Discussing Sex With A Man

massageguy39

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I gotta question for the ladies when comes to discussing sexual topics with a man.

Generally speaking, how honest are you with a man when it comes to discussing sexual topics?

Are there certain topics you don't quite tell the truth about especially when it comes to things like number of partners you've had, sexual preferences, or things you're insecure about maybe or suspect that you're partner could be or might be?

The only reason I ask is that I'm a good observer and listener of people in general. I do notice that women tend to contradict themselves when it comes to discussing sexual things. I suppose it's frustrating for some men (like me) who really are confident and secure and non judgmental and truly want to know a woman's mind.

However, when you get into a conversation with some women they definitely make it obvious they are hiding somethings when they contradict themselves.

I'll illustrate with a real world example. Let's say a woman says to you that she had a lover who was way younger than her, says he was not cute, had no job, got into trouble a lot, BUT was very well endowed and that she had sex with him three days a week for 15 minutes during her lunch break from work and it was just for sex. That same woman will also tell you that penis size isn't important to her in the least and never has been. But she'll post a remark on her facebook "9 inches 15 minutes" during the time she was banging the guy.

Now, any man, confident with himself or insecure is going to be able to see the contradictions. I just use this example to illustrate a frustration men have sometimes with women. I think if you're going to tell your stories voluntarily (as was this case) then be honest. Some of us men are really put off by obvious contradictions. It's kind of insulting to your intelligence type thing. So, what's up with that? Are we really that fragile in your minds?

I'd say it would be a lot more fun to just be open and honest. Like, hell yeah, he wasn't anything but a big dick to fuck and I liked it. He had nothing else going for him and I needed sex and that was his purpose in my life. I got what I needed. I'd rather hear truths than obvious contradictions. Anyone want to remark on the question of honesty in general when it comes to talking about sex with a man?
 

sizequeenNY

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First of all, any woman to post her sex life let alone someone's endowment on facebook is trash, run

Second, I can only speak for myself but I am usually open about my interests and I wait for a guy to bring up sex first
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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I never answer the "how many guys" question but i tell them i'm not answering. I am extremely honest with anyone i sleep with about what i want, what they're doing and what they shouldn't do. There's no point in us wasting our time so why wouldn't i talk about it?
 

massageguy39

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First of all, any woman to post her sex life let alone someone's endowment on facebook is trash, run

Second, I can only speak for myself but I am usually open about my interests and I wait for a guy to bring up sex first

I appreciate your response. I gotta say the facebook remark's were a bit off base and out there. I guess it's worth pointing out that, unbeknownst to me at the time, the posting she made wasn't her "regular" facebook account. It was a separate account she kept up with for her former, current, and potential "fan club" members so to say. That realization only became apparent to me later on down the road.That's just to clarify. Still, it is kinda of an out there remark nonetheless.

I will add that being open and honest about your interests, things that really turn you on, even things that turn you off, we really like to know those things. Especially things like fetishes...some unique thing that every time you see it or every-time you experience it it raises your blood pressure. Yeah, we want to know about all that. It's a major turn on to know your woman's mind when it comes to sexual things that turn her on. By contrast, a major downer when you realize she really isn't open or if she is then she's not quite honest.
 

massageguy39

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I never answer the "how many guys" question but i tell them i'm not answering. I am extremely honest with anyone i sleep with about what i want, what they're doing and what they shouldn't do. There's no point in us wasting our time so why wouldn't i talk about it?

That's a good answer to say you're not answering. I like that. That's still being honest.

Oh, I'd never ask the number of partners question and never have. I wonder about it but never ask. There's no point in asking that question and people who volunteer that information without even being asked appear likely to be covering up something (either too few or too many in their mind). That's been my observation. So, I'd say if you are going to say your number definitely be honest because it does not help if your significant other finds out you lied voluntarily about that one. Declining to discuss it if they ask, that's the perfect way to handle it. Very mature.

I agree about not wasting each other's time. So, what about when you ask and she tells you that she wants you to figure out her turn ons on your own? Why can't I just get the info? lol
 

D_Anne_T_Freeze

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That's a good answer to say you're not answering. I like that. That's still being honest.

