Disliking your Sexuality

D_M_Krenke

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 20, 2013
Posts
33
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Sexuality
No Response
Odd topic I know, but please listen.

It's sort of been an enduring feeling, ever since I realized I was gay. I have disliked, being gay. Over the years it has become stronger. It's just the difficultly of meeting guys that I'm interested in, or seeing a good looking guy but knowing that it will never happen. Then of course there is the threat of being pegged by the stereotype. Not to mention that people usually gloss over you unless you have thick muscles. It just seems like everything is much harder than it should be, I don't know. Does that make sense?
 

Petrolhead

Admired Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Posts
7,344
Media
40
Likes
881
Points
298
Location
London, UK
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
i empathise with you. however i think those problems you mention apply equally to straight people (yes, even the stereotyping!). but i hope you dont feel too bad. you just need to find the right person to build your confidence
 

Infernal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Posts
3,564
Media
7
Likes
5,138
Points
593
Age
54
Location
Phoenix, Arizona, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
At some level, we all share the same fears and insecurities about life, the same likes, and dislikes. Fear of rejection, or just not being attractive enough. I hate it when someone tries to plug me into a stereotype, but oddly enough, the person doing it seems to dislike it just as much when you throw it back at them. Just surround yourself with good people who like you for who you are. The rest will sort itself out in time.
 

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

Account Disabled
Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Posts
1,107
Media
0
Likes
47
Points
83
Sexuality
No Response
yes things are harder and i know exactly how you fell but like pretol head said everyone has to deal with something. and at the same time everyone has their perks.

I know I should practice what I preach but love yourself first before you look for anyone else. This is osmehting I've been told here before and you know hwat its true.
 

D_M_Krenke

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 20, 2013
Posts
33
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Sexuality
No Response
yes things are harder and i know exactly how you fell but like pretol head said everyone has to deal with something. and at the same time everyone has their perks.

I know I should practice what I preach but love yourself first before you look for anyone else. This is osmehting I've been told here before and you know hwat its true.

The thing is, I've never believed that statement before. You have to love yourself before you look for anyone else. Thing is, you can love yourself but that does not mean that others will love you for you. When they don't then it gets you down. So that saying is not really true.
 

ohioriver

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2006
Posts
44
Media
0
Likes
3
Points
228
Gender
Male
Deep down, I don't know that you really hate being gay... it's that you hate that sometimes it can be very hard to be gay in this world. If it were a perfect world and you could live as who you are without the extra challenges, then it would be awesome to know the peace in simply living as who you are... and nothing is more awesome than just being yourself.
 

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

Account Disabled
Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Posts
1,107
Media
0
Likes
47
Points
83
Sexuality
No Response
The thing is, I've never believed that statement before. You have to love yourself before you look for anyone else. Thing is, you can love yourself but that does not mean that others will love you for you. When they don't then it gets you down. So that saying is not really true.

then you haven't found the real meaning of that statement.

you have to realize that not everyone will be into you. I get rejected all the time and when I get rejected, I just think back to all the times I've rejected someone.

See i believe and correct me if I'm wrong, it seems like your main issue is that people wont like you for your looks because you either don't look like a twink or a big muscular guy.

and you know what.. thats okay. because somewhere out there someone will like whats in between the spectrum.

as far as anything else goes, Being gay is a mission given by god to prove that no matter how much bullshit life throws at you, you can still be happy. That's why the term is gay.

It all takes time and even then there will be moments when you just get frustrated and get pissed off at the world but in reality there are so many things to be grateful for.

i went on a blind date where the guy literally sat down looked at me for 5 minutes, scuffed and walked away. so you can imagine the hit that my self esteem took. that was a few weeks ago.

now fast forward to yesterday. i went on a date with a guy who was nothing like what he sent in his pictures. he wasn't ugly or anything but he was not what I like. Long story short I declined his second date.


when you're happy with who you are, people will automatically be attracted to you. even if you have big nose or a unibrow...
 
