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Ditching a friend for sex
- Thread starter sukmycock00
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Agree with Pendlum. Maintaining friendships is more important than a random hookup.
Bbucko
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Thanks: I didn't think so, as we seem to agree not just in this thread but most all of 'em lately.
I hate that stupid phrase, and i could neither articulate how i act nor how i expect my friends to act in such a short phrase.
It all depends on the situation, i have chosen friends over girls before, and i have canceled plans with my friends to be with a girl before.
It all depends what kind of plans i had with who, and what kind of situation comes up.
Just running for a beer at a pub is different to a big party or a long planned activity,
a random hookup is different from running into my old teenage love that left town a few years ago. And so on.
It all depends on the situation, i have chosen friends over girls before, and i have canceled plans with my friends to be with a girl before.
It all depends what kind of plans i had with who, and what kind of situation comes up.
Just running for a beer at a pub is different to a big party or a long planned activity,
a random hookup is different from running into my old teenage love that left town a few years ago. And so on.
If you are a hound then the girls are mostly just notches on your belt. They are not your friends. Most women are not friends with guys. Most of them don't want to be.
If you scorn your friends regardless of gender you should not expect them to be there for you when you really need them.
Be prepared when you most need your friends (of either gender) to go it alone.
If you scorn your friends regardless of gender you should not expect them to be there for you when you really need them.
Be prepared when you most need your friends (of either gender) to go it alone.
...I always go by the rule, if the time is right and the place is right. I mean, I wouldn't go ditch a friend on some important thing we are doing such as a big party or concert or something. But I have bailed at last minute because I thought I wouldn't be causing no harm. Also, if the friend's bailing actually costs you money just so he can go have sex would probably anger me. But then again, would you directly say your going out to have sex? I doubt it. But these things always have a way of coming around full circle. Probably better policy to just not do it and arrange your sex for other times, say after your time with friend?
You forgot the part where I said WORDS... I said words don't hurt people. But all is well. Yes there are laws protecting racist and homophobic abuse, PHYSICAL abuse.
I'm sorry there isn't an equilvant deragatory term for a man who has sex with everything that has a pulse... We need to get Webster's to make one for us.
The OP is not very specific, so everyone is putting their own interpretation on the scenario in their head.
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Sticks and stones is, in my opinion, used to make kids feel better when someone calls them a doodoo head. Make no mistake, words are powerful because we make the powerful. Why do we do that? Because high level communication is a key part of being human. Not only do we have a very rich and complex language, but we have hundreds, maybe thousands of them. I'm not saying anything against you really, I'm just trying to stress the strength of words.
If a woman was raised in a strict Catholic family and ended up having a one night stand that everyone found out about it, she could be ridiculed. Called a slut, a whore, and many awful things. Something like 'bros before hoes' can be an awful reminder of what she believes everyone thinks about her.
To put the shoe on the other foot, it bugs me when people say something like, men are dogs, or women love guys who are assholes. That second one is negative to both genders really, but more so women. Which just shows how male dominated our world still is even though we've come a long way (in my opinion).
Why do we have to make a new derogatory term for men, why not just get rid of the one for women?
When a kid is called a doodoo head, he is being called a name. When a woman is called a hoe, it is the exact same thing she is called a name. If its true, that is for her to decide. If its false, she can prove them wrong, or carry on with her life and know that whoever called her that is ignorant. There are lots of things we are told as kids that can be applied to adult life. Don't run with scissors, look both ways before crossing the road, don't eat paint chips, don't accept rides from strangers, Santa's real, etc.
I guess my outlook on life is too relaxed. I know if I read or hear something I don't like, I leave or stop reading. It's a relatively simple concept. I am going to disagree with you and say that, I feel, words can be powerful only if the recipient makes them so. Communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior (m-w.com). Lobbing insults towards an individual is not communicating, because information is not exchanged.
And the last line about creating a derogatory term for a male hoe was meant to be sarcastic... because the odds are that would happen before the term "hoe" is removed from the vernacular. Sarcasm doesn't transfer media well.
Bottlom line: I agree that "bros before hoes" is an ignorant statement, but I fail to understand why people are so offended by it. Sorry for the essay.
