Discrimination in college?

[spartalee]

HEllo all,
I am in college in Alabama and stay in the on campus dorm rooms. and as a lot of you know they are not very big maybe 16feet deep by 10ft wide room. with community showers on each hall, well I am completely straight and my roomie is gay and very open about it which is completely cool with me(we have had the same room for about 6months now). I dont mind his or anyones elses lifestyle but we had a little problem. His boyfriend wich lives in another hall often spends the night and of course they fool around (normally in the showers) now I will admit I have my girlfriends over from time to time but they never spend the night and I adhere to the dorm rules wich state no guests past 11p.m. and I never do anymore than kiss the girls when he is in the room(mainly for respect of the women a lot of them aren't cool with the whole people watching thing) now I asked him a few weeks ago if him and his boyfriends could refrain from him spending the night (room is small to begin wiht) and if he does if they could keep the noise down since I have football practice at 5 a.m. and they didnt so I gave him another chance still nothing. so I gave him a 3rd and final request a week later. still a no go. at this point I asked my Resident assistant to please have him moved to another room or something or him to be spoken to or anyhthing to help the situation with the RA did and my roomate started claiming discrimination and such and now I am going to have to move to another room. do you think this is right? am I missing something/ did I do something wrong? because as I see it I handled everthing ok. Also the RA said my roomie claimed he fear for his safty because he felt I would take matters into my own hands (I am 6ft 5in and 350lbs he is about 5ft9in maybe 145) and this is the reason I have to move to another room.

 

[Pecker]

Move to another room, say nothing further and continue to observe the dorm rules. Only if your (former) roommate causes a problem by spreading untruths to others on campus about the situation should you act otherwise.

 

[Chrysalis]

How lame! (that you were accused of being a threat to him...)

My female college roommate and I both had boyfriends, and we quickly learned that if you are in the same room with other people, and they are fucking, it is obvious, even if they are trying to be quiet!

Regardless of gender or the situation, if other people screwing right next to you makes you uncomfortable, then it is discourteous of them to continue doing it.

What you experienced was probably not a sexual orientation issue. It was much more a failure of common courtesy on your roommate's part. I'm guessing you probably would have been just as annoyed if he had kept you up late having noisy sex with a girl.

Anyway, I hope your new living situation is better.

 

[deleted20132]

reading your post and comparing it with bigmuscle_averagecock's, i simply cant believe what world has become.
just concluding 2cents from me: the more people are ethiquetted as gay/black/short/fat/... and the more they because of it want to have special rights, the more the 'normal' people catch themselves into traps they themselves did to assure themselves from the 'ethiquetted'
here i'm simply being neutral.
to give you mine opinion on your case - im 100% with you, you did what's right, if you did nothing with your girl, then i think it would be kind of him to do nothing with his boyfriend. keep quiet - some things just cant be done quietly...
concequences - accused for the right of having your own peace at night, and sentenced to moving away. for the price, better you than him (cuz you raised your voice, which was ok) to move. i hope everything stays on that. if not, you are not the first or the last one who will have such experience.
i simply cant believe this... good luck buddy!

 

[fratpack]

You did the right thing. not to worry. You are more likely better off in a new room. If your old roomie keeps up his routine, then it will show who was in the right in this care, which of course is you.
Best of luck.

 

[B_josiah852]

You did everything right. He may have just figured out a way to get his bf into his room full time. Move to another room. If he keeps spreading lies he will be found out by all the right people.

 

[smoothrnb]

I am really sorry to hear about your situation. You should be the one staying and your roomie should be moving. From reading your post, I am disappointed in the residence hall staff. The RA and hall director should have recognized the problem was with your roomie not with you. I agree with the others here that what happened to you is not right, and I also agree that you should not fight the move, but move on. This is a fight not worth it. Your roomie gives other gay men a bad name....

 

[Rubenesque]

6ft 5 and 350lb?

I've got a room you can share!! lol

 

[dreamer20]

...and they didnt so I gave him another chance still nothing. so I gave him a 3rd and final request a week later. still a no go. at this point I asked my Resident assistant to please have him moved to another room or something or him to be spoken to or anyhthing to help the situation...

... the RA said my roomie claimed he fear for his safety because he felt I would take matters into my own hands (I am 6ft 5in and 350lbs he is about 5ft9in maybe 145) and this is the reason I have to move to another room.

This is why I have always avoided the roomate situation re: accomodation. In hindsight it seems that "his word against mine" cases require evidence/witnesses before campus officials hear them. You handled this matter well enough, spartalee, although the outcome wasn't nice. I hope things turn out better in your new room.

 

[dannymawg]

reading your post and comparing it with bigmuscle_averagecock's, i simply cant believe what world has become.

How bout it.

You did everything right. He may have just figured out a way to get his bf into his room full time. Move to another room. If he keeps spreading lies he will be found out by all the right people.

You nailed it, josiah. By sparta's description, his roomie leveraged discrimination in favor of his agenda. Despite repeated verbal (and assuming non-verbal) dialog, and published rules for visitation (which, admittedly, in my dorm experiences were always stretched/bent/broken/otherwise messed up).

Thah's just a base lack of respect for personal space again, just like the bm_ac thread, despite any gender/appearance/sexuality modifiers. No class on some people's part.

