Discuss: Are Bottoms More Likely To Cheat Than Tops (Gay Men)?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by adelaide_guy_1988, Sep 27, 2010.

  1. adelaide_guy_1988

    adelaide_guy_1988 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2007
    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Rural South Australia
    I was just reading a forum discussion on a gay site and the topic of whether or not it was possible was 2 total bottoms to be in a long-term relationship together.

    Someone made the comment that it would be very difficult, because not only was there a level of incomptability present, but also that bottoms were more likely to cheat than tops. However, this person made the comment that a LTR between two tops worked quite well.

    What are you views of this? Is there any truth in this.

    I don't really have an opinion on this either way, except to say that my intuition would be that if, as is the common perception, there are more bottoms than tops in places such as the USA and Australia (I would say this is a fairly correct perception) then tops would tend to be more promiscuous than bottoms, just due to greater choice.

    Where does this perception come from? Is it from the (in my view incorrect) tendency to ascribe male-female roles to gay relationships, thus the bottom (perceived as feminine) is held to a higher standard than the top (perceived as masculine).


    NOTE: Don't flame me, I'm not trying to perpetuate a stereotypes (in fact quite the opposite).
     
  2. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    Messages:
    5,008
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Los Angeles, California
    This is just my opinion but the whole "bottom/top" idea seems very limiting in terms of human relationships whatever your sexual orientation. It seems to me that it would be more useful for people to explore a middle ground in their sexual/emotional expression.
     
  3. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    Messages:
    8,104
    Likes Received:
    33
    What about people that are versatile :rolleyes:
     
  4. curiouscam

    curiouscam New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Messages:
    210
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Las Vegas, NV
    I've never been a fan of the Power top/bottom thing. I know we all have our preferences. I can see that having two men who identify as tops, or two that are bottoms in a relationship could be an issue. If the relationship is based mainly on sex then I am sure one of the two could become sexually frustrated and possibly cheat. I prefer to do both and like being with someone who is the same. I think I would be bored if a guy only wanted me to top him. I wouldn't cheat but I am sure the relationship would be a short one. I guess it all comes down to being honest about your likes and dislikes. Or maybe just find a third guy who IS versatile and both guys can have at it :)
     
  5. houtx48

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    Messages:
    7,095
    Likes Received:
    35
    Gender:
    Male
    If it has a dick it's trouble.
     
  6. maxcok

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2009
    Messages:
    7,392
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Elsewhere
    Oh houtx, so jaded. LOL.
     
    #6 maxcok, Sep 27, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2010
  7. AM_092

    AM_092 Guest

    Two total bottoms in a relationship, and two total tops in a relationship will likely have the same problems :) That's how I see it. Why would the bottom guys cheat more?!
     
  8. Pendlum

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2008
    Messages:
    2,151
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    Sounds like prejudice to me. I think he just thinks that tops are better, based purely on your description.

    I guess I can't provide too much real insight to your question, but I don't think being a top or a bottom would change the chances of someone cheating, just who you will probably cheat with. And I don't think that if there are more bottoms than tops, that that would make tops more likely to cheat. More fish in the river will increase your chances of catching one, but you still have to cast your line first.
     
  9. D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead

    D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    8,978
    Likes Received:
    11
    Never heard this before (not that I'm privy to lots of discussions about differences between tops and bottoms). My only perspective is that when I've been approached about hooking up with a couple of guys, it's almost always been from two bottoms (friends, partners, whatever) who want me to fuck them both (and they want to watch their friend get fucked, as well).
     
  10. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    8,889
    Likes Received:
    5
    I don't think your sexual preference in the bedroom can correlate to if you will cheat on someone or not. If you are the kind of person to cheat then this probably goes above and beyond your preferred sexual role. It's an interesting thought, but I don't personally believe it to be true.
     
  11. blondetwink11

    blondetwink11 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2009
    Messages:
    241
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    I have talked to guys that just flat out say that they are impossible. He's probably end up like that, especially if you assure yourself
     
  12. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    There is no correlation between how one chooses to express his sexuality and his propensity toward being unfaithful, and there are some really stupid and revealing stereotypes on display in the OP.

    First of all: most gay men are versatile. Some may prefer one role or another, but can, in most cases switch as the situation demands it.

    Second, "cheating" is a form of lying to one's partner that destroys trust, which is the foundation of any durable relationship; I think this is why most relationships between two men eventually open up (to one degree or another). I know they exist, but I've met very, very few long-term relationships between two men that are focused on monogamy as the sole means of sexual expression.

    Sure, this is having your cake and eating it too, but there's really nothing wrong with that, so long as both parties agree to the rules in advance. Deviation from the rules on the part of one party, even in an open relationship, is another form of cheating.

    Third, sexual compatibility is a requirement for success in a long term relationship. I was in a relationship with another non-versatile top in my early 20s. The initial appeal was one of security rather than sexual satisfaction, and when I eventually requested that we open the relationship. He agreed but became entirely asexual while I went into hyperdrive and eventually broke the rule about keeping my dalliances to one-offs when I made the very human "mistake" of falling in love with someone who fulfilled me sexually but offered no security of any kind. I broke it off and came clean about the whole thing with my partner; his quest for revenge ended the relationship (to our mutual relief).

    Two tops can, in theory, limit their sexual expression to oral, JO and frot. But if one really feels as though he needs to fuck some ass once in a while, his options become cheating or opening the relationship. Two bottoms can add toyplay to the activities listed above, which may or may not satisfy both parties sufficiently to maintain monogamy: again, their choices are cheating or opening up the relationship. The only "right answer" is what's right for the two guys in the relationship.

    Most importantly, the butch/fem polarities are entirely subjective and meaningless as applied to two gay men. First because it presumes that all tops are paragons of straight-acting-and-appearing "normalcy", which they are not; the presumption that all bottoms are simpering, limp-wristed nelly faggots is even more offensive because it's patently false.

    There is no correlation between one's "masculinity" and what he likes to do in bed: none. And I've found that most guys who think they're the butchest things on the block are generally practicing an exercise in self-deception and delusion: there's nothing sexy about over-compensating for one's shame in being gay. It reeks of insecurity, actually.

    And equating "feminine" with being a liar (cheaters are liars) is shockingly misogynistic, even with qualifiers like "in my view incorrect" :rolleyes:
     
  13. videoboi08

    videoboi08 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2010
    Messages:
    117
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    24
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Georgia

    I agree
     
  14. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    2,874
    Likes Received:
    42
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta GA
    You ever see two bottoms who meet and NOT know the other is a bottom? Looks like synchronized swimming! :tongue:
     
  15. haulthat

    haulthat Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2010
    Messages:
    293
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    It's like magnets + + will repel, and - - will repel. They might push really hard to be together, but the second that pressure is removed they will split. Its the same in both scenarios. Now in a top, and a bottom relationship... I actually think overall tops will more often cheat because a lot of tops, even myself admittedly but I behave well, are like a dog with the pink thing out. Some bottoms are voracious as well, and need something stuffing that hole at all times... but from my perspective their usually a little closer to enjoying the emotional connection with the guy than purely getting fucked. Where as tops, not all, can lean a little bit more towards liking the physical connection first. Thing is, love bridges all gaps, doesn't mean a complicated situation wont stay that... just means it can survive.
     
  16. surferboy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,182
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunrise, Florida
    if a person is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. it doesn't matter if they're male or female, gay, straight or bi, top, bottom, white, black, asian, etc etc. the only thing that is a factor is if they're going to cheat or not. there's no correlation between cheating and any other factor you can think of
     
Draft saved Draft deleted