Discovering you're Gay after 35?

earllogjam

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Could it be they always knew they were gay but could not bring themselves to accept it for fear of being rejected by family, friends, colleagues?
Hi Titan, good to see you're still here!

As far as I can tell he was happy living the straight married life with kids. He said he started exploring gay sex when his wife turned frigid. From what I gather it was an epiphany having sex with a man.

Honestly, I understand that epiphany because until I had sex with a guy I just didn't understand what the big deal of having sex was. Except I experienced it at 17 not at 35.

We all not to stop universalizing our own experiences. For some, and probably not for many, sexual orientation can be very malleable over time; that is to say, what gender we prefer years ago is not at all what we prefer today. For most people, they predominantly straight or gay most of their lives, but some have varying degrees of preference changes. And contrary to popular belief, it is not always due to the person being "in denial" all those years: perhaps they were clearly unaware of it (never thought to discover as they always felt indifferent to the other gender), or simply their sexuality "evolved" (more likely the case). It is no matter of magic, either, and mid-to-late thirties is often the time people awaken to a new identity, not just in sexual orientation (we truly find out who we are, or at least who we think we truly are:biggrin1:).

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I am guilty of universalizing my own gay experience but can't understand how someone doesn't know their true sexual preference by 35. Because I think I knew by the time I was 8.

Personally - I came out about 3.5 years ago, - was married with two kids, - but although I don't regret getting married to a woman and have my wonderful kids, I think I missed out, I used to secretly look at guys, even at school, looking at their hardons, their tight arses - girls at school were friends really - some looked nice but guys gave me a hardon, (mind you back then a breeze would give me a hardon lol)... (so I think I just conformed to general society )
I was over 40 when I really started to feel that I wanted to see what it would be like to have gay sex... Any oppotunity I could I would be seeking a look at guys arses or bulges, I had to really make myself look at their faces when talking to them (if they were cute)... I eventually went to meet a guy and really knew then once I experienced it I wouldn't want str8 sex again, which yes physically I could do, but through thinking of a guy to get me hard.
Well I met the guy kissed him, sucked him, rode his cock, he fucked me at least 8 more times in the 16 hours we were together and I knew then that everything felt right, felt exciting - in my mind on that day I came out.. it was a few more months before I actually came out to the family, then friends and my customers -
I have now been living with my partner for over 2 years now and it feels good. -

Thanks for your perspective. Your story is very similar to my friend who discovered his gay side at 35.

Well, you know your friend better than I do, obviously, but I find his story to be not very credible. It might well have gone down as you've described, but personally I think it's a story he needs to tell both to himself and others for whatever reason.

Maybe you're right in that it's a rationalization. But deano's story makes me think this isn't an isolated phenomenon - and that sexual preference may be fluid throughout your life for some men.
 

beltboy

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Hmmm. My cousin was 33 when he had his first gay encounter. It happened spontaneously, and he had no regrets, and dabbled again a few times. It did not rock his world or change his identity. I have another good friend who at thirty started some guy-play that went on for years, but not crossing the line into sex.

I think that after you go through the ropes of growing up, forging a hetero identity, dating, marrying and having kids, some men just give themselves permission to play and explore sexuality more broadly.
 

bigbull29

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Again, it is not always about denial or "subconsious" denial: the person may not have really known he or gay or bi because he was not that in years past (feelings just were not there). It is sometimes due to malleability; people's sexuality can evolve over time.

For me, I didn't like lesbian porn years ago; I was indifferent to it. Nowadays, there are times where I can't wait to watch two big-titted blondes fuck the shit out of each other.:eek: (cock is rock hard thinking of it).