Discovering you're Gay after 35?

[earllogjam]

I know three men who came out late in life, after 35. They lived their early life as 100% straight married guys and had families and never really considered having gay sex and never drawn to it during their youth or early adulthood.

It confuses me since I, like most gay guys I know have always known we were gay from an early age.

I'm interested in hearing from guys who discovered their gay side later in life and how they actually came to the realization that they in fact preferred men.

 

[D_Alec_Baldtwins]

I'm not trying to be contrary, but it kind of seems like you're mixing up a number different things - 1) KNOWING that one is attracted to members of the same sex; 2) actually having sex with members of the same sex, and; 3) being totally out.

I wish I could link it for you here, I don't remember where I saw it, but I read a study that asked "gay" men when they were aware that they were gay, which in the case of the study was narrowly defined to mean attracted to, or enjoying sex with men. The number of men who professed to have discovered that they were "gay" after the age of 20 was minuscule - less than 2%, and the vast majority - over 90%, knew by the time they were 15.

When they actually choose to do something about it is another matter entirely - one only needs to read ads on Craigslist, Manhunt, Adam4adam, and other sites to quickly see that guys of virtually any age - married, in relationships, or not, begin to pursue sexual or other relationships with men. Many of them go their entire lives like this, having sex or carrying on relationships with other men in secret, even after a later-in-life divorce - I've known or known of many of them, even exclusively of the ad boards. The number of men I've known or known of who went fully and openly out later in life is very small.

No value judgments here; I'm just relating my experience. And not fully sure which group of men you're looking to hear from or discuss.

 

[ColonialBoy]

If the average brothel was 50% male/50% female pros, I'm sure a lot of men would try gay sex at least once (ie nobody knows & no consequences).

 

[Sabroso]

I'm in the opposite boat. I spent the first "trimester" of my life gay and now I'm realizing that I may have been pursuing the wrong sex all these years.

 

[D_Alec_Baldtwins]

I'm in the opposite boat. I spent the first "trimester" of my life gay and now I'm realizing that I may have been pursuing the wrong sex all these years.

It works pretty much the same; it just takes more cash :smile:

 

[BIGBULL29]

It works pretty much the same; it just takes more cash :smile:

And that happens, too. You realize that you were perhaps never gay, or even bisexual. It could also be that your sexuality is malleable for people: perhaps you were gay during those years, but your sexuality has evolved.

 

[latinluva]

I could never be completely gay...I love pussy a lot. i think a lot of guys feel like they have to choose on eover the other because they think women will never wanna be with them for being with a man. I date a lot and all of the women I have dated known about my bisexuality. Some are turned off, and others don't mind.

 

[Bbucko]

I've yet to meet a "late bloomer" who didn't know he was gay from puberty. The simple facts are that they didn't believe that a more-or-less 100% gay orientation was possible, or else they experienced strong family/social pressure to reproduce within the bounds of traditional marriage.

 

[earllogjam]

I've yet to meet a "late bloomer" who didn't know he was gay from puberty. The simple facts are that they didn't believe that a more-or-less 100% gay orientation was possible, or else they experienced strong family/social pressure to reproduce within the bounds of traditional marriage.

Yes it is hard to believe that these guys suddenly at the age of 35 realized they were gay and liked to suck dick. It seems so alien to me because I think I knew at age 5. How can your sexuality be so retarded that it only becomes clear at such an advanced age.

My friend who turned gay at 35 said he just never thought of having sex with a man when he was married to a woman. Only when she stopped having sex with him did he entertain the thought that he might be gay. Then he acted on it and never returned to women.

 

[mickstl]

I just cannot fathom this working the other way. The only way I think I could wake up and discover I craved a nice, wet pussy to munch on, would be after some kind of amnesic brain injury...

 

[derrick10]

I will reply only from my experience. Most of my life as a sexually active man hasbe heterosexual and. I preferred women. It wasn't til recently after 35 and divorced that I discovered gay sex. Simply put I was desperate to have sex and pretty depressd. Sex with even descrete well educated,healthy men was real easy. I find women extremely attractive and love vaginal sex. I'm not a fan of anal sex with any man but do find men do give better head. Overall I guess that makes me bisexual but when getting a women to have a sex charged relationship is not working then a good blow job from a guy is always welcomed.

 

[avengoid1]

If the average brothel was 50% male/50% female pros, I'm sure a lot of men would try gay sex at least once (ie nobody knows & no consequences).

Hmmmmm.......


IDK about gay sex but I've recently discovered the joys of anal play. Being straight I had this complex like all other straight guys do about going there because "that makes you gay, brah". I'm enjoying discovering this new dimension of pleasure that I never knew before, and I don't need a dick up my ass to experience it! (OK maybe you gay guys will say that it isn't the same but I don't see that happening...I'll cut my losses dudes).

 

[savin107]

I just cannot fathom this working the other way. The only way I think I could wake up and discover I craved a nice, wet pussy to munch on, would be after some kind of amnesic brain injury...

Jerk, I just spat my Arizona drink all over my computer monitor :biggrin1:

I knew I was gay (male) at age 5-7. Though I didn't know what it was to be gay, I just new that I didn't like girls, and now at age 26 the thought of ever going anywhere near a vagina at any point of my life is bothersome, I truly would have to have sustained an amnesic brain injury.

I have a friend who just turned 36 a few weeks ago, I've known him for 4 years and he's handsome with an awesome body, and is married with 2 kids. His secret, he likes to watch gay porn.

