I hope you mean you share living space only with your sister. I'd have to leave my living space and find another one if I had to share it with people who hated me.
NCbear (who admires Oh_Yeah's point of view)
Difficulty being gay....
- Thread starter jjsjr
- Start date
I hope you mean you share living space only with your sister. I'd have to leave my living space and find another one if I had to share it with people who hated me.
NCbear (who admires Oh_Yeah's point of view)
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/i'm 18 and i came out when i was 16. I think the worst part about it was leading up to telling my Mum. It was aggonising, but after i got the confidence and kind of shouted it at her she was cool with it.
Most of my mates had no idea...a lot of them thought i was joking at first, but generally my coming out was experience was great. None of my friends went wierd on me....infact it almost brought us closer. Strange how straight guys can act so incredibly gay at times....especially when they're drunk!
But some people did act a bit strange around me, by some people i meant those who didn't really matter. So other people in my classes and all that. They would just shout names or just do "gay voices". I kind of adopted a "fuck you" attitude to everyone, hehe. Like if anyone ever said anything i'd either just play a long with it and it would usually end up with them having the most disgusted look on their faces! Was Brilliant!
I think the funniest thing about being gay happened earlier this year. We were playing pool in our common room...and this git (who's now a friend of mine) wouldn't give me the cue. So i said i'd kiss him if he didn't, and he said go on then. So went over to him...kissed him in front of all his friends and we all laughed. He then found out i was gay and kind of went a bit quiet....but we're all friends now!
So i think the most important thing for people wanting to come out is to just relax. The people who are your friends will accept you. The people who don't aren't really worth being friends with. Although some might need time to adjust to the news!
And to all the fuckers who tease you and make fun of you, and generally make you feel like crap. Screw them! It's your life...live how you want to live it, and don't let anybody stop you!
Most of my mates had no idea...a lot of them thought i was joking at first, but generally my coming out was experience was great. None of my friends went wierd on me....infact it almost brought us closer. Strange how straight guys can act so incredibly gay at times....especially when they're drunk!
But some people did act a bit strange around me, by some people i meant those who didn't really matter. So other people in my classes and all that. They would just shout names or just do "gay voices". I kind of adopted a "fuck you" attitude to everyone, hehe. Like if anyone ever said anything i'd either just play a long with it and it would usually end up with them having the most disgusted look on their faces! Was Brilliant!
I think the funniest thing about being gay happened earlier this year. We were playing pool in our common room...and this git (who's now a friend of mine) wouldn't give me the cue. So i said i'd kiss him if he didn't, and he said go on then. So went over to him...kissed him in front of all his friends and we all laughed. He then found out i was gay and kind of went a bit quiet....but we're all friends now!
So i think the most important thing for people wanting to come out is to just relax. The people who are your friends will accept you. The people who don't aren't really worth being friends with. Although some might need time to adjust to the news!
And to all the fuckers who tease you and make fun of you, and generally make you feel like crap. Screw them! It's your life...live how you want to live it, and don't let anybody stop you!
Smartalk
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Its not like we had a choice of being straight or gay, we are who we are. I know some would change if they could. Took me long enough to accept myself as who I am and like Oh Yeah, both my parents had passed on before that happend. I am glad it happend that way, to some degree, not sure how my parents would have reacted. Sort of spared them any upset anguish etc, that is if there would have been any.
This is why I love this site, you can be "who you are" everyone gets along just fine, well at least 99.9% of the time.
This is why I love this site, you can be "who you are" everyone gets along just fine, well at least 99.9% of the time.
I think you'll find different generational responses as well as personal ones. I was a 70/80s kid (39 now) and came out 10 years ago. I'd been having sex with men secretly since 14, but back then, "we" (not all) would hide it for anything! When I did come out, no one was surprised, except my mum. I'm just glad I never got married or anything.