Last edited:

longskin

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2011
Posts
94
Media
0
Likes
12
Points
43
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I agree with Nyan (mostly - not sure about the "being gay is a mission given by god" bit but at least the god has a small g). The thing is that being gay, and finding guys you're interested in, or who are into you, are different things. I reckon straight people will have the same worries. Not everone is going to be into you, and that would be true of the most gorgeous-looking Adonis, who might be a total jerk at heart. Be good to yourself, patient with yourself, and I hope you find someone who appreciates you for being you.
 

D_22

Cherished Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2011
Posts
2,383
Media
33
Likes
490
Points
228
Location
NYC
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
I remember how much I used to torture myself due to my sexuality and now I love the hell outta that part of me. As most posts here, you won't be able to appreciate love, etc until you yourself love and appreciate yourself first. Don't just wallow in depression, take a look at yourself. Maybe change up how you dress, how you eat, start working out. You'll get a different out look, be healthier and get some turning heads. Confidence goes an extremely hard way. Know how to present yourself on the outside while taking a stand to put your head up and breathe and be happy with yourself. No one wants to get with someone without confidence.
 

IntentsOfCare

Sexy Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Posts
401
Media
25
Likes
90
Points
63
Location
Maryland, Frostburg
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
I remember how much I used to torture myself due to my sexuality and now I love the hell outta that part of me. As most posts here, you won't be able to appreciate love, etc until you yourself love and appreciate yourself first. Don't just wallow in depression, take a look at yourself. Maybe change up how you dress, how you eat, start working out. You'll get a different out look, be healthier and get some turning heads. Confidence goes an extremely hard way. Know how to present yourself on the outside while taking a stand to put your head up and breathe and be happy with yourself. No one wants to get with someone without confidence.

In the end it seems to come down to that, if you aren't happy and no one wants you for who you are... change. I'm not knocking this approach at all, I happen to be in the middle of a change plan myself. That is just how the world is and it gets me a little confused face when people are always like "just be yourself" and "love yourself" but in retrospect... where has that honestly gotten some of us? The OP and myself included just don't show up on the radar for what we want. So I've decided to become an object of desire for what I'm looking for.
I seem to attract every bit of what I don't want if I attract anything at all and it can be very frustrating so I totally get where the OP is coming from. But you can't sit around and expect things to magically come to you, you want a better love life? Then take it.
 

D_22

Cherished Member
Joined
Nov 4, 2011
Posts
2,383
Media
33
Likes
490
Points
228
Location
NYC
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
In the end it seems to come down to that, if you aren't happy and no one wants you for who you are... change. I'm not knocking this approach at all, I happen to be in the middle of a change plan myself. That is just how the world is and it gets me a little confused face when people are always like "just be yourself" and "love yourself" but in retrospect... where has that honestly gotten some of us? The OP and myself included just don't show up on the radar for what we want. So I've decided to become an object of desire for what I'm looking for.
I seem to attract every bit of what I don't want if I attract anything at all and it can be very frustrating so I totally get where the OP is coming from. But you can't sit around and expect things to magically come to you, you want a better love life? Then take it.

You can still be yourself while bettering yourself. You have to work to achieve anything. Changing your wardrobe doesn't mean you have to buy and wear something you wouldn't like. Just try new things and see what works and gets compliments while seeing how it makes you feel. Working out to make yourself look good also boosts confidence. I first and foremost work out for myself, and its a bonus when someone enjoys what Ive worked to get.
 

D_M_Krenke

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 20, 2013
Posts
33
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Sexuality
No Response
then you haven't found the real meaning of that statement.

you have to realize that not everyone will be into you. I get rejected all the time and when I get rejected, I just think back to all the times I've rejected someone.

See i believe and correct me if I'm wrong, it seems like your main issue is that people wont like you for your looks because you either don't look like a twink or a big muscular guy.

and you know what.. thats okay. because somewhere out there someone will like whats in between the spectrum.

as far as anything else goes, Being gay is a mission given by god to prove that no matter how much bullshit life throws at you, you can still be happy. That's why the term is gay.

