Dirty Limericks

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RoysToy said:
Your response is so fulfilling,
In fact, even thrilling,
Being sexual in its timbre,
Especially with talk about my member,
Has made me for your rope very willing.

It's my "rope" that you want?—I am shockéd!
Not my brains that you liked?—just my cock head!
You won't be a-jerkin'
When faced with my gerkin—
The lack of, you will be quite shockéd!

But, alas, all's not hopeless and grim:
I still have dick not a quim.
Stroke my lamp, it will grow,
And my veins they will show
On a cock that is throbbing, not slim!

For I've learned at this site I'm a "grower,"
And you, my horny friend, are a "shower."
So your mass, I salute,
And am hereby resolute
That your world I will rock as a "blower."

I'm a slut and I wrote that onscreen!
Oh, the horror! I've become a size queen!
Wait! A good boy I am
Named, apropos, ChicagoSam,
And my putting out, has yet to be seen!

So we've come to the end of this verse.
On the end of your dick I will nurse.
I didn't say that!
I am such a rat!
I deserved to be spanked or much worse.

Roy, it is now time for me to depart,
And rest from my literary art!
But you see, please don't sigh,
I belong to HungBlondeGuy,
Who has stolen my hot little heart.

He seduced my last night while online,
Called me sexy and hot—what design!
On me had a crush
Offered kisses and like mush,
So I guess I am his and not thine.

But here is the real low-down dirt,
With anyone fun, I will flirt.
Great humor, I'll mention,
Will get my attention,
And nobody gets my frankfurt . . . er!:biggrin1:
 

oldman9x7

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Nymphomaniacal Alice
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And the balance of Alice in Dallas.

OR

There was a young man from Port Said
Who fell in a shit hole and died.
Then his mother, poor soul,
Fell in the same hole
And now they're interred side by side.

Just a couple of my favorites from long ago.

Gramps
 

Pecker

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There was a man from Pyongyang
Who had an aluminum wang
He had two tin nuts
That came with his putz
And when his dong hit them they rang.
 

B_RoysToy

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chicagosam said:
It's my "rope" that you want?—I am shockéd!
Not my brains that you liked?—just my cock head!
You won't be a-jerkin'
When faced with my gerkin—
The lack of, you will be quite shockéd!

But, alas, all's not hopeless and grim:
I still have dick not a quim.
Stroke my lamp, it will grow,
And my veins they will show
On a cock that is throbbing, not slim!

For I've learned at this site I'm a "grower,"
And you, my horny friend, are a "shower."
So your mass, I salute,
And am hereby resolute
That your world I will rock as a "blower."

I'm a slut and I wrote that onscreen!
Oh, the horror! I've become a size queen!
Wait! A good boy I am
Named, apropos, ChicagoSam,
And my putting out, has yet to be seen!

So we've come to the end of this verse.
On the end of your dick I will nurse.
I didn't say that!
I am such a rat!
I deserved to be spanked or much worse.

Roy, it is now time for me to depart,
And rest from my literary art!
But you see, please don't sigh,
I belong to HungBlondeGuy,
Who has stolen my hot little heart.

He seduced my last night while online,
Called me sexy and hot—what design!
On me had a crush
Offered kisses and like mush,
So I guess I am his and not thine.

But here is the real low-down dirt,
With anyone fun, I will flirt.
Great humor, I'll mention,
Will get my attention,
And nobody gets my frankfurt . . . er!:biggrin1:

Twice rigid in one day
From our verbal play,
Makes me a bit distraught.
'Tis your brain making your rope
So enticing for my grope!
 
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RoysToy said:
Twice rigid in one day
From our verbal play,
Makes me a bit distraught.
'Tis your brain making your rope
So enticing for my grope!

Twice now I have gotten off Roy
As he pleasured his spectacular "toy."
As he stroked to my rhyme,
He screamed out in time,
"ChicagoSam is one hot fucking boy!"

"Find that poet and bring him right here.
And I'll turn him one hundred percent queer!"
Said Roy, to one and all,
"ChicagoSam—I will ball!"
And he did right downtown Chicago on Navy Pier.

At least Roy thought so, but that Sam was so clever,
You see, he'a prick-tease and doesn't put out ever.
So what Roy thought he did ram
Was someone else other than Sam
And Sam's ass by Roy was violated never.

O Roi de mon couer, I adore you!
And I hope that my limericks don't bore you!
And as you quiver in your socks
From getting off your rocks,
It's been fun placing smut verse before you. :biggrin1:
 
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There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who's cunt was as big as a bucket
She hoped all the boys
Would fill it with toys
But failing that that they'd fuck it
 

reddog

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There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in a canoe
While dreaming of Venus
and holding his penis
He woke up with a hand full of goo
 

oldman9x7

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There once was a man named Cass
Whose balls were made out of brass.
When he clanged them together
They played Stormy Weather
And lightning shot out of his ass!

Gramps
 

hungblondeguy9

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mmmmmmm

was that a proposal Chicago? If so I accept.

I'll wear the garter.......

I was going to make a limerick but got stage fright so instead I will do an interpretive dance......which unfortunately you cannot see......but it was very moving and involved much foot work.

lol
Do you think I should wear white Chicago or is the cat out of the bag????

(hmmmm you really are an adapt flirt....I thought I was good):rolleyes:
 
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hungblondeguy9 said:
Is that a proposal, ChicagoSam? I accept . . . You really are an adapt flirt....I thought I was good:rolleyes:

Bellississimo! You are . . . good, mio caro, but I am better. Not only am I an adept flirt, o divino, but an outrageous one! I can even sometimes give good foreign tongue! Molto amore, mio bellissimo, mio caro sposo! :cool:
 

smally

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Appoligies in advance...

There once was a gal from Ska-nerse
who's desires were rather perverse
one night she got hot
put a drill in her twat
they carted her off in a herse
 

D_alex8

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tallguypns said:
You've not been flamed. That limerick was auto-biographical. Didn't you get the memo?
There once was a tall guy in Florida
Wrote a verse all about his persona.
While it filled some with lust
Others responded with disgust
Mistaking his woes for their own agenda. :rolleyes:

[written by a small dormouse named Mousey, aged 4]