100% I didnt mean to sound harsh...coming out is def tough and I dont blame anyone who cant do it, or waits or whatever. I just see more to his post then that.
Dislike being gay
- Thread starter jCK56
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If a black person was lamenting how he was so mad he was born Black would that make any sense? of course not....this shouldnt either.[/QUOTE]
I'm sure you meant well, but this is a bit of a false equivalence and one which many black people, gay and straight, find insulting. The OP said he plans to stay in the closet for the remainder of his life. Where is the black person's closet? When did you ever hear of a black person "coming out" to their family and friends as black? For sure, there are struggles in our society for black people and their are struggles for gay people, but they are not the same and I don't think it's fair to draw comparisons given how different they are.
I'm sure you meant well, but this is a bit of a false equivalence and one which many black people, gay and straight, find insulting. The OP said he plans to stay in the closet for the remainder of his life. Where is the black person's closet? When did you ever hear of a black person "coming out" to their family and friends as black? For sure, there are struggles in our society for black people and their are struggles for gay people, but they are not the same and I don't think it's fair to draw comparisons given how different they are.
Oh definitely there is more to the post. OP has a lot of preconceived ideas about what being gay must be and a horrible image of what living as a gay man or gay couple is like. The fact that being gay is as varied as being straight isn't an idea that most rural or arch conservative communities understand.
All of the conflicting images and ideas is crowding out his self-identity, for now. He, like all of us, need to navigate our way out to find ourselves and how we fit in.
OP: Just remember, NO ONE was born to hate themselves.
I guess I was "lucky" that I don't have any of the stereotypical gay traits that would have outed me without having a choice.
In highshool, I was in the top teams for football, track and captained the rifle team as the school's best marksman.
My point is that being gay has nothing to do with what you look like, what hobbies you have, your political or religious persuasion.
The idea that all gays are the stereotypical fem, mincing, cross dressing, outrageously dramatic fairies is just wrong. This image is just to make homophobic straight people feel safe. They think if they can see a gay person a mile away, they are in control.
The truth is, gay men come in all shapes and forms with the only thing in common is that the love of another man makes their heart sing.
In highshool, I was in the top teams for football, track and captained the rifle team as the school's best marksman.
My point is that being gay has nothing to do with what you look like, what hobbies you have, your political or religious persuasion.
The idea that all gays are the stereotypical fem, mincing, cross dressing, outrageously dramatic fairies is just wrong. This image is just to make homophobic straight people feel safe. They think if they can see a gay person a mile away, they are in control.
The truth is, gay men come in all shapes and forms with the only thing in common is that the love of another man makes their heart sing.
It might be good to get some counselling with someone specializing in gay issues.
It just seems you are going through a grieving process.
The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.
It just seems you are going through a grieving process.
The 5 stages of grief and loss are: 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.
The best advice I can give is...stop worrying!...or try to stop. Life is too short and hard without throwing in sexuality dilemmas. Until you have experienced sex with either gender, you can't say your straight or your gay because you don't know for sure. Human beings are complicated creatures and my opinion personally, is that labels were invented for the narrow minded. I think people hide behind labels, because they are scared of being who they really are and I find that the people who have made people think like this, were in the wrong completely. The society we live in today was created by human beings before us and why should they have even been given the right to shame another human being, considering none of us "human beings" are perfect. Most likely your ashamed of being gay or the thought of it because of how society (other human beings) view it, saying its wrong because they don't understand it. Well my attitude is to those people who can't understand being gay and are shaming them for it, FUCK THEM! They are just as imperfect as me and everyone else on this planet. If you turn out to be gay from an experience and that's what you find you want in life, go for it mate if it makes you happy. Be proud of being honest and upfront about it. We all deserve to find love and true happiness...not just the narrow minded! 
And as for worrying about the future, don't worry about that either. No one knows whats gonna happen in the next hour let alone the next 50 years of your life. Life is a temporary situation we are all born into, you should enjoy it while your still here. Just try to think on that and you should feel more positive.