Oh, I'd never ask the number of partners question and never have. I wonder about it but never ask. There's no point in asking that question and people who volunteer that information without even being asked appear likely to be covering up something (either too few or too many in their mind). That's been my observation. So, I'd say if you are going to say your number definitely be honest because it does not help if your significant other finds out you lied voluntarily about that one. Declining to discuss it if they ask, that's the perfect way to handle it. Very mature.

I agree about not wasting each other's time. So, what about when you ask and she tells you that she wants you to figure out her turn ons on your own? Why can't I just get the info? lol

Now herein lies the difference. This may be long so please bear with me. If i've never slept with a guy but we're looking to meet up, he's not allowed to ask me what i want. You're supposed to be able to figure out a fair amount of our likes and dislikes during the first sexual encounter. If on the first encounter, the guy is really bad, i mean REALLY BAD, i will tell him no. Don't do that or this. After the first lot of sex, when you're lying in bed talking or smoking, that's the time to ask. And not with a checklist, lol. I ask all my guys about their fantasies and things they like and don't. And they are free to ask me the same. Men tend not to ask. I don't know if it's because you all think you're brilliant or you're afraid to ask. The ones that do talk to me openly about sex are the ones who have the most fun.

Edit; I never tell my number because it shouldn't make a difference to them and frankly will only make them insecure. They all have less experience than me.
 

Gillette

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There are insecure men just as there are insecure women. Sadly being open and honest with those who are just feeds the insecurity.

From my experience it will blow up in your face 100% of the time.

I consider that a good thing, though. It reveals them for what they are and you can get out of that situation sooner.
 

Mercurygirl

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I don't talk nor want to hear about past sex partners. I like living in the present and bringing up who you fucked or having to hear about who they fucked is old hat, baggage, boring, and counterproductive nonsense more often than not based in one partner trying to either relive/rework a past failed relationship or a juvenile move to evoke jealousy. A guy brings up sex he use to have and I'm out. As in, I'm not listening, don't care. He continues to bring it up and I'm out. As in, go fuck her, yourself, this relationship is over.

Having removed that part of the question ...

"Generally speaking, how honest are you with a man when it comes to discussing sexual topics?"

In the past, not so open and honest. I had some bad lovers early on and I didn't speak up when I should have. These days however I'll discuss any topic and be forthcoming about any and all sexual matters.

Are there certain topics you don't quite tell the truth about... sexual preferences, or things you're insecure about maybe or suspect that you're partner could be or might be?

You'd have to more specific as it would depend on the person and what exactly I'm dealing with. There's going to be some little white lies here and there because I generally don't like bruising the male ego over matters that don't amount to much. These days I tell my partner exactly what I like but I may forget to mention something trivial about a performance as long as he keeps hitting it good 99% of the time. I mean what's the point of knocking the boy down when he's rocking my world in and out of the bedroom for something he'll undoubtedly make up for tomorrow?

But as to the example you gave about the girl fucking the young jobless hung guy ... What I got from it was she was trying to be provocative, telling you, the Facebook world for that matter, about the guy's size, and then played the innocent coy daddy's princess by pretending the size didn't matter. Well if it didn't matter why'd you mention it bitch? If she was one of my female friends and told me that I'd totally call her on it. "So him being young, unemployed, and a punk was why it was, 'all about the sex'? Yep, a guy I have nothing in common with, has no money, breaks into houses in between playing video games for hours at a stretch always gets me hot. Yeah right, own up, it was all about you drooling and bouncing on that two fisted cock for 15, that's exactly why it was, 'all about sex' and you fucking know it."
 

Daisy

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This is exactly why I'm in a monogamous relationship!

For you being single and dating..well good luck. Women are complicated. If youre 40 try dating a 45 year old. You shouldnt be wasting your time with some hoochie cam girl anyway.! I am always 100% honest about my likes and dislikes. I see no need to make the guy figure it out. Then again my bf knows precisely what I want and need. :)
 

massageguy39

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There are insecure men just as there are insecure women. Sadly being open and honest with those who are just feeds the insecurity.

From my experience it will blow up in your face 100% of the time.

I consider that a good thing, though. It reveals them for what they are and you can get out of that situation sooner.

