Dirty Limericks

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Pirate Wench, Feb 12, 2006.

  1. Pirate Wench

    Gold Member

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    There once was a woman from Brussels
    Who liked having sexual tussles
    She searched far and long
    For the ultimate dong
    And found quite the huge one on Russell.

    (I'm a Russell Crowe fan)


    In case you aren't familiar with writing limericks :

    They are almost always 5 lines.

    The last word in the 1st, 2nd, and 5th lines must rhyme.

    And the last word in the 3rd and 4th lines must rhyme....but not with the other words that rhyme.

    Did that make any sense ?

    Any takers ?
     
  2. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Not exactly a new one, but:

    There once was a man named Shaun
    Who wished he'd never been born.
    He would not have been
    If his father had seen
    That the end of the condom was torn.


    Or my own disturbed effort:

    There was a young man with no cock
    Who augmented his bulge with a sock.
    When asked why this was,
    He said, "It's because
    I'd rather wear suits than a smock."
     
  3. Pirate Wench

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    :smile:

    Those are good ones !
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    There was a young man from Aberystwyth
    Took a girl to his room to play whist with,
    At the very first trick
    He whipped out his prick
    And united the organs they pissed with.
     
  5. arktrucker

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    There once was a man from Kent,
    Who had a lance so long that it bent,
    To save him some trouble,
    He put it in double,
    And instead of cumming he went.

    There once was a man from Nantucket,
    Whos cock was so long he could suck it,
    He said with a grin,
    As he wiped off his chin,
    If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it.

    There once was a man from Kildaire,
    Who was tooling a girl on the stair,
    On his 23rd stroke,
    The banister broke,
    And he finished her off in the air.

    ... COMPLETELY TAPPED OUT...:spank:
     
  6. Pirate Wench

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    Arktrucker.....

    LOL

    Hadn't heard that last one before...
    :smile:
     
  7. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure my best friend won't me posting his favourite:

    There was a young Lady from Wicke
    Who asked her mother "mummy, what's a prick?"
    She said "My dear Annie, it goes in your fanny...
    and jumps up and down 'til it's sick"
     
  8. Max

    Max New Member

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    We've had this one before, I think but it bears repetition:

    A studious young lawyer named Rex
    Was sadly deficient in sex:
    When arraigned for exposure
    He said with composure
    "De minimis non curat lex"

    [The law is not concerned with trifles]
     
  9. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    There was a fair maiden whose joys
    Were achieved with remarkable poise.
    She would reach her orgasm
    With scarcely a spasm
    And could fart without making a noise.

    :rolleyes:
     
  10. AlteredEgo

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    There once was a beautiful lass
    Who had a spectacular ass.
    It wasn't pink,
    As you may think,
    But grey, with long ears.
    It ate grass.


    Oh. Wait. That's not dirty.
     
  11. b.c.

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    maybe not dirty, but:

    There once was a man from Peru
    Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
    He woke in the night
    In a terrible fright
    And found it was perfectly true.
     
  12. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    There once was a widow named Becker
    Who grew a great red-headed pecker
    All the townsfolk would gawk
    At her newly grown cock
    "A fine bird, indeed,Widow Becker!"
     
  13. D_Gunther Snotpole

    D_Gunther Snotpole Account Disabled

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    There once was a young man named Jonah
    Who was unseemly proud of his bonah;
    "It's a foot plus an inch,"
    He'd say, sans a flinch ...
    ”And my missile was first at Daytona.”
     
  14. luciferthomas

    luciferthomas New Member

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    Not mine, I believe it's Asimov's

    There was a young lady from Yap
    who had acne all over her map.
    But in her interstices
    Lurked a far worse disease
    Commonly known as the clap.


    I like my women like my coffee---
    Ground up and in the freezer
     
  15. chicagosam

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    There once was a guy from Chicago,
    From whom, all they guys, they did want blow,
    So he whipped out his cock,
    Got it hard as a rock,
    And, on him—down by the numbers—they did go!
     
  16. chicagosam

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    The limerick I wrote above was demented,
    My reputation—sullied—is cemented,
    It's not autobiographical,
    Nor brilliantlly scatoligical,
    And really is in the area of excremented!
     
  17. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    I prefer the previous one, chicagosam. Reading it along with your avatar's hand-on-pubes area is apropos to the read. May I encourage you to post more?
     
  18. chicagosam

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    I once got a post from RoysToy
    Who asked for more posts from this boy.
    Help me out here, I said,
    Quite perplexed, scratched my head:
    "What more from me would give you joy?"

    I'll give what I can, that I'll offer,
    For you, anything!, I will—proffer?!
    But like my LPSG posting life,
    At this site, which is delightful and not rife.
    Like a whore, I am quickly on her and off her.

    Are my words the one post you are seeking?
    Or my manhood, a prurient desire, you'd be peeking?
    I'm not eight by six,
    So why post the pix?!
    And this verse is so bad it is reeking!

    Now RoysToy, that's some meat you are packing!
    And it makes up for what I am lacking!
    I've got a great idea for my pick—
    I'll just post your dick!
    And everyone over me will be off jacking!

    You know I'm naive and quite shy.
    And what you're proposing, Oh, my!
    To expose my protrusion
    Is quite and intrusion
    On the standards I maintain—which are high!

    What more could you want than my avatar?
    With my hands-on-pubes stance, I might get far.
    I never noticed that grope
    So close to my rope.
    But, thanks, for the laugh! Hardy, har, har!:biggrin1:
     
  19. B_RoysToy

    B_RoysToy New Member

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    Your response is so fulfilling,
    In fact, even thrilling,
    Being sexual in its timbre,
    Especially with talk about my member,
    Has made me for your rope very willing.
     
  20. jeremyA

    jeremyA New Member

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    There was a young man from nantucket
    Who's dick was so long he could suck it.
    He said with a grin, as he wiped his chin,
    if my ear was a cunt I could fuck it.
     
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