Soooo much changed in the 10 years (where the OP is now) that I'm sure coming out is very different. Please, hang in there. I totally agree: high school was hell. But adult life isn't. (I hope for you too).
Nope, we did NOT have a fair childhood. Let's make sure kids today and in the future have a better time. It might help us too.
Soooo much changed in the 10 years (where the OP is now) that I'm sure coming out is very different. Please, hang in there. I totally agree: high school was hell. But adult life isn't. (I hope for you too).
Nope, we did NOT have a fair childhood. Let's make sure kids today and in the future have a better time. It might help us too.
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Rugbypup
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Part of me admires men who can so confidently 'come out' and that don't experience the realisation of the fears many of us have about doing so.
I am not out, well, 99% not out, and I simply can not cope or imagine it any other way for a large number of reasons.
I do agree though, that admitting to yourself that you are gay is by far the hardest and frankly at times devastating realisation a young, inexperienced, unsupported, naive man can face. As nearly any gay man will tell you, looking back on when did you first know you were gay, I think unanimously most men will say that they just always new they were 'different' somehow. You don't chose to be gay just as you don't choose to be straight.
Well, growing up I always knew I was different somehow. I just was not as masculine or instinctually male as the guys around me. They seemed to have a primal bond and understand of what being a male was that I couldn't grasp. Their love of sport, mechanics, extreme violence, their unspoken understanding of each other and the way they spoke about females and the way females reacted to them. It was all difficult and confusing, and I just didn't have it, but by fuck, I wanted it badly. I wanted to be like them.
I started to think, I was broken somehow, that perhaps I needed medication or therapy. I didn't understand, I was male, but I'm not like them?
Gay men have always been a point of disgust and ridicule in my friends and family. They were always described as poof, queers, mentally ill, shirt lifters, shit stabbers, up hill gardeners, mincers, faggots, even chutney ferrets - whatever the fuck that is... they all had AIDS which i was told meant arse injected death sentence, they all wanted to really be women, they were all peadophiles and best of all, God hates them and is going to burnt them all for eternity. All because... they touched other men's willies and wanted sex with other men!
Basically gay was something you did not want to be! They were not real men, not natural and not something to be respected, accepted and frankly barely tolerated. The only gay men I saw as a kid were people like Franky Howard, John Inman and Kenneth Williams and even then, they were portrayed as comical grotesques, seemingly there for old ladies entertainment with ultra camp innuendo.
But I wasn't any of that!
Growing up further still, women became an issue. I could talk to them but I just wasn't sexually attracted to them, nor them me. i was always the best friend or just good friends! I tried to be more but didnt know what to do, it just wasn't happening. What the fuck was wrong with me! There is only so long you can go as a young man without female attention before people start to look at you talk behind your back.
I tried desperately to observe masculine instincts and tried to make myself more of a man by doing so. But there does come a point were straight men seem not able to relate to you in the same manner as they do each other, further alienating you from the norm.
As a became sexually aware, which was late, it was always images of men in my head, I tried women but it didn't have the same powerful effect.
It all started to add up. Straight men don't accept me as one of them instinctually, women only want to befriend me, I don't like sport and I think I think about men to wank... Could it mean I'm a gay?
I was devastated, I needed help to get fixed, why does god hate me so much? I pured myself into hiding from anything that could make people suspect I wasn't a real man in the hope it gave me the time I needed to fix myself. But the realisation of my 'condition' grew and I spiralled into a deep denial, depression and grief that lasted easily ten years!
I'm a cerebral person, I need to understand things as I'm simply not an instinctual person. I can not act without detailed information. So I researched masculinity and sexuality and finally with the arrival of the Internet could start reading other men's stories and accounts of their realisations of their sexuality.
I slowly started to accept that I was a masculine gay. That being gay didn't mean the terrible things I was told as a young man. I even made my peace with God - longer story, lol - but finally, I understood myself, my sexuality and sexual quirks in a manner than could never have been explained to me. But most of all, I learnt that I wasn't broken some how, that I was different, but that I was masculine and still a real man.
