Dirty Limericks

[Pirate Wench]

There once was a woman from Brussels
Who liked having sexual tussles
She searched far and long
For the ultimate dong
And found quite the huge one on Russell.

(I'm a Russell Crowe fan)


In case you aren't familiar with writing limericks :

They are almost always 5 lines.

The last word in the 1st, 2nd, and 5th lines must rhyme.

And the last word in the 3rd and 4th lines must rhyme....but not with the other words that rhyme.

Did that make any sense ?

Any takers ?

 

[D_alex8]

Not exactly a new one, but:

There once was a man named Shaun
Who wished he'd never been born.
He would not have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the condom was torn.

Or my own disturbed effort:

There was a young man with no cock
Who augmented his bulge with a sock.
When asked why this was,
He said, "It's because
I'd rather wear suits than a smock."

 

[Pirate Wench]

:smile:

Those are good ones !

 

[Pecker]

There was a young man from Aberystwyth
Took a girl to his room to play whist with,
At the very first trick
He whipped out his prick
And united the organs they pissed with.

 

[arktrucker]

There once was a man from Kent,
Who had a lance so long that it bent,
To save him some trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of cumming he went.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whos cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it.

There once was a man from Kildaire,
Who was tooling a girl on the stair,
On his 23rd stroke,
The banister broke,
And he finished her off in the air.

... COMPLETELY TAPPED OUT...:spank:

 

[Pirate Wench]

Arktrucker.....

LOL

Hadn't heard that last one before...
:smile:

 

[hypolimnas]

I'm sure my best friend won't me posting his favourite:

There was a young Lady from Wicke
Who asked her mother "mummy, what's a prick?"
She said "My dear Annie, it goes in your fanny...
and jumps up and down 'til it's sick"

 

[Max]

We've had this one before, I think but it bears repetition:

A studious young lawyer named Rex
Was sadly deficient in sex:
When arraigned for exposure
He said with composure
"De minimis non curat lex"

[The law is not concerned with trifles]

 

[D_alex8]

There was a fair maiden whose joys
Were achieved with remarkable poise.
She would reach her orgasm
With scarcely a spasm
And could fart without making a noise.

 

[AlteredEgo]

There once was a beautiful lass
Who had a spectacular ass.
It wasn't pink,
As you may think,
But grey, with long ears.
It ate grass.


Oh. Wait. That's not dirty.

 

[b.c.]

maybe not dirty, but:

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
He woke in the night
In a terrible fright
And found it was perfectly true.

 

[Pecker]

There once was a widow named Becker
Who grew a great red-headed pecker
All the townsfolk would gawk
At her newly grown cock
"A fine bird, indeed,Widow Becker!"

 

[D_Gunther Snotpole]

There once was a young man named Jonah
Who was unseemly proud of his bonah;
"It's a foot plus an inch,"
He'd say, sans a flinch ...
”And my missile was first at Daytona.”

 

[luciferthomas]

Not mine, I believe it's Asimov's

There was a young lady from Yap
who had acne all over her map.
But in her interstices
Lurked a far worse disease
Commonly known as the clap.


I like my women like my coffee---
Ground up and in the freezer

 

[chicagosam]

There once was a guy from Chicago,
From whom, all they guys, they did want blow,
So he whipped out his cock,
Got it hard as a rock,
And, on him—down by the numbers—they did go!

 

[chicagosam]

The limerick I wrote above was demented,
My reputation—sullied—is cemented,
It's not autobiographical,
Nor brilliantlly scatoligical,
And really is in the area of excremented!

 

[B_RoysToy]

I prefer the previous one, chicagosam. Reading it along with your avatar's hand-on-pubes area is apropos to the read. May I encourage you to post more?

 

[chicagosam]

I prefer the previous one, chicagosam. Reading it along with your avatar's hand-on-pubes area is apropos to the read. May I encourage you to post more?

I once got a post from RoysToy
Who asked for more posts from this boy.
Help me out here, I said,
Quite perplexed, scratched my head:
"What more from me would give you joy?"

I'll give what I can, that I'll offer,
For you, anything!, I will—proffer?!
But like my LPSG posting life,
At this site, which is delightful and not rife.
Like a whore, I am quickly on her and off her.

Are my words the one post you are seeking?
Or my manhood, a prurient desire, you'd be peeking?
I'm not eight by six,
So why post the pix?!
And this verse is so bad it is reeking!

Now RoysToy, that's some meat you are packing!
And it makes up for what I am lacking!
I've got a great idea for my pick—
I'll just post your dick!
And everyone over me will be off jacking!

You know I'm naive and quite shy.
And what you're proposing, Oh, my!
To expose my protrusion
Is quite and intrusion
On the standards I maintain—which are high!

What more could you want than my avatar?
With my hands-on-pubes stance, I might get far.
I never noticed that grope
So close to my rope.
But, thanks, for the laugh! Hardy, har, har!:biggrin1:

 

[B_RoysToy]

Your response is so fulfilling,
In fact, even thrilling,
Being sexual in its timbre,
Especially with talk about my member,
Has made me for your rope very willing.

 

[jeremyA]

There was a young man from nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin, as he wiped his chin,
if my ear was a cunt I could fuck it.