Dirty Jokes

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by godiluvabig1, Feb 8, 2005.

  1. godiluvabig1

    godiluvabig1 New Member

    Feb 1, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Seein as we are chatting at the large penis support group, anyone know any good "dirty" jokes?
    Here's one to get everyone started...

    This businessman has to go on a several week business trip, so he decides to go out and buy a dildo for his startlingly beautiful wife. He goes to the shop, and the clerk shows him a variety of vibrating dildos and the usual dildos.
    Unsatisfied, the businessman asks the clerk if he has anything else. "Well, theres the..." He trails off, as if not wanting to mention it.
    "Well, the what?" asks the businessman.
    "The voodoo dick." the clerk quietly responds.
    The businessman looks expectantly at the clerk, who pulls out a wooden box and opens it to reveal a typical-looking dildo. "That looks like just an ordinary dildo! What's so special about it?"
    "Watch and see," says the clerk, "voodoo dick, the door." Suddenly the voodoo dick jumps out of the box and careens towards the door, in which it fucks the keyhole until the door snaps in half.
    "Voodoo dick, back in the box," says the clerk.
    "I'll take it!" exclaimes the businessman.

    So, the businessman buys the dildo, brings it to his wife, and leaves for the trip the next day, forgetting to tell her how to turn it off.

    She feels quite sheepish about using it, and refrains for about a week, and when she can't handle her desire for sex any longer, she takes out the box and pulls off her clothes. "voodoo dick, my pussy." All of a sudden, the voodoo dick jumps out of the box and makes a beeline for her pussy, which brings great satisfaction to her. After about two hours, she decides to pull it out, but it won't budge. After several unsuccessful attempts, she throws on a dress and drives to the nearest hospital...

    On the way to the hospital, another orgasm starts to come along, and she gets pulled over by a cop. The policeman walks to her car, sees her sweaty, disgruntled appearance, and asks "Ma'am, how much have you had to drink." She tells him she hasn't been drinking and explains the story of the voodoo dick to him in great detail. The policeman looks at her disbelievingly, starts writing a ticket, and says, "Voodoo dick, my ass!"

    Ok... now that one was kinda long, but I have just one more...

    A woman is on her way to work, and only going 2 miles over the speed limit when a cop pulls her over just as she is driving under an overpass. "Do you have any idea how fast you were going? Where do you have to go that is so important that you have to speed to get there?" asks the cop.
    "I'm on my way to work." she replies.
    "What job do you have that is so important that you have to speed to get there?"
    "Well, I'm a rectum massager." she says
    "What kind of job is that?" he asks
    "Well, first I put one finger in the rectum, wiggle it around, and stretch it out until I can get two fingers in there, and so on until my whole hand is in the rectum," she explains
    "How big do you usually get the damn thing?" he asks
    "Around six feet." she says
    "What in the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?" he asks
    "Give him a badge and put him under the overpass."
Draft saved Draft deleted