If anything, my understand of male sexuality is frankly fucking awesome, lol, and far better than that of the instinctual straight guys I grew up so jealous of.
Sadly, all I learned can not be handed to those around me to help them accept me and change what being gay really means.
I will loose my family if I ever came out. I fear that about all else.
Three people know.
A close bisexual girl mate, who I'm instinctually, aggressively now quite protective over. A former boss, who I fucking hate, who caught me off guard one day and asked me if I like guys or girls and without thinking I said both... Fuck! He didn't out me as I instantly played it as 'so the fuck what' but I could tell the people he did tell as they all instantly treated me as a lesser person, further enforcing my fear of coming out. And finally, my wolf!
No one has taught a frighten and confused pup more about sexuality, emotion and humanity in such as sort time than my big, hairy, rough male wolf, X.
I still consider sexuality as something deeply personal and will likely not come out unless I truly have no other choice.
I'm still learning, exploring and accepting what being a gay male is and still have some way to go.
Pup, x.
I am not out, well, 99% not out, and I simply can not cope or imagine it any other way for a large number of reasons.
I do agree though, that admitting to yourself that you are gay is by far the hardest and frankly at times devastating realisation a young, inexperienced, unsupported, naive man can face. As nearly any gay man will tell you, looking back on when did you first know you were gay, I think unanimously most men will say that they just always new they were 'different' somehow. You don't chose to be gay just as you don't choose to be straight.
Well, growing up I always knew I was different somehow. I just was not as masculine or instinctually male as the guys around me. They seemed to have a primal bond and understand of what being a male was that I couldn't grasp. Their love of sport, mechanics, extreme violence, their unspoken understanding of each other and the way they spoke about females and the way females reacted to them. It was all difficult and confusing, and I just didn't have it, but by fuck, I wanted it badly. I wanted to be like them.
I started to think, I was broken somehow, that perhaps I needed medication or therapy. I didn't understand, I was male, but I'm not like them?
Gay men have always been a point of disgust and ridicule in my friends and family. They were always described as poof, queers, mentally ill, shirt lifters, shit stabbers, up hill gardeners, mincers, faggots, even chutney ferrets - whatever the fuck that is... they all had AIDS which i was told meant arse injected death sentence, they all wanted to really be women, they were all peadophiles and best of all, God hates them and is going to burnt them all for eternity. All because... they touched other men's willies and wanted sex with other men!
Basically gay was something you did not want to be! They were not real men, not natural and not something to be respected, accepted and frankly barely tolerated. The only gay men I saw as a kid were people like Franky Howard, John Inman and Kenneth Williams and even then, they were portrayed as comical grotesques, seemingly there for old ladies entertainment with ultra camp innuendo.
But I wasn't any of that!
Growing up further still, women became an issue. I could talk to them but I just wasn't sexually attracted to them, nor them me. i was always the best friend or just good friends! I tried to be more but didnt know what to do, it just wasn't happening. What the fuck was wrong with me! There is only so long you can go as a young man without female attention before people start to look at you talk behind your back.
I tried desperately to observe masculine instincts and tried to make myself more of a man by doing so. But there does come a point were straight men seem not able to relate to you in the same manner as they do each other, further alienating you from the norm.
As a became sexually aware, which was late, it was always images of men in my head, I tried women but it didn't have the same powerful effect.
It all started to add up. Straight men don't accept me as one of them instinctually, women only want to befriend me, I don't like sport and I think I think about men to wank... Could it mean I'm a gay?
I was devastated, I needed help to get fixed, why does god hate me so much? I pured myself into hiding from anything that could make people suspect I wasn't a real man in the hope it gave me the time I needed to fix myself. But the realisation of my 'condition' grew and I spiralled into a deep denial, depression and grief that lasted easily ten years!
