Discussion On Libido

deepvoicedan

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So this is a question for other straight men. I'm not going to ask the women on the site because some of those who post a lot overreact or misinterpret what's being said (although to be fair a lot of guys on here probably really piss them off!).

It's about women's libido compared to men's. My partner and I have good sex. I know what makes her tick and she has more and stronger orgasms than I do. But as soon as she has any kind of mild ailment or is a little tired, she's not interested in sex. I'm mature enough to be cool with that (at least outwardly!) but I think I would have to be in a coma to not want sex!

Do other guys find this?
 

diver6

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That is 100% the way it is with us! I think you will find this is very common. It’s just what makes us different I guess, also age and kids makes a difference she is very busy looking after them so can’t blame her.
 
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socalfreak

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I'm lucky enough to be in the minority here.
@Snarky_succubus has the sex drive of a guy. It's been that way the whole 7+ years we've been together.... And, it doesn't wane if she's banged up or under the weather.
We've actually had misunderstandings about it.
I was thinking the same thing many people do: if she's tweaked/stressed/sick, back off a bit. But, she wants to get laid, because it makes her feel better.
Yes ma'am.
Only times she was out of the game was when she had one hell of a quad tear & could barely walk or sleep..
And when we both got really, really sick. Was coughing so much our abs felt like they were gonna tear apart if we coughed again.
Other than that.... My girl is good to go
I have very little to complain about.
 

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I'm with the majority of posters so far. Any little ailment or distraction prevents her from thinking about sex. Once the kids came along it has taken a lot for me to get her interested. It's better now that they're in their teens. I always still have to initiate unless we've spent the whole day together goofing off and then maybe she'll initiate or at least be receptive with no convincing needed.
 

marriedasian

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i'm also with @socalfreak wherein my wife will fuck wherever and whenever. she enjoys sex purely for the physical aspect of it and is willing to go at any time whether it be my preference or hers. i've said before where we even fuck when we're pissed off at each other or just one of us is pissed off. we don't say much when we're mad but we both cum for sure.

to the men out there who think i'm lucky should rethink this.. it's not all great... there is such a thing as "too much" sex. there have been plenty of times where i have no interest in sex but she will still blow me hard, bounce on it, cum, then walk away without a flinch...
 

marriedasian

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I respectfully disagree with the first three lines of the second paragraph, @marriedasian
I wouldn't trade it for anything

haha... agreed... i wouldn't trade it for anything either (despite my current opinion on it). rather have it and not want it than want it and not have it. :)
 

Sagittarius84

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That's been my experience with just about any significant other..any ailment, any pain, any residual emotional strife or any hint of tiredness and the ride is shut down. Id be more understanding of it, but what was also present in each of these cases is a hypocritical attitude of none of the aforementioned issues being justified in denying them sex when they want it, or the expected onus for alleviating said issues fell squarely upon my shoulders, with them taking no accountability to how they might have contributed towards it.
 

Notaes

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So this is a question for other straight men. I'm not going to ask the women on the site because some of those who post a lot overreact or misinterpret what's being said (although to be fair a lot of guys on here probably really piss them off!).

It's about women's libido compared to men's. My partner and I have good sex. I know what makes her tick and she has more and stronger orgasms than I do. But as soon as she has any kind of mild ailment or is a little tired, she's not interested in sex. I'm mature enough to be cool with that (at least outwardly!) but I think I would have to be in a coma to not want sex!

Do other guys find this?


I too would have to be in a coma not to want sex. I think it’s the way men are made. We were born to fuck!
 
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I think some women have a sexy mode that they need to get into for them to really enjoy it. It may be difficult for them to switch out of mom/career woman mode and into sexy woman mode. It seems like a change in venue/routine might be helpful in some instances. I know I've had the idea of night in a hotel pitched to me.

Maybe some women crave different scenery like a lot of men crave different women.
 

Sagittarius84

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It may be difficult for them to switch out of mom/career woman mode and into sexy woman mode.
I think you may be on to something here..I think for men fulfilling roles related to fatherhood or career advancement are actively or passively, more often than not a means or and end related to upping one's attractiveness in the eyes of women; it's already a reconciled thing, as opposed to women whose maternal habits and career advancement are almost totally removed from any function of increasing or enhancing their attractiveness in the eyes of men...
It begs the question though; whom should be charged with trying to mitigate the situation? Is it our responsibility as men to adjust aspects of reality to possibly enable her to more easily switch between modes or should women take a little bit more initiative in embracing the supposedly non sexy modes, perhaps maybe narrowing their scope of acceptable partners to those men whom are more suited to be in relationships with and maintain sexual attraction despite the supposedly non sexy modes?
 
