Dirty Limericks

Sassy

Experimental Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Posts
363
Media
0
Likes
12
Points
163
Location
USA
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
[FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]A new farmer's helper named Kull
Accidentally was milking a bull
The farmer said, "Boy yer dumb,
You done milked the wrong one!"
Said the boy, "But me whole bucket's full."

:tongue::tongue::tongue::tongue:
[/FONT]
 

hellyeah1138

Just Browsing
Joined
Apr 24, 2009
Posts
22
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
146
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
bagumm,bagumm, bagumm

Timothy timothy kiss me there
under me kilty and in me hair
If ye don't kiss me in the right place
I'll lift up me kilty and piss in yer face!

The reply to this is:

Ye hag
ye bag
ye dirty rag.
Ya sleazy slimy slut,
between yer thighs
green fungus lies
and maggots crawl out o yer butt.
Before I'd kiss those greezy lips
or touch this slimy tits
I'm drink three gallons o buzzard puke
and die of greezy shits.

bagumm, bagumm, bagumm
 

Wish-4-8

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2008
Posts
2,721
Media
0
Likes
29
Points
123
Location
LA, California
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
There was a gross man, Mr. Kleeman.
Who fancied to eat his own semen.
But to everyones' shock,
He had a big cock,
And now every guy wants to be him.
 

B_stanmarsh14

Sexy Member
Joined
May 24, 2007
Posts
2,078
Media
0
Likes
25
Points
183
Location
Nottingham, England
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
There was a young man from Dunhill
Whom ate a dynamite pill
His heart retired
His arse backfired
And his prick shot over the hill

There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a very strange feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed over the bedroom ceeling
 

Pitbull

Sexy Member
Joined
Oct 25, 2006
Posts
3,659
Media
0
Likes
51
Points
268
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Technically not a limerick
Because 1st line does not rhyme with #2 & #5


Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get poor jack some fanny
He got a big shock
And a mouthful of cock
Because Jill was a pre-op trans
 

D_Bob_Crotchitch

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Posts
8,252
Media
0
Likes
108
Points
193
This is my dad's favorite and is from the 1950's:

"There once was a gal named Lil
Who took an atomic pill.
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her tits ended up in Brazil."

I love that one. :laughing:

There once was a woman named myrtle
Who wore a black sequined girdle
She put on a show
For the men don't you know
That made the town vicar's blood curdle.
 

crossy

Sexy Member
Joined
Nov 24, 2007
Posts
1,270
Media
0
Likes
33
Points
123
Location
Arizona
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Male
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a dollar and a quarter
Jill came down with two and one half
Do you think they went up for water?
 

GeorgeTSLC

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2006
Posts
122
Media
0
Likes
20
Points
238
Location
Salt Lake City, Utah
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
OH-kay. That, plus a Google search, gives me 4 out of 5 lines:
There once was a whore in Peru
who one day had nothing to do
so she sat on the stairs
counting cunt hairs
[And WHAT is the last line, say you?]


Well, not into one line, but one limerick:
A photographer working in Dallas,
was assigned to a singer named Alice--
Cooper, that is--
and while taking a whiz
was amazed to see Alice's phallus.

And now I see that I should have read through the whole thread up to that point :redface:, as I just did, and thus discovered that the last line is
1,502
which--delightfully-scans perfectly while looking insane on the page.

Apparently Google doesn't send its Web-spiders here, though it does cover other conversation boards.
 

GeorgeTSLC

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 1, 2006
Posts
122
Media
0
Likes
20
Points
238
Location
Salt Lake City, Utah
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
There once was a man from De Gaulle..
That wore a newspaper suit to the ball..
Well his clothes caught on fire..
And burned his entire...
Sporting section and ALL..
That's actually funnier when it scans:

There once was a man named DeGaulle
wore a newspaper suit to a ball.
But his clothes caught on fire
and burned his entire
front page--sporting section and all!

Admittedly, some guys also have a sporting section in the back . . .

Also, apparently the original victim was a young lady one fall, or a girl from St. Paul--which, depending where you are from may or may not quite rhyme with ball and all (same for DeGaulle).
 
Joined
Apr 16, 2006
Posts
23,298
Media
0
Likes
11,424
Points
358
There once was a cunt named . . . I forget . . .
(But I recall the name ended with "et.”)
Her twat was so vile
You could smell it a mile
But her crabs found it quite a banquet.
 

joey baloney

Experimental Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Posts
184
Media
0
Likes
4
Points
103
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
There was a girl from Verdun
Who lived on piss, vomit and cum
And when she couldn't get these
She lived off the cheese
That she scraped from her cunt with her thumb
 

Pecker

Retired Moderator
Joined
Mar 5, 2002
Posts
54,502
Media
0
Likes
320
Points
283
There was a chap from St. Enos
Who never stopped fondling his penis
His arms got tired
But somehow he sired
Harold, Alexander and Venus.