I'm a cerebral person, I need to understand things as I'm simply not an instinctual person. I can not act without detailed information. So I researched masculinity and sexuality and finally with the arrival of the Internet could start reading other men's stories and accounts of their realisations of their sexuality.
I slowly started to accept that I was a masculine gay. That being gay didn't mean the terrible things I was told as a young man. I even made my peace with God - longer story, lol - but finally, I understood myself, my sexuality and sexual quirks in a manner than could never have been explained to me. But most of all, I learnt that I wasn't broken some how, that I was different, but that I was masculine and still a real man.
If anything, my understand of male sexuality is frankly fucking awesome, lol, and far better than that of the instinctual straight guys I grew up so jealous of.
Sadly, all I learned can not be handed to those around me to help them accept me and change what being gay really means.
I will loose my family if I ever came out. I fear that about all else.
Three people know.
A close bisexual girl mate, who I'm instinctually, aggressively now quite protective over. A former boss, who I fucking hate, who caught me off guard one day and asked me if I like guys or girls and without thinking I said both... Fuck! He didn't out me as I instantly played it as 'so the fuck what' but I could tell the people he did tell as they all instantly treated me as a lesser person, further enforcing my fear of coming out. And finally, my wolf!
No one has taught a frighten and confused pup more about sexuality, emotion and humanity in such as sort time than my big, hairy, rough male wolf, X.
I still consider sexuality as something deeply personal and will likely not come out unless I truly have no other choice.
I'm still learning, exploring and accepting what being a gay male is and still have some way to go.
Pup, x.
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Like rugbypup, a lot of my struggle early on was internal.
I had a lot of difficulty coming out because of all the bullying that went on in my community around people who were even perceived as being possibly gay-ish. Mostly, though, I struggled with it because I was raped and molested by men as a little kid and had lots of difficulty with sexuality period. Adding on my sexual orientation was just too much to manage as a young person. Wanting to have sex with men when the only sexual experience I had with men was that traumatic made me think there was something very wrong and bad with me.
I don't know how I found the strength to throw that off and become proud of me and my body and my sexuality, but I did.
And with that, I'm going to go eat some comfort food and hug my man.
I had a lot of difficulty coming out because of all the bullying that went on in my community around people who were even perceived as being possibly gay-ish. Mostly, though, I struggled with it because I was raped and molested by men as a little kid and had lots of difficulty with sexuality period. Adding on my sexual orientation was just too much to manage as a young person. Wanting to have sex with men when the only sexual experience I had with men was that traumatic made me think there was something very wrong and bad with me.
I don't know how I found the strength to throw that off and become proud of me and my body and my sexuality, but I did.
And with that, I'm going to go eat some comfort food and hug my man.
Dave NoCal
Superior Member
I was in semi-denial in high school and masculine enough that no one bothered me. Fortunately I went to a small VERY LIBERAL college and it was there I began to come out to friends and started having boyfriends. Everyone was cool. I struggled some but all the support helped a lot. I came out ot my family in my early twenties. Siblings were cool and my parents were too after a few years. The two main things I don't like about being gay are the negative shit that still comes at us through the media and not feeling like "one of the guys" in all male situations.
yes it was tough growing up gay but I stuck with who i was and who i am. I am 45 and very happy school and church were good for me and to me.
D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele
Account Disabled
I knew i was gay since like forever. like i knew in my heart that i was gay cause I loved playing with barbies and dress up, I adored playing house. I'll never understand why my parents never figured it out. Well anyways, I was always different then the other kids at school. So i was bullied a lot. I was suspended four time in different occasions for defending myself. people made fun of me because I had satchel instead of a book bag. They called it my purse. All my friends till I got into college have always been girls. I mean, i just hated growing up. I hated grade school, the same with middle school, high school was the worst. i mean like i have to take into consideration that i had a catholic education so it was going to happen. I remember very vividly the only day i ever cried in school. It was in high school. First year. Religion class. Our teacher Mr. Cetro asked us to come up to the board and tell the class what we hated most. When I went up, i told the class how much i hated that everyday in the early morning, the grass was always wet, no matter if it rained the night before. (I love camping so this was a problem I always hated.) Anyways after i went up, Donte (Dontay) went up and looked straight into my eyes and said "I really hate gay people, I wish they would all just die. I hate those faggots."
it hurt so much that i cried. because i didn't even know him. after class i went to the bathroom in the basement and cried. i never cried in school till then.
