Disapproving Family

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bigone,babe, Apr 26, 2006.

  1. bigone,babe

    bigone,babe New Member

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    Hey guys, I just wanted to ask everyone here what they think of interracial relationships. Good or bad?
    I am asking because, as you may or may not know, I am married to an Iraqi woman I met while serving in Iraq. We have been married for five months and are happy. BUT, just my luck, my family is pissed for a couple of reasons. Im a white guy and my family is in the old timey tradition that I should have married a white woman. They were shocked and angry when I broke the news I was marrying a middle eastern woman. Her parents weren't too big on the idea either. They didn't want their daughter to marry a foriegner. To complicate it, I am Christian whilst she is a muslim(Im trying my hardest to get her to accept Christ,though). Anyway, we are very happy and we don't give much thought to our parents.
    Anyway, what about all of you guys and gals? What do you think about the matter?
     
  2. curious n str8

    curious n str8 New Member

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    I applaud you for your courage.:35: I hope everthing works out well for you. What really matters is how you feel about your future relationship with each other's In-law's are,:scratchchin: and how your future children will be accepted. And what relgious faith they shall follow. My 2cents just inflated to 10cents :biggrin1:
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    "Darling, will you marry me? Now, before you answer, let me warn you that it won't be easy."

    "Oh, honey, yes! I love you. I don't mind the fact that my parents distrust you because you are a foreigner and I don't mind that your parents don't like me because I'm not Christian."

    "Yes that will be hard, too, dear, but what I meant was that I've got an enormous cock."
     
  4. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    You found happiness, I think that's all that really counts. And I really think the "interracial" element is pretty irrelevant ... as your and your wife's parents' acceptance of you both as people shows, after initial animosity.

    However, I do think you're subsuming a huge other debate within that "interracial" label --- namely the fact that it's also an interfaith marriage. And that you're trying to 'convert' your wife's parents from a values and beliefs system that has been instilled in them since birth. This is where the potential for major friction really exists imho, not least as they are in the Middle East (and I say this as someone who spent several years living in that region); because part of their upbringing will have included a certain amount of being instilled with a sense of repulsion and distaste for the notion of changing faith.

    This issue also smacks slightly of a problematic double-standard: you and your wife want to be accepted for who you are. And yet you want to change them. I realize there is any amount of religious baggage attached here, with the desire to "convert and save" coming into play. Which is why I stress that the interfaith element really is the trickiest hurdle you have, imho. Because there clearly is no easily solution, just a path of many difficulties. However, as one of the "peoples of the book", you will have your wife's family's admiration on some level for your devotion and faith already. It just might not mean that they ever wish to follow you to that same place.

    Keep happy, and enjoy who you both are... and the fact that you have found love in an arena where there is so much hatred all about. Let that love be felt by others ... that is really something that you have to share in your situation imho. :smile:
     
  5. bigone,babe

    bigone,babe New Member

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    Are you trying to piss me off or are you joking?
     
  6. Lex

    Lex
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    Finding love and companionship is difficult enough without pigeonholing oneself by race, ethnicity or religion.

    I have dated outside my race with both men and women. I took and may continue to take flack for it. Fuck them, I say.
     
  7. b.c.

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    It's curious, the classifications, categories, and divisions we tend to create for ourselves, in our lives, in our minds. This unrelenting compulsion to put a label on each and everyone, evey facet of our being, to need to know which box to put each of us in, which religion, which race, what sexual preference, what nationality, which gender, etc. etc. etc. What a boring way to perceive life, i think.

    Curiously, it had never occured to me to think of an Iraqi as someone "not white", until you mentioned it. Odd.

    Too bad for the stereotypes, implied and imagined. Too bad for the expectations people place upon one another because of them. Too bad when two people who want to live happily together, who presumeably have found common love in their lives, would in turn have to deal with expectations of family, nationality, religion. Eh? What was i saying...?
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    No, bigone,babe, that's not in my nature. I'm just putting some humor into a serious discussion - that is in my nature.

    I agree that you and your wife have every right to be together. I wish you weren't going to have this pain but if you both are willing to share it you will succeed. I pray that your parents and her parents will make loving grandparents.

    After all, the greatest revenge is success. Good luck.
     
  9. GoneA

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    meh - date whomever you want! as long as ya'll are happy and all that jazz
     
  10. MorganaDrake

    MorganaDrake New Member

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    I've dated outside of my race and religion before. I think the thing you have to understand is that since you married this woman, you obviously feel in love with her not because of her race or religion but for other reasons. And I think that forcing your religion upon her is not a good idea. I think that you need to turn that matter over to God and let him handle it. I mean that is after all what Christians are, in theory, to do. Not judge but turn matters over to him. I don't know though..maybe I'm talking out of my butt. I was raised Christian but do not follow typical Christian views. I believe that all Gods and Goddesses for that matter are in essence the same. So I guess i believe in the interconnectedness of all religions. So being with someone outside of my religion has never ever been a problem for me because I've always just figured they were just worshipping a different version of the same thing. You know, different strokes for different folks. And truthfully, if she is comfortable with how she is viewed in the eyes of God, who are you or anyone else to stand in her way? So that is my two cents on that matter.