It all takes time and even then there will be moments when you just get frustrated and get pissed off at the world but in reality there are so many things to be grateful for.

i went on a blind date where the guy literally sat down looked at me for 5 minutes, scuffed and walked away. so you can imagine the hit that my self esteem took. that was a few weeks ago.

now fast forward to yesterday. i went on a date with a guy who was nothing like what he sent in his pictures. he wasn't ugly or anything but he was not what I like. Long story short I declined his second date.


when you're happy with who you are, people will automatically be attracted to you. even if you have big nose or a unibrow...

The word gay means to be happy (originally), it hardly has anything to do with "god".

That said, I'm still not convinced that being happy with yourself will attract people to you. To me, that's just a fairy tale to help children sleep at night. People are born lucky in life to have the passable or above aspects that people will like, which makes them happy because other people notice. But lets face it, people who are "ugly" won't be considered attractive no matter how much they love themselves. I don't consider myself ugly, but definitely not on the level that I see most gay guys at (or the type someone would be attracted to). People want the good end of the spectrum, not the middle or the worst. This is a major part of why I dislike being gay, because even if you do get lucky enough to find guys who are gay you don't have a chance because of the high standards. Guess I'm unlucky.
 

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

Account Disabled
Joined
Dec 18, 2012
Posts
1,107
Media
0
Likes
47
Points
83
Sexuality
No Response
The word gay means to be happy (originally), it hardly has anything to do with "god".

That said, I'm still not convinced that being happy with yourself will attract people to you. To me, that's just a fairy tale to help children sleep at night. People are born lucky in life to have the passable or above aspects that people will like, which makes them happy because other people notice. But lets face it, people who are "ugly" won't be considered attractive no matter how much they love themselves. I don't consider myself ugly, but definitely not on the level that I see most gay guys at (or the type someone would be attracted to). People want the good end of the spectrum, not the middle or the worst. This is a major part of why I dislike being gay, because even if you do get lucky enough to find guys who are gay you don't have a chance because of the high standards. Guess I'm unlucky.



you know what. fuck you. go to hell. everyone is giving you amazing advice and you still have this shitty outlook?

if you don;t want to be happy then don't be, that's your problem. but don't complain about it.

the problem is not being gay or looks, it's attitude. Because even the most "beautiful" people have problems.

if you think you're unlucky then you're a fool. a damn fool.
 

manju

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
Posts
406
Media
0
Likes
145
Points
128
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
The word gay means to be happy (originally), it hardly has anything to do with "god".

That said, I'm still not convinced that being happy with yourself will attract people to you. To me, that's just a fairy tale to help children sleep at night. People are born lucky in life to have the passable or above aspects that people will like, which makes them happy because other people notice. But lets face it, people who are "ugly" won't be considered attractive no matter how much they love themselves. I don't consider myself ugly, but definitely not on the level that I see most gay guys at (or the type someone would be attracted to). People want the good end of the spectrum, not the middle or the worst. This is a major part of why I dislike being gay, because even if you do get lucky enough to find guys who are gay you don't have a chance because of the high standards. Guess I'm unlucky.

I can empathize. Are you Black and only attracted to White guys?
 

D_M_Krenke

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 20, 2013
Posts
33
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Sexuality
No Response
you know what. fuck you. go to hell. everyone is giving you amazing advice and you still have this shitty outlook?

if you don;t want to be happy then don't be, that's your problem. but don't complain about it.

the problem is not being gay or looks, it's attitude. Because even the most "beautiful" people have problems.

if you think you're unlucky then you're a fool. a damn fool.

Just being realistic. Your "advice" is just the same fairy tale words I hear from everyone. Th problem is being gay, since if I was straight I would currently have someone, or it would be easier to find someone. Also, lets face it, most people probably would not be approached unless they looked good outside.

I can empathize. Are you Black and only attracted to White guys?