For me, coming out to my parents was easier than dealing with the public day by day. my parents didn't speak to me for a month and my dad said that nxt time i go to work that i should jump in front of the train. it hurt but he apologized afterwards and things have improved over the years. what hurts the most is what the public says. because they don't know you and already hate you about something that is not even their business. I was asked on graduation why I choose to be gay. I told them i didn't. I was cursed this way. Nobody wants a life full of hatred and sorrow. No one wants to suffer in silence. I didn't choose to be gay, God made me this way and i refuse to be in the closet. i wont do it.
i have beautiful life full of lessons and scars. i have learned to laugh and love myself. My friends now call me brave because i can just pack my bags and travel alone (like i did with Rome) When you are gay and alone, you have to learn how to love yourself. To become independent in every form of the word. because that's freedom and no matter what some asshole says, they can never take that away.
happy thoughts Sinclair. Happy thoughts.
it hurt so much that i cried. because i didn't even know him. after class i went to the bathroom in the basement and cried. i never cried in school till then.
For me, coming out to my parents was easier than dealing with the public day by day. my parents didn't speak to me for a month and my dad said that nxt time i go to work that i should jump in front of the train. it hurt but he apologized afterwards and things have improved over the years. what hurts the most is what the public says. because they don't know you and already hate you about something that is not even their business. I was asked on graduation why I choose to be gay. I told them i didn't. I was cursed this way. Nobody wants a life full of hatred and sorrow. No one wants to suffer in silence. I didn't choose to be gay, God made me this way and i refuse to be in the closet. i wont do it.
i have beautiful life full of lessons and scars. i have learned to laugh and love myself. My friends now call me brave because i can just pack my bags and travel alone (like i did with Rome) When you are gay and alone, you have to learn how to love yourself. To become independent in every form of the word. because that's freedom and no matter what some asshole says, they can never take that away.
happy thoughts Sinclair. Happy thoughts.
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Well for a while, I was playing the I Bisexual card. I had a girlfriend and everything that I was sexually active with. I was very closeted about it though, nobody knew. I knew I had no interest in women and was mostly afraid to admit I was gay to myself. It wasn't until after I broke up with my girlfriend and started getting together with guys, that I became more and more comfortable with the aspect.
My family just kind of found out - after they overheard me on the phone talking to one of my friends about hooking up with someone. They confronted me afterward and it was a pretty awkward conversation. It came out then that I was bisexual, but a few years later, I just finally admitted to myself and others that I was gay. Most people welcomed the fact to come out with open arms. My family though, not so much. My parents think that I am 'making a terrible choice' with my life. The more they push against it, the more I push back. My brother wasn't happy with it at first, but is becoming more accepting. My aunts/uncles/ some cousins who didn't already know - when they found out were also pretty accepting.
My family just kind of found out - after they overheard me on the phone talking to one of my friends about hooking up with someone. They confronted me afterward and it was a pretty awkward conversation. It came out then that I was bisexual, but a few years later, I just finally admitted to myself and others that I was gay. Most people welcomed the fact to come out with open arms. My family though, not so much. My parents think that I am 'making a terrible choice' with my life. The more they push against it, the more I push back. My brother wasn't happy with it at first, but is becoming more accepting. My aunts/uncles/ some cousins who didn't already know - when they found out were also pretty accepting.
