Discovering my Bisexuality

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by italiancollegeboy, Jun 14, 2009.

  1. italiancollegeboy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    467
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    Hey everyone! I'm sure there have been a few of these already, but I just needed to write out how I was feeling. Sorry if this seems like a repeat, but I'm really looking for advice, support, insight, or whatever.

    So, over the last couple months I've kinda started to see myself as bisexual. I mean I've at least recognized that I am attracted to both men and women. This is sorta new for me and still a little tough for me to label my sexuality exactly.

    Anyways, I am unsure of two things. First, I am attracted to this one guy I've gotten to know. He's cute and makes me laugh, and I always try to make him smile. Thing is, he's gay..and I'm not exactly. He doesn't know I'm bisexual, and I was just wondering what you guys think. Would a gay guy be interested in a bisexual guy?

    Second, I haven't come out to anyone yet. I'm still debating that. Since I'm not 100% sure of my sexuality, I feel like I should figure it out before I just announce it. I'm not sure what to do really. Just a little confused I guess.

    Any advice or comments are appreciated!
     
  2. Ickday

    Ickday Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2008
    Messages:
    308
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Of course gay guys like bisexuals! They seem to like me, at least :p

    I'd talk to him. Tell him that you're not sure of what you're feeling or what you really want and such; I'm sure he'll understand. You don't have to announce it to everyone, just talk to him - especially if you two get along.

    Let me know how it goes! I love these things :D
     
  3. RedHead8

    RedHead8 Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2009
    Messages:
    123
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    167
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Montreal, Canada
    Hey...

    I'm my experience as a gay guy who came out at 14, I can honestly tell you that there's always something worrying about going out with 1- a bisexual guy, cause you feel like there's a part of his sexuality you're never gonna be able to satisfy, 2- someone who just discovered his sexuality, cause you feel like he still has a lot of things to experiment. And... it's all very normal.

    For that particular guy... I'd say you have nothing to loose. He's probably gonna be really turned on by the fact that you're kinda "turning" for him, if you know what I mean. If after a while you see a relationship developping, just tell him how you feel, where you are in your head. Just communicate. Don't mislead him and don't mislead yourself.

    You talk about "labelling" your sexuality... You know what, there's none of that. I tought I was 100% gay, now I feel like trying sex with a woman. No label is needed, at least for now. You're young and you're trying new things.

    Same thing for the "coming out": for the moment, no coming out is needed. Take time to experiment things. See what you like and what you don't. Maybe you'll realize that you love sex with guys but don't want a relationship with them. Maybe you'll realize the exact opposite. Who knows. My point is... no need to check yourself in a little box for now. Have fun. :)
     
  4. Smartalk

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2008
    Messages:
    1,730
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    8 miles outside of Manchester
    Hi Collegeboy,

    Welcome to the site and thank you for sharing you inner thoughts and feelings, there are numerous guys on this sight, me included, who have gone through what you’re going through right now. It is indeed a scary confusing time, our body, feelings and emotions are telling us one thing, but out mind reminds us of all the possible pit falls of making our feelings known. Lets face it is a huge step to take and one you can hardly go back on once you have taken it.

    One good thing in what you have said, is that you know your friend to be gay, I would ask the question,how well and how long have you known him? If you know him well and feel able and comfortable to discuss with him your thoughts, that you may be bisexual, then who better than he. He will know how you’re feeling and what your going through. Don’t come onto him, I would approach him saying knowing he is gay could you ask him a question in confidence. If he agrees then tell him you think you may be bi, but not sure, could you talk to him about how you feel.

    At some point, once he realises that you have bi sexual feeling he may open up to you in a sexual way, that is if he is attracted to you. He may be a very good friend and may be more than willing to help and support you, but you must realise he may not be physically or sexually attracted to you.

    Hope this helps. Please do let us know what you decide and how you get on. Don’t be afraid to ask any other questions you may have. We are all here to help and support each other.
     
    #4 Smartalk, Jun 14, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2009
  5. italiancollegeboy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    467
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    thanks for the advice. the comments were really nice to hear. please keep sharing your opinions and insights
     
  6. zawfi

    zawfi New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2007
    Messages:
    314
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northern California
    Hey italiancollegeboy. My primary advice would be to be honest with yourself about your sexuality, and it sounds like you already are doing that. Second would be to be honest with people who you want to form intimate relationships with. It's probably not necessary and maybe not even desirable to bare your soul to people who you just fool around with for sexy fun with no intention of becoming more serious, but only you can judge that. But certainly be honest with yourself and your intimates.

    As for coming out, take your time. Since you're single, this only affects you. Once you have an intimate partner, it also affects him or her. Ultimately, this isn't about your parents or the rest of your family and friends, although coming out to them will obviously change things between you, especially in the short term. But in the end, it's about you.

    I wish I had taken all of my own advice when I was young and single. But many times I tried to deny and hide my sexual desires, always worrying what it might mean and what others would think. It's not important to rush headlong into decisions without forethought, but it's not worth holding yourself hostage to others either.

    As for your friend, he might be the best person for you to talk to right now about your feelings and desires. As others have said, just be honest with him, don't let him push you into behaving a certain way or doing things you aren't ready to do. But since he is openly gay, he will probably be easier to talk to than straight friends at this point, and he should know to respect your privacy and not out you.
     
  7. Explorer

    Explorer New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2005
    Messages:
    81
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NY
    Hi.

    I'm bi and I'm currently in a relationship with a gay guy. When we first hooked up I told him that I was bi and this was my first relationship with a guy. I have been in plenty of relationships with women and to be honest with you I feel more comfortable and more myself with him then I had with any of my girlfriends.

    I agree with Redhead8 that "there's always something worrying about going out with 1- a bisexual guy, cause you feel like there's a part of his sexuality you're never gonna be able to satisfy, 2- someone who just discovered his sexuality, cause you feel like he still has a lot of things to experiment". Because my bf had concerns that I would see a beautiful women and dump him and basically run from guy to gal to guy to gal etc... But we communicate alot and he no I should say we feel very comfortable in our relationship and we are actually thankful that we found each other. Just to mention, he's 19 and I'm 36, so we def have that age gap between us as well that we dealt with.

    I've always been attracted to men and would see a nice looking man and would turn my head just as much as a beautiful woman would turn my head. As far as coming out, I've told my mother because I wanted her to be comfortable with my bf and didn't want to lie to her about who he is. She absolutely loves him to death which really shocked the hell out of me, lol... But I'm glad that they have a good relationship.

    As for your friend, I agree with zawfi, he maybe the best person for you to talk to right now. Like the others have said just be honest with him and take your time, don't rush into doing something you aren't ready to do. But being that he's openly gay, he will probably be easier to talk and will respect your privacy and not put your business out there for everyone to know.

    Good luck....
     
  8. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California

    It's not important to have to "come out" especially if you're not all that sure about yourself. I know it's hard to deal with sometimes, but it's better to take things a little slower. You don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. I've found it's better to get to know the person, whether girl or guy, before you get more intimate, especially if you're inexperienced. Also it might help if the other person tells you that they feel they are attracted to you. It makes the situation more equal. After you've had some bi experiences, then you'll understand the dynamics of sexual attraction and it will be easier with others. All the best to you. :smile:
     
  9. italiancollegeboy

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2009
    Messages:
    467
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Verified:
    Photo
    thanks everyone. it's really nice to hear such kind words
     
Draft saved Draft deleted