Disapproving Family

B_horribleperson

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your parents are closed minded morons.
her parents see you as the great american satan. (mostly cuz your a dirty christian)

dont force jesus or anyone else on her or you will become an asshole. if its a problem then why did you marry her?

good luck
 

lemontree

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a few things:

i stand by what alex8 (i think that's his handle) was saying regarding religion... if you want to make this especially problematic, continue to try to make her 'accept' jesus... it's this attitude of self-righteousness that arguably has led to the reason you were in iraq in the first place. alternatively, you guys can have 'learning' lessons, where you teach each other about different faiths. there's a lot of information that's probably hidden to both of you simply because you haven't taken the time to really investigate it (this is with the understanding that, upon investigation, one realizes that a solitary religion isn't the be-all-end-all truth). while i despise religion in general, i think it can, and does, have an extremely strong effect on those who choose to partake in it.

i don't know about anyone else, but i do find people of middle-eastern ancestry can be extremely attractive. jordanians in particular, but i digress.

good luck with your relationship, whatever the case may be!
 

B_IanTheTall

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I hate to brake it to you but society sucks, like a Ferengi. The year after college I dated a mixed race woman (mother east Indie, father central India). During a very short period of time we were subjected to hatred on many levels.

While protesting a Klan rally, (we stopped to join the first group we met up with) I was treated very badly. I was called a "cracker," asked if I was a "wigger," and a few things I had to ask my girlfriend if she new what they meant. Finally a guy, claiming to be one of the organizers, TOLD me to leave. When my girlfriend followed me away, he called after her, "Stay with us sister, we'll take care of you." When she kept walking, a woman screamed, "Traitor!"

A few days later, I took her to a very nice restaurant, for our six month anniversary. I told the the maitre-die my name, he checked his list, looked past my girlfriend and asked if I'd like to wait at the bar for the second party to arrive. We didn't comment on his presumptiveness and followed him to our table, off to the side of the room BEHIND the row of ferny palms. When I asked for a different table, he said they were all booked. I wanted to leave, but she said we had to get used to such things and society would eventually catch up to us. When we left the place was less than half full.

The worst part was when her family came to visit for her birthday. We thought everything would be cool, because of the racial mix of her parents. Her younger sister said only one thing, in front of me, the whole three days, "Mom he's white." To which her mother responded with, "I see that sweetie." Her parents did cordially talk to me over the weekend, but it was very distant and superficial.

We dealt with it very well, even though it was stressful. What ended up breaking us up was a drunk ex-boyfriend of mine getting very explicit and graphic about his and my sex-life. She had known I was bi well before we started dating, but I think hearing intimate details about it might have been too much.
 

GBB

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I agree that the key issue for you will be religion and not race as many have pointed out.

If you haven't seen the classic film "Guess Who's Comming to Dinner" I recomend it. Though dated, it does a great job of exploring many things you're about to face.

But the key challenge is you've set your marriage against your religion.

On on hand, you believe you should convert your wife, and you hope you will. On the other hand you hope to stay married.

Either the marriage will fail, or you will not convert your wife, you will not remain Christian yourself, or you will each practice a compromised religion. You have to decide what is most important to you both.

The key will be perfect communication between you and your wife, and your external family and the rest of the world be damned.
 

rawbone8

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I have learned that I frequently presume too much understanding of my wife and her culture (east Asian) and am still humbled by the level of my ignorance eight years on. There are core values and attitudes that will reside with her her entire life, and I presume that she has adapted to life here so well that I miss recognizing the issues that cause problems for her. Communicating for each of us is significantly different in tone, symbolism, subtext, and humour.

She still gets horribly homesick. It's a common thing.

My family has welcomed her, but it has been difficult at many junctures, when she has felt misunderstood or offended by a relative's ignorant statements. Or when she is baffled by our uniquely odd and strange family ways. (Everyone has their own bases for that). Everything has improved after a time. The birth of our daughter, a previous miscarriage, and the illness and death of my father were milestone events that effectively brought us much closer together as a family, and secured a more loving acceptance of my wife, and a valued role for her in the family.

Changing religion is not something I would expect anyone to do to be with me. Either you accept them totally or you move on.

My advice is: don't underestimate the difficulties that may challenge you and your wife's future happiness. You seem to have decided and acted on your future in a fairly hasty way. Be sure you are really listening to her and not glossing over issues and conflicts.

Good luck.
 

averagepeck

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I'm a male of African/Native Indian descent and I got into my first interracial relationship back in September 2005.She's a white american woman,and she's been wonderful.We get along great,both christians,have alot in common.If you find love and it happens to be outside your race,screw what others think.Your happiness is paramount.You're the one in the marriage/relationship,not your family/friends,whomever.

Funny enough,the people who seem to object the most about me being in a relationship with a white woman is black women.I've had a few ask me why I decided to 'go white',and we've had our fair of not so subtle stares.My reply was I could care less if the woman was purple or pink,I'm with them for who they are,not their skin color.SOme people of my race,unfortunately,tend to sometimes view black men who date white woman as 'sellouts'.I've been told this.Oh well,guess I'm a sellout.I'm happy,she's happy,and that's all that matters...
 

Large 1

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Such wonderful, intelligent and heartfelt responces to this dificult subject.This is a truly amazing website! First of all to the newly wed, mosel tov!

For a different orientation on this matter, I turn to Buddhism. Start with accepting "groundlessness" as you basically have no choice in this uncharted territory. Take each issue as it comes. Try to keep your own emotional "issues" in check or when needed, examine them. Let in the feeling of " I don't know the answer, this makes me anxious" and sit with it. Answers and solutions will always come, I promise! My best to you both.

Peace...
 

Honey_Grrrl83

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I wasn't a bit worried about my family accepting my now fiance,Chris(heee hee,I revealed his name!):tongue: Even though he is East Indian and hindu,with a "wheatish" complexion they adore him for the man he is and how much he respects me as a woman,even his family totally approves of us being together:tongue: But society can be a bit harsher,he kissed me the other day in public and an elderly lady gave us the most hateful look:confused: It's sad really,people must think he's a terrorist or something:confused: We just laughed it off,it's just ignorance,there's nothing wrong with interracial love:rolleyes:
 

shaguar

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It's funny how it is more of a problem when the man is non-white. The more things change the more they remain the same. White men still largely have the pick of the litter. Those in the US probably have heard the black man's complaints about white women being pretty racist when it comes to dating.