I knew that I was "different", as I didn't know of the word "gay" or what it meant as a young child. I recall enjoying playing with dolls, easy-bake ovens and playing house; of course I played the husband - but its was still playing house, something that straight boys didn't usually participate in. I was small statured, not aggressive, not sports inclined, but rather artistic, book-worm, and labeled teacher's pet because I was the student who turned in his homework on time, possess neat penmanship, did extra credit. Then came junior high, for which I played in the jr. high school band - the flute. Then high school I joined the Drama Department.
I grew up Southern Baptist. I was a youth minister in the church and I struggled with my homosexuality. I was brought up that it was wrong, sinful, a damned life, and an even worse eternal life. Oh how I prayed to God to take away the desires, the feelings, the lust - to make me "normal". To complicate matters, my grandmother was a church elder, who was called upon by the pastor and deacons of the church for mentorship. The additional burdon of fear that my "secret" would be found out and I would be publically humilitated and disowned by my family. My grandmother asked me directly if I was gay, after noticing my left earring (thank you Bruce Willis and the show "Moonlighting" - he wore a diamond earring and I thought it was hottest thing). I recall taking a deep breath in preparing for the damnation that would follow upon revealing my true self, and while my grandmother wasn't happy that I was gay, and felt that it was somehow a failure on her part as she felt responsible for my spiritual development, she still loved me. We both struggled with my being gay - me with navigating what it meant to be gay in the 80's (the high-light of the AIDS epidemic) and my grandmother and her fear of "catching" AIDS simply from my being gay - as at that time it wasn't clear exactly how AIDS was transmitted. I recall seeing the gay pride parades on t.v. and recalling how they only televised the drag queens or men in leather and feeling like I didn't belong to either group, but not realizing there was more to being gay that just those two segments of our community.
Today, for the most the part I'm an out gay man. First, because I'm more passible gay than passible straight - small statured, not physically imposing, not inclined to play or have an interest in sports, am still interested in doing interests or hobbies that are more aligned to women's interest - interior design, make-up artistry, cooking/baking, gardening. Dating, I find as I get older its more challenging, because I'm not masculine, muscular, young or hung like a mule. I find it challenging to meet men of character, who are interested in getting to know a person before jumping in bed with them. Add to that, I'm approaching 50 in which those of us in the age group aren't viewed as being desirable, or are viewed as being sexless. There are times I feel like I'm beige in color; a color that's rarely noticed or appreiated - where I could walk into a room and not even get looked at once, much less twice. I dress well, I'm clean-cut, possess a good sense of humor and laughter, I've got the gift for gab - but that's not what gets a guy's attention from across a crowded room - oh well, their loss.
I'm happy to be alone and content, than in a relationship miserable and lonely. I hear too much bitching and moaning of those around me who are in relationships, and who are clueless about what it takes to make a relationship work - the time requirements and level of dedication to cultivate and nuturing a healthy relationship.
I've learned to live my life to please myself. I don't attempt to conform to societial "norms". I'm a middle-of-the-road gay man; more Will than Jack. If another guy comes along and likes what he sees in me, great, but I'm not changing to try and please someone else. Life is too short to live it in a lie.
Just my two cents - Kiltiesf
I grew up Southern Baptist. I was a youth minister in the church and I struggled with my homosexuality. I was brought up that it was wrong, sinful, a damned life, and an even worse eternal life. Oh how I prayed to God to take away the desires, the feelings, the lust - to make me "normal". To complicate matters, my grandmother was a church elder, who was called upon by the pastor and deacons of the church for mentorship. The additional burdon of fear that my "secret" would be found out and I would be publically humilitated and disowned by my family. My grandmother asked me directly if I was gay, after noticing my left earring (thank you Bruce Willis and the show "Moonlighting" - he wore a diamond earring and I thought it was hottest thing). I recall taking a deep breath in preparing for the damnation that would follow upon revealing my true self, and while my grandmother wasn't happy that I was gay, and felt that it was somehow a failure on her part as she felt responsible for my spiritual development, she still loved me. We both struggled with my being gay - me with navigating what it meant to be gay in the 80's (the high-light of the AIDS epidemic) and my grandmother and her fear of "catching" AIDS simply from my being gay - as at that time it wasn't clear exactly how AIDS was transmitted. I recall seeing the gay pride parades on t.v. and recalling how they only televised the drag queens or men in leather and feeling like I didn't belong to either group, but not realizing there was more to being gay that just those two segments of our community.