You response makes a lot of sense to me. I can't say for sure but I'm betting that your experiences about things blowing up in your face being open and honest have been shared by a lot of women with insecure men. That makes perfect sense that it would take a woman off guard and be completely unexpected to find a man who is secure enough to handle all that honesty without berating her about it because of projected insecurities later on down the road.

Good answer. Fills in the gaps.
 

massageguy39

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I don't talk nor want to hear about past sex partners. I like living in the present and bringing up who you fucked or having to hear about who they fucked is old hat, baggage, boring, and counterproductive nonsense more often than not based in one partner trying to either relive/rework a past failed relationship or a juvenile move to evoke jealousy. A guy brings up sex he use to have and I'm out. As in, I'm not listening, don't care. He continues to bring it up and I'm out. As in, go fuck her, yourself, this relationship is over.

Having removed that part of the question ...

"Generally speaking, how honest are you with a man when it comes to discussing sexual topics?"

In the past, not so open and honest. I had some bad lovers early on and I didn't speak up when I should have. These days however I'll discuss any topic and be forthcoming about any and all sexual matters.

Are there certain topics you don't quite tell the truth about... sexual preferences, or things you're insecure about maybe or suspect that you're partner could be or might be?

You'd have to more specific as it would depend on the person and what exactly I'm dealing with. There's going to be some little white lies here and there because I generally don't like bruising the male ego over matters that don't amount to much. These days I tell my partner exactly what I like but I may forget to mention something trivial about a performance as long as he keeps hitting it good 99% of the time. I mean what's the point of knocking the boy down when he's rocking my world in and out of the bedroom for something he'll undoubtedly make up for tomorrow?

But as to the example you gave about the girl fucking the young jobless hung guy ... What I got from it was she was trying to be provocative, telling you, the Facebook world for that matter, about the guy's size, and then played the innocent coy daddy's princess by pretending the size didn't matter. Well if it didn't matter why'd you mention it bitch? If she was one of my female friends and told me that I'd totally call her on it. "So him being young, unemployed, and a punk was why it was, 'all about the sex'? Yep, a guy I have nothing in common with, has no money, breaks into houses in between playing video games for hours at a stretch always gets me hot. Yeah right, own up, it was all about you drooling and bouncing on that two fisted cock for 15, that's exactly why it was, 'all about sex' and you fucking know it."

Thank you for thoughtful and forthcoming response. I think I've decided you will be my official go-to-woman on this forum if I have perplexing questions about the opposite sex.

In regard to the woman and your assessment of that situation, I hadn't thought about it from the perspective of her being provocative but it certainly could be that. I would say I called her out on it but in a much gentler manner than what you presented which I found entertaining by the way. I'm not much of one to be provoked like that if that was her goal but that is something to consider.

It would be no shocker to hear a woman say she likes big dicks. But it is a bit off putting to hear a woman make a point of pursuing a guy because he has a big dick and in the same breathe say she doesn't care about size. This doesn't just apply to sexual situations either. It could be anything. For example, if someone said they don't like beer but you see them a few times a week drinking beer then you're going to wonder about that person.
 

massageguy39

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Now herein lies the difference. This may be long so please bear with me. If i've never slept with a guy but we're looking to meet up, he's not allowed to ask me what i want. You're supposed to be able to figure out a fair amount of our likes and dislikes during the first sexual encounter. If on the first encounter, the guy is really bad, i mean REALLY BAD, i will tell him no. Don't do that or this. After the first lot of sex, when you're lying in bed talking or smoking, that's the time to ask. And not with a checklist, lol. I ask all my guys about their fantasies and things they like and don't. And they are free to ask me the same. Men tend not to ask. I don't know if it's because you all think you're brilliant or you're afraid to ask. The ones that do talk to me openly about sex are the ones who have the most fun.

Edit; I never tell my number because it shouldn't make a difference to them and frankly will only make them insecure. They all have less experience than me.

Thank you as well for your thoughtful reply. I'd say men can be dense or afraid to ask when it comes to talking about sexual things with women. I'd agree that the ones who are open tend to be lots more fun. TOYS!