And as for worrying about the future, don't worry about that either. No one knows whats gonna happen in the next hour let alone the next 50 years of your life. Life is a temporary situation we are all born into, you should enjoy it while your still here. Just try to think on that and you should feel more positive. But he's not saying coming out is hard. There is nowhere in his post suggesting he's interested in coming out.
It always sounded strange for me this idea that people have to have sex with someone to know that they want to have sex with someone. Sound like an inversion. We either are attracted to men or we are not. If we are, we are capable of enjoing sex with them. Trying to have sex with people you are not attracted demands just so much trickery, it's ridiculous anyone could have doubts about whether or not it will be pleasant.The best advice I can give is...stop worrying!...or try to stop. Life is too short and hard without throwing in sexuality dilemmas. Until you have experienced sex with either gender, you can't say your straight or your gay because you don't know for sure. Human beings are complicated creatures and my opinion personally, is that labels were invented for the narrow minded. I think people hide behind labels, because they are scared of being who they really are and I find that the people who have made people think like this, were in the wrong completely. The society we live in today was created by human beings before us and why should they have even been given the right to shame another human being, considering none of us "human beings" are perfect. Most likely your ashamed of being gay or the thought of it because of how society (other human beings) view it, saying its wrong because they don't understand it. Well my attitude is to those people who can't understand being gay and are shaming them for it, FUCK THEM! They are just as imperfect as me and everyone else on this planet. If you turn out to be gay from an experience and that's what you find you want in life, go for it mate if it makes you happy. Be proud of being honest and upfront about it. We all deserve to find love and true happiness...not just the narrow minded!
But I do agree that his shame comes from how society view gayness.
When you say we are either attracted to men or we are not. I would say that sexuality is more complicated than that. One guy I used to know, was convinced that he didn't like men sexually and was adamant that he was straight, however, when he became friends with another guy he met, he started to develop feelings for him, caring for him. He also told me, that he felt he had more in common with him, felt more comfortable with him, and understood him which these things he didn't have in common with any women he had been with. He then felt so happy with him because of this really strong friendship, that he developed romantic and physical feelings towards him over time. My point is, when you think you know for sure, you actually don't. Life isn't as simple as we all try to make it out to be.
He's basically saying he's ashamed of being gay and I have explained why I think that might be. If he know's he might be gay he shouldn't hide away from it and be ashamed and live a life of denial, he should try and come to terms with it and except the fact that being gay is a wonderful lifestyle that has been shunned or dissaproved by opinionated narrow minded people. I am also trying to say that I am aware that he hasn't said anything about coming out, but he knows what he "might" be which is gay. Staying in the closet will just make him even more unhappy and it doesn't make his life any better. In fact, it just makes it worse. Staying in the closet, is basically a sugar coating way of saying "I am in denial" "I am a coward" "I am liar". I mean if you know your gay and you marry a straight woman and you make her think your straight but your not and have no interest in her, that makes you a liar.
I don't get why all this "sexual fluidity" talk is always framed as a more complex, sophisticated and accurate dispiction of the process of coming to terms with our sexuality than to presume that the capacity to feel attracted to a certain sex have always been there, submerged in ourselves even if away from our self-knowledge. Entering a relationship first to then begin having sexual feelings are the common recomendation of basicaly every conversion therapy ever created by homophobic therapists, and they certantly don't seem like complex minded, sophisticated and accurated people to me.
I couldn't agree more mate! More or less i'm saying, that human beings and actually, life in general, is complicated. It's not straight forward. People should be free to just go with whatever their instincts tell them and stop listening to other people who themselves are experiencing the same situation (life) and are going through their own path of self discovery including, sexual orientation/attraction.
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I don't think this poster is coming back to the site. Hope he's okay, and gets over his conservatism.
That complication you mention isn't inherent of sexuality, all the things you are talking about refer only to how society reacts to same sex attraction.
Well yeah. Sexuality isn't inherent. One of the main factors that causes people to "stay in the closet" is society.
Sexuality is inherent, having to be in the closet is not.
Well it has been less than a week, so maybe he'll return. I'm just happy we all behaved and nobody sended dick pics like people sended to similar-minded Dustin Berry from the post "Did you choose to be gay?"
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Could you explain what inherent mean's to you, and how the nature of sexuality is incongruous with that.
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