Today, for the most the part I'm an out gay man. First, because I'm more passible gay than passible straight - small statured, not physically imposing, not inclined to play or have an interest in sports, am still interested in doing interests or hobbies that are more aligned to women's interest - interior design, make-up artistry, cooking/baking, gardening. Dating, I find as I get older its more challenging, because I'm not masculine, muscular, young or hung like a mule. I find it challenging to meet men of character, who are interested in getting to know a person before jumping in bed with them. Add to that, I'm approaching 50 in which those of us in the age group aren't viewed as being desirable, or are viewed as being sexless. There are times I feel like I'm beige in color; a color that's rarely noticed or appreiated - where I could walk into a room and not even get looked at once, much less twice. I dress well, I'm clean-cut, possess a good sense of humor and laughter, I've got the gift for gab - but that's not what gets a guy's attention from across a crowded room - oh well, their loss.
I'm happy to be alone and content, than in a relationship miserable and lonely. I hear too much bitching and moaning of those around me who are in relationships, and who are clueless about what it takes to make a relationship work - the time requirements and level of dedication to cultivate and nuturing a healthy relationship.
I've learned to live my life to please myself. I don't attempt to conform to societial "norms". I'm a middle-of-the-road gay man; more Will than Jack. If another guy comes along and likes what he sees in me, great, but I'm not changing to try and please someone else. Life is too short to live it in a lie.
Just my two cents - Kiltiesf
rbkwp
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D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele
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I've had it pretty well, relatively speaking.
My mom is understanding and somewhat supportive of me. She does't want me to be out and loud about being gay (not that I would) and she doesn't want her husband to know, but I can talk to her about being gay and she's there to give me advice. I find I can talk to her about anything, really. I really appreciate that.
My dad is a different story... I guess I wouldn't need to say any more if I mentioned that he is extremely conservative and is a southern baptist Christian, but as you might have imagined (and because those who know me may realize that it takes me five paragraphs to say what could be said in five words), I'm going to say more.
He has accepted that I'm gay, but he is the total opposite of supportive of it. He loves me, but he does not love the fact that I'm gay. So, for the most part, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't want to hear it and he doesn't want to talk about it. The only times he does is when he wants to hear me re-assure him that I'm going to suppress being gay. For example, I will have three new suite mates next semester, and my dad has asked me if I'm going to tell them about me. I said, "Yes, of course," to which he replies, "I think that's the wrong thing to do." He has done this on more than a few occasions... And it annoys me more than anything else.
He said some hurtful things when I first came out to him. But I've moved beyond that, especially considering that I was expecting a lot worse from him. Now, we just don't talk about it. And, should one ever occur in my life, my boyfriend is not allowed in his house. I guess that goes along with not mentioning it, though.
*shrugs* All of my friends have accepted it and we all get along better than ever. Every one at work is cool about it. I have enough support in my life. I have no shame in who I am, but sometimes, it hurts to know that those close to me are shameful of that.
My mom is understanding and somewhat supportive of me. She does't want me to be out and loud about being gay (not that I would) and she doesn't want her husband to know, but I can talk to her about being gay and she's there to give me advice. I find I can talk to her about anything, really. I really appreciate that.
My dad is a different story... I guess I wouldn't need to say any more if I mentioned that he is extremely conservative and is a southern baptist Christian, but as you might have imagined (and because those who know me may realize that it takes me five paragraphs to say what could be said in five words), I'm going to say more.