As far as having to figure things out, I'm talking about wayyyyy later on after you've had sex a gazillion times she's still wanting you to figure out somethings by discovery. I'm ready to read the manual after a certain point. lol
 

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I am totally 100% honest with my husband. He's the only one who needs to know. NO ONE else needs to know my sexual nature... I share what I want here, but never anywhere else, especially FB where younger folks (and family!) can read about it.

Honesty between lovers also includes respect for each other (IMO) ..
 

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I am always honest when discussing everything. If I am going to discuss something with you, it means that you are someone with whom I am involved with in some way (friend, lover, etc.) and if it is a topic that is brought up I go with it. In any situation, I find honest is appreciated and respected. If there is something that I do not want to or have no intention of divulging I am sure to be candid and straightforward and usually say, "This not something that we are going to be talking about". As far as number of sexual partners, not even my husband knows my number. I believe that nothing is gained by revealing that number. In general, I find it is a source of great destruction to a relationship and often partners are astounded by how large the number is or if it is small, they think you are lying, so that is probably the one off-limit topic for me.
 

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Facebook? Wow....not even under another identity.... and the only 9 inches I get on my lunch break is a sub sandwich!

I consider myself a grown up, so I communicate with any men I sleep with. Other than NOT sharing the number of lovers (just a question I don't answer, and I am so disappointed if he asks, cuz I won't ask him), I can't think of something I wouldn't talk about. If I think it's something he may disapprove of (ie. threesomes, playing with women), then he's probably not the man for me anyway.

Only kids play games with each other and I'm no kid.
 

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I appreciate your response. I gotta say the facebook remark's were a bit off base and out there. I guess it's worth pointing out that, unbeknownst to me at the time, the posting she made wasn't her "regular" facebook account. It was a separate account she kept up with for her former, current, and potential "fan club" members so to say. That realization only became apparent to me later on down the road.That's just to clarify. Still, it is kinda of an out there remark nonetheless.

Your original post implied this was some woman's regular personal Facebook page. What exactly does this woman do and why does she have a fan page?
 

AlteredEgo

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I will discuss anything my partner wants to discuss except how many partners I have had. I like talking about some of our past experiences that really informed our preferences or developed our skills. I like fantasizing together. I have nothing to hide.
 

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Number of partners question doesn't bother me. I don't really want to go into details about it, but I would if I were asked.

I have certain things that I'm addicted to exploring, things that aren't really considered part of the normal sexual experience with an average partner. I was with someone for years and never spoke with him about it because of hang ups I had in our relationship. We were really wrong for each other in everyway and I let it drag on because I loved him.

Now I haven't really met anyone offline that I would be interested in forming any type of relationship with. I suppose I would really have to trust someone to tell them about my darker sexual wants. Honestly I don't believe I've ever truly sat down and discussed sex with a man in real life.
 

massageguy39

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Your original post implied this was some woman's regular personal Facebook page. What exactly does this woman do and why does she have a fan page?

Let me clarify what I meant by "fan page." That was not a literal interpretation of what a fan page is on face book.

It might first help to illustrate that I was approached by her on Facebook from her Facebook account associated with her real identity. THEN after befriending her on her regular Facebook account, she tells me that she's going to send me a friend request from her OTHER facebook account that doesn't have her real name (a handle/moniker/psuedo name etc instead was used)

She TOLD me that she has this alternative facebook account so she can vent, be politically incorrect, tell bad dirty jokes, cuss, etc etc without having to worry about people she works with and goes to church with getting offended or nosey. THAT was her story, at the time, I really had no reason to doubt her. So, I was like whatever.

However, over time you get to know someone and then just looking at this other facebook account she had made it start to come into focus that she was using for the purposes of accumulating male attention and ego strokes. It just became obvious that this was her version of "stage" and she was the star performer putting on show for us guys who would stroke her ego in exchange for sexual attention from her. I only really noticed this was the reality after I really started having feelings for her because I paid close attention to her. She lead me on big time and was talking about loving me like no other, while at the same time, keeping 3 or 4 other guys on the go for an on occasion type of thing if you get what I mean.

That explained all the provocative sexual and flirtatious remarks, it wasn't that she was worried what the little old lady down the street who goes to her church might think.