Actually, I'm white. But I don't exactly have a preference on skin color.
 

bond_to

Sexy Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Posts
73
Media
10
Likes
33
Points
163
Location
Toronto
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
Look up Rossi de Palma. A Spanish actress, ugly by all measures of beauty. She has taken her extreme features and turned them into an asset. In her prime years she was one of the most glamorous and prolific actors in Spain and did runway modeling for Jean-Paul Gauthier.

Look up Serge Gainsbourg. An ugly guy. The most notorious womanizer in the 60s.

OK those are straight people.

Some of the happiest, most productive and most respected gay couples I know are not exactly the boys on the gay party flyers or gay dating site promos. They are regular, average bodied, balding guys who don't turn heads. At least they don't attract attention on their looks. Yet the found each other, coupled up, and one of them now started a family with the arrival of their baby (test tube deal, anonymous surrogate).

Fags are superficial. They want muscley "str8 acting" guys for sex sex and lots of sex. If you're interested in something more meaningful, respect yourself, have something to offer to the world and the one you love, and go for it. It's not what you have, it's what you make of it.

Eligible gay guys are everywhere, not just at gay bars.

Oh, and if you think str8 ppl have it any easier finding the right mate you are deluding yourself.
 

invisibleman

Cherished Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2005
Posts
9,816
Media
0
Likes
491
Points
303
Location
North Carolina
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I don't dislike being gay at all. I just disliked my experiences with some gay men. I don't dislike being black...I just dislike the experiences I have had as a black person. I also don't dislike being a man. I just dislike some of the experiences of being the man I am supposed to be instead of the man society wants me to be. I know plenty of straight people going through bad things as straight people...but they NEVER discount their sexuality. Why should bad experiences discount who we are as people who are entitled their own desires?

The most difficult thing is to be the person you want to be. There will be someone who won't like you for who you are. But there are people that will appreciate you for who you are. No matter what you have to love yourself. You have to be yourself.
 

D_M_Krenke

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 20, 2013
Posts
33
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Sexuality
No Response
I assumed it was easier because they don't have to go through all the guess work that comes with looking for a gay guy.

But I suppose you're right. Looking at it now, it does not feel like it hate it so much as the difficulty. But I was never one of those superficial types, only interested in one thing and caring too much on appearances. When I see that, I tell myself I can be better than them. Not by looks, but in other aspects. Demeanor, mentally, even successful in life. I don't have to go to that level, rather go above it.

But I suppose it's true, there is nothing to really dislike about being gay.
 

D_M_Krenke

Just Browsing
Joined
Feb 20, 2013
Posts
33
Media
0
Likes
0
Points
41
Sexuality
No Response
I don't dislike being gay at all. I just disliked my experiences with some gay men. I don't dislike being black...I just dislike the experiences I have had as a black person. I also don't dislike being a man. I just dislike some of the experiences of being the man I am supposed to be instead of the man society wants me to be. I know plenty of straight people going through bad things as straight people...but they NEVER discount their sexuality. Why should bad experiences discount who we are as people who are entitled their own desires?

The most difficult thing is to be the person you want to be. There will be someone who won't like you for who you are. But there are people that will appreciate you for who you are. No matter what you have to love yourself. You have to be yourself.

First off, people have to stop assuming I'm black. Honestly...

Second, being who you are is not difficult. Rather dealing with people who don't like you is hard. Also, offer something that has not already been said. Loving yourself is foolish, I'd rather respect myself. Respect is more certain and commanding, not as unstable as love.
 

Infernal

Superior Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Posts
3,564
Media
7
Likes
5,138
Points
593
Age
54
Location
Phoenix, Arizona, United States of America
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I think part of the struggle is defining ourselves by our sexuality. I'm a gay man, but it's just one of many things I am, and far down the list of what is important. I'm a human being, a friend, a brother, an uncle, a son, a partner.... I am many, many things other than just a gay man. Unfortunately that seems to be what society or others focus on. You are so much more than who you love and who you have sex with.

As for dealing with people who don't like me - that isn't hard at all. If I work with them, I treat them with courtesy as appropriate to my job, that's all they are entitled to. Someone else outside of work, I ignore. Why waste my time and energy on something I can't change.