He has accepted that I'm gay, but he is the total opposite of supportive of it. He loves me, but he does not love the fact that I'm gay. So, for the most part, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't want to hear it and he doesn't want to talk about it. The only times he does is when he wants to hear me re-assure him that I'm going to suppress being gay. For example, I will have three new suite mates next semester, and my dad has asked me if I'm going to tell them about me. I said, "Yes, of course," to which he replies, "I think that's the wrong thing to do." He has done this on more than a few occasions... And it annoys me more than anything else.
He said some hurtful things when I first came out to him. But I've moved beyond that, especially considering that I was expecting a lot worse from him. Now, we just don't talk about it. And, should one ever occur in my life, my boyfriend is not allowed in his house. I guess that goes along with not mentioning it, though.
*shrugs* All of my friends have accepted it and we all get along better than ever. Every one at work is cool about it. I have enough support in my life. I have no shame in who I am, but sometimes, it hurts to know that those close to me are shameful of that.
Trevor
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I was a 70s- 80s kid too and I am just curious how did you find other guys to have sex with at 14? I knew I was into guys back then but had no clue if anyone at my highschool was gay. Honestly I thought I was the only one there. I have since found out there were others. LOL
It was not until we got the Internet that I found out there were others out there who were not in some far off place like San Francisco or NYC.
I am 39 and have never come out. I suspect that my family either knows or just assumes that I am asexual because I don't bring anyone of either sex to family gatherings or talk about my sex life. About the time I turned 35 they stopped asking when I was going to find a girl and get married.
It was not until we got the Internet that I found out there were others out there who were not in some far off place like San Francisco or NYC.
I am 39 and have never come out. I suspect that my family either knows or just assumes that I am asexual because I don't bring anyone of either sex to family gatherings or talk about my sex life. About the time I turned 35 they stopped asking when I was going to find a girl and get married.
I think you'll find different generational responses as well as personal ones. I was a 70/80s kid (39 now) and came out 10 years ago. I'd been having sex with men secretly since 14, but back then, "we" (not all) would hide it for anything! When I did come out, no one was surprised, except my mum. I'm just glad I never got married or anything.
Soooo much changed in the 10 years (where the OP is now) that I'm sure coming out is very different. Please, hang in there. I totally agree: high school was hell. But adult life isn't. (I hope for you too).
Nope, we did NOT have a fair childhood. Let's make sure kids today and in the future have a better time. It might help us too.
sundancerco
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I never thought about how my family would take it. . .When I told my mom, she said it would have been better if I had gone to prison for murder than be with a man. . My dad took it fine. Bisexuality runs in my family on my dad's side so he had no issues with it, but worried about me. Worried that I wouldn't find a loving partner. Worried that I would be discriminated against. So, I took control of my situation with my mother. I decided if she could not add to my life, I didn't need her in my life. So I didn't speak to her for 5 years. My sister didn't have any issues with it, and my sister's husband kept telling my mom "what the hell. He's a good person. Why do you care who he sleeps with?" He kept working on her and she finally realized that it didn't matter. But it was too late. The damage between us had been done. 30 years later, we have a polite relationship, but I really don't have any need for my mother. I was very close to my dad, until he passed in 2010. I won't allow anyone into my life who can't add to my life. So if they don't like me because of who I sleep with, well then they are not really a friend and I don't need them.
The only one who was really disappointed was my sister. She said "I want a gay brother who will go shopping with me and help me pick out clothing" and my response is always "Yea, great, but that's not me. Call me if you need a engine rebuilt or a deck built" . So she did call me and I built a deck and new fencing at her house, LOL.
The only one who was really disappointed was my sister. She said "I want a gay brother who will go shopping with me and help me pick out clothing" and my response is always "Yea, great, but that's not me. Call me if you need a engine rebuilt or a deck built" . So she did call me and I built a deck and new fencing at her house, LOL.
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