Wow. The poor guy was simply wanting to know how to handle a situation between friends and a potential sexual relationship. My sympathies go to him for using a phrase that he simply figured most men would understand - a short of male shorthand. His major mistake was placing it in this forum. However, my brother, to answer your original question: I was in this situation just this weekend. I got a message from a friend who said I really ditched him last night and he was really pissed at me. I was totally taken by surprise. I mean, we met up at a club and yeah, I met a woman who I wanted to get to know better. No, it was not a hook up. We didn't have sex. We just left and grabbed a bite to eat, had some coffee and called it a night. Yeah, we exchanged phone numbers and yeah I did call her today. BUT I was really taken aback by my friend's message today saying that he was 'dissed'. I have to say that I felt it was a bit wierd and a little 'unmanly' to complain like that ...in that situation. It was like I was on a date with him and I abandoned him for someone else. Very sensitive guy I found out. So yeah, I have been in that situation and it is now...awkward.
I am sure I have said something in here to offend someone so take your best shot. However, to the OP, I hope I answered your question.
I am sure I have said something in here to offend someone so take your best shot. However, to the OP, I hope I answered your question.
I would say it depends on the situation. When I lived in NY, a friend of mine and I went to NYC to hang out. We haven't hung out in a very long time and decided to chill in the city to catch up. He drove us down and we had great afternoon. That night we decided to hang out at a gay club and figured we have some drinks, look at guys and go home. He managed to find some drunk guy. He told me straight up what am I going to do since he is going home with this guy. I explained to him I barely had money left to get back home since I thought he was driving us back. I looked at him and realized he really wanted to get with this guy, he turned around and continued to go home with this guy without saying another word. Yeah I was pissed
Now I lived in westchester and only had an emergency $10. only way to get home was by metro north which stop running around 4 and of course it was after that. walked to Grand central, in the rain, and waited for the early train to get home. Now I'm normally cool with guys ditching, and happy that they are getting laid, but some "friends" can be selfish and leave the other guy in a messed up situation.
Now I lived in westchester and only had an emergency $10. only way to get home was by metro north which stop running around 4 and of course it was after that. walked to Grand central, in the rain, and waited for the early train to get home. Now I'm normally cool with guys ditching, and happy that they are getting laid, but some "friends" can be selfish and leave the other guy in a messed up situation.
Yup. I agree 100%
That phrase is a classic example of "slut shaming" and it's use against women should be considered the same as any other bigoted remark.
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Gecko4lif
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goodwood
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I have had friends ditch me b/c they could get laid. i have ditched friends when i could get laid.
it never bothered me to be ditched b/c i am happy they could get some. i'm a big boy and can take care of myself. i don't need a friend to get me to where i need to go. good for him to get laid! and by the same token - good for me to get laid! we always catch up later anyway.
its not a problem. just make sure everyone has a way to get to where they are going to stay for the night. ditching a friend and leaving them without transportation or at least money for a cab - now THAT is not cool. i have never done that.
it never bothered me to be ditched b/c i am happy they could get some. i'm a big boy and can take care of myself. i don't need a friend to get me to where i need to go. good for him to get laid! and by the same token - good for me to get laid! we always catch up later anyway.
its not a problem. just make sure everyone has a way to get to where they are going to stay for the night. ditching a friend and leaving them without transportation or at least money for a cab - now THAT is not cool. i have never done that.
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I was on a business trip once, and I was supposed to meet up with a colleague. But it also happened there was a woman I knew who lived in the same city. We had spent a fairly hot three days together a couple of months earlier. ("Let's try something different," she said, as she got on her hands and knees.)
So, the choice was: 1) Spend an afternoon with a work colleague, or 2) Spend an afternoon fucking. While we were both rolling around naked on the bed, I could hear first my mobile phone buzzing and later the room phone ringing -- numerous times. I ignored both phones.
I definitely was distracted. I later felt bad about blowing off (poor choice of words) my work colleague, but not that bad.
So, the choice was: 1) Spend an afternoon with a work colleague, or 2) Spend an afternoon fucking. While we were both rolling around naked on the bed, I could hear first my mobile phone buzzing and later the room phone ringing -- numerous times. I ignored both phones.
I definitely was distracted. I later felt bad about blowing off (poor choice of words) my work colleague, but not that bad.
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