    As for the disapproval of your family and hers...quite frankly it's not them that has to live together, it's not their happiness that factors into the equation...it's yours and your wife's. And at the end of the day, only you two need to be ok with the race thing. Everyone else can shove it where the sun don't shine.

    You know love doesn't discriminate...it knows no race, religion, gender...etc. But love is hard to find and I think when you find it you hold onto it for all it's worth. So ends my rambling on the matter.
     
  11. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    You might want to re-think that tactic. On the other end, it feels like attack. Who's to say there's anything wrong with her beliefs?

    With that said, the family should mellow in time. Right now she's a race/culture first and a person second in the eyes of your family. Hopefully they'll get to know her and things will get easier. Also, racially mixed kids are often quite stunning.

    Best of luck. Religion and family are huge. Hang in there. The best advice anyone ever gave me was to love a person exactly as they are and not change anything about them.
     
  12. rhino_horn

    rhino_horn New Member

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    well, how much was she?...jk

    its good dude, though technically muslim women arent allowed to wed non-muslims...but the general understanding among muslims is that these matches are made in heaven.(head-scratcher) im a muslim and i accept christ as the ...umm christ--so y dont sh eaccept christ?--maybe i missed a chapter of the quran? i think lex's distrust of internet posers is starting to invade my personality.

    wtf do u care about what ur family thinks if ur happy with her, and shes happy with u...live happily, ur family will come around once they get an idea of how happy u r and so will hers. best of luck to u dude....if ur a dude.:biggrin1:
     
  13. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    "Accepting Christ" in this case is a euphemism for "becoming a Christian", and believing that Jesus was the Son of God, as opposed to "an apostle of God" [Quran 4:171]. It's the matter of conversion that many are seeing as a potential issue here.
     
  14. rhino_horn

    rhino_horn New Member

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    sorry but if im mistaken, but christ means messiah in greek?...and jesus is accepted as the messiah to mankind in islam...but not the son of god..o and not considered to have been crucified either.

    **u guys gonna open a "religion" thread here on the penis forum now?
     
  15. ChuckRich

    ChuckRich New Member

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    You don't need your families permission to love who you love. And if they love you (as I'm sure they do) they'll learn to love her too. Families who have issues with interracial relationships usually change their tune once they've had a chance to get used to it. They have the mindset that it's not what they "wanted" for their child for various reasons (like how society might treat you and any children you have) but in time they realize that what they really want is for you to love someone who loves you and that's all that matters.

    The religion thing is another issue which only the two of you can work out. I have a cousin (a Baptist raised black woman) who married a Muslim man from Yemen. She chose to convert herself and the daughter she already had to Islam for him and our family accepts that as her choice because he hadn't pushed her into it at all. (P.S. They now have a 2 year old son and just recently had a daughter together.) Even though I'm not religious I understand the desire to convert your spouse but all you can really do is teach her about your beliefs and let her make the decision for herself. And you have to prepare yourself for the possibilty that she won't decide to become a Christian.
     
  16. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    We have more religion threads than you can shake a stick at, rhino. :rolleyes:

    The point is that, although the epithet "messiah" (Hebrew/Greek) corresponds to the title "masih" in the Quran, which is often translated as Christ ... the two religions obviously differ on his status, as to whether he was a messenger of God, or the Son of God. At the same time, it's true that there is generally somewhat "more accommodation on the Islamic side for the founder of Christianity than there is on the Christian side for the founder of Islam", to quote from Bill Chalmers' 1983 discussion of "Christ in Islam". However.. it goes without saying that accommodation alone certainly does not equal a desire to convert.
     
  17. B_Jeff's Pole

    B_Jeff's Pole New Member

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  18. TallnBeefy

    TallnBeefy New Member

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    You could just accept Allah into your heart. Or something like that.
     
  19. shad24

    shad24 New Member

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    I dont know about the rest of you guys. But for the str8 married guys, guys dating women and such. How many times have you brought your 'date' home to meet mom and everything went hunky dory the first time? Have you ever had a girl/guy who was good enough for their son? (YOU). Just stick to your guns and everything will turn out fine, Congrats on finding someone you are willing to go thru all of with because I know it wasnt easy getting her over here in the first place much less getting married. But they will come around in time.
    Short story. Had a b/f for 2 yrs then he dumped me. took everything out of the house he could carry. Only things he left were the dog, a coffee pot and a recliner. He took the food out of the fridge too. anyway, I was down in the dumps when my grandmother, 85 at the time called and told me to pick myself up and get going. And if I wanted she would help me find another boyfriend!
     
  20. ThaitAss

    ThaitAss New Member

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    I agree with alex8 and others that the religious differences are going to prove the biggest hurdle. If you can relax about trying to convert her, and both just accept that you have different beliefs, you might have a chance to make the marriage work.

    I say, "might" because those differences, even if accepted, will come into play in a major way when you have kids (that is, if you intend having children.) Their education and upbringing will very likely cause you & your wife to find you have completely different ideas about how to handle the issues that arise.

    But you definitely both need to accept that you each have different faiths, just for starters. It's hard to not want to convert the other person - I know from personal experience, however, that differences in philosophy can be trumped by love. For my money, there simply aren't enough atheists in the world. :)
     
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