Difficulty being gay....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jjsjr, Feb 3, 2009.

  1. jjsjr

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    My family and friends are ok with my sexuality now,
    but highschool was a horror for me. I'll go into detail later.

    What are your personal experiences with your peers and your sexuality?
    (positive or negative)

    Joe.
     
  2. TallHungLB

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    Aside from the totally natural nervousness of coming out to yourself, family and friends, I've never had any problems of being gay. I've come to learn that I'm very lucky to have such a great family and circle of friends. Having grown up Roman Catholic I was certain my mom was going to disown me or send me away to some Catholic boot camp to get the sinful thoughts out of my head. But she couldn't have been more perfect when I told her. The same goes for my immediate and extended family. I'm the only gay person anywhere in my family tree, that I know of, so I was scared they wouldn't understand but it was such a non-issue I almost felt disappointed there was no drama.

    I started to come out my junior year in high school to close friends, who were awesome and are still close friends. By the end of my high school senior year I had come out to everybody who needed to know and was living completely "out of the closet," meaning I never held back secrets or changed pronouns from "he" to "she" when talking about boyfriends etc. I'm now 38 and can't even imagine living a life of fear or shame of being gay. That's crazy!
     
  3. nitzaski

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    I had generally a very possitive experience - I told my sister first and she was very supportive and has always been wonderful anyway! My mother is in the Arts and has gay friends so I was not worried and she has proved to be the star that she is. It was my father that I was worried about and he did take it very badly, but came to get use to it and was eventually extremely fond of my partner and I remember, when my father was still with us, the pair of them giggling together about some inane joke. Fortunately my fella's family are also very open and caring.

    If you lose friends over coming out I don't think they are really friends anyway. There are plenty of open, kind and generous people to share you life with.
     
  4. B_just8inches

    B_just8inches New Member

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    damn no offense, but i couldnt imagine anyone, be it friends or family, intolerant enough to have a problem with said situation... [If i was to have been gay]. But for the most part it sounds like everyone elses family were supportive. Ignorant people suck?
     
  5. Smartalk

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    I think the hardest part is being totally honest and comfortable with yourself. I think if your family and friends see this, they realise it is not a whim or passing phase. If long standing friends disown you then I say its there loss. Find people who accept you for whom your are.
     
  6. auncut10in

    auncut10in Well-Known Member

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    Hasn't been so easy for me. I grew up in a very religious family. Being gay was just not an option. I thought if I got married, I could somehow change or at least diminish my feelings for guys. But that is not how it really works. I finally came out. My family pretty much has pushed me out. I am not invited to any family activities, Christmas dinners etc. No one will really talk to me. My dad sends me letters on a regular basis telling me being gay is an abomination and I should give it up. The one person that has remained understanding is my ex wife. She is the one person that has a right to be angry with me, but somehow she seems to understand the best.

    Despite all of that, I don't regret for one minute coming out. I have good friends and feel so much better about myself rather than live some twisted lie to make others happy.
     
  7. Guardian100

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    I came out at 18 my family was great, my straight friends were great. A few of my gay friends on the other hand treated me like shit, me coming out was like a red flag for them to critisize me over superfical things. I'm me, if you don't like me for being me or I don't fit into what you think is gay enough then take away my gay card.
     
  8. splitface

    splitface New Member

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    the worst parts for me:

    I have yet to come out to my family (parents: One Christian, one Catholic, both narrow minded and ignorant)
    High School was ULTIMATE POWER shit
    for a long time, I was constantly trying to 'cure' myself (nly watching straight porn, trying to date girls, when i was checking out guys)


    There are more though, trust me
     
    #8 splitface, Feb 3, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2009
  9. ginger_qboy

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    BAD!!!!!

    Very religious family, grew up "in the chruch" but was aware that one day the truth will come out.

    my parents didn't accept it. they prayed, seeked medical help.

    all through high school i was verbally harassed.

    my friends never cared, bu i had to totally seperate myself from my life as i knew it at the time.

    it's all good now, but the scars will NEVER go away!
     