He doesn't consider himself to be gay, or bi, but he enjoys checking out other guys, he enjoys guys checking him out and he enjoys flashing me his dick and ass whenever possible (sober, not even drunk). Now its not my job to out anyone or push them over the edge, I've asked him a few times but he re-assures me that he loves his wife and is not gay. I've learn to just leave it at that.

Apparently I'm also the only gay guy that he's ever known, and he has joked about the idea of me giving him a BJ (but he is married so I would never consider it).

My point, I don't think its possible to just wake up one day and discover that you like men. I think the thoughts and possibility are always their, but are either ignored or suppressed.

 

[D_Harry_Crax]

I will reply only from my experience. Most of my life as a sexually active man hasbe heterosexual and. I preferred women. It wasn't til recently after 35 and divorced that I discovered gay sex. Simply put I was desperate to have sex and pretty depressd. Sex with even descrete well educated,healthy men was real easy. I find women extremely attractive and love vaginal sex. I'm not a fan of anal sex with any man but do find men do give better head. Overall I guess that makes me bisexual but when getting a women to have a sex charged relationship is not working then a good blow job from a guy is always welcomed.

Damn! I should have given you head when I lived a lot closer to Ohio than I do now....

 

[mickstl]

Jerk, I just spat my Arizona drink all over my computer monitor :biggrin1:

I knew I was gay (male) at age 5-7. Though I didn't know what it was to be gay, I just new that I didn't like girls, and now at age 26 the thought of ever going anywhere near a vagina at any point of my life is bothersome, I truly would have to have sustained an amnesic brain injury.

I have a friend who just turned 36 a few weeks ago, I've known him for 4 years and he's handsome with an awesome body, and is married with 2 kids. His secret, he likes to watch gay porn.

He doesn't consider himself to be gay, or bi, but he enjoys checking out other guys, he enjoys guys checking him out and he enjoys flashing me his dick and ass whenever possible (sober, not even drunk). Now its not my job to out anyone or push them over the edge, I've asked him a few times but he re-assures me that he loves his wife and is not gay. I've learn to just leave it at that.

Apparently I'm also the only gay guy that he's ever known, and he has joked about the idea of me giving him a BJ (but he is married so I would never consider it).

My point, I don't think its possible to just wake up one day and discover that you like men. I think the thoughts and possibility are always their, but are either ignored or suppressed.

ROFL -- sorry man Hope it didn't stain...

...THE MONITOR! (all you guys are dirty...I know what you were thinking...)

As to your married guy: he's a married, somewhat bi guy. A 100% straight guy (as noted on our LPSG profiles) doesn't want to watch gay porn or flash guys in the locker room to look at his junk.

Now, he may never take it to a physical level, but there has to be some level of desire for him to do that.

 

[houtx48]

Acting on it after you're 35 maybe, discovering it after 35 highly unlikely. Being gay is something I have known forever even before I knew what to call it. I have some friends that were married until the kids grew up and then divorced and came out......

 

[BIGBULL29]

We all not to stop universalizing our own experiences. For some, and probably not for many, sexual orientation can be very malleable over time; that is to say, what gender we prefer years ago is not at all what we prefer today. For most people, they predominantly straight or gay most of their lives, but some have varying degrees of preference changes. And contrary to popular belief, it is not always due to the person being "in denial" all those years: perhaps they were clearly unaware of it (never thought to discover as they always felt indifferent to the other gender), or simply their sexuality "evolved" (more likely the case). It is no matter of magic, either, and mid-to-late thirties is often the time people awaken to a new identity, not just in sexual orientation (we truly find out who we are, or at least who we think we truly are:biggrin1.

'

 

[deano-uk]

Personally - I came out about 3.5 years ago, - was married with two kids, - but although I don't regret getting married to a woman and have my wonderful kids, I think I missed out, I used to secretly look at guys, even at school, looking at their hardons, their tight arses - girls at school were friends really - some looked nice but guys gave me a hardon, (mind you back then a breeze would give me a hardon lol)... (so I think I just conformed to general society )
I was over 40 when I really started to feel that I wanted to see what it would be like to have gay sex... Any oppotunity I could I would be seeking a look at guys arses or bulges, I had to really make myself look at their faces when talking to them (if they were cute)... I eventually went to meet a guy and really knew then once I experienced it I wouldn't want str8 sex again, which yes physically I could do, but through thinking of a guy to get me hard.
Well I met the guy kissed him, sucked him, rode his cock, he fucked me at least 8 more times in the 16 hours we were together and I knew then that everything felt right, felt exciting - in my mind on that day I came out.. it was a few more months before I actually came out to the family, then friends and my customers -
I have now been living with my partner for over 2 years now and it feels good. -

 

[titan1968]

Could it be they always knew they were gay but could not bring themselves to accept it for fear of being rejected by family, friends, colleagues?

I know three men who came out late in life, after 35. They lived their early life as 100% straight married guys and had families and never really considered having gay sex and never drawn to it during their youth or early adulthood.

It confuses me since I, like most gay guys I know have always known we were gay from an early age.

I'm interested in hearing from guys who discovered their gay side later in life and how they actually came to the realization that they in fact preferred men.

 

[Bbucko]

Yes it is hard to believe that these guys suddenly at the age of 35 realized they were gay and liked to suck dick. It seems so alien to me because I think I knew at age 5. How can your sexuality be so retarded that it only becomes clear at such an advanced age.

My friend who turned gay at 35 said he just never thought of having sex with a man when he was married to a woman. Only when she stopped having sex with him did he entertain the thought that he might be gay. Then he acted on it and never returned to women.

Well, you know your friend better than I do, obviously, but I find his story to be not very credible. It might well have gone down as you've described, but personally I think it's a story he needs to tell both to himself and others for whatever reason.