one that was so small I don't count him LOL). Body size wise, he is a pretty big guy - also not what I'm used to. Not that I'm being judgemental or anything, because that really doesn't bother me. So far, the fooling around/sex has been very enjoyable and pretty much involves lots of kissing, neck, lots of breast attention, tons of extremely skilled finger action. Then the actual sex is a let down, too small to get anywhere and he only lasts about 2 minutes - maybe less. Well, I guess now I know where he gets the finger skills... And I've tried to give him a bj - which he couldn't handle for more than 2 minutes - but it is awkward because of his small size too. So here is the problem - I don't want to just always receive all of this extra attention because he has no other way to satisfy me - because that makes me feel very selfish. And I feel like I have no good way to repay the favor either. Usually I would consider myself a very giving lover - but him not being able to last 2 minutes takes that away from me. I can't give an incredible bj or show off my wicked strong pc muscles when he can't last long enough to receive it. So if he spends 20 or 30 minutes making me orgasm and squirm, then he gets 90 seconds of enjoyment, I feel pretty terrible. He says he can go multiple rounds, but he hasn't chosen to - and this weekend he stayed all night - sex in the evening, sex in the morning - same 90 seconds both times.

    I don't want to be shallow, and I don't want to leave a poor guy over size or 'durability,' he doesn't deserve that. He is pretty darned good at satisfying me, but it just leaves me feeling guilty that he has to do all of that for his 2 minutes of glory. This sucks. :frown1:
     
  2. D_Pokin Joe Frazier

    D_Pokin Joe Frazier New Member

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    Sex sounds like it is very important to you an d it is to me too so if you are not happy just move on the world is a big place there is the perfect guy out there fir you mentally phisically and spiritually.
     
  3. fire77

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    You like the guy and he is darned good at satisfying you, is he happy.? if he is then just carry on the way you are. However if you want him to last longer for any reason, then he could pop a viagra and use delay cream, or he could see a doctor and there are many different treatments for his condition. One of my friends had the same issue with her hubby, he uses a little injection at the base of his penis which keeps him hard for couple of hours even after ejaculation he stays hard. Your hubby can ask his doctor for it.
     
  4. MickeyLee

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    if you feel like you are settling, ya need to break it off for his sake.
    can't see how being an "oh, well" is good for anyone's self esteem.
    i suspect he senses how you feel, thus is over eager need to please you.

    quick on his wick - maybe he just gets really excited getting you to happy town :smile:

    spoil him for a night. give him as much build up and foreplay as he normally gives you. edge him to extend is orgasmic build up.

    if ya feeling selfish, step up your game.
     
    #4 MickeyLee, Aug 22, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2011
  5. alx

    alx
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    Ads long as he shoots his load im sure he doesnt mind if its 30mins or 2mins. It would be extremely harsh to finish with him just because he can't last long, as that can be worked on and can be a fun challenge.

    Is the size really that much of an issue? I'm thinking he's 4"? Tbh if i was a women I'd want to be satisfied by the guys cock and save the fingering to foreplay.

    Depends how much your sex life means to you I suppose. But going down the 'nice guy' route is the way to go.
     
  6. TexasC0wb0y

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    I agree with everything here

     
  7. Uncutpete

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    I think that, unless you are very young, it would be a mistake to waste your time with a guy who you kind of like, but who does not satisfy you sexually. My guess is that you will wind up leaving him if you stay with him, and hurting both of you... after a time of feeling dry and unsatisfied. Think for a second. Don't you want a man who makes you feel great when you fuck? You should not judge yourself for making choices for reasons of physical looks, or endowment. It doesn't make you shallow, as long as you look for the other qualities, too. Passion is a very important part of a love relationship. And the guy doesn't sound like his personality excites you, either.

    Don't get attached to a guy because you think you ought to, or because you think it would be good for you. After a bunch of baddies, you have understood that you want someone who treats you well. Great! Keep that understanding, and wait for a guy who treats you well and turns you on sexually, too. They do exist, and you deserve one.
     
  8. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Can you live with that kind of sex forever? If not, staying with him isn't fair to either of you.
     
  9. Frnkd213

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    Is it your ego, I have all this bag of tricks but can't show him rather than guilt that's causing you angst? It would help if you gave a ballpark " small" to you number. Less than ____.

    Have you really sat down and told him about his performance? Seems that bothers you most. His size, well is it fair to say that if it wasn't his performance fucking you(length of time) it wasn't as big of a deal? Since you have a chance to satisfy him AND you with your bag of tricks. Because you don't have a chance to show what you can do it frustrates you, I imagine. Like showing friends a YouTube clip and they can't wait for the "best part" and you know they would like it.