  10. CUBE

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    I think I have blocked some stuff. But what I want to tell you guys is that you are Supermen. Look what shit you have gone through/going through and you are still standing. Give yourself tons of credit for being men of honor. You are smarter than the avg guy, more your own person than the avg guy, fine men. You are indeed Superman and I say this again and again to every gay man I know. We are better lovers, thinkers, philosophers, workers, and people then the rest so just keep going and draw the people that are worthy of you close. My best to you brothers. Hugs.
     
  11. bigbull29

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    I just love you, Cubey!:wink:
     
  12. plumbr

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    Very inspiring!!! Good for people that are still closeted...like me.
     
  13. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    not a single problem with family, friends, school, offices I've worked with, etc ...
     
  14. canuck_pa

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    I never really thought it was an issue. If I was seeing someone I just took them to family functions and no one ever said anything about it. I did have extended family (cousins, aunts, etc.) who hinted but I refused to say anything. The way I feel is, do heterosexuals have to "come-out"? I did however tell some members of my family, some friends and I've always been "out" at work.

    Who knows, perhaps I was making an excuse so it wouldn't be an issue.

    I did have friends who had a terrible time. One friend ended up having a stroke from the tension. One from a wealthy family was disinherited. And one committed suicide because of his mother.
     
  15. luv2watchdick

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    I'm a preacher's kid, so coming out was hell for me.We got through it though and mom still loves me and doesn't care that I'm gay now. I'm not quite ready to bring a man home for Christmas just yet lol!
     
  16. BirdinMo

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    Ahhh coming out to my family took me 4 years to do! I was so scared to do it, after I did it it was no biggie at all! I thought my parents would do the whole "your young, keep it under raps for now and decide later if you really are" thing but no my mom hugged me and said "I finaly have a gay son to go shopping with" and my dad said "I guess I have 3 daughters now?" LOL. I was so shocked but so happy! My brothers and sisters were cool about it also so were my friends. The only person in my family who has a problem with it is my aunt who now quote "hates his f*cking queer guts" end quote. Thats fine though, her oopion is hers mine is mine. I just ignor her, all she ever says to me now is "has fag got a fag friend to get aids from yet?" and I reply "no, but I do here they are serving an extra dose of stupid bitch pills at the hospital. Want my fag ass to drive you there?" It shuts her up pretty quick.
     
  17. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    I have the opposite experience; I have a difficult time "being straight". As a woman who breaks from a lot of stereotypical female gender norms, I'm assumed to be a lesbian more often than not (well, except when I lived in Sweden - Europeans tended to be less assuming this way), and most of my friends are in the queer community. The idea of wanting to be straight is totally lost on me - I'd do anything I could to be more gay.
     
  18. chrispy

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    Wow! Reading all of your posts just reminds me how lucky I was coming out: I was already so much an outcast - even within my own family - that it was just another reason people would think me a freak.

    Other than just that - other people - I do not remember having ever felt one way or another about being gay; it has always just been part of me, like having brown eyes.

    In the 8th grade, I became very devout - Catholic - and the Church was the center of my life. My home parish was either very tolerant, or very polite, 'cause when I started tentatively coming out at age 15, I really didn't encounter much overt prejudice. Some people quietly withdrew from my life, but that was about it.

    I think that in making this decision, there are always a couple of people whose acceptance is key: with me it was my older sister. Once I told her, and she accepted the truth with love and understanding (she may be a bigger fag than I am), I started coming out with a vengance! I was looking for people to run screaming, or at least cast me out, and tell me never to darken their door again! Did I mention that I am a bit of a drama queen?

    Now, since coming out has sometimes been a completely different story: even in Los Angeles, as an out gay man you run into "a whole lot of ugly from a never ending parade of stupid".*

    For me, the quote at the bottom of my post contains some of the truest words ever spoken: it is better to be honest with others and yourself, and deal with those consequences, than to live a lie. Even if someone "loves" and "accepts" you for that lie, it is still a lie.

    *Thank you for letting me run on,,,and kudos to whomever get's the quote!
     
  19. D_Portelay Porquesword

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    I was spared a "coming out" per se. Both my folks had passed by the time I had really learned to accept that aspect of my life.

    My brothers hate me and they do not speak to me or my sister because we share living space.

    She is the only family member who "gets" what my parents try to teach us. Acceptance, tolerance and if there is something that tears you up to the point of anger, go pray about it in private and leave people alone.
     
  20. sexplease

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    all good experiences...I've chosen my friends wisely.
     
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