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It begs the question though; whom should be charged with trying to mitigate the situation? Is it our responsibility as men to adjust aspects of reality to possibly enable her to more easily switch between modes or should women take a little bit more initiative in embracing the supposedly non sexy modes, perhaps maybe narrowing their scope of acceptable partners to those men whom are more suited to be in relationships with and maintain sexual attraction despite the supposedly non sexy modes?

I think a little of both would be healthy. I posted a link to a great podcast by Esther Perel where she counseled a young couple. The wife discussed how it's difficult for her to get in a sexual mood for him when she sometimes worries about how "solid" he is so to speak. If she feels like he's another kid to keep an eye on so he doesn't get into mischief (he's gotten into mischief) then she feels like a caretaker and not a lover.

Another balance I think we'll have to find in "traditional gender roles" is the idea of the man who says "I got this" and is supposed to ready to face any and every situation. Suppose he faces something that he's having trouble dealing with. If he tells her about it does he lose some sex appeal to her? If he can't go to his partner with something that he's struggling with, then what?
 

Sagittarius84

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I think a little of both would be healthy. I posted a link to a great podcast by Esther Perel where she counseled a young couple. The wife discussed how it's difficult for her to get in a sexual mood for him when she sometimes worries about how "solid" he is so to speak. If she feels like he's another kid to keep an eye on so he doesn't get into mischief (he's gotten into mischief) then she feels like a caretaker and not a lover.

Another balance I think we'll have to find in "traditional gender roles" is the idea of the man who says "I got this" and is supposed to ready to face any and every situation. Suppose he faces something that he's having trouble dealing with. If he tells her about it does he lose some sex appeal to her? If he can't go to his partner with something that he's struggling with, then what?
Therein lies the catch-22..I have no doubt any woman here or abroad would earnestly believe his coming to her with struggle would be met with no less affection or lust, because most people find it difficult to predict or admit to just how petty or fickle their libido will react in such a situation, especially if logically it shouldn't.
I also find it interesting how many women so easily divorce being or potentially having to be the "caretaker" and their maintenance of sexual appeal in their respective partners, but so easily marry being "caretaken" with continued lust.
I find it odd that for all the calls of equanimity of opportunity that feminIsm so rightfully demands, there still remains what seems to be an opportune coolness towards embracing sexual interest in male significant others that they potentially will be providing for and caretaking...
It's oddly reminiscent of another question posed about women saying "Daddy" during sex(creepy!), how somewhat mainstream acceptable it is, yet how much collective vaginal dryness would occur if men attempted to make calling "Mommy" during sex just as commonplace.
 
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Therein lies the catch-22..I have no doubt any woman here or abroad would earnestly believe his coming to her with struggle would be met with no less affection or lust, because most people find it difficult to predict or admit to just how petty or fickle their libido will react in such a situation, especially if logically it shouldn't.
I also find it interesting how many women so easily divorce being or potentially having to be the "caretaker" and their maintenance of sexual appeal in their respective partners, but so easily marry being "caretaken" with continued lust.
I find it odd that for all the calls of equanimity of opportunity that feminIsm so rightfully demands, there still remains what seems to be an opportune coolness towards embracing sexual interest in male significant others that they potentially will be providing for and caretaking...
It's oddly reminiscent of another question posed about women saying "Daddy" during sex(creepy!), how somewhat mainstream acceptable it is, yet how much collective vaginal dryness would occur if men attempted to make calling "Mommy" during sex just as commonplace.

"These hoes looking for a daddy, man. They ain't looking for a little brother" - My Cousin

(Crass, I know...but it's funny and somewhat accurate IMO.)
 
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there's also an old saying too guys... "there are moments when she wants to have sex just as bad as you do but just not with you" :)

I don't doubt it and I regularly question the usefulness of sexual monogamy. I likely wouldn't be the guy in the corner watching and jacking off but if she got some on the side and didn't bring drama or disease home...*shrug*