Maybe you can get a better room out of this, spartalee? Life gives you lemons... :biggrin1:

 

[invisibleman]

HEllo all,
I am in college in Alabama and stay in the on campus dorm rooms. and as a lot of you know they are not very big maybe 16feet deep by 10ft wide room. with community showers on each hall, well I am completely straight and my roomie is gay and very open about it which is completely cool with me(we have had the same room for about 6months now). I dont mind his or anyones elses lifestyle but we had a little problem. His boyfriend wich lives in another hall often spends the night and of course they fool around (normally in the showers) now I will admit I have my girlfriends over from time to time but they never spend the night and I adhere to the dorm rules wich state no guests past 11p.m. and I never do anymore than kiss the girls when he is in the room(mainly for respect of the women a lot of them aren't cool with the whole people watching thing) now I asked him a few weeks ago if him and his boyfriends could refrain from him spending the night (room is small to begin wiht) and if he does if they could keep the noise down since I have football practice at 5 a.m. and they didnt so I gave him another chance still nothing. so I gave him a 3rd and final request a week later. still a no go. at this point I asked my Resident assistant to please have him moved to another room or something or him to be spoken to or anyhthing to help the situation with the RA did and my roomate started claiming discrimination and such and now I am going to have to move to another room. do you think this is right? am I missing something/ did I do something wrong? because as I see it I handled everthing ok.
Well, I think that you shouldn't move. Your roomie can move into his BF's room. The BF's roomie can move in with you. Or get one of your football friends to move in the dorm with you.
Also the RA said my roomie claimed he fear for his safty because he felt I would take matters into my own hands (I am 6ft 5in and 350lbs he is about 5ft9in maybe 145) and this is the reason I have to move to another room.
That's crazy. Don't move. Have him move into his BF's room.

 

[inwait8]

I think this is absolutely ridiculous... that someone would take advantage of a situation like this. No you shouldn't move, but that will probably be the easiest way to end this. This guy won't learn how shitty a move that was until someone does it to him.

And if he was gonna be afriad for his safety why didn't he oblige the first request?

spartalee : If you're in this kinda setup (gay roomie) next year do you think you'll be as cool with it as you were this year?
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[snoozan]

Whether the roommate is gay, straight, bi, or necrophiliac has no bearing on this story. This is common in dorm situations, and the offending person lying their ass off to not get in trouble, or calling discrimination or whatever, also very common. I've seen it over and over with straight men, women, and combinations of all types.

If what you really want is to get it over with and move on, move out and move on with your life, which also means not telling this story to the entire campus. If you want to turn it into a months-long drama, stand your ground, dig in, and yell at every administrator you can find.

Life is not fair. Many times the grief you will get pursuing truth and justice is not worth the end. In life you have to pick your battles, and in my mind, this doesn't seem like one of them.

 

[dreamer20]

Well, I think that you shouldn't move. Your roomie can move into his BF's room. The BF's roomie can move in with you. Or get one of your football friends to move in the dorm with you.

Yes invisibleman. Making the couple room together would have been a sensible solution to this dilemma.

 

[spartalee]

Well see the reason I was upset is because now that he pulled the discrimination card I have to go before a board and have a good chance of not being able to play college football. the NCAA states any form of dicrimination results in the loss of eligability to play college sports of any kind. basically if he testifies against me I will not be able to play, no matter what I say.

Also I thought of switching with his boyfriends aswell but his b/f stays in the senior hall (basically all graduating or near graduating members are there and the room cost is 3times that of mine) because of a private bathroom in each room as well as a miny kithen

and in response to snoozen I in no way want anyone to know about it becuse that is antoher good way to loose my eligibility. He is the one rallying for his cause.

 

[spartalee]

spartalee : If you're in this kinda setup (gay roomie) next year do you think you'll be as cool with it as you were this year?

Yea it wont change my view in any way I will be cool with it no matter what. Because I realize that just because this one guy is retarded does not mean all gay men are like that.

 

[dannymawg]

Dude, I hear what your sayin but get off the computer and talk to your RA on up. Get this documented NOW. If it's your career at stake.

If he's breaking visitation rules, case closed. You don't have to bring sexual orientation into it, which can help your case. Even if your roomie was straight, bringing girls in, and invading the small space you have to share/disrupting your personal space/breaking visitation rules, you need to make that clear.

 

[spartalee]

Yea I did I am already in a new room 2 floors up but my hall director brought the papers to me a few hours ago the guy is bringing formal alligations against me and askin I not live in the building at all. so as of now I have to wait for the meeting on wednesday with the dean and the 5 members of the NCAA.

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

Are you fuckin' serious?

Don't take this lying down. I would seriously work on documenting each and every instance you can remember of your roommate breaking the rules, being as specific as you can about the nature of the violation (aside from disclosing his sexual orientation). I would also write down what comes to mind regarding attempts you've made to settle the situation prior. That looks good, knowing that you did not and have not resorted to fisticuffs. Finally, if I'm thinking your roommate isn't going to mind common knowledge about his homosexuality, asserting clearly that there is no record that indicates you have ever had a problem with his orientation.
Finally, let this be stated. You've done nothing but hold up your end of the deal. You seem friendly and thoughtful and respectful. You've been considerate. Even when evidence wouldn't suggest it, you were the bigger man and moved out. Why are you STILL in trouble, I wonder?

 

[davidjh7]

This is totally wrong. YOU are the one being discriminated against by him. He broke the rules, you gave him every chance, were nice about it, and tried to handle it with discretion and consideration. I would file a counter discrimination against him, if he is pulling this shit. In a dorm, little is secret, and I;m sure others were aware of the situation. Gaher witnesses in your hall about his behavior and HIS breaking of the rules. Make it clear that you have no problems with gay people at all, there is no evidence you have shown any discrimination, etc. THis is your life they are fucking with, and you have the right to use whatever means you have to rectify it. He is an asshole. A man can be any sexuality, and be an asshole, and I admire you that you haven;t let him change your viewpoint that not all gay men are such assholes. Seriously--get witnesses--I lived in the dorm when I was in college for a couple years, so know that there is little privacy. Call him on it. Call his bf as a witness. Do NOT let him get away with this shit!! Good luck!!