    I say this because you don't sound like a mean hearted person who will do things to make a break up easier. It is easier to leave angry than to leave with mutual understanding and respect. And as a man the word small in any form will kill him for the rest of his life. He might join a monastery and live in silence.

    A possible solution as part of sex jerk him off he cums, than suck him till he gets hard with all your tricks and if he cums again after let's say 5 minutes, get him hard again and let him now fuck you, he might last another 5-10 minutes.
    Talk to him about this he might than be okay with multiple orgasms.

    Nice guys can learn.
    Later introduce him to PE exercises. (penis enlargement) I find that it works and has made me last longer too!
     
    #9 Frnkd213, Aug 23, 2011
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2011
  10. Bbucko

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    Sexual compatibility is at the top of my criteria for qualifying a long-term partner; the few times in my life when I ignored this (twice, actually), I quickly discovered what a mistake it was. I'll never do it again unless sex has no place in the relationship (which I seriously cannot imagine happening).

    That's not being shallow, that's realistically assessing and fulfilling one of your most basic needs.
     
  11. D_Tam_Ponds

    D_Tam_Ponds Account Disabled

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    I don't know. Could play a part of it... We haven't been involved for very long, so I'm not anxious to make any quick decisions. Things may improve, but I'm not sure how. Like I said, he is a pretty big guy, so actually when he is flaccid, he is actually kinda inverted, if you know what I mean. I've never been a big fan of playing with flaccid cock, and I'm really not game for going fishing for it! He called himself 'average' to me already. He is not average in comparison to the other men I have slept with, but then I think I have had an abnormally 'large' sampling, not in number so much... I also think a length measurement is hard to estimate, because he does have some flab hiding some if it. It really doesn't matter what the dimensions are, it's small for me. And I don't want to sit him down and explain it, that is pretty cruel. I am pretty sure this is probably why he is so skilled with the other foreplay stuff. But I will admit, I am a "hurry up, no more foreplay, fuck me already" kinda chick. Are there women out there that would love to have all foreplay and no sex? He certainly puts the effort forth, and I have to respect him for that. God, why is it always something?!
     
  12. Frnkd213

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    Oh I see he is turtling, penis when flaccid shrinks to such an extent like a turtle in is shell. "shrinkage" as George in Seinfeld would say. He is large, weight wise also, heavy set maybe, Inconsequencial(sp) as this does not seem to concern you.

    You may have to just be upfront as Bbucko states. If you need the sex part of a relationship be equally satisfying it will not as long as you dont see it and you'll be miserable as wel as he. Im sure your performance is satisfying for him. But you have to look at where this will go. Unfortunately no where unless you are truly okay with the physical realities, he is small and fast.
    It is a dilemma that unfortunately can leave one of you unhappy.
     
  13. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    I agree with this wholeheartedly.
     
  14. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    you say he says he can go multiple rounds but hasn't done so. then you take charge, wait 5-10 minutes(you'll have to judge this) after one of his 90 second "rounds" and go down on him.
     
  15. ShannonH

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    Recommending PE exercises is an awful idea; it's extremely insulting, the effectiveness is dubious, and it could even cause some damage.

    If he's overweight, a lot of weight loss will make his dick considerably larger for two reasons:
    1 - less flab burying it, so he'll get some length
    2 - being in better shape will improve circulation, so it'll grow all over

    Weight loss is never something one partner should just demand of the other, but if you get serious a fit + active lifestyle is something you can do together.
     
  16. D_Tam_Ponds

    D_Tam_Ponds Account Disabled

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    Well, I like to have long, drawn out sessions of passionate, sensual sex - all the while squeezing the heck out of my lover's penis with my pc muscles and having long, building orgasms that go on for what seems like forever. That is my favorite kind of sex. He just keeps bringing up all this kinky stuff that doesn't interest me, in fact turns me off completely. From bondage to butt plugs - you name it. I guess I'm just reluctant to end it because he has been very nice to me aside from the horny kinky crap and I just haven't been in any real relationship in a long time. That part feels nice. But, I guess I'm just wasting more time...
     
  17. duderino

    duderino New Member

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    Life is NOT a dress rehearsal. In my experience, settling for anything less than what you really want, no questions asked, simply leads to resentments, projections of wacky shit, arguments started for reasons unknown and long, drawn out miserable wastes of time. Better to be single and find yourself than to spend more time wondering whether you should be in the relationship that you're in than you actually spend enjoying the relationship - let alone focusing on personal growth and self-awareness.

    We must conserve our emotional energy; life does not let you chose when calamity may strike, or when your fellow man or woman may need your full emotional support in a time of crisis. Clear away the wreckage of the past and keep your own house clean (emotionally speaking).

    How would you react if you learned he had posted something on a public internet forum asking strangers for relationship advice because he worries he is settling for you?
     
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